Abdulfattah Adeyemi – The Emotional Burden of Polygamny

AI: Summary ©
The concept of jealousy is discussed in various culture, including the responsibility of men in shaping behavior due to their emotions and the importance of Polygamy, a belief in love that is recognized as a responsibility beyond oneself. Polygamy is a lifestyle for mature men who manage their personalities and their emotions in a way that is not just a means to support one another, but an energy-efficient lifestyle. The speaker also mentions the importance of Pol SG Amy for women who have a desire to maximize their own happiness and achieve their own goals.
AI: Summary ©
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The emotional burden of polygamy, there's a feeling
of jealousy that you cannot do without.
This is natural, it is human, and there's
nothing you can do about it.
These feelings can be a source of emotional
distress, emotional cruelty, and a quest for exclusive
ownership of the man, or you destroy the
man entirely.
Let me tell you a story about jealousy.
There was this place where the princess of
the city, the princess of the place, has
interest in marrying one of the slaves in
the king's palace.
She fell in love with him because of
the way he was doing his things, and
on investigation, she realized that this guy was
a prince somewhere, but because of war, he
was turned into a slave.
Are you following me now?
She has so much interest in him, and
within a short while, the king got to
discover and to be an insult that the
princess marries a slave.
Why was the slave not interested in marrying
the princess?
The slave was not interested because they see
girl amongst the slaves that this male slave
has so much passion for, because on investigation,
that was also a princess from another kingdom.
She was taken as slave and brought to
this place.
They had started their love thing secretly, but
one day, the princess discovered that they have
interest in each other.
So she reported the matter to her father
that she doesn't like the way this man,
this slave is behaving.
The father already wanted to eliminate him because
he didn't want him to have anything to
do with the princess because of the stigma
and the embarrassment it will cause the reality.
So the king decided to deal with the
case.
How did the king go about it?
The king said, I will not just kill
him like that.
Let's turn the punishment to entertainment.
There's an amphitheater, this kind of place where
you put gladiators to fight.
You see people will sit around the sitting
area and there was a stage on the
ground and there were three doors only that
leads to the middle of that stage.
One door from which that slave boy will
be pushed in and the two doors, one
of them has a very ferocious lion that
will come out from there, the hungriest of
all the lions, ready to devour anybody at
any time.
But the second door is that slave girl
that this guy was interested in marrying.
What the king wanted to do, if he
should pick the lion, he will be killed.
If he should pick the girl, he will
be set free to go.
So his destiny was based on that chance.
The princess got to know of it all
and she found out from which door will
the lion emerge and from which door will
the girl emerge.
And she told this boy that look, I'm
going to give you the signal when you
enter into this place and if I do
like this, it means you should open the
right door.
If I do like that, it means you
open the left door.
By the time the boy was pushed inside,
he moved closer to the two doors and
he looked up to the princess and the
princess gave a sign and the princess did
like that and the boy was about to
open the door.
I'm asking you now, by the time he
opened the door, what came out of the
door?
Please tell me.
By the time he opened the door, which
came out of the door, the lady or
the lion?
If you say it's the lady, raise up
your right hand.
If you say it's the lion, raise up
your left hand.
You have to raise one hand.
Some of you are not raising any hand.
The lady or the lion?
If you say it is the lady or
you say it's the lion, it depends on
your own personal jealousy.
It depends on what you are going to
do if you are in that situation.
The one you choose exactly is who you
are.
So, is it the lady or the lion?
I wish your whole family were here to
see the one you chose.
Peace is the ultimate goal.
The responsibility rests mostly on men because a
man has to become what a woman already
is.
One of the greatest trials of a woman
is in how she deals with her emotions,
while that of a man is how he
deals with his reasoning.
A man has to prove his worth.
A woman has to preserve her worth.
Whichever one happens to you, polygamy is not
for everyone.
The Quran allows polygamy and there are conditions
and there are expectations and there are exceptions.
It is strictly for those that are able
and are willing and those whose circumstances predispose
them to opt for polygamy.
Polygamy is a belief issue that is mixed
with emotions.
It is a high level of responsibility that
a man has to carry.
If you are talking about emotional problems, please
consider the man also that is going to
bear all the brunt in this world and
the hereafter.
Polygamy is not the good stuff.
It is a divine provision but not a
compulsory injunction.
To enter a polygamous union is to acknowledge
that love is infinite in essence and love
will be divided in expression.
It is also to recognize that affection should
be sincere and will be shared in ways
that require grace and balance.
The immaturity of the mind, however,
sees it as a responsibility that extends beyond
itself to the well-being of all that
are involved.
Polygamy is for the mature mind.
It demands a capacity to be fair, to
be just and to be generous, not just
in material provisions but emotional availability and care.
It is for the mature because they have
learned to let go of selfish desires and
to consider the feelings of others.
It is for those who have developed the
skill of balancing time and attention without allowing
one to feel neglected while another one is
elevated.
Polygamy requires a heart that is free from
envy, a mind that is disciplined because where
jealousy creeps in, the foundation of unity may
crack and where favoritism is shown, the seeds
of discord are sown.
For a man, it is not just about
having the means to support more than one
household.
It's about having the strength to manage multiple
hearts with equity.
It's about the maturity to understand that each
wife is a complete individual with her own
needs, with her own emotions and her dignity.
It's the ability to manage their different personalities
with wisdom, to soothe their pains with compassion
and to share their joys without division.
For a woman who agrees to join a
polygamous union, maturity is required to face the
inevitable waves of mixed emotions, to rise above
insecurities and to find contentment in a shared
love.
She must be strong enough to cherish her
place without resentment and to acknowledge that loving
someone does not mean owning all of their
affections.
It takes a special kind of resilience and
anti-fragility to embrace a life where time
and intimacy have to be shared.
Yet, one's dignity still remains undiminished.
Polygamy is a practice that demands more than
just social acceptance or legal sanction.
It calls for emotional intelligence.
It calls for ethical grounding and spiritual strength.
It's for those who have the maturity to
handle not only the outward requirements of marriage,
but also the deep unspoken truth that lies
within human relationship.
It's for those who have risen above the
naivety that sees love as a possession rather
than a trust and a marriage as a
right rather than a duty.
In truth, polygamy is a mirror that reflects
the deepest layers of your character.
It exposes virtues as well as weaknesses and
magnifies the qualities whether noble or flawed that
dwell within the soul.
For somebody that is not mature, it may
become a source of endless strife and heartache.
For the mature, it can be a means
of growth.
It's called for nurturing virtues of patience and
generosity and fairness.
Polygamy is not for everyone.
It is for those who are prepared to
approach it with a heart that has known
humility, with a mind that has tasted wisdom
and with the spirit that seeks to uplift
others as much as yourself.
Polygamy is the lifestyle for the mature and
only those who have reached that state of
mind will find in polygamy the balance and
the peace, the tranquility, the harmony and the
spiritual fulfillment that it has to offer.
Polygamy is not ordinary.
It will bring out the best in you
if you do it wrongly, or it will
bring out the best in you if you
do it well.
It is a marriage to max.
It is an emotionally evolved lifestyle.
Distinguished ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world
of matrimonial maturity.
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
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