Abdulfattah Adeyemi – IS THIS YOU

Abdulfattah Adeyemi
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AI: Summary ©

The World Health Organization emphasizes the importance of staying on a dream path and finding one's own happiness. The success of people working on their dreams is also highlighted, as it is a critical area for achieving their goals. The importance of accepting oneself fully and not just finding oneself in a perfect situation is emphasized, as it is crucial for everyone to pursue their growth and happiness. The importance of praying and demanding personal growth and finding one's own happiness is emphasized, and the need to be mindful of one's actions and not to accept responsibility for mistakes is emphasized.

AI: Summary ©

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			In a world filled with chaos and uncertainty,
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			Fattah Deyemi's official app.
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			Abdel Fattah Deyemi, Chief Executive Officer, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World
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			Fattah Deyemi, Chief Executive Officer, World Health Organization,
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			Organization, Abdel
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			Fattah Deyemi, Chief Executive Officer, World Health Organization,
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			Fattah Deyemi, Chief Executive Officer, World Health Organization,
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			Abdel
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			Fattah Deyemi, Chief Executive Officer, World Health Organization,
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			Abdel
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			Fattah Deyemi, Chief Executive Officer, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Abdel
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			Fattah Deyemi, Chief Executive Officer, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Organization,
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health
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			Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization, World
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			Health Organization, World Health Organization, World Health Organization,
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			World Health Organization reality that this is not
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			the relationship for you.
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			You are living in a relationship as if
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			this is a dream that is supposed to
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			come true, not a reality that you are
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			already living.
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			And that is why a couple will have
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			been married for 40 years and the wife
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			will simply say, yes, it will change, it
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			will change, it will change.
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			After 40 years, she'll be like, yes, it
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			will change.
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			After 40 years, he also will be like,
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			yes, and my wife, she will see change.
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			She will soon change.
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			The reason why people do that is because,
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			Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, is because
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			they are living in dreams.
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			You are still fantasizing about what you want
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			to see happen.
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			And you thought you would actually press pause
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			on life so that you remain on a
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			spot.
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			Life will not be happening and things will
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			continue in that dream state of yours.
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			I have a dream that one day my
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			husband will show love and affection.
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			I have a dream that one day my
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			husband will begin to smile more.
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			I have a dream that one day my
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			wife is going to be the loving and
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			caring woman of my dream.
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			And some people live dreams far too much.
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			And these dreams are already becoming nightmares for
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			them.
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			These are bad dreams that you are living.
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			The realities have turned that dream into nightmares
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			for you.
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			Your whole of your life has turned to
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			a horror movie because you are not ready
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			to accept the realities of what is happening
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			now.
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			This man, this man is a womanizer.
00:16:02 --> 00:16:04 
			But you have a dream of a man
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			that is loyal and affectionate towards you.
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			And then you continue to live that dream
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			continuously while this man continues in infidelity.
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			It happens the other way around.
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			This man is a wife beater.
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			But you still have that dream that someday
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			you get to have a husband that will
00:16:27 --> 00:16:29 
			come back from work and give you a
00:16:29 --> 00:16:29 
			hug.
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			But he is still a wife beater.
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			And you are still living in that dream
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			that he is going to be a better
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			person.
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			Whereas your reality is that you are being
00:16:39 --> 00:16:41 
			abused and that you are being oppressed.
00:16:42 --> 00:16:45 
			When you are like this, I think it
00:16:45 --> 00:16:47 
			is time you get to wake up from
00:16:47 --> 00:16:50 
			that dream and begin to accept the realities
00:16:50 --> 00:16:51 
			of life.
00:16:52 --> 00:16:53 
			Is this you?
00:16:54 --> 00:16:58 
			You are addicted to men and women and
00:16:58 --> 00:17:00 
			you are addicted to emotional pain.
00:17:00 --> 00:17:02 
			Let me mention this to you.
00:17:02 --> 00:17:04 
			Are you the one that is living an
00:17:04 --> 00:17:04 
			addictive life?
00:17:04 --> 00:17:06 
			You know what an addictive life is?
00:17:06 --> 00:17:11 
			An addiction is when you continuously and perpetually
00:17:11 --> 00:17:17 
			go into a kind of relationship.
00:17:17 --> 00:17:18 
			Let me use relationship as an example.
00:17:19 --> 00:17:21 
			Either with a human being or with a
00:17:21 --> 00:17:21 
			drug.
00:17:22 --> 00:17:24 
			And you know that this is hurting you,
00:17:24 --> 00:17:27 
			this is harming you, yet you persist in
00:17:27 --> 00:17:27 
			staying in it.
00:17:27 --> 00:17:31 
			It means you are so addicted to these
00:17:31 --> 00:17:31 
			things.
00:17:31 --> 00:17:34 
			Many couples now, they are not in love.
00:17:35 --> 00:17:38 
			They are only addicted to that marriage.
00:17:38 --> 00:17:42 
			You use your obsession with your husband or
00:17:42 --> 00:17:42 
			with your wife.
00:17:43 --> 00:17:44 
			You love to avoid your pain.
00:17:45 --> 00:17:47 
			You love to avoid your emptiness.
00:17:47 --> 00:17:50 
			You love to avoid your fear and anger.
00:17:50 --> 00:17:52 
			And then you now use your relationship as
00:17:52 --> 00:17:56 
			a drug to avoid experiencing what you feel
00:17:56 --> 00:17:58 
			if you held still with yourself.
00:17:58 --> 00:18:01 
			If you focus on yourself, you will see
00:18:01 --> 00:18:02 
			that you are going to face a lot
00:18:02 --> 00:18:02 
			of emptiness.
00:18:03 --> 00:18:05 
			So you use your relationship, you use your
00:18:05 --> 00:18:08 
			marriage to be able to cover up that
00:18:08 --> 00:18:09 
			emptiness in yourself.
00:18:10 --> 00:18:12 
			That is when we say you are addicted
00:18:12 --> 00:18:13 
			to your relationship.
00:18:13 --> 00:18:16 
			Are you that kind of person who is
00:18:16 --> 00:18:19 
			only living a life of addiction to a
00:18:19 --> 00:18:21 
			particular woman or a particular man?
00:18:21 --> 00:18:22 
			Not love.
00:18:23 --> 00:18:26 
			Obsession and addiction to things that are harming
00:18:26 --> 00:18:26 
			you.
00:18:27 --> 00:18:29 
			Obsession and addiction to things that are hurting
00:18:29 --> 00:18:29 
			you.
00:18:30 --> 00:18:32 
			To men or women that do not care
00:18:32 --> 00:18:35 
			whether you exist or whether you die.
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38 
			You get so addicted to the extent that
00:18:38 --> 00:18:43 
			a small withdrawal, the way drug addicts experience
00:18:43 --> 00:18:48 
			emotional symptoms and physical symptoms of withdrawal after
00:18:48 --> 00:18:50 
			they have left that drug for a while.
00:18:50 --> 00:18:53 
			You see a whole lot of nausea, a
00:18:53 --> 00:18:55 
			whole lot of sweating, a whole lot of
00:18:55 --> 00:18:59 
			shaking, a whole lot of pacing, obsessive thinking,
00:19:00 --> 00:19:05 
			depression, inability to sleep, panic attacks and anxiety
00:19:05 --> 00:19:05 
			attacks.
00:19:06 --> 00:19:07 
			These are some of the things people who
00:19:07 --> 00:19:09 
			have been into drugs, this is what they
00:19:09 --> 00:19:10 
			experience.
00:19:10 --> 00:19:13 
			But when you experience a withdrawal from that
00:19:13 --> 00:19:16 
			relationship, you feel these exact things.
00:19:16 --> 00:19:19 
			That means that relationship is an addiction.
00:19:20 --> 00:19:22 
			When your husband or your wife is away
00:19:22 --> 00:19:24 
			from you for a while, you are not
00:19:24 --> 00:19:26 
			supposed to go into panic attack.
00:19:27 --> 00:19:28 
			You are not supposed to go into nausea.
00:19:30 --> 00:19:32 
			You are not supposed to go into sleeplessness.
