Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Can You Call Your Spouse Fat

Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim, what we've seen is that

there's obviously there's a lot of people outside who don't really

care for their dignity, they swear. And there are certain

industries in which people swear a lot. I've got a friend who's a

Molana was very good religious person, very practicing

individual, very decent individual. And he is a builder as

a consequence, contractor. And he tells us that the people he's

dealing with in our day to day basis, for some reason, I don't

know if it's just to vent if it's just to I mean, if there's, if

there's builders out there, they can tell us it I'm sure this is

not all of them. But the ones that he's dealing with, or deals with

often said they just all swear,

right? Swearing is very normal for them. It's just crazy. What that

does is when you're in that kind of very, you want to do the same,

this is the big struggle not to swear.

Now there are some people who don't do that, they they do not

swear generally, they do not say bad things so much, you know, for

to their friends, they may even seem like couldn't hurt a fly.

Right? It may be even people like that. But for some reason, this is

a complex, I've not understood it properly, maybe if somebody can

explain they must, there has to be a psychology behind this. When

they come it comes to the loved ones, they feel they can just

unleash everything. It's almost like outside, they don't say

anything to anyone. But when it comes, they just release it. And

they don't know the harm they're creating. They don't know the harm

that they're causing. Say I really genuinely because from seeing some

of these people I really think they don't understand. Right? And

then, for example, if it's their children, or their wife, for

example, or if it's the husband, whatever it may be, let's just say

that it's a man, right? And it's to his wife.

They don't realize the hurts that they're causing. Because they

think it's okay to say this, they become so used to it, that the

taboo of it, the evil of it, the harm of it, the hurt of it is no

longer there. It happens when you do something so much. I mean, the

guy who killed 99 people, I mean, the famous Hadith, you know,

everybody knows that honeysuckle, 99 people, and the person who went

to try to get some redemption, He said, No, no, you can't be free.

He kills him as well. Like, it's a big deal. Like, come on. I've

already done I'm trying to get out of this. Let me stop. No, no, he

goes and kills another one. Just so it shows you that it becomes a

habit to do it really just shows it's a habit. So anybody who is in

this state, right? They This is a habit.

For example,

here's a woman she's saying that husband, these are the words that

he calls, these are literally her words, constant your fat.

Now, look, she may be overweight, I don't know. Right? She may be

overweight, but that doesn't mean you keep calling people you're fat

for the sake of it. Is that going to make them thinner? Your fat is

what children say.

They shouldn't even say it.

This is not an adult to call pillar your fat Come on, like

often.

It just beats me SubhanAllah. And I've heard children may have maybe

a Altavilla. You know, maybe I said when I was young, you're fat.

Like that's a child thing. Saying you're fat. You're an idiot. Okay,

that's maybe a bit more adult, but still to keep calling something

you're an idiot. And yet, you're supposed to love this person.

You're supposed to be getting along, you're supposed to be

producing children in the house. And you're calling that partner,

you're an idiot. Over and over and over again. I can understand once

you get frustrated, people will say things like this once in a

while that could be tolerable. But as a normal thing, you're idiot,

you're an idiot, like, you know, three times a day five times a

day, or you're stupid. Constantly.

You're a dog, he gets worse.

Come on stupid. I can understand up to that someday. But you're a

dog for what? Now, some of these guys, I know. You're not even

Arabs. You know, for nerds. I say the worst way you're a dog. Right?

Is saying this is become normal.

And the problem is that it doesn't even see this wrong. This is the

complex I was speaking about. This wife is saying that he doesn't

even see it as a wrong. He says it's a joke. Man, you can't even

take a joke. So you abuse first. And then you say it's just a joke

when you should just take it as a joke. As an asset. I do not

believe these people seriously. You know, I don't I believe

they've just become deluded that they? I'm hoping that when I say

these things, people will realize this in them.

I may have done some of this stuff in the past. You know, it's for

all of us to think about this. It's a joke. So how is a joke? Why

are you getting hurt for it's not supposed to us? It's a joke.

Then you're too sensitive. Because you can't take these things as a

joke. You're too sensitive. Now you know what the worst part is?

They may have got kids, right. So the kids have started picking up

on this. And the son has stood started calling the mother fat and

says

Dad says it

This is like SubhanAllah. I don't even know what to say about this.

