Abdulfattah Adeyemi – MARRIAGE AS AN ACCESS NOT AN ASSET
AI: Summary ©
The concept of " accessing" in marriage is discussed, which is the journey leading to a woman being the partner of her heart. It is important to note that marriage is not just about gaining access to a woman, but also about finding a partner and finding a place to live in a woman’s mind. The segment discusses the journey of finding a partner and finding a place to live in a woman’s mind.
AI: Summary ©
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Let's look at marriage as an access and
not an asset.
Access in life or access in marriage is
the whisper of possibility on the winds of
change.
It's a call that beckons those who are
bold and brave.
Access is the first step on a path
that is both creation and discovery.
For you to have access in life means
you have an access to a portal that
is going to show you where you should
enter in life.
And this access, just like in your mind,
you are thinking it's a key now.
Access is not a giving.
Access is a privilege, a recursive paradox that
challenges the very notion of fairness.
Access is not fair.
It's not everybody that deserves access that is
given access.
Sometimes you have to know some people that
will give you access to be able to
access what you want to access.
Sometimes access is something you have to work
for.
You have to strive for it.
You have to look for it.
And everybody is looking for access to gain
access into some privileges and advantages.
But it's only a few people that can
find it.
And sometimes it's a kind of catalyst for
transformation that can be very stubbornly resistant to
the alchemist's plea.
In the pursuit of success, we find the
reflection of our own limitations, a mirror that
reveals the barriers we construct around ourselves and
others.
Access is the silent language of opportunity that
speaks to those who listen closely.
Yes, if you listen closely, you will find
where your own access to happiness, to goodness,
to good marriage is in life.
If you listen and you understand the language
of access, you see that it's a language
that transcends words and find expressions in action.
When it comes to access to finding a
right spouse, it goes beyond explaining to you
the qualities to look for.
The person can be tall.
Ah, he can be dark.
Ah, he can be handsome.
She can be tall.
She can be fair.
She can be beautiful.
She can have two dimples without pimples.
She can be this.
She can be that.
Long hair like that of Mami Wata.
She can be, she can be.
She can have Islam.
She can be so sunatically inclined to the
extent that as a lady, she's almost going
deaf because she loves the sunnah.
As a man, he seems to be a
representative.
He seems to be a clone of a
sahaba, a man around the messenger.
Anybody can tell you all those stories about
who the right spouse is supposed to be.
But gaining access to that right spouse is
not something that you can be taught.
It is something that comes out of your
own self-discovery of what are the things
that admire the person that you are.
How do you think?
How do you reflect?
How do you look at life?
How do you look at yourself?
When you look into the mirror, what do
you see in the mirror?
Understanding that image that you see in the
mirror.
Understanding the picture that you see after you
have taken the selfie of yourself.
That is what is going to be the
access for you to be able to assess
a good marriage.
And when you are inside a marriage, you'll
be able to assess your performance in that
marriage vis-a-vis the access that you
thought you had already gotten in the beginning.
So access is the light that shines on
the unseen.
It is the light that illuminates paths that
would otherwise remain shadows.
To speak of access is to speak of
keys, but not all keys fit all locks.
And not all doors open to reveal wonders.
Some doors open to lessons.
Some doors open to the classrooms of character
where we learn the hard truth of our
existence.
Some doors lead to sadness, to trials, to
challenges.
And some doors lead to potentialities, to actualities,
and your ability to transcend the boundaries of
the things that have always limited you in
the past.
Access is the teacher that does not discriminate.
Access offers its lessons to everyone, but only
those who are willing to learn can truly
understand the curriculum of access in life.
Access is the promise of a horizon that
retreats as we advance.
It's a paradox that motivates us to continue
the chase.
It is in the pursuit of access that
we are both hunter and the hunted at
the same time.
You are something that is looking for something,
and something else is looking for you.
In the end, access is not just about
reaching a destination.
It's about the journey itself.
So whether you like it or not, marriage
itself is a journey.
It is not that you have gained access
to your dunya and akhira yet.
It is a story that we write with
each choice.
It's a narrative that's as unique as the
individual who holds the pen.
It is more than a mere concept.
It's a reflection of our collective soul.
Access is the ablution.
Access is the adhan.
Access is the ikrama and the fatiha.
Access is when you make the ablution, when
you make the adhan, when you do the
ikrama, and when you recite the surah to
the fatiha.
The fatiha is the real key that we
are talking about.
And this key of fatiha is the access
to your solat.
And your solat itself is the access to
communicate with almighty Allah.
So what are you telling Allah that you
actually want from Allah?
What kind of house are you actually looking
for that you want Allah to find for
you?
And so access is the map and the
territory and the treasure and the journey all
put together.
The Quran says, So longer you have gained
access into Islam, gained access into solat, then
you are still seeking Allah.
Because you have not reached anywhere yet.
Your access, final access, is like the journey
to the hereafter.
It's like the journey to ultimately the paradise.
And the marital part of it is to
ensure that marriage is like a paradise for
you.