00:19:33 --> 00:19:35 
			You may have some longing for each other
00:19:35 --> 00:19:37 
			to reunite and to be together.
00:19:37 --> 00:19:38 
			But know that it is going to be
00:19:38 --> 00:19:41 
			so destructive to the extent that you cannot
00:19:41 --> 00:19:44 
			live, you cannot survive, you cannot exist without
00:19:44 --> 00:19:44 
			one another.
00:19:44 --> 00:19:47 
			That is not love, that is obsession, that
00:19:47 --> 00:19:48 
			is addiction.
00:19:49 --> 00:19:50 
			Are you this kind of person that is
00:19:50 --> 00:19:52 
			so addicted that Allah Akbar?
00:19:53 --> 00:19:57 
			The moment, as a man, the moment you
00:19:57 --> 00:20:01 
			leave that relationship eventually, maybe the woman eventually
00:20:01 --> 00:20:02 
			even left you by herself.
00:20:03 --> 00:20:07 
			Suddenly, you get into panic attacks and you
00:20:07 --> 00:20:09 
			find your ways to return back to that
00:20:09 --> 00:20:11 
			same abusive relationship.
00:20:12 --> 00:20:14 
			Or you are desperately in need to seek
00:20:14 --> 00:20:16 
			a new one that is in no way
00:20:16 --> 00:20:18 
			different from the one that you left or
00:20:18 --> 00:20:19 
			the one that left you.
00:20:20 --> 00:20:21 
			Are you that person?
00:20:21 --> 00:20:22 
			Is this who you are?
00:20:23 --> 00:20:25 
			We are going to talk about how you
00:20:25 --> 00:20:26 
			can fix yourself as you move ahead.
00:20:27 --> 00:20:30 
			By being drawn to people, this is another
00:20:30 --> 00:20:30 
			person now.
00:20:31 --> 00:20:32 
			I want to know if it is you.
00:20:34 --> 00:20:36 
			Are you always drawn to people with problems
00:20:36 --> 00:20:37 
			that need fixing?
00:20:38 --> 00:20:41 
			Or being enmeshed in situations that are chaotic,
00:20:42 --> 00:20:44 
			uncertain and emotionally painful?
00:20:45 --> 00:20:48 
			Do you keep from focusing on your responsibility
00:20:48 --> 00:20:51 
			to yourself but you are drawn to situations
00:20:51 --> 00:20:54 
			and circumstances that always put you on edge?
00:20:54 --> 00:20:56 
			This is what I mean by this.
00:20:57 --> 00:20:59 
			While you are very good at intuiting what
00:20:59 --> 00:21:02 
			someone else feels or trying to figure out
00:21:02 --> 00:21:05 
			what someone else needs or should, you are
00:21:05 --> 00:21:07 
			not in touch with your own feelings and
00:21:07 --> 00:21:10 
			you are not able to make wise decisions
00:21:10 --> 00:21:13 
			about important aspects of your life that troubles
00:21:13 --> 00:21:13 
			you.
00:21:14 --> 00:21:16 
			In other words, you are embroiled in drama.
00:21:16 --> 00:21:21 
			You are embroiled in problems that keep you
00:21:21 --> 00:21:23 
			from having to hold still and find out
00:21:23 --> 00:21:25 
			what exactly you want with your life.
00:21:25 --> 00:21:34 
			And this is why you cannot survive in
00:21:34 --> 00:21:36 
			a relationship that doesn't have problems.
00:21:37 --> 00:21:40 
			Many men cannot survive with a woman that
00:21:40 --> 00:21:41 
			doesn't give him trouble.
00:21:42 --> 00:21:44 
			If he sees a woman that will not
00:21:44 --> 00:21:46 
			give him trouble, he will not be in
00:21:46 --> 00:21:47 
			love with her or he will send her
00:21:47 --> 00:21:47 
			away.
00:21:48 --> 00:21:51 
			Because he has problems with his life, he
00:21:51 --> 00:21:53 
			cannot focus on his life.
00:21:53 --> 00:21:55 
			So he looks for problems to focus on.
00:21:56 --> 00:21:58 
			He looks for troubled people to focus on.
00:21:59 --> 00:22:02 
			If it were a woman, she looks for
00:22:02 --> 00:22:04 
			a man that will constantly put her on
00:22:04 --> 00:22:05 
			edge.
00:22:06 --> 00:22:07 
			She will not stay with a man that
00:22:07 --> 00:22:09 
			will give her rest of mind.
00:22:09 --> 00:22:11 
			But a man that should be looking at
00:22:11 --> 00:22:13 
			the watch every time, looking at the clock,
00:22:14 --> 00:22:14 
			is he coming back?
00:22:15 --> 00:22:15 
			When will he come back?
00:22:16 --> 00:22:16 
			Who is he talking to?
00:22:17 --> 00:22:18 
			Who is he chatting with?
00:22:18 --> 00:22:18 
			What's on his phone?
00:22:19 --> 00:22:20 
			Who just called him now?
00:22:20 --> 00:22:21 
			Who did he just speak with?
00:22:21 --> 00:22:22 
			At the end of the day, you have
00:22:22 --> 00:22:23 
			no life.
00:22:24 --> 00:22:26 
			You don't want to focus on yourself.
00:22:27 --> 00:22:29 
			You want to be monitoring your husband.
00:22:32 --> 00:22:33 
			You want to be checking out why his
00:22:33 --> 00:22:35 
			friends, what clothes did he wear, what perfume
00:22:35 --> 00:22:37 
			did he use in the morning, and what
00:22:37 --> 00:22:39 
			perfume is smelling on him by the time
00:22:39 --> 00:22:39 
			he returns.
00:22:40 --> 00:22:42 
			You want to see how crumpled his dress
00:22:42 --> 00:22:42 
			is.
00:22:43 --> 00:22:44 
			He ironed it right away in the morning.
00:22:45 --> 00:22:46 
			Why is it so squeezed now that he
00:22:46 --> 00:22:47 
			comes back?
00:22:47 --> 00:22:49 
			When he came back, where did he frown?
00:22:49 --> 00:22:50 
			Why did he smile?
00:22:51 --> 00:22:52 
			Why was he looking like that?
00:22:52 --> 00:22:53 
			Why did he look angry?
00:22:53 --> 00:22:54 
			Why did he look sad?
00:22:55 --> 00:22:57 
			You are studying his face the way you
00:22:57 --> 00:22:59 
			study a holy book.
00:23:01 --> 00:23:06 
			You are editing his words the way you
00:23:06 --> 00:23:07 
			value the words of God.
00:23:08 --> 00:23:10 
			You have focused the whole of your existence
00:23:10 --> 00:23:11 
			on him.
00:23:11 --> 00:23:14 
			You can't survive, you can't exist, you can't
00:23:14 --> 00:23:17 
			think, you can't function without his problems.
00:23:18 --> 00:23:20 
			And so, you don't have a life.
00:23:21 --> 00:23:23 
			The whole of your life is on him.
00:23:25 --> 00:23:28 
			Are you this person who doesn't have a
00:23:28 --> 00:23:28 
			life anymore?
00:23:28 --> 00:23:31 
			Who doesn't have a goal anymore?
00:23:31 --> 00:23:33 
			Who doesn't have anything to look forward to
00:23:33 --> 00:23:37 
			in life except to read the countenance of
00:23:37 --> 00:23:38 
			your wife?
00:23:38 --> 00:23:40 
			When she is sad, you are sad.
00:23:40 --> 00:23:42 
			When she is weak, you are weak.
00:23:42 --> 00:23:44 
			When she is laughing, then you can laugh.
00:23:45 --> 00:23:47 
			When she frowns, then you must frown.
00:23:48 --> 00:23:50 
			When she is confused, then you must be
00:23:50 --> 00:23:50 
			confused.
00:23:51 --> 00:23:52 
			When she is angry, then you should be
00:23:52 --> 00:23:53 
			angry too.
00:23:54 --> 00:23:55 
			When she is disturbed, then you must be
00:23:55 --> 00:23:56 
			disturbed.
