Abdullah Oduro – Iman Cave – How to Get Married in 4 Weeks
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I got married at 20 years years of
age, but but it's it's the family. It's
the parents who said, okay. It it's done
for a good because the from the time
that I met my wife and proposed was
less than 4 weeks. Oh. Because I had
because, basically, I saw her at university, and
she annihilated somebody in a debate. Like, she's
like I do. She's like and and I
take it. Tell you, but I I need
to know who this person is. You know?
Like and she's and he said that she
studies in my class. So I tried to
talk to her. I remember she went into
the university shop Okay. And she picked up
her stuff. So I went to pick up
the Twix. And Nick, who's plays on the
football team with me, the soccer team, he
was he was the guy at the the
checkout, you know, the guy, the cashier. Uh-huh.
So I put my Twix, and I said,
Nick, all this is on me. And she
went, excuse me? This is malaria. Okay. And
I went, oh, so anyway, for the next
3 weeks, I tried to make conversation, but
she would never really give me too much
of the time of day. Why? It's it's
called the heart playing hard. No. Really? No.
But then one day, I said, you know,
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, like because I was,
but the the the the the university as
well. I said, it's it's not good for
me to get too involved in these kind
of things. So I said, yeah, Allah,
I'm going to plead with you. Like, just
sort this out. Okay. Either get the feelings
out the way or give me an opportunity
to go door open. So I did is
tikharah. 2 raka after ishaah. 2 4 rakah
when I wake up middle of the night,
2 rakah before fashr. And I used to
you know, some people think Dua has to
be very sophisticated.
Was very simple.
Yeah. All of my dua is not deserving.
I just give me an aya like you
gave Musa. I love that. Feeling aya. Give
me an aya like you gave zakaria.
None. And literally make it bad. Mhmm. And
on the 8th or 9th night and bear
in mind, I'm not like a sufib any
stretch of imagination. Uh-huh. I saw a dream
that the payeb who I had asked about
her brought me a korbani and said to
me, Sammy, it's Zaid sacrifice.
Mhmm. And in the dream, I vividly remember
it. Mhmm.
I called them. I said, listen. Go tell
Sumayya. There's a guy called Sammy who wants
to marry her. He said, bro, what do
you think this is? 1500? What do you
mean go and tell him this guy? I
said, wallahi, she's gonna say yes. Well and
she said yes. And she said, yeah. I
just need to hear it from him directly.
I love it. And then 2 weeks later,
I met her dad, very terrifying figure with
a big beard. Uh-huh. That's it. Yes. May
Allah bless him. Yeah. And then 2 2
months later, did the
and then 6 months later, did the wedding.
And you've you've never looked back.
That that's beautiful. You know, I know there's
a characteristic
that you possess, and I think you still
possess it now.
That is very important for a man, particularly
a Muslim man, because you see how throughout
that process he turned to Allah. Yeah. Okay.
There there was an interest. Right? Yes. Obviously,
as she's she's appealing to him. Mhmm. Right?
So he tried to to He's still in
his hand. Oh, he still is. Yes. Yes.
Still in his hand. As far as people
say marriage, it dies, It doesn't.
No. No. No. No, sir. No. No. So
you saw that, but you turned to Allah
because you know Allah is the ultimate one
that's going to give it to you in
the right way.
And that's what's so important
for the man is to always turn turn
back to Allah and make sure that his
purpose
is is is that. And it's not something
that's tangible that is of this world. Marriage
is also about Mawaida.
You know, it's it's about Mawaida.
It's about kindness as well. And I realized
the more effort I put in, such as
establishing for a friend of mine, Nigerian, Tayyebalayev
Grubhir. We he set up this father's group
where we used to sit together. He'd say,
guys, I've decided to adopt something. Every Friday
morning, I go on a date with my
wife for breakfast. And I said, I'm gonna
do it as well. And you see the
impact that has. Media. And then that changes
your opinion on what it means to be
a man. Mhmm. Because I grew up in
a soccer environment where
football environment. Once you cross the water, any
You can change your language and your tone.