If you see your child perpetrating a wrong that you're doing you at

least then you must realize that I'm really going overboard. It

never says anything sweet. Now it's, it may be understood if

somebody says a lot of good stuff and then says this thing when he

gets angry, you know, I'm not saying that's acceptable, but he

never says anything sweet.

And if he does the way you're saying, I don't know how to react,

because I'm not even sure if they're saying it. Honestly, with

sincerity,

it almost sounds that they may be saying it sarcastically, you know,

you know what I've seen in many marriage cases.

The distrust builds up. So anything, the husband will say to

the wife, she's not going to listen. And anything the wife is

going to say the husband is not going to listen, somebody else has

to say.

So if you are in that kind of a situation, in any situation like

that, which is going on, you cannot change your husband, you

cannot change your wife, you need to get somebody else to do it and

get some intervention sooner than later. Otherwise, it's gonna get

worse. Because the mistress is like anything you say, suspect,

it's just not going to work. Unless there's a whole change of

scene. It looks like I don't know if this is coming from the macho

idea of men or something. Because it's like you saying that if I do

say something nice to you, then it's a sign of weakness.

That's the image is not a sign of weakness. Subhan Allah. That's the

Prophet sallallahu sunnah was the bravest of men, the greatest of

men. And he would speak fondly to his wives, and it's all there, or

the words he would use the good things he would say I mentioned,

thanks to the wives of the Prophet sallallahu sallam. And it's

wonderful to hear so many ways that we got so many perspectives

from them, when they reveal these things for us, and then he said

some worse stuff. I'm not going to be nice to you, I'm not gonna go

and do this, that and the other, whatever. Anyway, it goes on, it

goes on, I don't need to carry on. There's a lot of people who

especially during COVID times, maybe it's just aggravated it for

some people. And I know I believe that a lot of these people are

sincere, and they just don't realize in sha Allah what they're

doing. And in sha Allah, if they hear this, you will make a

difference. And they will change and they will start realizing the

bad because you know, the difficulty of it is not just the

fact that you're hurting a human being. You know, the robots are

awesome said that if you remove for Roger and Macmillan Corbett

and Faraj Allahu Anhu corbetta mean corabi Amil Tia, anybody who

removes an agony, a difficulty

or suffering some kind of challenge from a believer that

Allah will remove from you one of the calamities or difficulties of

the day of judgment on the Day of Judgment. So now if you're giving

somebody difficulty, can you see how bad that is? And you know

where this comes to the Prophet Allah Some said that sometimes a

person utters a word la que lo que la barra. He doesn't consider it

to be significant at all, dangerous or detriment at all. It

doesn't think anything of it because he's become used to saying

it. This is the problem with these cases, you've just become used to

saying this, you for you, it's neutral. You've neutralized it in

your mind, but it's hurting the other person. Everybody has

dignity you have to remember that every human being has honor and

dignity. And they will take this as an affront to their dignity.

That's that's the thing you may think this is completely dignified

to say this, but it's hurting the other person because it's, it's

affecting their dignity.

So the prophets Allah Some said that sometimes a person issues a

word because we have this tendency to do that where we give no

consideration to it and it will take a person, this much depth

into the hellfire, like it will be a source of destruction. So this

is why it's very important to consider these things that as a

good human being as a decent human being, as a human being forget

decent human as a human being, how we're supposed to be. People

should not be using bad words. And if they do infrequently, then

we're going to try to stop doing that. And if we're doing it

frequently, then that's a no no. So we ask Allah subhanaw taala for

Tofik We ask Allah to correct us We ask Allah subhanaw taala to

only allow us to utter good things. Same thing with friends or

anybody else. This is not banter. Some cultures are like this is one

culture that you know, I've mixed with and even the decent people

when they're talking to their servants or they go to fill up.

It's a country where you when you go to fill up, you don't fill up

yourself, they fill up for you. They just like so rough. It's just

like this is just so rough. Like fill it up.

Just like fill it up. i Come on, please. You know, you can pretend

it is other ways of saying this.

Like

this new provider.

It's just crazy. It's like surprise

And it's everybody's doing it. It's just the way they speak.

I guess it's not so bad if that's the way they speak but it's bad.

It's not you need to heighten that that civilization, right?

Okay, Allah Allah help us