Not the paradise of the akhira, but the
paradise of this dunya.
And you look at where that is possibly
the reason why Allah put Adam and Eve
in paradise first.
Maybe Allah wanted them to experience what paradise
is like before Allah sent them to earth
to come and relive that paradise on earth.
The paradise is called Jannah to Adeni.
Jannah to Adeni.
The one people call Garden of Eden.
Jannah is like a garden that has all
sorts of beautiful things in it.
But Adeni is a state of mind, not
a place.
So Jannah to Adeni is like a state
of mind that gives you that feeling, that
sense of being in paradise.
So if you are seeking a spouse, it's
like you are seeking an access, not necessarily
an asset yet.
It is a state of mind that you
should be ready to go into and understand
very well that when you are now inside
this marriage, it now becomes another access again
for you to seek the hereafter.
So the spouse you are looking for is
a spouse with whom you are going to
seek the hereafter together.
Get it?
Now if you get that gist very well
now, it's supposed to, you know, it's like
we are thinking backwards now.
It's supposed to be like, okay, can this
person assist me or can this person support
me as part of my access to the
hereafter?
Can we both come together and make it
an access to the hereafter?
Look at the dark side of access.
Don't get used to it because sometimes when
we gain access to something, the moment we
get it, then we are no longer satisfied
with that access again.
It's normal for human beings.
That's the dark side of it.
But when it comes to relationship, it's like
having a library card to the archives of
a person's heart.
Let's not forget, with great access comes great
responsibility.
You are able to access each other as
husband and wife because there is nikah.
Once nikah is done, you now have access
to each other.
You have access to sleep with each other.
You have access not to be in hijab
before one another.
You have access to speak to one another,
to discuss with each other, to expose your
heart to each other, to expose your vulnerabilities
to each other.
And so gaining access to a person's heart
is a very great responsibility.
It's not just about having the key.
It's about knowing when to use the key
and when to simply knock before you enter.
Don't take each other's access to one another
for granted.
Sometimes, even when you have the key to
enter into the room of a person's heart
anytime you want, it is good for you
to knock sometimes because you don't know what's
actually going on in the heart of that
person as at that moment in time.
It's the difference between an open-door policy
and an invasion of privacy.
Too much access and you are a hacker.
Too little and you are a stranger.
Finding the sweet spot is like trying to
thread a needle while riding a horse.
Access in relationships can be as tricky as
a Wi-Fi password.
Sometimes it can be too complex and you
are locked out.
And if it's too simple, everybody gets connected.
Every time, big and hard, you get connected
to the heart that you treasure, to the
heart of your spouse that you treasure, and
even your own heart itself.
If you are careless with it, everybody is
going to be connected to that heart and
you are going to become so confused that
at the end of it all, you become
heartless.
It's about finding the perfect passphrase that grants
entry without compromising security.
It's like you having the way to gain
entry into somebody's heart without compromising the security
of that person's heart and align somebody else
into your heart without compromising the security of
your heart.
It's about being the trusted user, not the
dreaded virus in the operating system of companionship.
In the digital age, access has taken a
whole new meaning because we are connected 24
-7 with the ability to ping, to poke,
and to DM our way into each other's
lives.
But just because you can slide into someone's
DM doesn't mean you gain access to their
inner sanctum.
True access is not about the quantity of
messages that are exchanged, but the quality of
the connection that's established.
Access in a relationship is like having the
remote control to someone's emotional channels.
You can flip the channels, you can change
from here to there, from joy to sorrow,
from laughter to anger, from irritability to suitability,
but stop pressing people's buttons at random because
you now have the access to their heart.
Nobody likes somebody who constantly presses their buttons
because they have given you the remote control
of their life.
If you are seeking a spouse, be ready
that this is the same person you are
going to hand over the remote control of
your life to.
A person can switch success, a person can
switch failure, a person can switch happiness, a
person can switch to sadness.
A person can, in the way of flipping
the mood from happiness to anger, from sadness
to sorrow, sometimes it leads to depression, and
if care is not taken, a person will
press a button that will trigger anxiety and
mental illness in you.
So beware the person you hand over the
remote control of your life to.
In the end, it's about knowing when to
pause, when to mute, and when to simply
watch and be present.
Stay on one channel and enjoy the movie
you are watching.
Access is about trust, it's about respect and
understanding.
It's about being granted the key to someone's
personal kingdom or someone's private queendom.
It is not for conquest, but it is
for companionship.
It's about walking through the garden of someone's
soul without trampling the flowers.
As we journey through the complex networks of
our relationships, may Allah let it be that
we all will be wise custodians of the
access that we are given.
May Allah let it be that we are
going to cherish the privilege, and we are
going to respect the boundaries, and we are
always going to remember to log out with
care.
Don't compromise the password, and don't take the
privilege of the access for granted.
Somebody else has given you the password of
their heart.
Don't compromise it, don't share it with others,
and don't take that privilege that they have
given you the access to their heart.
Don't take it for granted.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
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