Abdullah Oduro – Iman Cave – Why Me
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of showing one's personality and finding oneself in a situation where one is too busy or far along in their life. They stress the need for forgiveness, finding a way to handle one's father and his wife's struggles with addiction, preserving oneself and avoiding negative emotions. The speakers also emphasize the importance of not being oppressed by others, doing things in a way that is knowledgeable and grounded in faith, and following guidance on how to handle a situation where a mother wants to annoy a father.
AI: Summary ©
Know, sometimes, to be honest, I mean, there's
sometimes, you know, I tell a lot of
guys that convert to Islam, you know, reach
out to your dad. Your dad was not
around, but Allah chose him to be your
father. You know, I just I sat him
down. I was like, dad, I and I
I I kept stuttering because I couldn't
utter the words. I mean, I kept saying
I I I like I was about to
say it, but I couldn't. Right? He says,
it's okay. Boom. He said Man, I love
that. You're not a good person if you're
facing something more magnificent and powerful Mhmm. And
you kind of humble yourself. That's just your
self interest. The real understanding of where you're
at is ultimately when you're over in front
of something that you don't necessarily
have to control yourself around, but you still
do. That's real restraint. That's real masculinity.
How's everyone doing? I'm Abdullah O'Duro, and welcome
to the Iman Cave where we talk about
issues of male excellence while being grounded in
faith. It was meant to be. It was
meant to be. This is what we say
at times when something has passed us, something
has happened. Whether we like it or not,
it was meant to be.
In Islam,
this concept is called Qadr. It's called predestination,
meaning that God has allowed something to happen,
whether we like it or we don't like
it. Allah has allowed it to happen.
In regards to the man and his masculinity,
what takes place in his life,
he has to accept it, go through it,
put his head down, and walk through that
dungeon at times.
And sometimes, it may be that garden.
Talking about predestination in the life of the
human being, here at Yaqeen Institute, Alhamdulillah,
we had a series that just passed us
called why me? Let's be honest.
Each and every single one of us has
asked that question.
Why me? Why did it happen to me?
That's the name of the series. Why me?
Don't forget to tune into this series because
it talks about issues in life that go
through a certain,
individual's
life,
speaking about predestination
directly
and indirectly.
And here today, Alhamdulillah,
we have 2 of our illustrious actors in
this
beautiful, beautiful series called Why Me that you
have probably seen before. Alhamdulillah, we have to
my right, brother, the infamous
Muhammad Alayashi,
the farmer or the rancher. I didn't bring
it up earlier.
He's a beautiful brother here in the community,
and
he is the first one that took me
and my sons out on the last year.
We were able to sacrifice the animal from
the sacrificing
to
putting in packages. And
very, very beautiful brother. And anytime you come
to Dallas and you want to go and
learn how to to sacrifice,
look the brother out,
I'm almost sure you are familiar with his
face.
You are familiar with his
attitude in some of the scenes. Alhamdulillah, we're
going to expound upon.
And to the right of him, to the
left of me is the one and only
Nur Rahman Farooq
who played
Hasan. Hasan.
Who played Hasan. You know Hasan can mean
the one that is beautiful. That is a
beautiful thing. So these 2 actors of Hadza,
alhamdulillah, what we're going to do today
is we're going to take a journey through
3
scenes that took place
in this
series, why me? And we're going to expound
upon it, looking at it from
the male lens of where
we could fall short
in embodying masculinity
and where we can be victorious,
productive, conducive to our families and society
in regards
to masculinity. But first, brother Muhammad, if you
could give us a brief background of yourself.
Firstly,
tell us where you were born, where you
were raised,
and how you got this role.
Assalamu alaikum.
I appreciate the wonderful introduction.
Yeah.
I mean I was actually born, raised here
in Dallas. I'm a native.
I'm originally from Tunisia. Tunisia? Okay. North Africa.
I love that. I love the shirt for
sure. Yeah. Sure. And Hamza, as far as
like getting this role, I actually know Fozi,
the director.
And so he put a post asking for,
you know, people who could be involved and
they were looking for continuity. You know, they
want to have different characters that kind of
follow the trend like their process through life.
Mhmm. So he asked if I knew anybody
who could be a mini me,
and then also I can come myself and
so I was able to find somebody and
I told him like, yeah, I got you.
So I texted him back, you know, we
scheduled a date.
Next thing you know, we're on set.
Wow. Wow. Fozie, we call him the wizard.
Oh, okay. So magic is hot on, but
this guy
Yeah. So sometimes you guys should be like,
oh,
He's definitely in his element
when he when he has that camera. You
know what I'm saying? He's he's in his
element. May Allah bless him. I mean, he
has a vision unlike anything else.
He's painting that picture. It's kinda hard to
explain at times, but he just does his
thing. So,
brother,
firstly, where are you born and raised? Mhmm.
And how were you picked for this role?
So
If I if I find my autograph on
eBay,
I'll be really sad about that. You're really
sad about it. Yeah. Yeah. Inshallah. So so
I was born in, Illinois.
Chicago, Illinois. Actually, I was born in a
suburb,
McHenry,
McHenry, Illinois. Just like half an hour outside
of Chicago. Okay. We spent only 4 years
there.
Moved down to Lewisville, Texas in 1999,
when there was nothing here. Nothing in Lewisville.
Yeah. And then in 03, 2003, we moved
we moved up to where I live right
now,
which is just like North Dallas area. And
if you think Louisville was like nothing, like
where I live at that time where I
lived, like was
not just, I mean, there was one road
going into the town, one road going out,
like, that's what it was. A town. You
know? That's it was a it was a
town. And so, so how I got the
roles, believe it or not,
I was,
out I was in a coffee shop, Sahaba,
which is a coffee shop out of
Olam. I took a sort of a branch
out of Olam Institute. And I was there
with my wife one day. We're just doing
work, like, that's why we go there. Right?
So And,
in walks Fozi
Mhmm. And he's looking for people to act
for Yakin. Right? I had no idea what
it was. I did acting in the past
and,
he goes to my wife first, asked if
she wants to be in it, and she
was like, you know, I don't, you know,
my my husband likes to act, so, you
know, you can ask him. And,
you know, Fosse comes to me, he asks
me, you know, we have like a 10
minute conversation. I told him, like, I did
acting in high school, post high school, I
did acting classes in college.
And,
and that was it. Right? About a month
later, in in so this is October 23.
This is all when that happened. October 23
Okay. In 2023.
Then November comes, there were auditions
for
the the characters. Right? Mhmm. And I actually
couldn't make auditions that day because I was
helping my wife get ready for her bridal
shower. I actually had went to a friend's
house, him and I had to make something
for the bridal shower and so I couldn't
make auditions. And I was I was actually
totally gutted because I was like, man, I'm
not gonna I can't be in this series.
I I'm not gonna get cast. Right? Yeah.
And
when I when I later find out from
Janice, there were actually people who auditioned for
Hassan, the character that I ended up playing.
Mhmm. And, it just it was just a
matter of like the like, the dynamics between
the actors just wasn't working out. A month
later, December 2023,
I get the email that I was still
casted as Hassan.
But you didn't rehearse. But I didn't rehearse.
And I think it was just a matter
of, like, they just, you know, they said,
well, we'll just go with him. I think
it was because of the, like, he has
the experience, he's done acting before
and that just sort of ties into the
overall picture of like other. Right? Because it's
like, I didn't audition,
but they still chose me as Hasan.