00:23:56 --> 00:23:58 
			At the end of it all, you don't
00:23:58 --> 00:24:00 
			know the difference between your life and his
00:24:00 --> 00:24:00 
			life.
00:24:00 --> 00:24:03 
			You don't know the difference, the line between
00:24:03 --> 00:24:04 
			him and you.
00:24:05 --> 00:24:06 
			Between her and yourself.
00:24:07 --> 00:24:09 
			You have subsumed yourself.
00:24:09 --> 00:24:11 
			You have thrown away who you are.
00:24:11 --> 00:24:14 
			You focused only on him, not on yourself.
00:24:15 --> 00:24:16 
			And at the end of it all, you
00:24:16 --> 00:24:17 
			begin to wither.
00:24:18 --> 00:24:19 
			You begin to fall sick.
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21 
			You begin to deteriorate.
00:24:22 --> 00:24:23 
			You lose your value.
00:24:24 --> 00:24:25 
			You lose your esteem.
00:24:25 --> 00:24:27 
			You lose your beauty.
00:24:27 --> 00:24:28 
			You lose the step.
00:24:29 --> 00:24:30 
			You lose the verve.
00:24:30 --> 00:24:32 
			You lose the air.
00:24:32 --> 00:24:33 
			You lose the energy.
00:24:35 --> 00:24:36 
			You lose the goodness.
00:24:37 --> 00:24:38 
			And you lose your self-esteem.
00:24:39 --> 00:24:41 
			Because you don't want to look at your
00:24:41 --> 00:24:41 
			own life.
00:24:42 --> 00:24:45 
			You don't see anything worthy or valuable in
00:24:45 --> 00:24:45 
			your life.
00:24:46 --> 00:24:48 
			Apart from the life of your partner.
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50 
			At the end of it all, the same
00:24:50 --> 00:24:52 
			person that you have devoted the whole of
00:24:52 --> 00:24:54 
			your life, will now turn around and accuse
00:24:54 --> 00:24:56 
			you of being a leech.
00:24:57 --> 00:24:59 
			Accuse you of being a parasite.
00:25:00 --> 00:25:02 
			Accuse you of somebody who doesn't have a
00:25:02 --> 00:25:02 
			life.
00:25:03 --> 00:25:05 
			Accuse you of somebody who has a low
00:25:05 --> 00:25:06 
			self-esteem.
00:25:06 --> 00:25:08 
			And this same person will begin to avoid
00:25:08 --> 00:25:08 
			you.
00:25:09 --> 00:25:10 
			And this same person will begin to abandon
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11 
			you.
00:25:11 --> 00:25:13 
			And this same person will begin to prefer
00:25:13 --> 00:25:15 
			somebody else apart from you.
00:25:16 --> 00:25:19 
			When you chase something, it runs away from
00:25:19 --> 00:25:20 
			you.
00:25:20 --> 00:25:24 
			Rather than you attract your spouse, you actually
00:25:24 --> 00:25:25 
			repel your spouse.
00:25:26 --> 00:25:28 
			Rather than for you to have a life
00:25:28 --> 00:25:30 
			that you can value and look forward to,
00:25:30 --> 00:25:32 
			you have jettisoned your own life.
00:25:32 --> 00:25:34 
			And you are chasing and running after his
00:25:34 --> 00:25:34 
			own life.
00:25:35 --> 00:25:36 
			You want to care for him.
00:25:37 --> 00:25:38 
			You want to think about how he looks.
00:25:38 --> 00:25:39 
			You want to think about everything.
00:25:40 --> 00:25:41 
			You even want to start thinking for him.
00:25:42 --> 00:25:43 
			And thinking on his behalf.
00:25:43 --> 00:25:45 
			Then he starts looking at you as someone
00:25:45 --> 00:25:46 
			who is thoughtless and stupid.
00:25:46 --> 00:25:51 
			And then when you are stabbed in the
00:25:51 --> 00:25:54 
			back, where instead of being appreciated, you are
00:25:54 --> 00:25:54 
			condemned.
00:25:55 --> 00:25:57 
			Instead of being praised as a loving and
00:25:57 --> 00:26:00 
			caring wife, you are condemned as a stupid
00:26:00 --> 00:26:01 
			and a leech.
00:26:03 --> 00:26:05 
			A woman who doesn't have any purpose in
00:26:05 --> 00:26:05 
			life.
00:26:05 --> 00:26:06 
			Then you feel bad.
00:26:07 --> 00:26:08 
			You feel sad.
00:26:08 --> 00:26:09 
			You feel betrayed.
00:26:10 --> 00:26:11 
			You feel left behind.
00:26:12 --> 00:26:13 
			And you feel depressed.
00:26:13 --> 00:26:16 
			That people have treated you so badly.
00:26:16 --> 00:26:18 
			Because you never for once worked on your
00:26:18 --> 00:26:19 
			own value.
00:26:20 --> 00:26:21 
			And made your own life to be better.
00:26:22 --> 00:26:25 
			Rather than attract your spouse now, you repel
00:26:25 --> 00:26:26 
			your spouse.
00:26:27 --> 00:26:28 
			Now look at it now.
00:26:28 --> 00:26:29 
			Are you somebody?
00:26:30 --> 00:26:31 
			Before I begin to talk about how you
00:26:31 --> 00:26:34 
			can recover from this, I want to put
00:26:34 --> 00:26:36 
			it all together to say, are you somebody
00:26:36 --> 00:26:39 
			who is not attracted to men or women
00:26:39 --> 00:26:41 
			who are kind?
00:26:41 --> 00:26:42 
			Who are stable?
00:26:42 --> 00:26:44 
			People who are reliable?
00:26:45 --> 00:26:46 
			People who are interested in you?
00:26:47 --> 00:26:49 
			When you find such nice people to be
00:26:49 --> 00:26:52 
			boring, when you find such nice men to
00:26:52 --> 00:26:54 
			be boring, or nice women to be boring,
00:26:54 --> 00:26:56 
			then you begin to look for people that
00:26:56 --> 00:26:57 
			you can fix.
00:26:57 --> 00:27:00 
			When you see that you can't fix this
00:27:00 --> 00:27:02 
			man, you don't want to love him.
00:27:03 --> 00:27:04 
			This is very subliminal.
00:27:04 --> 00:27:06 
			Many people don't know that this is their
00:27:06 --> 00:27:06 
			problem.
00:27:07 --> 00:27:11 
			In fact, when a man speaks to them
00:27:11 --> 00:27:13 
			about marriage, and they look at him from
00:27:13 --> 00:27:15 
			north to south, and they wonder, what can
00:27:15 --> 00:27:17 
			I actually repair in this man?
00:27:19 --> 00:27:19 
			He is so good.
00:27:20 --> 00:27:21 
			He is so kind.
00:27:21 --> 00:27:22 
			He is so nice.
00:27:23 --> 00:27:24 
			He has things going in his life.
00:27:24 --> 00:27:25 
			He doesn't womanize.
00:27:26 --> 00:27:26 
			He doesn't smoke.
00:27:28 --> 00:27:29 
			He doesn't do drugs.
00:27:29 --> 00:27:30 
			He is so nice.
00:27:30 --> 00:27:31 
			He is so good.
00:27:31 --> 00:27:32 
			He is so kind.
00:27:32 --> 00:27:33 
			He is so complete.
00:27:34 --> 00:27:37 
			Then somewhere inside your head, you say you
00:27:37 --> 00:27:38 
			don't have chemistry.
00:27:41 --> 00:27:42 
			Something inside your head tells you that you
00:27:42 --> 00:27:43 
			don't have chemistry.
00:27:44 --> 00:27:47 
			But you prefer a man that doesn't pre
00:27:47 --> 00:27:47 
			-regulate.
00:27:47 --> 00:27:48 
			You say, yes, Inshallah, I will change him.
00:27:49 --> 00:27:51 
			You prefer a man who doesn't understand science.
00:27:51 --> 00:27:52 
			You say, yes, Inshallah, I will teach him.
00:27:53 --> 00:27:56 
			You prefer a man who doesn't know anything
00:27:56 --> 00:27:57 
			about rationality.