So I remember somebody in the changing room
because me and Tayeb, we got married younger.
I got married first and Tayeb Tayeb said,
khalas, I'll get married younger, and and we
got married. And I remember some of the
brothers who weren't married, they used to say
things like, when I get married, my wife
gonna cook us.
My wife gonna clean. And I remember, like,
one of the they remarked him and said
to him, brother, let me just tell you
something. A meal cooked out of love tastes
much better than a meal cooked because you
asked for it.
You know, when a wife loves you, she
goes above and beyond food. And we use
the word nifis. The word nifis. And and
this is why That was a nifis. Nifis.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's it's you know, the
idea that the You know, when you call
it soul food? Yeah. You're old. That's her
soul kitchen. And then what are we talking
new language? It's
a good one. And when you go through
that experience Yeah. This is what I mean
sometimes when you realize that subconsciously,
while
ostensibly you think you believe in Allah's attributes
or understand it, subconsciously, you have these locks
on your brain. So when you go back
to the seerah of the prophet Muhammad
and you realize that he comes down from
the cave of Hera, and he comes at
every writer, Ibnu Hisham, 2 Martin Lings, they
describe him as being frightened,
shaking, and throwing himself into the arms of
Khadija.
If I was to say to the prophet
did that, would you say that made him
less of a man? Hashir.
Would you say that undermined him? Hashir. What
it was a demonstration of is what the
marriage is supposed to be about in terms
of his trust in Khadija and her and
how Khadija viewed him in the elevation and
how she covers him. She always embraced him.
Yeah. And that changes the perspective of what
it means to be a man in marriage
afterwards. And that you grow up being taught
that kindness is weakness.
Don't be weak in front of her. Don't
let her have her way. Don't have that.
And you think, dude, what it's a marriage.
It's not a prison, subhanallah.
You know? Well, some other brothers made me
think it's a prison. And she's worried. What
she wants more than anything else
is to be valued. A woman will will
will support a husband,
provided the husband she feels that she's valued
by the husband. Absolutely. The reason women worry
about marriage is because they feel like the
husband is going to trample all over them.
Yeah. You know? Cook for the woman. Just
clean for you. And so And and my
and mind you, and and, you know, onto
that point is that I feel sometimes I'm
actually not doing enough to help my wife
SubhanAllah. Around the house. Even a simple reminder.
Yeah. Hey. Don't forget, you know, when you
get a chance, I had to go I
I wasn't feeling well. I I just don't
forget the dishes. Yeah. Or just, you know,
help me clean up around the house. Yeah.
Because we forget Yeah. The they're the double
and the triple jobs that they're doing Yeah.
Just to bring up our children, our offsprings.
One of the things that changed my perspective
on marriage, that encouraged me to get married
young as well was there's a in the
Quran, Wallah says he puts
between husband and wife. Mhmm. And the reason
that stopped me was because I read it
and I said, wait a minute. So that
means that I can be in a marriage
and there'll be periods where I don't love
my wife. Mhmm. Because Allah has put mawadharah.
It means he can take away mawadharah. Mhmm.
And then you see in another place where
he says, even if you hate your wife,
don't oppress her. So implying that love will
go and you you're married, man. You know
what this is. Love goes up and it
goes down. And that's why when we mentioned
earlier about what the those whom who who
who marry for the deen. Yes. Because when
that love has those periods where perhaps sometimes
it vanishes
and somebody put it to me quite quite
wise. He said, if your wife loves you,
she'll look after you. But if she doesn't
love you, she'll still look after you because
she loves Allah. And there you go. In
that way, your sort and and I give
you just a classic example, and Sheikh Abdul,
you'll know this, and you will know it
because you travel a lot as well. Let's
be brutally honest. Like, I I I and
I'll be honest. I told my wife last
night. She said, how is it? I told
her Somaiya, to be honest. It's lonely in
the hotel room by myself. 100%. I'm far
away from home. Mhmm. I want to see
Salma, my daughter. I want to see Suleyman.