And so
December comes around and we start filming and
Oh, that was a lot of pressure, wasn't
it? Because Yeah. It was not. Know when
they sent the email that there were previous
the peep previous people that auditioned and it
didn't work out? No. I actually found out
from Janice,
a month ago,
actually. A month ago from today? A month
ago from today. Yeah.
Which is well after the series. Well, see.
We're we're in Shawwal right now. So this
is woah. Subhadallah.
Yeah. It's really funny that you mentioned that
because I, you know, whenever they were, like,
doing the casting and all that, I was
initially, you know, I was talking to Phyllis
about, like, the roles that they want to
fill in. And I I asked him, okay,
like, what positions do you have? And he
was like, let me connect you, you know,
with Janice to figure out all that. I'm
like, alright, cool, sounds good. So I'm talking
to her and she was like, yeah, you
know, like, you don't mind, like, what role?
I mean, look, I'm just gonna volunteer to
help out, you know, like, I don't, you
know, obviously we're gonna pay for this, we're
just helping out. And she's like, so you
don't mind? And I'm like, you know, like,
okay, so like,
you be a homeless man? And I was
like, *, yeah, dude. Like, that's fine.
So, yeah, I'll be a homeless man. He's
like, okay. You can be a homeless man
number 1. I'm like, I'll be a homeless
man number 1. Number 1. I was like,
oh, I was like, we're chilling. No. And
I was excited. And I told my mom
and she was like,
homeless man? Like, that's the what you could
present? You know, but it's probably the studio
is like a little far. So at that
point in time, like, hey, halal. It's okay.
I was like, I can't really, like, if,
you know, if you need 5 minutes, you
know, homeless men shot or whatever, I'll have,
like, a friend kinda come in and cover
it, like, it's all good. But then that's
whatever they're asking about, like, the main role
for Hassan.
And I was like, okay, like, you know,
like, that sounds more interesting, you know, like,
going back and forth to film for a
while makes sense.
And I was like, okay. Yeah. But then
they're like, are you married? And I'm like,
no, I'm not married. And they're like, okay.
And you can just feel like the disappointment
with the Fousey and then I was like,
why? And they're like, well, you know, we
wanna make sure, like, Hassan, I know he
is married to his wife in real life
that he's gonna be like like in the
show. Yeah. So, okay, sounds good. And like,
I was like, what else do you have?
And that's when they start telling me about,
like, the mini me. Mhmm. So I actually
brought one of the, you know, I work
with refugee kids. My son. And one of
them looks kinda like me. Mhmm. You know,
so he ended up being cast. I got
cast as, you know, the younger version of
myself.
And then when they told me who my
dad was gonna be in the show, my
adopted father, turned it in all night, who
I've known for like years before.
Probably, Subhan Allahabad and that's crazy.
You play what character?
So I play Yousef who is Hassan's adopted
son. Okay. Okay. The main character. So he's
he's my adopted father in the show. And
Hassan is the main character of the whole
Why Me series. Just for those who didn't
tune in, which we hope you tune in,
to this series. I just wanna take time
out. SubhanAllah, I remember when we were coming
here to
to do this show of of of of
of Imancave. Mhmm. You know, we have to
walk through the studio.
Just shout out to all of you, really.
I really did the epitome of teamwork
and expertise.
Ihsaan.
You know? It was I saw that every
day I walked through the studio. I mean,
from brother Ahmed, the cinematographer,
and him and Fozi's collaboration
just just stuff was I wanna say magic.
It was amazing.
You know? Just seeing how they collaborated and
then seeing the organization from Hafsa, Sarah,
you know, everyone that was there and just
the professionalism
in getting the work done. I mean, it
was, like, take 2, and they had a
little I was, like, okay. This is real.
You know? Yeah. But really, really, I just
love the teamwork, and may Allah bless all
of you all for for for your work
and, professionalism
and being taking this very, very seriously. And
you can see the quality of the work.
So what we're gonna do is we're gonna
take a small journey,
through some of the scenes,
and and then we're just gonna build off
of those scenes. But looking at it from
the lens of the young man or the
older man, and,
if you see yourself in some of these
scenes, please, in the
comments, relate it. If you, you know, feel
that level of vulnerability and you want to
reach out and say, you know what? I
face this or I love this part of
the scene because it reminds me of so
and so, please,
relate that to us because, InshaAllah, we'll be
able to share that, and we can all
benefit from it, InshaAllah. Alright. So the first
scene that we're gonna talk about is the
scene where I think you're asking for forgiveness
from your dad, David? Mhmm. Okay. Okay.
Your being on the lookout for the vices
hidden within you
is far better than your being on the
lookout for the invisible realities that have been
veiled from you.
Self accountability breeds healthy regret over the way
we may have treated people in our past
and humility with how we treat people in
the future.
Humility keeps you from oppressing others and yourself
and raises your rank in the sight of
Allah.
Okay. So for the record, I mean, if
you see the brother and sister hugging, just
know that they're married. Yes. Okay. We just
wanna get that out of the way. That
this this brother, sister hugging, and touching. They're
they're married, Alhamdulillah, in real life.
Yeah.
So explain to us this scene. What took
place? So what took place in this scene
in particular? So Hassan, so what happens in
the scene where we just watched,
Hassan seeks forgiveness from his father,
and, you know, indirectly his mother as well
because his mother and father are sitting on
a couch. Okay. Husband comes down, kinda kneels
in front of his father, you know, he
just breaks down, takes his father's hand, kisses
it, and kinda just puts it to his
head, and, you know, his father just, like,
takes him in, right, without hesitation. What led
him to that scene is basically Hassan just
realizing, like, all the mistakes he's made, and,
like, it finally just clicking in his head.
And this is also the same time where
he is, you know, aligning himself to the
dean, like he's getting on the dean again.
Right? Or rather getting on to the dean.
And so everything just lines up perfectly.
So we're just coalesced together and he has
that eureka moment where he's like, man, I've
I've just, you know, I've messed up so
much, especially with my parents, mistreated them, whatever.
And, you know, I needed to seek forgiveness
from my father. It's interesting how you said
it just clicked. Mhmm. You know, in a
eureka moment.
Yeah. How old were you in that scene?
So Hassan in this scene, he's, like,
mid twenties.
Mid twenties. Yeah. Yeah. And his parents
were old. Yeah. Fifties, sixties. Yeah. Fifties, sixties.
Yeah. You know, having those moments and recollecting,
and I think it's important
in this particular situation as a young man
that may be aggressive, and he's probably coming
out of that aggressive years of the teenage
years. Yeah. It's time, usually around that age,
where you start to study yourself
and find yourself. I remember from it was
my early twenties.
I was like, man, what is life really
about? And at that time, I was really
searching. I was searching I was learning myself,
and then I was searching for the purpose
of all of this. Like, why does all
this matter? Sure. Right?
And we're going through that process. That's why,
you know, I was talking to a brother
earlier,
the whole concept of.
Mhmm. I was staying in the Masjid the
last 10 days in Ramadan. I would advise
you young guys
to do it if you can,
preferably
in And I've asked you to where no
one knows you, and you're not hanging out
with your friends. You hang out with your
friends is fine. But preferably by yourself
to really, really, I'm gonna use this term
because sometimes it's used negatively,
to be bored.