00:27:57 --> 00:27:59 
			You say, yes, as soon as he marries
00:27:59 --> 00:28:00 
			me, I know what to do.
00:28:00 --> 00:28:02 
			You keep looking for people you can fix.
00:28:03 --> 00:28:05 
			And when they don't appear to be fixable,
00:28:06 --> 00:28:07 
			you turn your back against them.
00:28:09 --> 00:28:10 
			It happens to men, too.
00:28:11 --> 00:28:13 
			You will see ladies who are modest.
00:28:13 --> 00:28:14 
			Ladies who are upright.
00:28:15 --> 00:28:16 
			Ladies who are nice.
00:28:16 --> 00:28:17 
			Who are kind.
00:28:17 --> 00:28:18 
			Respectable.
00:28:18 --> 00:28:19 
			Obedient.
00:28:20 --> 00:28:20 
			Godly.
00:28:21 --> 00:28:22 
			You will not be in love with them.
00:28:23 --> 00:28:26 
			A lady that will say please before anything.
00:28:26 --> 00:28:29 
			A lady that will receive one penny and
00:28:29 --> 00:28:32 
			she will say thank you ten times.
00:28:33 --> 00:28:34 
			A lady that will smile.
00:28:34 --> 00:28:36 
			A lady that will be kind.
00:28:36 --> 00:28:38 
			A lady that will be caring.
00:28:39 --> 00:28:40 
			You will not be in love with her.
00:28:41 --> 00:28:42 
			His chemistry will not go there.
00:28:43 --> 00:28:44 
			Or you prefer a lady that will put
00:28:44 --> 00:28:45 
			him on edge.
00:28:45 --> 00:28:47 
			A lady that will be talking to him
00:28:47 --> 00:28:48 
			and chatting with other men.
00:28:49 --> 00:28:50 
			A lady that will make him to feel
00:28:50 --> 00:28:50 
			jealous.
00:28:51 --> 00:28:52 
			A lady that will make him feel miserable.
00:28:52 --> 00:28:54 
			A lady that will tell him that he
00:28:54 --> 00:28:54 
			should go to *.
00:28:55 --> 00:28:56 
			That is the kind of lady you want.
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57 
			Is that you?
00:28:58 --> 00:28:59 
			Is that you?
00:29:00 --> 00:29:02 
			Now, whether you know it is you or
00:29:02 --> 00:29:05 
			not, Haven't you seen men who have these
00:29:05 --> 00:29:07 
			ladies with all these qualities.
00:29:08 --> 00:29:09 
			They say maltreat them.
00:29:10 --> 00:29:11 
			They say abuse them.
00:29:12 --> 00:29:13 
			They say beat them up.
00:29:14 --> 00:29:15 
			You are beating a woman and she is
00:29:15 --> 00:29:18 
			on her knees begging you.
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20 
			Allah Akbar Kabira.
00:29:21 --> 00:29:23 
			You are maltreating a woman and she will
00:29:23 --> 00:29:25 
			still come to kneel down to beg you
00:29:25 --> 00:29:26 
			that she is sorry.
00:29:26 --> 00:29:28 
			Even when you are not maltreating her.
00:29:29 --> 00:29:30 
			Are you that kind of a person?
00:29:30 --> 00:29:32 
			I know you are that kind of a
00:29:32 --> 00:29:32 
			person.
00:29:33 --> 00:29:37 
			Because unfortunately, you will not marry somebody like
00:29:37 --> 00:29:37 
			you.
00:29:39 --> 00:29:39 
			Have you noticed?
00:29:40 --> 00:29:42 
			Cruel men don't marry cruel ladies.
00:29:44 --> 00:29:44 
			Have you noticed?
00:29:45 --> 00:29:47 
			Wicked men don't marry wicked ladies that will
00:29:47 --> 00:29:48 
			give them fire for fire.
00:29:50 --> 00:29:50 
			Have you noticed?
00:29:51 --> 00:29:54 
			These men marry ladies that they will slap
00:29:54 --> 00:29:56 
			her and she will turn the other cheek.
00:29:56 --> 00:30:00 
			But they will not marry ladies that will
00:30:00 --> 00:30:02 
			say, Look, if you ever raise your hand
00:30:02 --> 00:30:05 
			against me, you will sleep in cell tonight.
00:30:05 --> 00:30:07 
			If you don't go to cell to prison
00:30:07 --> 00:30:08 
			this night, call me a bastard.
00:30:10 --> 00:30:12 
			No, you will not marry that kind of
00:30:12 --> 00:30:12 
			a lady.
00:30:14 --> 00:30:16 
			Are you that kind of a woman too?
00:30:16 --> 00:30:19 
			When after all is said and done, It
00:30:19 --> 00:30:20 
			is exactly this kind of man that you
00:30:20 --> 00:30:22 
			are in love with.
00:30:23 --> 00:30:24 
			A man that will rubbish you.
00:30:24 --> 00:30:26 
			A man that you will greet and you
00:30:26 --> 00:30:28 
			will haste to respond.
00:30:29 --> 00:30:30 
			A man that you will be praying for,
00:30:31 --> 00:30:32 
			that Allah will help you to change.
00:30:33 --> 00:30:33 
			Allah Akbar.
00:30:34 --> 00:30:35 
			May Allah help my son also.
00:30:36 --> 00:30:39 
			Now, if this is you, Let me mention
00:30:39 --> 00:30:43 
			some hints on how you can recover from
00:30:43 --> 00:30:45 
			this kind of life that you found yourself.
00:30:45 --> 00:30:48 
			Number one, accept yourself fully.
00:30:49 --> 00:30:51 
			Even when you want to change parts of
00:30:51 --> 00:30:55 
			yourself, Make sure you have accepted yourself completely
00:30:55 --> 00:30:55 
			as you are.
00:30:56 --> 00:30:58 
			There is a basic self-love and self
00:30:58 --> 00:31:02 
			-regard which you should carefully nurture and which
00:31:02 --> 00:31:04 
			you should purposely expand.
00:31:05 --> 00:31:06 
			You must love yourself.
00:31:07 --> 00:31:08 
			You must accept yourself.
00:31:09 --> 00:31:11 
			You may not be the most beautiful person
00:31:11 --> 00:31:11 
			in this world.
00:31:12 --> 00:31:13 
			You may not be the most good-looking
00:31:13 --> 00:31:14 
			man in the world.
00:31:15 --> 00:31:17 
			But ensure that you accept yourself first and
00:31:17 --> 00:31:17 
			foremost.
00:31:18 --> 00:31:23 
			Secondly, accept others as they are without trying
00:31:23 --> 00:31:24 
			to change them to meet your needs.
00:31:25 --> 00:31:27 
			Stop managing people.
00:31:27 --> 00:31:29 
			Stop controlling people.
00:31:29 --> 00:31:32 
			Allow people to take responsibility for their lives
00:31:32 --> 00:31:32 
			and their actions.
00:31:33 --> 00:31:35 
			Stop managing disasters.
00:31:36 --> 00:31:39 
			Stop managing disasters that you call wives.
00:31:40 --> 00:31:42 
			Stop managing disasters that you call husbands.
00:31:43 --> 00:31:45 
			Allow people to face the consequences of their
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46 
			actions.
00:31:46 --> 00:31:48 
			Or else they would never learn from their
00:31:48 --> 00:31:48 
			mistakes.
00:31:49 --> 00:31:52 
			You have to realize that sometimes it is
00:31:52 --> 00:31:56 
			not your troublesome spouse that is not the
00:31:56 --> 00:31:57 
			right person for you.
00:31:58 --> 00:32:00 
			You might not be the right person for
00:32:00 --> 00:32:00 
			him.
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02 
			You want me to say that again?
00:32:03 --> 00:32:05 
			This is what I was explaining earlier on.
00:32:06 --> 00:32:07 
			You have to understand that it is not
00:32:07 --> 00:32:10 
			that this man is not the right man
00:32:10 --> 00:32:10 
			for you.
00:32:10 --> 00:32:12 
			It is possible that you are not the
00:32:12 --> 00:32:13 
			right woman for him.
00:32:14 --> 00:32:14 
			Why?