Yes, Somayya. When I go to a crowd,
the crowds, they come in droves, and each
one is looking at you, looking for an
answer. And I'm just a a guy from
Wembley who can
when your wife tells you on the phone,
Sammy,
Say, Allah gave you this opportunity that Allah
blessed you. Don't worry about things here. I've
got all sorted. I've got it unlocked. That
reassurance. You know the feelings.
That's reinvigoration
that it gives. Mhmm. It doesn't make me
less of a man. The reason that I'm
a man for it is because I accept
that my wife is not an addition in
my life. She's a pillar in my life.
Right. And because she feels valued, she acts
accordingly. Inspiration. Yeah. And I tell a lot
of people, I said, the only reason why
I'm able to do everything I'm doing is
because I got the supporting cast. Yeah. Inspiration.
Sometimes you fight with your partner. Sometimes you
fight with your wife. Right? It's life. And
some people have different ways of expressing anger.
My anger is keep quiet and just walk
out the door because it's better than saying
something. You know? You go, you gotta with
you over something so stupid, you know, something
so silly. We argued about it.
And this is where friends,
you know,
man is on the religion of his companions.
I have a friend of mine who's been
my friend since the university days. He's with
me in Turkey in Ghana. Saheb. Saheb. Saheb.
Saheb, Nigerian brother. One day, I sat with
him in the car after arguing with my
wife. And I said to him, Nayib, do
you know what it is, Nayib? Like, I
feel like I'm going through those periods where
the love has sort of vanished and that
kind of stuff. You know, we're fighting over
little things here and there. You know, sometimes
and he listens to me for a whole
hour of me complaining. Then he said to
me, in his words, Kazi,
when you come home,
do you ever find, like, the meal is
not cooked? I said no never.
He said your daughter Salma, her Quran,
how much how much of it is what
you taught? I said 99% is what Sumayya
taught Mhmm. Salma.
When, Salma goes to school, how does she
do? She says, she's doing very well. Would
you say she's well looked after? She's well
looked after. How is, your wife's relationship with
your mother? I said, they talk and they're
always together and she shows it really well.
And he said, when you have, like, an
interview stuff for that kind of thing, what's
her reaction? I said she rushes with the
same passion and she gets she tells me
wear this suit, wear this color, wear this
tie, that kind of bro, fear Allah, Iki.
Fear Allah, Iki. What's wrong with you, Iki?
Like, why why why why you become blind?
And I went,
it's not what I wanted to hear, but
I'll take it. But you're right. But you're
right. And you go back with a different
face, the way, you know, he's come back
with face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You go
in a different face, and you realize that
the kindness sometimes you don't even say sorry
to your partner. You just said, yeah, do
you wanna watch a movie tonight? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Then this is I accepted it.
Let's move on. If you invest in the
marriage, even when it's hard, you will get
and that's why now, alhamdulillah, I've been married,
what, 13, 14 years now.
Even when times are tough, you sit there
and I built my life with Sumayyan. I
built my life. This is what I meant
earlier when I told people marry young, build
your fortress first. Because when you go through
the experiences, when you look back, she's part
of every experience.
The hard times, the tough times Yeah. Such
that you leave no room to imagine a
life without her. No problem. So that even
when you're moving forward, you think I can't
move forward in life without this beloved wife
of mine. Yes, sir. So even when that
period where you feel feel like you don't
love her as much, you the the respect
leads to the love again. And I and
and this is where I finish on this
point. Mhmm. You realize that there was a
love
that you thought was the correct love, but
there's a it's you know it as well.
It's a different type. It's not where you
can't be without that person Yeah. Because they've
been there through so much. And now I
think that's the Mawad that Allah talked about.
And when you feel it, you say.