Studies show that boredom is very, very beneficial
for the human being to recalibrate. And I
did some studies showing that people are very
altruistic,
charitable when they're just sitting there bored. Let
me get up and go donate some blood.
Let me get up and go do something.
It's very, very important
for the man to go in his oh,
this is not a plug, but to go
in his cave.
Right?
He has to detach, man. Yeah. What was
how did the prophet receive a revelation?
I understand. I used to call it.
He used to meditate.
And Allah chose to come to him at
a time where he was fully detached
and he was enriched with introspection.
Mhmm. Right? Just sitting there pondering over life,
man. It is so important for the man
to do that because when he has those
levels of responsibilities
or things that stress him
out. Like, I'm almost sure, Hassan, you did
some of those if you were stressed out.
You know, as we're gonna see in future
scenes, even though you asked for forgiveness,
you still made mistakes after that. Yep. And
that's okay.
You know what I'm saying? Mhmm. You're gonna
go through those those those those trials of
life from miss mistakes that you made those
choices.
But what I loved about this scene
is that you acknowledged it.
Right? And I wanna hear what y'all have
to say because
sometimes,
you know, the the relationship
between the father and the son can be
a real rocky one, man.
You know what I mean? It's a very
interesting one. Yeah. Especially in, like, 21st century
western countries. It's a very interesting relationship.
It's like a lion's den, man, because, you
know, the dad sees himself in his son,
and he's not gonna budge.
Mhmm. He's not gonna budge. Too similar. Too
similar. Mhmm. And his son sometimes can have
an authoritative presence like the dad,
and
he's gonna challenge him. So for the dad
to take him well, the what I liked
about this scene is the dad took him
in. Yeah.
The dad took him in. You know, a
lot of times, if someone's not gonna take
someone in, it's gonna be the dad says,
get out of my house. And the daughter
say you know, or the the the the
mother would come at the door and be
like, I'll talk to him, you know. Right.
With that scene, what what Mohammed, what did
you
see particularly with that scene?
Elijah, I mean, that's kind of something that,
you know, a lot of people, I don't
know if they really captured, but what you
just touched up on. Right? It's not even
a matter of him coming back to the
dean and coming back to his father. It's
how quick his father was to first, he
picked him up. I love that. Right? He
kind of picks him up and he elevate
and you're forgiven and all that and you
kind of just stand up a lot lighter.
See, I think the most difficult thing and
I've seen this consistently, people love to talk
right now in today's modern day and age,
you know, there's a lot of
bashing of your parents. Mhmm. Right? It's like,
oh, they're abusive. Everything is abuse, subhanAllah.
Even when they're just looking out for your
well-being, it's abuse. Exactly. So whenever he came
through here like apologized to his dad and
his dad kind of picked him up. Yeah.
He right there like that moment.
You could see that you know, this is
when you have everything you need in the
world. Mhmm. You have a roof, you have
food, you have your family. Mhmm. Right? You
literally don't need anything else. That's true. And
I, you know, I was kind of thinking
about it like that's why it's not emphasizes
the importance of family.
Right? And like, you know, even like if
he didn't do that, what would happen to
him? Right? What rabbit hole would he fall
down through? He just starts to spiral.
Whoever goes away from remembering Allah, you know,
his life is basically darkness and we're gonna
raise him on the day of judgment blind.
Right.
Right.
He says, Mhmm. You know, why'd you raise
me, you know, blind when I used to
be able to see. Mhmm. And
Small things like that that we experienced throughout
our lives, it kind of helps really humanize
and legitimize the Quran. Yeah. Because when we
hear the stories of prophet, when we hear
the Quran, sometimes it kind of just narrow
to like, ah, it's like, it's true. Yeah.
But we don't really believe in it. It
feels distant. It feels distant. Right? It's kind
of something from a fantasy.
But whenever he kind of comes in and
pictures it, he comes back to his family,
his that right away kind of picks him
up. Right? And you could see the relief
in his eyes, you know, and the comfort.
And he's just
losing it, like, he's, you know, tearing up
and emotional.
That vulnerability in front of his father Mhmm.
Is the true dynamic that you normally should
see between a father and a son. Yeah.
But you can kind of come to them
for guidance.
But here we're kind of hotwired and trained
like no, no, no, it's not don't go
to your dad like like they kind of
have like a oh, he's, like, an authoritative
figure, so therefore, he's automatically bad. Right. We're
trained everything authority wise is bad. Right. Right?
To the point where people are even trained
against like,
you know, Islam and Allah because they refuse
to accept authority. They call Islam oppressive. Very
very They call their fathers oppressive. If everything
is oppressive, it doesn't make any sense. Very
well. So when he kind of comes and
he asked for forgiveness, it's because he kind
of understood
the number one most important essence
of any Muslim
is to submit
and at that point he submitted. Alhamdulillah that
opened up all the doors. Yeah, it's beautiful
because you know it reminds me of so
many verses but you know when
Allah says
after Allah says, and to worship Allah do
not associate any partners with him and to
your 2 parents,
be good to them. Excellence.
Excellence is not perfection.
It's do your best to be your best
for the sake of Allah to them. Right.
Right? Because that's seeing, you know, Shaikh Omar
was mentioning humility.
Right? Allah mentions the 2 parents, he says,
and lower the wings of humility
to your parents.
You know, sometimes, to be honest, I mean,
there's sometimes, you know, I tell a lot
of guys that convert to Islam, you know,
reach out to your dad. Your dad was
not around.
He was not around, but Allah chose him
to be your father, man.
Your father made the wrong choices, but you
making that choice of being a man and
overlook is can be a loaded word.
To forgive but not forget.
Right? To write a letter, not an email,
but a letter and send it to him.
Write it in pen. Let him see the
erase marks. Write it and send it to
him. Express your feelings, but be respectful to
the best of your ability, but let him
know how you feel. And I acknowledge you,
you know, as as my dad. I remember
my brother said, look, I don't know if
I can do that yet. You know what
I told him? I said, I appreciate your
honesty.
He was in a he was in the
hospital,
and he never met his dad. He's like,
I don't know if I'm I don't know
if I'm ready for that. Right?
The fact that he's honest, I appreciate that.
But I told him just like, look.
If he leaves this earth, most likely you
won't be able to live with yourself. You'll
always want to know what was that just
one conversation with him. What does he have
to say?
You know,
does he apologize? Is he not? So this
scene is is really, really powerful for me
because, you know, I have boys myself,
you know, young teenage boys.
And,
you know, you hope that they'll
live your legacy.
You hope that they know what you expect
out of them. And you know, you just
did a good job as a dad.
So when I I particularly see this scene,
it's also to sons,
like, look,
your dad's gonna make mistakes,
you know, and you're gonna make mistakes.
But it's really important for you to spend
time alone
by yourself. As a teenager, you don't have
to always be online. You don't have to
be around your friends all the time.
Right? Absolutely. To spend time alone and to
hold yourself accountable, That's one of the strongest
signs
for a man. Mhmm. Is that he holds
himself accountable. And when he does that, he's
willing to
transcend those barriers
that hold him from being the best version
of himself as a man. And going back
to your parents and being humble, crying in
front of your dad. You never know. Your
dad may start crying because
you've opened the door for him.
That reminds me one time, miss Paula, I'll
turn it over to you and I miss,
Norman is that,
one
one son became humble and opened up to
his dad and apologized.