00:32:14 --> 00:32:17 
			Because he needs somebody that is as sadistic
00:32:17 --> 00:32:18 
			as he is.
00:32:19 --> 00:32:20 
			Not a messenger like you.
00:32:21 --> 00:32:23 
			He needs a partner, not a fixer.
00:32:24 --> 00:32:25 
			He needs somebody that can look him in
00:32:25 --> 00:32:27 
			the face and tell him the truth.
00:32:27 --> 00:32:29 
			Not somebody that will apologize even when she
00:32:29 --> 00:32:30 
			is being oppressed.
00:32:32 --> 00:32:37 
			Maybe this husband actually needs a wife that
00:32:37 --> 00:32:38 
			will tell him to go to * once
00:32:38 --> 00:32:39 
			in a while.
00:32:39 --> 00:32:42 
			Not somebody like you that will be asking
00:32:42 --> 00:32:43 
			him whether if you go to * he
00:32:43 --> 00:32:44 
			will be happy.
00:32:48 --> 00:32:51 
			This woman actually needs a man with iron
00:32:51 --> 00:32:53 
			hand that can control her.
00:32:54 --> 00:32:56 
			Not a man that will be at the
00:32:56 --> 00:32:57 
			receiving end.
00:32:57 --> 00:32:59 
			That will tolerate indolence.
00:33:00 --> 00:33:01 
			That will tolerate nonsense.
00:33:02 --> 00:33:04 
			Not a man that will indulge her.
00:33:04 --> 00:33:05 
			Not a man that will not be able
00:33:05 --> 00:33:06 
			to control her.
00:33:06 --> 00:33:09 
			Some women want a man that will tell
00:33:09 --> 00:33:09 
			her to sit down.
00:33:11 --> 00:33:11 
			And she will sit down.
00:33:11 --> 00:33:15 
			Some women want men that will be able
00:33:15 --> 00:33:16 
			to take charge of things.
00:33:17 --> 00:33:20 
			Not Mr. Nice Man that can't do anything.
00:33:22 --> 00:33:25 
			Your wife may need a man that can
00:33:25 --> 00:33:25 
			handle her.
00:33:26 --> 00:33:28 
			You may be complaining that your wife is
00:33:28 --> 00:33:29 
			arrogant because she is rich.
00:33:30 --> 00:33:33 
			It's possible that your wife actually needs a
00:33:33 --> 00:33:35 
			man that is richer than her.
00:33:35 --> 00:33:38 
			And a man that can control her and
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 
			take charge of the home.
00:33:38 --> 00:33:40 
			Not a man that will be at the
00:33:40 --> 00:33:41 
			receiving end.
00:33:43 --> 00:33:45 
			Not a man that will be jealous and
00:33:45 --> 00:33:47 
			envious of the wife's progress.
00:33:47 --> 00:33:50 
			Not a man that will be cowed and
00:33:50 --> 00:33:52 
			afraid that the wife is progressing.
00:33:53 --> 00:33:54 
			Not a man that will be jealous and
00:33:54 --> 00:33:56 
			envious such that he will be working against
00:33:56 --> 00:33:56 
			the wife.
00:33:58 --> 00:33:59 
			You are not the right man for her.
00:34:00 --> 00:34:02 
			If this woman wants to go, allow her
00:34:02 --> 00:34:04 
			to go and marry somebody else who can
00:34:04 --> 00:34:05 
			take charge of life for her.
00:34:05 --> 00:34:08 
			A man that has the mind, that has
00:34:08 --> 00:34:10 
			the mouth, that has the gut, that has
00:34:10 --> 00:34:13 
			the power, that has the ability to be
00:34:13 --> 00:34:15 
			able to put her through in her businesses.
00:34:16 --> 00:34:17 
			Not a man that will stop her from
00:34:17 --> 00:34:19 
			doing business because you are afraid that when
00:34:19 --> 00:34:20 
			she gets rich, you will not be able
00:34:20 --> 00:34:21 
			to control her again.
00:34:22 --> 00:34:23 
			People should understand this.
00:34:24 --> 00:34:26 
			Is this you that is feeling so low
00:34:26 --> 00:34:27 
			with your wife?
00:34:29 --> 00:34:31 
			That means she needs somebody else that should
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32 
			be her.
00:34:32 --> 00:34:35 
			Rather than bringing her down to be low
00:34:35 --> 00:34:37 
			like you, why don't you pep yourself up
00:34:37 --> 00:34:38 
			and meet up with her?
00:34:40 --> 00:34:42 
			Does anybody understand what we are saying?
00:34:43 --> 00:34:46 
			You have to realize that you have to
00:34:46 --> 00:34:49 
			be in touch with your feelings and attitudes
00:34:49 --> 00:34:51 
			about every aspect of your life.
00:34:51 --> 00:34:54 
			Including your dignity as a human being.
00:34:55 --> 00:34:58 
			Maintaining your dignity and self-respect is non
00:34:58 --> 00:34:58 
			-negotiable.
00:34:59 --> 00:35:00 
			You must understand that.
00:35:00 --> 00:35:02 
			You have to cherish every aspect of yourself.
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04 
			Cherish your personality.
00:35:05 --> 00:35:06 
			Cherish your appearance.
00:35:06 --> 00:35:07 
			Cherish your beliefs.
00:35:08 --> 00:35:09 
			Cherish your value system.
00:35:10 --> 00:35:13 
			Appreciate and accept your body as you are.
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 
			Cherish your interests.
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16 
			Cherish your accomplishments.
00:35:17 --> 00:35:18 
			Validate yourself.
00:35:19 --> 00:35:21 
			Rather than searching for a relationship to give
00:35:21 --> 00:35:24 
			you a sense of worth, make yourself to
00:35:24 --> 00:35:24 
			be worthy.
00:35:24 --> 00:35:26 
			Like we said the other time, if you
00:35:26 --> 00:35:28 
			don't know your worth, people will ask for
00:35:28 --> 00:35:29 
			discounts.
00:35:31 --> 00:35:33 
			Yes, if you don't know how to cherish
00:35:33 --> 00:35:35 
			yourself, people will treat you like a trash.
00:35:36 --> 00:35:39 
			Regardless of who you marry, you should understand
00:35:39 --> 00:35:40 
			that you also have a right to be
00:35:40 --> 00:35:42 
			respected as a human being.
00:35:42 --> 00:35:44 
			Your self-esteem is great enough that you
00:35:44 --> 00:35:45 
			can enjoy.
00:35:47 --> 00:35:49 
			And so, enjoy your self-esteem.
00:35:49 --> 00:35:52 
			You don't need to be with other people
00:35:52 --> 00:35:54 
			before you have your self-esteem.
00:35:55 --> 00:35:57 
			Some people are fine just as they are.
00:35:58 --> 00:36:00 
			You don't need to be needed in order
00:36:00 --> 00:36:00 
			to feel worthy.
00:36:01 --> 00:36:03 
			It's not until you are able to render
00:36:03 --> 00:36:05 
			services to others before you understand that you
00:36:05 --> 00:36:06 
			are actually worthy.
00:36:06 --> 00:36:08 
			It's not until when people say thank you
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09 
			before you know that you have done what
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10 
			is right.
00:36:11 --> 00:36:13 
			It's not until when somebody appreciates you before
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 
			you know that you are a good person.
00:36:14 --> 00:36:17 
			It's not until when somebody compliments you before
00:36:17 --> 00:36:18 
			you know that you are good-looking enough.
00:36:19 --> 00:36:22 
			It's not until when somebody appreciates you before
00:36:22 --> 00:36:23 
			you dress well for yourself.
00:36:24 --> 00:36:26 
			Even when somebody doesn't see you.
00:36:26 --> 00:36:28 
			Even when somebody pretends not to have seen
00:36:28 --> 00:36:28 
			you.
00:36:29 --> 00:36:30 
			I know of some ladies.
00:36:31 --> 00:36:33 
			They would dress and make all these designs
00:36:33 --> 00:36:35 
			you men put in your hands.
00:36:35 --> 00:36:37 
			And they would go around in the house,
00:36:37 --> 00:36:39 
			you know, waving their hands like this towards
00:36:39 --> 00:36:40 
			their husbands.
