Abdulfattah Adeyemi – THE TRAGEDY OF A WRONG SPOUSE
AI: Summary ©
The tragedy of the wrong spouse in the movie "The Morning People" is a tragedy that is part of one's life and a way to wake up. The misalignment of a couple's roles in a movie is also discussed, emphasizing the importance of finding the right partner and growth and fulfillment in relationships. The journey of finding the right partner is highlighted, and the importance of finding the right partner is emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
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The absence of a right spouse leads to
the tragedy of a wrong spouse.
May Allah save us from that.
The wrong spouse is not a person inherently
flawed or lacking virtue, but the wrong spouse
is somebody whose life script is discordant with
the other person's own, meaning that this discord
may manifest in myriad of ways.
Through goals, you just say that you don't
share the same goal in life, you are
not going to the same directions, you are
like a tree that has grown into two
branches, and these branches will never meet again,
or through personalities that mix as well as
oil and water.
Imagine when oil and water are mixed together
in a marriage, and like we normally say,
you can never bind what does not cling.
When you have chosen a wrong spouse, it's
like a mirror that is reflecting back not
just what is, but what could have been
had the casting been different.
You now begin to look at yourself and
realize that, no, this is not who I
am.
This is not who I am supposed to
be, and this is not who I set
out to become in life.
I want you to imagine marriage as if
you are watching a movie.
In the theater of marriage, the wrong spouse
is the actor who forgets their lines.
They are the wrong actors who step out
of sync with the choreography of mutual life
building.
They are just wrong in many ways.
They don't just resonate.
You know, they don't say the right words,
they don't do the right things, they don't
position themselves in a way that you can
resonate with them with matters of your life
in both modesty and matters for the hereafter
in terms of spirituality.
Allah Akbar.
You know, they are the ones who, despite
your best intentions, they cannot fulfill the roles
they have been given because it was never
theirs to play.
Imagine an accidental husband.
He was never ready to be married to
a happy woman that you are.
He was never prepared to live together with
a normal human being that you are.
And the other way around too.
Imagine marrying an accidental wife who was never
prepared to be a wife.
Imagine after marriage, she's still asking whether she
should cook for you.
After marriage, she's still asking whether you have
the right to tell her what to do.
After marriage, she's still asking whether you have
any say in the decisions of where she
goes.
That means she's not playing the role because
she's not part of your movie.
She's not part of your story.
That is exactly what it feels to have
a wrong spouse.
It's a tragedy.
They are the characters who, no matter how
much they rehearse, they cannot seem to find
their place in the story that unfolds, the
story of your life.
No matter how much they rehearse, no matter
how much they try to pretend, they cannot
pretend even to be good.
SubhanAllah.
They can't pretend to be generous.
They can't pretend to be upright.
They can't pretend to be truthful.
You know, they say you make it.
They can't even fake to be good.
As in, let's say they are even acting
their roles.
Even though you are not a nice person,
but you know you must be nice to
your spouse, they can't even pretend to be
nice.
That is a wrong spouse.
The tragedy of the wrong spouse is not
their lack of trying, but it's in the
fundamental misalignment of their very being with the
role that they are trying to fill.
It's a role that comes with a costume
that never fits them, in a play that
never feels quite right.
It's a part that is performed out of
a sense of obligation, out of sense of
fear, or the hope that perhaps with enough
effort the feed will improve, or maybe the
script will change, or maybe if we suffer
a little more, we endure a little more,
we, you know, we suffer a little more,
the performance will somehow become natural.
They can't do it.
They can't fit in.
Everything is a sense of obligation.
There's no, you know, there's no that innate,
that organic joy of being together, the organic
act of being kind towards each other, of
being merciful towards each other, that innate nature
to be empathetic and sympathetic to each other.
Rather, they become pathetic.
They just can't do it, unfortunately.
But the wrong spouse is also a catalyst
for growth.
It's a way to wake you up, because
they are the challenge that prompts introspection and
self-discovery.
If not for wrong spouses, many of you
will not discover who you truly are.
You will take life for granted, and then
you will not know what you are actually
doing with your life.
It is these wrong spouses who, they have
their own advantage.
They, like one philosopher said, if you marry
a right spouse, you'll be happy.
When you marry a wrong one, you'll be
a philosopher.
One way or the other, you'll gain something.
If you marry a right one, you'll be
happy.
If you marry a wrong one, you'll learn
a great lesson in life.
They are the ones, by their very wrongness,
they are the ones who highlight what is
truly essential in a partner.
They are the contrast that shackles the image
of what is desired and what is necessary
for a harmonious life.
The wrong spouse is the storm that tests
the ship.
They are the fire that tempers the steel
and the friction that polishes the gem.
Without hot water, really, the teabag will not
let out the flavor, possibly because you married
the wrong spouse.
That is why you are beginning to realize
who you are now.
Rather than kill the wrong spouse, you should
be happy that, well, both of you may
have made a mistake in marrying each other,
but Allah didn't make a mistake in making
that person to be your trial and the
source of your lessons in life that you'll
never forget.
In the end, the wrong spouse is a
concept as much about the individual as it
is about the partnership.
What I mean by that is, sometimes, each
of you is the right spouse on your
own, but you may likely be both wrong
being together.
Do you want me to say that again?
Each of the may be right on their
own, but what is wrong is they are
being together.
You are good on your own and he
is also good on his own.
But for both of you, right on your
different rights, these two right people can come
together wrongly.
It may be a wrong combination of two
right people.
That's what I'm trying to say in English.
It's a reminder that the roles we play
in each other's are not just about compatibility,
but about the growth and fulfillment that comes
from the interaction of two unique individuals.
To see how two wrong people can come
together to form a right relationship.
Sometimes, the two persons may be wrong on
their own.