Dad started crying and the mother and dad
and son, they just started hugging each other
and the dad opened up. The son was
a means for that, and that it was
all from Allah.
Oh. A lot to happen. It
kind of opens up some doors that you
never expect to have open. Right? People think
their dads are supermen, but they're still humans
at the end of the day. And I
think that's very important.
Yeah. Right? Quran keeps repeating, be good to
them. Yeah. It's not being like, if they
were superhuman,
right, then you wouldn't need to be good
to them. They'd be fine regardless. It's fine.
You don't know Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala doesn't
need our worship. He doesn't need our praise.
That's all all for our own benefit. Yeah.
Same thing above our parents, they need our
kindness and compassion. You know, so when I
watched this, when I watched this scene,
what I immediately thought of was,
was when I was preparing to go to
Hajj. Right? This is 2019.
I'm 23 years old. And, it's it's part
of the,
the the, you know, the readiness of of
Hajj is that you sort of, like, reach
out to people who you've wronged.
Right? Like your parents,
like maybe siblings, like friends. Right? I would
say the hardest
was my father.
Oh. You know? Yeah.
I remember I, you know, I just I
sat him down
and, you know, I was like, dad, I
I wanted to, you know, just talk with
you. You know, I'm going for Hajj and
and I
so it's funny. I I kept stuttering because
I couldn't utter the words. I was just,
like, so hard for me. I kept saying
I I I like I was about to
say it, but I couldn't. Right? And and
this is where my father displayed his like,
his his, sort of like masculine essence, if
you will. Right? Mhmm. He he says
he says, it's okay. Boom. It's kind of
like I love it. He said, man, I
love that. You know? Same And when he
said that before he fell. When he said
that, I was like, I just felt, like,
such relief, man. Relief. Look at that. That's
beautiful. Let me ask you.
What were you saying to yourself that was
holding you back? Or what was yeah. We
say shaitan if we could.
That was holding you back and made you
stutter. Was it
he doesn't deserve this or,
no, he won't accept was it he won't
accept my apology or he won't accept my
acknowledgment of my mistake? Do you know what
it what it was? You know what you
know what it was? It was the it
was the fact that, you know, like, I
I just wasn't close to my father growing
up. Mhmm. You know, I was just much
much close with my mother. Like a lot
of us, we just Oh, man. Of course.
We're much closer to our mother. And so,
for me, it was like, it was weird
to do this because, like, I'm not really
close with my dad. I'm about to be
very emotional with that. I'm about to be
very emotional with that. Very vulnerable too, you
know. Vulnerable. Yep. And,
like, again, that was a relief. And, actually,
I would attribute that moment
to the day my relationship with my father
changed. A lot. And, you know, I wanna
make this I wanna make this point. Young
guys,
you know, we've all made mistakes. We're here
to be vulnerable enough to mention some of
them.
It doesn't mean that you have to kneel
on the ground
and kiss your father's hand. Okay?
But do it in a way that
your dad knows you're trying.
Like, his dad knew he was trying there.
Your parents know
if you're trying.
Guarantee you. Because you are a part of
them. Yes. And they see themselves in you.
Right? There's some times I see my son,
I'm like, oh, that's his mother right there.
He's he's acting like that's definitely his mom.
And then I see some things that he
does, and I'm like, oh, man. That's me.
How
would I deal with me?
I don't know how I would deal with
me. Right. So The hardest person to deal
with. Yeah. I would harvest it right. Or
I never realized that I was that difficult
in this
behavior. So that's beautiful.
You know, what's most important is that in
Hajj was that mechanism, and that is what
is so beautiful about the Sharia
man, about the deen of Islam. The framework,
it gives you so many opportunities
to to to enrich
your experience
as a human being,
relationships with other human beings, and this particular
situation,
the relationship between the father and the son,
and in masculinity. Because, again, that emotional intelligence
to another man. Sometimes the father figure isn't
really somebody that you can approach. Sometimes there
truly is elements of you know deep rooted
issues Mhmm. And I think one thing that
we really got to understand and I guess
I'll address the audience directly If you do
even have problems with your father, right, if
you can't feel like you can kinda come
talk to him, open up to him and
have like, you know, an emotional growth moment,
that doesn't mean you should just completely cancel
them out. You know, the prophet emphasized even
with people that we don't know that if
they're problematic people, right, you'd still at least
be having, like, a good working relationship with
them. Right. And the same thing applies to
the father. Right? You should always at least
try to maintain having a relationship with them.
If you have to take, like, a healthy
boundary of space, there I mean, there's no
harm. There's truly abusive. Not like, oh, he
didn't say yes to whatever you wanted. So
therefore, no. If he's truly abusive and you
need to take some space, yeah, I mean,
that's not there's there's no harm in that.
Yeah. Yeah. But maintain a relationship because you
never know when they'll be the ones who
will actually be coming seeking forgiveness. Yeah. You
never wanna close that door. Exactly. And you
might not feel like you have a good
emotional relationship with your dad. And that's something
common, especially like whether, you know, out of
households, you know, in the out of households,
households all across the board. Right? You kind
of have like that, you know, I'm a
man, like, no emotions or whatever. Right? But
then look at Laza. Look at the dads
and Laza. You know? They're probably the same
way with their kids. We're like, they're not
gonna come and be like all emotional and
whatever. But they're walking miles putting their lives
at risk just to get the basic sustenance
or doing that what they can put in
their lives on the line. That's masculinity.
That's the fathers. And I'm very confident that
the fathers that some people, you know, that
some of us might feel, you know, certain
type of way towards would do the same
exact thing. Yeah. And as like the sons,
we sometimes we may have to take that
first step, you know, because like we again,
we can't expect our fathers to be mister
perfect, mister superhero and have a 100% on
his emotional intelligence. Like, again, for a lot
of us, our fathers came from war torn
countries or they came from a completely different
country. They didn't have time to learn what
emotional intelligence is in this country. They they've
been working since they were like 25 years
old. Right? And so That's how their fathers
treat them too. You never take that into
consideration. Exactly. There are examples of, like, these
rigid, you know, neuro emotions. The fact if
if you reach out to your dad
and you're vulnerable with him, and he
responds in a a way that you didn't
expect. He's not he he was he didn't
respond in a conducive fashion. Like, boy, get
up. Or, you know, just, like, you know,
because
that vulnerability
or that emotional intelligence was probably a characteristic
of your mother.
And he's responding in in the same way.
He he's probably not
accepting, you know, your vulnerability. And he may
respond in a, you know, he may not
see as masculine
or way.
Don't let that discourage you, man. It's gonna
hurt. It's gonna hurt. But know that it's
it's the humility that Allah loves, And Allah
is.
You could break that generational,
you know,
trait that is negative of the toxic
masculine traits that has been going on for
generations in our culture.
You know, the lack of acceptance of someone
forgiving you or seeking forgiveness from you,
from from from that. So, you know, don't
don't let shaitan hold you back, so he's
not gonna accept it. No. Do that action
for the sake of Allah and, you know,
will will flip the arms. Maybe not at
that
time, but maybe on his deathbed, which I
heard numerous times.
The father reaches out and says, look, I
love you. I know I wasn't the best
kind of person, you know, and leaving that
legacy. Because when you grow up as a
young man and father rejected you, for instance,
you'll be able to tell your son.
And that goes to the next scene, about
legacy. What kind of legacy do you want
to leave?