00:36:40 --> 00:36:42 
			So that you can see these designs and
00:36:42 --> 00:36:44 
			for once say, oh, that is lovely.
00:36:47 --> 00:36:49 
			Yes, but this man will not say anything.
00:36:50 --> 00:36:51 
			He will not see anything.
00:36:51 --> 00:36:53 
			He will not compliment anything.
00:36:53 --> 00:36:55 
			Many of the ladies, they will spend four
00:36:55 --> 00:36:58 
			hours with their necks tilted to one side,
00:36:58 --> 00:36:59 
			plaiting their hair.
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01 
			Fixing their hair.
00:37:02 --> 00:37:03 
			Four hours.
00:37:03 --> 00:37:04 
			Her neck will be like that.
00:37:05 --> 00:37:06 
			She will fall asleep.
00:37:06 --> 00:37:08 
			She will wake up with headache while her
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 
			hair is being fixed.
00:37:09 --> 00:37:12 
			Only for her to get home, remove hijab
00:37:12 --> 00:37:14 
			and begin to do imaginary ruku.
00:37:14 --> 00:37:16 
			So that the husband can see.
00:37:16 --> 00:37:17 
			So that the husband can notice very well.
00:37:18 --> 00:37:19 
			This man doesn't see anything.
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 
			So what are you going to do?
00:37:25 --> 00:37:27 
			Because he doesn't see anything, would that make
00:37:27 --> 00:37:28 
			you not to feel good with yourself?
00:37:29 --> 00:37:31 
			Look into the mirror and say, Alhamdulillah.
00:37:32 --> 00:37:33 
			Oh Allah, I thank you for the way
00:37:33 --> 00:37:33 
			you have made me.
00:37:36 --> 00:37:37 
			What manner of life is this?
00:37:37 --> 00:37:40 
			What kind of a thing is this?
00:37:41 --> 00:37:46 
			A man will do well, wear perfume, dress
00:37:46 --> 00:37:49 
			nice, inside the house, move around.
00:37:50 --> 00:37:53 
			But the wife will get stuck in the
00:37:53 --> 00:37:54 
			kitchen.
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55 
			As if that's where she was born.
00:37:57 --> 00:37:58 
			She gets stuck in the kitchen.
00:37:58 --> 00:37:59 
			She doesn't see the husband.
00:38:00 --> 00:38:01 
			She doesn't compliment him.
00:38:01 --> 00:38:02 
			She doesn't recognize him.
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04 
			Is that why you will not feel good
00:38:04 --> 00:38:05 
			with yourself?
00:38:06 --> 00:38:09 
			You have to understand that you have dignity.
00:38:10 --> 00:38:13 
			And you don't need somebody to tell you
00:38:13 --> 00:38:13 
			that you are worthy.
00:38:14 --> 00:38:16 
			Before you accept you are actually a worthy
00:38:16 --> 00:38:16 
			person.
00:38:17 --> 00:38:20 
			Allow yourself to be open and trusting with
00:38:20 --> 00:38:21 
			appropriate people.
00:38:21 --> 00:38:22 
			Normal people.
00:38:22 --> 00:38:23 
			Not crazy individuals.
00:38:24 --> 00:38:25 
			In the name of your husband or in
00:38:25 --> 00:38:26 
			the name of your wife.
00:38:26 --> 00:38:28 
			You are not afraid to be known at
00:38:28 --> 00:38:30 
			a deeply personal level.
00:38:30 --> 00:38:32 
			Don't hide your emotions from people.
00:38:33 --> 00:38:34 
			Because you think they will not appreciate it.
00:38:34 --> 00:38:36 
			But you also do not expose yourself to
00:38:36 --> 00:38:39 
			the exploitation of those who are not interested
00:38:39 --> 00:38:40 
			in your well-being.
00:38:41 --> 00:38:43 
			Like I always say, never take your mirror
00:38:43 --> 00:38:45 
			to the market of blind people.
00:38:46 --> 00:38:47 
			They will never appreciate it because they don't
00:38:47 --> 00:38:50 
			even talk less of knowing what a mirror
00:38:50 --> 00:38:50 
			is.
00:38:52 --> 00:38:53 
			Respect yourself.
00:38:54 --> 00:38:56 
			Respect yourself very well.
00:38:56 --> 00:38:58 
			And appreciate yourself on the deep level.
00:39:00 --> 00:39:00 
			Courageously.
00:39:00 --> 00:39:02 
			This is another thing you should do to
00:39:02 --> 00:39:02 
			fix yourself.
00:39:03 --> 00:39:05 
			Courageously face your own problems and your shortcomings.
00:39:06 --> 00:39:08 
			Look hard at your own life.
00:39:08 --> 00:39:11 
			Stop blaming others for your unhappiness and your
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 
			misery.
00:39:12 --> 00:39:14 
			While denying your own faults and wrong choices.
00:39:15 --> 00:39:16 
			Most of the time.
00:39:17 --> 00:39:19 
			When you see a man wallowing in regrets.
00:39:20 --> 00:39:21 
			Wallowing in regrets.
00:39:22 --> 00:39:23 
			Oh God, why did I marry this woman?
00:39:23 --> 00:39:25 
			Oh God, why is this woman like this?
00:39:25 --> 00:39:26 
			Oh, why am I like this?
00:39:26 --> 00:39:27 
			Why did I do this?
00:39:27 --> 00:39:29 
			Blaming the woman for not making him happy.
00:39:30 --> 00:39:31 
			Blaming the woman for being such a bitch.
00:39:31 --> 00:39:34 
			Why don't you just wake up one day
00:39:34 --> 00:39:35 
			that that was your choice?
00:39:36 --> 00:39:38 
			Why don't you just accept for once that
00:39:38 --> 00:39:39 
			it's your mistake?
00:39:40 --> 00:39:41 
			Stop managing mistakes.
00:39:42 --> 00:39:44 
			If it's a mistake, the first step for
00:39:44 --> 00:39:46 
			you to realize a way out.
00:39:46 --> 00:39:47 
			Or to realize what to do about it
00:39:47 --> 00:39:49 
			is to accept that this is your mistake.
00:39:49 --> 00:39:50 
			Don't blame anybody.
00:39:51 --> 00:39:53 
			In life, the more you continue to blame
00:39:53 --> 00:39:54 
			others.
00:39:54 --> 00:39:57 
			The more you continue to refuse to accept
00:39:57 --> 00:39:58 
			where you are wrong.
00:39:59 --> 00:40:01 
			When you know that you are the one
00:40:01 --> 00:40:04 
			that has sold yourself cheap to the other
00:40:04 --> 00:40:04 
			person.
00:40:04 --> 00:40:07 
			You stop blaming that person for pricing you
00:40:07 --> 00:40:07 
			cheap.
00:40:08 --> 00:40:10 
			When you realize that you are the one
00:40:10 --> 00:40:13 
			that actually doesn't have any value attached to
00:40:13 --> 00:40:13 
			yourself.
00:40:14 --> 00:40:16 
			It is then you realize that you don't
00:40:16 --> 00:40:18 
			need to blame the other person for treating
00:40:18 --> 00:40:20 
			you like you are valueless.
00:40:20 --> 00:40:22 
			I mentioned the other time.
00:40:24 --> 00:40:26 
			When somebody complained.
00:40:26 --> 00:40:30 
			A man actually, this time around, complained that
00:40:30 --> 00:40:31 
			his wife used to beat him.
00:40:34 --> 00:40:36 
			Honestly, he said it to me.
00:40:37 --> 00:40:38 
			He said, she beats me sometimes.
00:40:40 --> 00:40:41 
			She beats me sometimes.
00:40:44 --> 00:40:46 
			She beats me sometimes.
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49 
			Honestly, it was that.
00:40:49 --> 00:40:54 
			Because he says sometimes, sometimes a lot.
00:40:55 --> 00:40:56 
			I know she beats me a lot.
00:40:58 --> 00:40:59 
			Did you listen?
00:41:00 --> 00:41:02 
			He said she beats me sometimes, about three
00:41:02 --> 00:41:03 
			times.