Have you ever seen where crazy, crazy people
marry each other?
Husband crazy, the wife is crazy.
But somehow, when they come together, you just
be surprised that they are just good together.
They are just nice together.
And there can be no relationship that's better
than that for the two of them.
That's not all.
Look beyond the wrong.
When these two wrong people come together, sometimes,
you believe that they end up producing a
right generation.
They give birth to right children that would
never want to be like them.
They are going to be the description for
their children of who not to be.
They are going to be the model that
their children will not want to follow.
So, the children will go the opposite direction
and it will be better for them.
Allah is the one who brings the living
from the dead.
And he brings the dead out of the
living.
The doer of all he intends.
It is a testament to the fact that
sometimes, the wrong person can lead us to
the most profound understanding of ourselves.
And in that relationship, we find the strength
to seek out a role that fits not
just well but perfectly.
So, in the tragedy, there's a lesson to
be learned.
A cautionary tale that whispers the importance of
choice.
It serves as a reminder that the quest
for a companion should be a journey of
mutual discovery, not a hasty settlement and not
a blind gamble.
So, let us try and ensure that in
as much as we avoid the tragedy of
wrong spouse, we understand very well what it
means to have the right spouse or to
seek the right spouse.
Finding the right spouse is like discovering a
rare book in a big library and each
spine of the book you see holds a
story but you are searching for the one
that resonates with your soul.
It is like a gardener that is finding
the perfect seed.
The perfect seed that will grow into a
tree whose branches will provide shelter and whose
roots will intertwine with theirs creating a foundation
as strong as the earth itself.
It is like somebody has molded together the
seeds of lime, the seeds of lemon, the
seeds of orange, the seeds of other citruses.
They have mixed and merged everything together and
you are trying to find which is the
seed of the seed orange and which is
the seed of a bitter lemon.
And this is exactly what it is in
looking for the right spouse.
Which seed are you going to pick?
Do you even know the seed when you
see it?
For a person that is seeking to plant
a big tree that is going to bring
the good fruit, you must also study the
nature of seeds.
You have to go and seek for knowledge.
What are the seeds and what are the
kind of things that come from these seeds?
So that you don't go plant the wrong
seed, water the wrong seed, nurture the wrong
seed, watch the wrong seed grow and then
the wrong seed will begin to bear the
wrong fruits for you.
Finding the right spouse is like the blending
of two unique flavors that together can create
a taste that is exquisite and unparalleled.
It is the unlocking of a door that
leads to a path of mutual growth and
exploration.
It is the forging of a key that
fits a lock.
Long unopened revealing treasures that are untold.
It is the creation of the recipe where
each ingredient is essential and the result is
a feast for the senses.
It's like wanting to cook a special delicacy
and being able to find the right ingredients
to put them together.
I believe all of us know that you
cannot prepare a fried rice without rice.
It's the finding of a companion for a
journey where the destination is not a place
but a state of being, the journey of
your own on earth.
It's the discovery of a hidden path in
a forest.
You know you are walking in a forest
and then you see that there are three
paths.
One goes this way, one goes straight and
the other one goes to the left.
And then you are wondering which of them
should you go to.
Finding the right spouse is like choosing the
right of these paths and you ending up
at your destination not in another place entirely.
It's the meeting of two minds that think
as one and two hearts that beat as
one.
It's the finding of a compass that always
points towards home no matter where you are
in the world.
It's the finding of a partner who is
both mirror and window.
They reflect who you are and they show
you a world you never knew existed.
May Allah grant all of us this kind
of spouses and make our spouses like this.
It is like finding a partner who is
both the journey and the destination.
The person is your journey and the person
is also your destination.
It's the love that is both the map
and the treasure.
It's the discovery of a partner that is
both the storm and the calm.
A love that is both exhilarating and peaceful.
It's the crafting of a story where each
chapter is better than the last and the
ending is always better than the beginning.
Masha Allah.
It's finding of a partner who is both
the dream and the reality.
The partner is your dream of a partner
and the partner is also the reality of
your partner.
It's a love that is both fantastical and
true.
It is both fantasy and reality added together.
It's the discovery of a partner who is
both the challenge and the support.
It's a love that pushes you to be
your very best.
It's the crafting of a partnership that is
both a work of art and a work
in progress.
It's a love that is both perfect and
ever evolving.
It's the finding of a partner who is
both the sun and the moon.
A love that illuminates and soothes you.
It's the discovery of a partner who is
both the fire and the heart.
A love that is both passionate and comforting.
It's the crafting of a partnership that's both
a dance and a rest.
A love that is both dynamic and serene.
It's the finding of a partner who is
both the adventure and the homecoming.
A love that is both thrilling and familiar.
It is also the discovery of a partner
who is both the question and the answer.
A love that is both mysterious and known.
This person is mysterious, this person is known,
this person is hidden, this person is apparent
all at the same time.
It's the crafting of a partnership that is
both a song and a silence.
A love that is both expressing and reflecting.
It's also the finding of a partner who
is both the ocean and the shore.
A love that is both vast and single.
It's the finding of a partner who is
both the light and the shadow.
A love that is both illuminating and grounding.
It's the discovery of a partner who is
both the whisper and the shout.
A kind of love that is both intimate
and exuberant.
It's the crafting of a partnership that is
both a story and a history.
It's the crafting of a partnership that is
both a novel and a diary.
That's the kind of love that is both
a story and a record.
And finding a right spouse is the discovery
of a partner who is both the hero
and the sidekick.
A love that is both empowering and supportive.
It's a kind of love that is difficult
to explain, but it's a kind of love
that you have to position yourself to discover
when you find.
If not, this love will walk past you
and nothing's gonna happen.
And start your journey to a more meaningful
purpose-driven life.
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