And right before your body is buried,
as your janaza has been performed,
I want you to imagine the masjid and
then the graveyard filled with all of the
people in your life.
Some people you may have forgotten,
some of them friends,
A lot of them family. And maybe even
some of those you didn't get along with,
but they attended your funeral out of respect.
All of them praying for your forgiveness before
you go to your final resting place.
Do you fear their witness, or do you
look forward to
Subhanallah.
Subhanallah. Do you fear their witness or do
you look forward to it? So Mhmm. I've
never met. What led up to this scene?
So what led up to the scene is
that,
Hassan,
who got into the habit of smoking when
he was in his college years,
and then reverted back to his habit of
smoking in his, like, mid thirties,
that caught up to him when he was
elderly. He began having these, like, coughing hits
where he would cough out blood,
and it got to the point where it
was so bad. He was, you know, on
a bench with his wife. He coughs up
blood. He sort of just he sort of
just passes out, falls over on the on
the ground, and then he's hospitalized. And then,
essentially,
his his life is deteriorating from there as
he's reminiscing, like, his,
his his younger days and wants to leave
the earth on a good note. Hassan ends
up passing away,
and then the janazah is held with, you
know, his his adopted son is there, and
then some some friends are there as well.
When did he adopt his son?
He adopted his son. So how When did
you adopt him? Yes. So I adopted him.
So Hassan adopted,
his son Yusuf
in, his, like, thirties, mid thirties.
That's right. That's when that happens. And,
yeah. You know, Hassan, Yusuf, the character grows
up and,
you know, is that the the. Well, you're
in your path of seeking forgiveness from Allah
and you wanted to do a good thing?
So what happens is the reason so Hassan
wants to adopt,
him and his wife want to adopt is
because
the wife has a miscarriage. Mhmm. And so,
you know, that takes a huge toll on
Hassan and his wife.
Hassan
has a friend who, worked for this organization,
and it was like an adoption center.
Right?
Hassan goes to talk to him and Hassan
gets a flyer for this, like, adoption center
Mhmm. This brochure and, Hassan takes it home
with him. You know, he's on his phone
scrolling and he sees the brochure on the
table,
puts the phone down, picks up the brochure,
and, like, this is where you see, like,
how's making that connection of, well, we may
not have
gotten the son our our our child the
way we wanted to, but there's still another
another opportunity. Right? Mhmm. So this is where
they adopt
their their son, Yusuf. Yeah.
What comes to mind
when you actually looked at the scene, when
you acted in the scene? Well, not you.
I mean, you were
you left us. I was the I was
the I was the boom ops. You're like
giving the little eyes. Yeah.
Yeah. So so, Mohammed, what what were you
thinking when you went through the scene? I
mean, honestly, at first it was kind of,
you know, different because, you know, like I
said, I haven't done that yet because my
dad, he's my older friend. Right? So, like,
there was some elements of just like, you
gotta force yourself to be a little serious
but then look at him, you try not
to laugh. Right? But as the series progressed
like it kinda starts to like, you know,
you kinda get past that. Right?
And so when we were filming this scene,
even though he was like 10 feet away
holding the boom, like, you know, like, he's
there, you know. It was still I like
it was like, I didn't even feel like
I noticed him. Right? Because that scene was
probably, like, the craziest scene for me. And
the reason why was because of, like, during
COVID, there was a community member that, you
know, we were all pretty close to. He
passed away. You know,
and so we went to his janazah.
And while we were there, I remember, like,
I was standing there and, you know, just
next to Sheikh Omar just like, you know,
in the episode
and then his actuals, like, the men who
passed away, his sons were actually there too.
You know, Shekoma was kind of giving a
talk to kind of like, you know, comfort
them and he was kind of like, you
know, comforting them to make them feel a
little better and explain how, you know, death
works and whatnot. And that was like one
of my first, you know, experience with the
Sheikh Ham. I've known him since he moved
to Dallas, you know, how that like a
long time ago. But like after that, he
was kind of walking around. I just walked
up to him and I was like asking
questions about death. So while we were filming
that scene, I wasn't looking at, like, you
know, I just kept looking at Sheikh Omar
and then looking at the grave because I
just felt like I was back in that,
you know,
conversation that happened. I was like, somehow, like,
it was kind of surreal. Yeah. And then
I was thinking about, like, what would I,
like, you know, when you when you're acting
you want to kind of, you know, embody
what you're doing. Right? So I was thinking
to myself like, okay. Well,
let's say I'm standing here and sit my
actual dad's in the ground. No. Sheikh Mohammed
is giving a long lecture about it and
whatnot. You know, he's giving, like, a quick
talk
and that bothered me a lot, you know.
Because to me, like, my dad is like
my guidance. Mhmm. That's why whenever, you know,
we're talking about like that previous scene I
mentioned that, hey, it was like, you know,
they come back blind. So I feel like
I'd be blind in this world without my
dad. Right? That's that's that's who I look
to for answers. They're heroes, man. So it
it was truly that that specific scene, like
there was a, you know, it was really
it was it was a heavy scene I
think for the whole cast. Right? Everybody's kinda
feeling it. You know, I don't think anybody's
really pretending to be sad. We were all
thinking about it like it was real life
and then we were actually all in our
feels.
Yeah.
No, man. I miss you. Yeah. Yes. Now
you think about it, man. That's that's when
it's over. I remember when I saw my
dad's coughing, you know,
it was, 60 it said 67
years.
You know? The life
the the time span of life is a
blink of an eye. Small. You know? It's
it's it's so quick. And you think about
what you've left, what have you left? You
know, it's not what you left for them,
but it's what you left in them. Right?
What what qualities, what values have you left
for them? You know,
when when looking at, you know, being a
man and being a leader and being a
father and being a a companion,
being a good a good friend. And I
I wanna touch on this as well. Even
when we talked about the previous mistakes that
Hassan made with his dad and asked for
forgiveness Yep. You know, that vulnerability sometimes,
it's really, really important, and I've seen countless
times, to have
young men's
groups. Like you youth leaders, you know, these
young men's,
these young Muslim groups are so important to
communities
to make it a place where it's safe
for them to talk.
A lot of men now,
you know, they're divorced. They can't there's there's
no one to talk to. They can't there's
people they can't trust because sometimes the divorces
are pretty ugly. You know? Yes. Not about
whose fault it was, but the man doesn't
have nowhere to go.
He has nowhere to go. It is no
groups. There's no retreats. Right? And I think
this is really, really important to really bring
this to life to where men have places,
not a plug again, but men have a
cave.
And this is really important. It's it's come
to a point to where men need to
find a place where they can sit together
and talk. There's one situation that,
it happened.
What I do is I I I go
to communities and I'll I'll do this program.
It's called Dad's Son. I call it Dad's
Son, but I get the dads with their
sons and I ask them 3 questions.
You know, 3 major questions.
And, Alhamdulillah, this idea really came about, masha'Allah,
shout out to to Omar Malik because we
kinda had this in our masjid
in Qapel.
And we kinda put this together to where
you ask the dad asks the son a
question,
and the son asked the dad the same
question.
And one of them was, what was a
hard situation you faced in your life and
how did you solve it?
Never fails when I do this.
The son finds something out about the father
that he never knew.
One time my father stood up
and,
and he was vulnerable. I mean, this is
his whole community. He's around his community. Right?