00:41:03 --> 00:41:05 
			Affirmatively, she beats me sometimes.
00:41:06 --> 00:41:07 
			She beats me sometimes.
00:41:08 --> 00:41:10 
			It means she beats him a lot.
00:41:10 --> 00:41:12 
			And she beats him very well.
00:41:15 --> 00:41:18 
			You know, the default setting is, Ah, that's
00:41:18 --> 00:41:19 
			a bad woman.
00:41:19 --> 00:41:19 
			Why should she do that?
00:41:20 --> 00:41:20 
			Why should she do that?
00:41:21 --> 00:41:24 
			But the question I normally ask is, What
00:41:24 --> 00:41:26 
			kind of a man gets beaten by a
00:41:26 --> 00:41:26 
			woman?
00:41:28 --> 00:41:30 
			What kind of a man gets beaten?
00:41:30 --> 00:41:33 
			How you take position of your cheek when
00:41:33 --> 00:41:34 
			she takes slap you?
00:41:36 --> 00:41:42 
			How did you show your cheek that made
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43 
			her to slap you?
00:41:43 --> 00:41:45 
			What kind of a man are you?
00:41:45 --> 00:41:47 
			That the woman would look at you, not
00:41:47 --> 00:41:49 
			to slap you.
00:41:50 --> 00:41:52 
			How did you present yourself?
00:41:52 --> 00:41:53 
			What kind of a man have you always
00:41:53 --> 00:41:53 
			been?
00:41:54 --> 00:41:56 
			And for such men, I always blame them.
00:41:56 --> 00:41:57 
			It's your choice.
00:41:59 --> 00:42:00 
			Yes.
00:42:00 --> 00:42:02 
			There's absolutely no secret.
00:42:02 --> 00:42:04 
			It's just this low self esteem.
00:42:05 --> 00:42:07 
			It's just these wrong choices that people make
00:42:07 --> 00:42:08 
			and they don't want to accept.
00:42:08 --> 00:42:10 
			You want to rather blame the woman for
00:42:10 --> 00:42:11 
			slapping him.
00:42:11 --> 00:42:13 
			He doesn't want to accept responsibility that is
00:42:13 --> 00:42:15 
			the weakest of all men ever.
00:42:16 --> 00:42:18 
			He doesn't want to work on himself.
00:42:19 --> 00:42:20 
			So that the wife would not be able
00:42:20 --> 00:42:21 
			to do that.
00:42:22 --> 00:42:23 
			What kind of a man gets beaten up
00:42:23 --> 00:42:24 
			by his wife?
00:42:26 --> 00:42:28 
			And what kind of a wife beats a
00:42:28 --> 00:42:29 
			man?
00:42:32 --> 00:42:33 
			May Allah have mercy on us.
00:42:35 --> 00:42:37 
			You should ask yourself, if this is you.
00:42:38 --> 00:42:41 
			You should ask yourself, is this relationship good
00:42:41 --> 00:42:41 
			for you?
00:42:41 --> 00:42:44 
			Does it enable you to grow into all
00:42:44 --> 00:42:45 
			you are capable of being?
00:42:46 --> 00:42:50 
			You should expect, you should require, and sometimes
00:42:50 --> 00:42:51 
			you should demand.
00:42:52 --> 00:42:55 
			That situations and marriage be comfortable for you.
00:42:55 --> 00:42:56 
			It is your right.
00:42:58 --> 00:43:00 
			You do not try to adapt yourself to
00:43:00 --> 00:43:03 
			fit uncomfortable relationships.
00:43:03 --> 00:43:04 
			Do you understand what I mean?
00:43:05 --> 00:43:08 
			Yes, you should demand that the marriage should
00:43:08 --> 00:43:09 
			be comfortable for you.
00:43:09 --> 00:43:12 
			Not that you should adapt yourself to fit
00:43:12 --> 00:43:14 
			into an uncomfortable relationship.
00:43:15 --> 00:43:18 
			And marriages are meant to be enjoyed.
00:43:19 --> 00:43:19 
			You know I always say this.
00:43:20 --> 00:43:23 
			Marriages are meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
00:43:25 --> 00:43:29 
			There should be mutual interest, not mutual misery
00:43:29 --> 00:43:30 
			in marriage.
00:43:31 --> 00:43:33 
			We should both enjoy one another.
00:43:33 --> 00:43:37 
			Not that you have to start managing and
00:43:37 --> 00:43:41 
			enduring and suffering to fit yourself into a
00:43:41 --> 00:43:42 
			marriage.
00:43:42 --> 00:43:46 
			Rather, you should demand that the marriage should
00:43:46 --> 00:43:48 
			be able to accommodate you.
00:43:49 --> 00:43:50 
			Cultivate whatever needs to be cultivated.
00:43:51 --> 00:43:53 
			Develop whatever needs to be developed in yourself.
00:43:54 --> 00:43:57 
			Don't wait for her and don't wait for
00:43:57 --> 00:43:59 
			him to change before you get on with
00:43:59 --> 00:44:00 
			your life.
00:44:01 --> 00:44:04 
			Switch the energy to focus on yourself and
00:44:04 --> 00:44:07 
			expose what is good for your own growth.
00:44:09 --> 00:44:11 
			Explore what is good for your own growth.
00:44:12 --> 00:44:14 
			Learn to take better care of yourself.
00:44:14 --> 00:44:17 
			Learn to say no to please yourself rather
00:44:17 --> 00:44:19 
			than saying yes to please somebody else.
00:44:20 --> 00:44:21 
			Stand up for yourself when you should.
00:44:22 --> 00:44:24 
			Stand up for yourself when you would rather
00:44:24 --> 00:44:26 
			pretend it doesn't matter.
00:44:26 --> 00:44:27 
			No, stand up for yourself.
00:44:27 --> 00:44:29 
			Take the item.
00:44:30 --> 00:44:33 
			Go back to where you bought it and
00:44:33 --> 00:44:33 
			ask for a refund.
00:44:34 --> 00:44:36 
			Instead of throwing it away and saying after
00:44:36 --> 00:44:36 
			all it was cheap.
00:44:38 --> 00:44:39 
			Do you understand what I just said?
00:44:40 --> 00:44:41 
			Yes, ask for what is yours.
00:44:42 --> 00:44:45 
			Ask clearly for something you want and risk
00:44:45 --> 00:44:48 
			being refused.
00:44:49 --> 00:44:49 
			Ask first.
00:44:50 --> 00:44:51 
			Even if you are not going to be
00:44:51 --> 00:44:52 
			ascended to.
00:44:52 --> 00:44:53 
			Even if you are not going to be
00:44:53 --> 00:44:55 
			accepted, still ask first.
00:44:55 --> 00:44:57 
			Then learn to give to yourself.
00:44:57 --> 00:44:59 
			This is another thing you can do to
00:44:59 --> 00:44:59 
			fix yourself.
00:45:00 --> 00:45:01 
			Learn to give to yourself.
00:45:01 --> 00:45:03 
			Give time to yourself.
00:45:03 --> 00:45:04 
			Give attention to yourself.
00:45:05 --> 00:45:07 
			Give material objects as gifts to yourself.
00:45:07 --> 00:45:10 
			As a man, buy new clothes for yourself.
00:45:10 --> 00:45:12 
			As a woman, when you go to bookshops
00:45:12 --> 00:45:14 
			or when you go to boutiques, buy hijab
00:45:14 --> 00:45:15 
			for yourself.
00:45:15 --> 00:45:16 
			Buy things for yourself.
00:45:16 --> 00:45:17 
			Even if somebody is not going to buy
00:45:17 --> 00:45:18 
			it for you.
00:45:18 --> 00:45:21 
			Put your well-being, put your desires, put
00:45:21 --> 00:45:23 
			your work, put your play, put your plans,
00:45:24 --> 00:45:25 
			put your activities first.
00:45:25 --> 00:45:26 
			Put your goals instead of last.
00:45:26 --> 00:45:30 
			Put yourself before instead of after everyone else.