I won't say the city, but he stood
up. And if he watches this, he knows
me as he says, SubhanAllah.
He said,
you know, I graduated from college
and there was a time where I couldn't
find a job. This is a normal
challenge, problem. Yes. Right? Graduate from college, couldn't
find a job. I have kids.
6 months, I can't find a job. My
wife looked at me one day and she
said, I think you're depressed.
Come to find out I was depressed.
He said, so I got into jujitsu.
And I realized that that is really, really
what helped me.
And then his son,
he brought his son into. I remember when
I met his son, his son gave me
a hard answer. I was like,
You know what I'm saying? It's like, this
is a a
young man, meaning of the words. Right? Sure.
And then he turned around and he said
brothers,
I highly advise you guys to get into
some physical training because it helped me release
a lot of stress and I didn't know
how deep I was into depression.
You can just hear a pin drop. Boom.
That provoked another brother. I as I'm walking
around, I'm listening to, you know, answer their
questions to each other.
One man, he says, can you just come
here? I just wanna tell you,
yeah, I faced this situation.
You know, wife got sick and so on
and so forth. And as he started to
talk about
the fact that he had to
prepare dinner and stuff every day because the
wife was sick, His son started crying.
I don't know. Wow.
And then he was like, Boba, why are
you crying?
And he's like, just mama, just just mama
was so sick and dad, you stood up
and you stepped up
and and he was you could tell on
his face, he was surprised
that he's always like, don't worry about it.
It's okay. Last situation from this gathering, it
was another time, another masjid.
The father stood up
and he said, you you know, I wanted
to share that. There was a problem I
faced
when I was, you know, wanting to marry
this sister.
Mhmm. You know, he said, I was of
a different orientation and she was of a
different we're both Muslims, but different methodologies Sure.
In other words. Right? Yep. Okay. Yeah. And
the mother and father were, like, over our
dead bodies. But alhamdulillah,
a lot of times when we ended up
getting married,
and that's his mother.
And if someone's looking at it, I'm like,
He's like, really? Like Yeah. You face a
situation to where
you were, you know, there was a relationship
and y'all ended up getting married
and your mother, my grandmother, and grandfather didn't
want it to happen.
Right?
This stuff
most likely
can only happen in men's groups.
Where men are together and they share these
stories.
Right? Vulnerable men see vulnerable men. Vulnerable men.
Exactly, man. Especially for men amongst each other
because we don't wanna let our secrets out.
Let's be honest. Especially if it's a problem
with the wife or a problem with finances.
Exactly. That's what kinda let you just you
just smoke earlier Yes. To smoke. Yes.
Because you could do it alone, nobody knows
about it. You know, you do it alone.
Nobody knows about it. And then you're smiling
in everybody's face, but you're you're you're you're
dying inside.
You don't want to be dying inside all
the way till your death.
You know what I'm saying? And that's why
that scene is very, very, very powerful because,
you know, just remember, even as a man,
you may have a problem with someone that
has passed away,
but it's more to look beyond that, the
bad blood that you had, and to go
and, you know, make du offering, to go
visit family, to go have a good word,
say a good word to the family members.
I always tell people at the funeral, you
know, after you make dua for the the
deceased,
is to tell the family members, especially the
children, try your best to live the legacy
that
he would have wanted you to live. Like,
what do you know that he wanted from
you
as a son, as a daughter? You know,
and just put that upon yourself to the
best of your ability
to embody that. Mhmm. You know what I
mean? I think, you know, yeah, especially, like,
you know, on the topic of
vulnerability within men and whatnot,
you know, I think that there are times
where we ought to understand
we can't take on the world by ourselves.
The prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam. Mhmm. It was
far stronger, you know, spirituality
and deen than we will ever be. Right.
Even he still, you know, right away he
went to his wife. You know, he was
kinda talking to her. And even outside of
that, because sometimes you can't go to your
wife about some issues. Mhmm. He went to
his he had the Sahabi. Right? So he'd
go talk to them. They're like, listen, honey.
Here's what's going on. Here's what I'm thinking
or how he felt. They knew how he
felt. That's how we have all these hadith.
If he internalized everything, we wouldn't have that
hadith that we have. But the fact that
he shared them outwards and he kinda did
it in a constructive way. It's not complaining
if you're seeking a natural solution.
Right? So I was like, oh my god,
that way she sucks. It's my vocal. How
about that? No. Like, he outwardly found solutions.
Mhmm. That's kind of something that's really important
because you will not always have to answer
yourself, the next person can. And so when
we kind of open up to people, we
still got to understand that, hey, honey, this
is Adar of Allah and we're in these
situations,
but you still might need help navigating these
things because we will all be tried and
tested. Mhmm. Which would be of the people
who are, you know, patient, it doesn't mean
internalize everything and be stoic. Right? Mhmm. As
a man, there are circumstances where you need
to do so. Right. Right? And whenever, you
know, in this scene, Hassan is buried. Right?
And Yusuf is there. Right? He's kinda just
holding himself down. But, I mean, think about,
like, being in that situation. Right? It's a
lot harder, for example, on Yusuf's mom. Or
his adopted mother, you know, what she's going
through and like the hardship of that. So
you gotta internalize it a little bit to
be functional and kind of expand and experience
like, you know, what's happening and also still
be productive about it. You can't just let
yourself go. But it's not a crime to
go seek out, you know, comfort and support
from other people. It's actually what we're taught
by the prophet.
Right. Right. The Surbah. And they're they're called
Sahaba for a reason.
Right?
Surbah from Sahab to mean to take with
you.
So they're the companions
of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalam.
Yeah. So that's beautiful, man, too. I think
this scene is where Hassan,
is with his mom. I'm just gonna say
that. Hassan is with his mom and something
happens, which we'll talk about.
And if this test leads you to anger
and to hurt the people you love,
how then can you begin to appreciate that
it may be that Allah was calling you
back to his love?
Remember, comment. When you see that, comment and
let us know how you felt when you
saw that. So,
Nourd man,
what led up to that? What was going
on?
So
in the in the series, at that point,
Hassan's father passes away and then Hassan naturally
takes over for that father to figure a
role. Right? He's trying to
take take care of the finances, cover the
for the finances, and he's stressed, obviously. Right?
And so, Hassan gets into smoking. He's smoking
at this point,
and smoking is a way for him to
sort of relieve that stress. Mhmm. You know?
And so, for him,
he just wants to go outside for a
smoke. He's also fighting with his wife as
well and he just needs a break from
everything. So he goes outside, he goes for
a smoke, and then his mom comes in
and erupts his, like, sort of Zen moment,
if you will. Right? Mhmm. She takes a
cigarette, she breaks it in half, he's yelling
at her, she's like, why are you smoking?
Right? And this it's just a clash between
mother and son. Right? Classic example.
Son gets angry, Hassan gets angry, he just
walks off. Mhmm. It's interesting. I like how
you said classic
example. Why you say classic example? It's a
classic example because, I mean, subhanallah, it's like
it's it's nothing we want to ever be
proud of, but we have all gone through
that at some point or another in our
life. You know, clashing with our mother like
that, yelling at our mother like that. Even
though we know we know it's we're not
supposed to do that. Right? We know better
than that, you know, yelling at our mother.
Right? Yeah. And so it's it's something that
virtually every young man, every man can relate
to
that that scene in in the series.
How old were you in that in that
scene? So, Hassan, at that point, he's like
mid thirties to early early to mid thirties.
Early to mid thirties. Right? Okay. And father
passes away. So you have to deal with
the stress of fulfilling the father role and
the husband role as well. Right? Mhmm.
And I like how you said classic because,
you know, it reminds me of the hadith
of the prophet when he was asked,
when. Right?
Who has the most right of my companionship?
And then all of us know the sound.
Even if we don't, the prophet he responded,
your mother. And then he asked, then who?
He said, your mother. And then he asked,
then who? And then he said, your mother.
And then he said, then who? Your father.
Just as
we as young men and sometimes as older
men with our mothers,
we may be the most vulnerable with them.
Literally, when you when you were born, your
vulnerability was the only way that you know
how to express yourself. You would cry to
communicate. Right? And your mother was the one
that was there to nurture you. Mhmm. And
that nurturing is an amazing characteristic of the
female as well. I mean, men nurture, but
women nurture in a way that is
from Allah
with their fitra with their natural characteristics.
But seeing how
when we grow up,
we're vulnerable mostly
mostly
with our mothers.
That vulnerability and that emotional expression
can also be the opposite. Emotional expression of
anger
will be with our mothers as well. And
that's where
it's it's tricky. And when you said classic
example,
you know, sometimes you may say something a
mother may respond and say, mom, you don't
understand. Just you don't get it. Right?
Just just whatever, mom. When we roll our
eyes,
they turn around,
shut the door,
you know, and then, subhanAllah, the mom feels
helpless.
You know, mom feels helpless. And then we
sit there,
you know, subhanAllah,
thinking about ourselves
and not thinking about how we, you know,
harmed our mother's feelings quote unquote. I don't
know if any of y'all have seen that
with friends or, you know, with that scene.
That's what it reminds me of. You know,
even with me, it's my life. Yeah. Just
sharing when I
the night that,
I never forget, I came home. And I
shared this story many times.
You know, when I came home real late,
San Diego Chargers jersey, big gold chain on,
gold teeth, and it's like 3 in the
morning. And then my mom is like, why
are you coming home late? I said, mom,
just
it was one of those,
you know, I walked past her and she
said, no, you you're not talk to me.
I walked past her, shut the door, and
then something just, boom, just hit me, man.
Something just hit me, it was like,
oh, this is not right.
This is not and I I got on
my knees and I just started praying, bro.
And I was like, God, just guide me.
Just guide me. Guide me. Guide me. About
2 weeks later, I became Muslim.
When we filmed this, like, this whole series,
I mean, we didn't really have like the
full breakdown as to what's going on. You
know, a lot of it just like, okay,
go stand over there and look sad. Mhmm.
Alright. Sounds good. There wasn't a script. There
wasn't a script. Yeah. Which I think was
cool because that allowed us to kinda come
watch it later on. So like, I think
for us, I don't know, maybe like you
can relate.
The series was even more mind boggling
when you could see what we put out
there versus what they were able to make
it into. Mhmm. You know what I mean?
Like there's a where like, you know, you're
just looking sad and like, you know, we're
trying not to laugh at each other, you
know, some parts or whatnot. But then they
even make this gut wrench, like it's like
you really feel every, like, element of it.
Mhmm. And that specific of like part of
the episode, Yani, like I was watching and
I'm just like, you know, SubhanAllah. I wasn't
even thinking about like Cole, you know, making
fun of him or anything like that. I
was just like, dang, like like, how am
I to my mother? You know, and it
kind of captures what you were talking about.
And it starts off, like, you know, obviously,
when we're kids,
you know, we're like, you know, we're very
heavily reliant on our mothers. We cry and
lose our minds when they're dropping us off
at daycare or kindergarten or whatever, you know,
like, we're so attached to them.
But then you grow up, you know, and
automatically, like, oh, you wanna be a big
boy. Mhmm. I'm a big boy. I'm older.
I'm this. You know, you wanna show you're
tough even though you're, like, 5, 6 years
old. Like, it doesn't really matter. And mom
knows you. She knows you in and out.
But at that point, like, you're you're fooling
nobody. Mhmm. Right? And that's kind of the
thing that I found to be really interesting
in this specific episode was because, like, after
watching that, I just, like it really just
made me stop and just reflect on my
mom.
You know, because at that point in time
like, you know, Ramadan's a busy time. It
was in and out. I was like, you
know, I missed, like, 3, 4 days in
a row of the start of the house
and my mom's like, you know, like, how
come you're not coming home?
Oh, I got so much going on. Like,
I'm sorry. Like, I'll try to make it
or whatever. And then, like, you know, in
a way I was thinking, yeah, like, you
know, I'll figure something out by just gonna
get through all these meetings and these of
thought and meet these people in networking or
whatever. And I saw this episode. I'm just
like, man, like,
even though it's not as dramatic as smoking
in it, like, you know, hamdulillah, like, the
smallest things that we think don't don't matter,
right, and how we interact with our moms,
like, it's gonna be very, very different especially
because she's not gonna always be there. Boom.
And it's the biggest thing I think by
far that we take for granted is our
mothers.
By far, so much. Oh, my Lord forgive
us, man. I mean And that's a strong
sign of masculinity
is how you deal with the closest female
in your life, which can set a precedent
of how you deal with other females in
your life. Yes. Right? The female that you
respect the most, mostly most like most likely
would be your mom. Right? So if you
deal with her in a way in that
way, it can somewhat transfer over to
other females, somewhat transfer over to because the
relationship's gonna be different between wife and mother.
But it's,
you know, when when you take that for
granted and you don't sit back and hold
yourself accountable with the one, Rav Bayani Sohirah,
as Allah mentioned, the 2 parents, they raised
me when I was was young. You were
vulnerable. You were helpless, and she took care
of you, you know, subhanAllah.
And so it's so important to reflect on
that. That is interesting how you said, you're
acting the scene and then you watch it
and it can possibly trigger some recall, some
moments, or something that you've seen before.
Watching that scene is like you you think
of yourself when you were a teenager. And
I think that's when you're the just the
most
immature. You're just
the loudest. You're the rowdiest. You're the most
rebellious.
And so
it reminded me of, you know,
just how I treated my mother when I
was a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know?
And And it's it's rough to think about.
It's rough to think about, bro. You know?
And I like how you said rowdy, rebellious.
I I wanna make the distinction
that that is how Allah has created us
at that time when the testosterone is just
in surges.
It's literally just it's like, it's really just
coming out because that puberty is is hitting.
And that's where it can be tricky because
some people will think that that is toxic,
that it's wrong
for the young man to, you know he's
not focusing in class.
It's 45 minute class. And, you know, after
after 30 minutes, he's he's checked out. Right?
And this is where I have my own
issue with, like, being in the classroom 45,
55 minutes, and there's no physical exertion. There's
no way for them to let out their
aggression. I mean, countless times I talk to
parents, and I and, you know, they're talking
about their child is aggressive at home and
talking about I asked them, is is there
any physical aggression or is, you know, a
place that they can exert their physicality
and release?
Right? Because that natural aggression is there. It's
the raw material for them to eventually be
a protector. So when looking at this scene,
subhanAllah,
again, just, you know, for men, what what
would you tell these young men in regards
to that scene?
Know, when you see these young men, it's
like, okay. When you look at your when
you look at your mother who is dealing
with his mother, you know, he was smoking
a cigarette
to cope
Mhmm.
With the problem.
There are many different ways that young men
cope with problems.
And that's why
when it comes to a Muslim,
adding on to that mechanism of, like, okay.
What I'm doing,
God is watching.
Absolutely.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That Ihsan
Mhmm. Knowing that he's watching you. Though I
can't see him as the prophet said.
On top of the to worship Allah as
though you see him. Though you can't see
him, know for a fact that it sees
he sees you.
So when you're on your laptop, he sees
you. When you're on your phone, he sees
you. And you're screaming at your mom
because she's calling you from downstairs,
and you're on your laptop, and you're like,
I'm coming.
God.
You know, he sees you and hears you,
man.
Like, what's really more?
You gotta weigh your options. And if that
is where the that is where masculinity will
really, really be important because you have to
make those right choices. That's why, Subhanallah, even
in the sun, the prophet mentioned, if your
mother was to call, your parent was to
call you while you're praying,
you break your prayer. Of course, scholars mentioned
it was the obligatory prayer, maybe slightly different.
But when you're in your general generic prayer,
you break your prayer to answer the call
to your parents.
Mhmm. Well, I shall I mean, I'll I'll
say this. I mean, you know,
my mom's gonna have a field day with
this episode for sure. You know, she's like,
remember when you said this? Now go ahead.
I'll take it honestly. Yeah. But Yeah. You
know, I I think one very important element
about like what we're just discussing. I mean,
1st and foremost regarding, like, aggression, right, and
the development of a man. We are obviously
naturally filled with testosterone and especially, like, like
at certain age points. Mhmm. But I think
it's also worth noting that we need to
be able to become self aware at that
point in time. Where are we releasing that
anger? And for example, for me, I work,
you know, like I have work with horses.
I break horses. I train horses. And it's
easy for you to be humble in front
of like a, you know, an 800 pound
beef. Right? And the thing is some people
think like, oh, you gotta be tough on
it. You'll never win. It's way bigger than
you. They're way Absolutely. So powerful. Right? And
you can go up in front of a
horse and then I'll see, like, the biggest
men cower. It's like, I gotta go all
the way up there, like, to get on
its back. And even whenever you're like you're
you're controlling the horse, you have to have,
like, a healthy relationship with it. Right? Where
you kinda gotta guide it and hopefully, you
know, like, have a symbiotic relationship. It can't
just, like, aggressively tearing its face. No. It's
not gonna work. But at that point in
time, you know, like, I was thinking about
comparing, you know, obviously, like the the elements
of 1 facing something bigger than you and
greater than you versus
like, you know, facing something that's smaller and
weaker so to speak. Because at this point
in time, Yani, we're all, you know, bigger
and stronger than our mothers. Right? As they
get older and whatnot and then we get
older, we get stronger. And I think that's,
you know, it's very important to kind of
make note of that because
you're not a good person if you're facing
something more magnificent and powerful and you kind
of humble yourself.
That's just your like your self interest.
Right. You're you're preserving yourself. Yeah. The real,
you know, understanding of where you're at, you
know, over your and whatnot
is ultimately when you're over in front of
something that
you don't necessarily
have to, you know, control yourself around, but
you still do. That's real restraint. That's real
masculinity.
That's real strength. It reminds me what Abu
Bakr said, you know,
Like the strong one amongst you is weak
to me.
He's talking about the weak ones that are
taking advantage of. Those are the ones that
I'm going to return their rights, give them
their rights. You know, because if they were
taken advantage of by the strong ones, well,
that strong man, he's weak to me. I
mean, look at that strength of in the
law. And that authority, man. No. But it
it's so true. I mean, when you're when
you're in a position of authority,
you're in a position of power,
you're in a position of leadership,
and you don't you're not tyrannical with it.
Mhmm. Right? You're not oppressive with it. Rather,
you give it its due right. And that's
where, Insha'Allah, you know, in in the in
the next scene where I mean, when the
scene talking about a father
and leaving a legacy, you know, I think
we have the other scenes coming up,
talking about fatherhood, the young man talking about
about legacy. It was so important, you know.
So for me, I wanna, like, the advice
I wanna give is almost to, like, the
the the young Muslim guy who, like, who
was in my shoes, like,
not really involved with the Muslim community, doesn't
have masculine guidance. Right? So like the advice
I would give him, you know, for those,
you know, watching or listening,
understand that your mother,
it's it's it's part of her nature, her
fitra to nag you a 1000000 times. It's
just it's just how she was created, man.
Love it. You know,
it's
it's going to happen. It's going to be
cases where you walk in and she, like,
rushes to you at the door and asks
you, like, how's your day? Where have you
been? It's just part of her nature, man.
Her nature, her fitra is like she wants
to protect her cubs, man. Mhmm. And you
have and you as as a young man,
you have to understand that she's not doing
this because she wants to annoy you, because
she wants to cause you headaches and stress.
She does this because she loves you unconditionally,
and there is probably no one in this
world who does who who will do that
other than your mother. Yeah, man. I mean,
when you think about it, like you said,
she doesn't want to annoy you. Like, think
about it. Would a mother say, oh, my
son's walking in. I want to annoy you.
Like, you you wanna say, like, really, you
think about it. It reminds me. So I
remember when I remember when my mother
I used to work at Kroger as a
soccer. I was 13.
I used to walk to work, but I
don't you know, it was a long walk,
but
my mother told me that,
I have to start paying the water bill.
I was so mad.
Like, that's my only money. I get to
go out and hang out with the, you
know, the crew. You get to chill. She's
like, no. You're gonna pay the water bill.
And I was mad, but I'm not gonna
lie. It's it's not like they needed the
money, but I'm so
thankful
for that
because it's teaching me
responsibility.
Right. You know what I'm saying?
And like like you're saying, you know, when
when you walk in the door, mom's asking
you a 100 a 1000 questions.
You gotta know that she's asking because she
wants you to be a better version of
yourself
in her eyes. I think the safest word
I always tell young guys is like,
mom loves me and she wants what's best
for me. That's what she's doing. And just
put your head down and just answer her
call. Yep.
That's the best route. It may not be
something you want to do, but life is
not about what you want to do. Mhmm.
And that's another important thing for a man
to know. It's not about always what you
want. It's about what needs to get done.
Right? So, Alhamdulillah,
may Allah bless you brothers.
Brother Nourmand.
Bless you all for for taking your time.
How long did it take to do this
series, by the way?
So they filmed all of December January. So
they did 2 months of shootings. It was
crunch time. I mean, the man was telling
me he was there for like hours upon
hour each day. Yeah. So I'd come on,
I'd come to set like
after work. I get here like 5:36
and I'd be here sometimes like 11 midnight,
1 AM.
Speaking about primarily predestination.
And it's beautiful because it's packed with so
many gems that doctor Mussoleiman has put in
there. I mean, with with ayats and a
hadith and a. I mean, the the verses
and statements of the prophet Muhammad and
statements from our past predecessors and teachers.
It's very, very important because it gives you,
what they call tat sukha of the enemy.
It gives you foundational
knowledge in this very, very, very important chapter
of the human being's life. Not only the
Muslim, but the human being's life,
understanding the knowledge of God and what that
means in our life. May Allah bless you
all. Thank you for tuning in to
the Iman cave where we discuss issues of
male excellence while being grounded in faith.