00:45:31 --> 00:45:32 
			This is one of the ways or these
00:45:32 --> 00:45:33 
			are some of the ways through which you
00:45:33 --> 00:45:34 
			can fix yourself.
00:45:35 --> 00:45:36 
			And I pray almighty Allah is going to
00:45:36 --> 00:45:37 
			make it easy for us.
00:45:38 --> 00:45:41 
			And finally, if all of this I have
00:45:41 --> 00:45:42 
			been saying is you.
00:45:43 --> 00:45:44 
			Develop your spirituality.
00:45:45 --> 00:45:46 
			Increase your faith.
00:45:47 --> 00:45:48 
			And acquire more knowledge.
00:45:49 --> 00:45:50 
			I am not saying that you should only
00:45:50 --> 00:45:53 
			keep praying for a bad spouse to change.
00:45:53 --> 00:45:56 
			But for some, some people have been praying
00:45:56 --> 00:45:57 
			for a very long time.
00:45:58 --> 00:45:59 
			They have told Allah, they have told God
00:45:59 --> 00:46:01 
			what is wrong and what needs to be
00:46:01 --> 00:46:01 
			fixed.
00:46:02 --> 00:46:03 
			Yet, they are still miserable.
00:46:04 --> 00:46:05 
			There are people like that.
00:46:05 --> 00:46:06 
			Their husband will be doing what is wrong,
00:46:07 --> 00:46:08 
			people will tell them to go and pray.
00:46:09 --> 00:46:10 
			In fact, Allah Akbar.
00:46:11 --> 00:46:11 
			Yes, for some people.
00:46:12 --> 00:46:15 
			Their wives will be having boyfriends here and
00:46:15 --> 00:46:15 
			there.
00:46:16 --> 00:46:18 
			And they will tell him to be prayerful
00:46:18 --> 00:46:19 
			so that the wife can change.
00:46:20 --> 00:46:21 
			Yes.
00:46:21 --> 00:46:22 
			Doesn't it sound funny?
00:46:23 --> 00:46:25 
			They tell her, you have to be prayerful.
00:46:25 --> 00:46:25 
			You have to be patient.
00:46:26 --> 00:46:26 
			You have to pray.
00:46:27 --> 00:46:27 
			And then look at this woman.
00:46:28 --> 00:46:29 
			She will go out from morning, come back
00:46:29 --> 00:46:29 
			late in the night.
00:46:30 --> 00:46:32 
			And by 12 midnight, she is still texting
00:46:32 --> 00:46:34 
			goodnight to the boyfriend.
00:46:35 --> 00:46:36 
			And some of them will be beside their
00:46:36 --> 00:46:37 
			husband.
00:46:37 --> 00:46:38 
			They will be kissing the phone.
00:46:38 --> 00:46:40 
			That's kissing their boyfriend's goodnight.
00:46:41 --> 00:46:42 
			And when this man complains, people will say,
00:46:42 --> 00:46:43 
			well, you have to be patient.
00:46:44 --> 00:46:45 
			You know some women are like that.
00:46:45 --> 00:46:50 
			And sometimes the women, she will be praying
00:46:50 --> 00:46:53 
			and fasting because of a man that is
00:46:53 --> 00:46:54 
			doing infidelity.
00:46:55 --> 00:46:56 
			Rather than people to call the man to
00:46:56 --> 00:46:58 
			caution, they will tell the woman to be
00:46:58 --> 00:46:59 
			patient and be praying.
00:47:00 --> 00:47:01 
			So you will pray and you will fast
00:47:01 --> 00:47:05 
			till you have ulcer for the man that
00:47:05 --> 00:47:07 
			is going around enjoying himself.
00:47:08 --> 00:47:09 
			This is not what I mean by spirituality.
00:47:10 --> 00:47:12 
			When I say a person should be spiritual,
00:47:12 --> 00:47:17 
			it means that you should calm down and
00:47:17 --> 00:47:19 
			don't carry the guilt of what is not
00:47:19 --> 00:47:19 
			yours.
00:47:20 --> 00:47:22 
			You should understand nobody is going to be
00:47:22 --> 00:47:24 
			punished for another person's offense.
00:47:25 --> 00:47:27 
			Nobody is going to be punished for another
00:47:27 --> 00:47:27 
			person's sins.
00:47:29 --> 00:47:31 
			Your spirituality is a source of strength in
00:47:31 --> 00:47:31 
			crisis.
00:47:32 --> 00:47:35 
			When feelings or circumstances are overwhelming, you need
00:47:35 --> 00:47:38 
			a resource greater than yourself to which you
00:47:38 --> 00:47:38 
			can turn.
00:47:38 --> 00:47:41 
			And when I say spirituality, I mean you
00:47:41 --> 00:47:43 
			should tie the camel and then trust in
00:47:43 --> 00:47:44 
			almighty Allah.
00:47:45 --> 00:47:46 
			Consult those who are going to talk to
00:47:46 --> 00:47:48 
			the other person that you have.
00:47:49 --> 00:47:52 
			Don't keep quiet and be oppressed without reporting
00:47:52 --> 00:47:53 
			the errant person.
00:47:54 --> 00:47:56 
			And when the errant person has refused to
00:47:56 --> 00:47:58 
			change, don't let that one bring down your
00:47:58 --> 00:47:58 
			own self-esteem.
00:47:59 --> 00:48:01 
			If you are the one that is behaving
00:48:01 --> 00:48:05 
			like the masochist and the saddest person is
00:48:05 --> 00:48:08 
			always feeding and feasting on your misery and
00:48:08 --> 00:48:11 
			trying to quench their thirst with your tears
00:48:11 --> 00:48:15 
			as you cry out of being oppressed, you
00:48:15 --> 00:48:17 
			need to make a change in yourself.
00:48:17 --> 00:48:20 
			If this is you, then you should know
00:48:20 --> 00:48:20 
			that you are not okay.
00:48:21 --> 00:48:24 
			You are not okay when somebody is not
00:48:24 --> 00:48:27 
			ready to make you an option and you
00:48:27 --> 00:48:28 
			have made the person your choice.
00:48:28 --> 00:48:30 
			You are not okay when you are being
00:48:30 --> 00:48:32 
			treated less than a human being.
00:48:32 --> 00:48:34 
			You are not okay when you are cowed
00:48:34 --> 00:48:36 
			by the person who should love and care
00:48:36 --> 00:48:37 
			for you.
00:48:37 --> 00:48:39 
			You are not okay when you constantly live
00:48:39 --> 00:48:42 
			in fear of the person you love and
00:48:42 --> 00:48:42 
			care for.
00:48:43 --> 00:48:44 
			You are not okay when you are always
00:48:44 --> 00:48:45 
			taken for granted.
00:48:46 --> 00:48:47 
			You are not okay when you love the
00:48:47 --> 00:48:48 
			wrong person.
00:48:48 --> 00:48:50 
			You are not okay when you show love
00:48:50 --> 00:48:52 
			and care for the person who shows you
00:48:52 --> 00:48:52 
			the opposite.
00:48:53 --> 00:48:55 
			You are not okay when you have to
00:48:55 --> 00:48:58 
			pray and pray for someone that is enjoying
00:48:58 --> 00:48:59 
			himself oppressing you.
00:49:00 --> 00:49:01 
			You are not okay when you stay in
00:49:01 --> 00:49:04 
			an abusive relationship without doing anything about it.
00:49:04 --> 00:49:07 
			You are not okay when you cannot demand
00:49:07 --> 00:49:08 
			for what is rightly yours.
00:49:09 --> 00:49:11 
			You are not okay when you cannot say
00:49:11 --> 00:49:14 
			no when you really mean to say no.
00:49:15 --> 00:49:16 
			May Allah make it easy for all of
00:49:16 --> 00:49:16 
			us.
00:49:17 --> 00:49:20 
			So if this is you, you should look
00:49:20 --> 00:49:22 
			into yourself and see how you can change
00:49:22 --> 00:49:25 
			yourself and see how you can regain yourself.
00:49:26 --> 00:49:29 
			How you can put love back into your
00:49:29 --> 00:49:31 
			life and how you can put life back
00:49:31 --> 00:49:32 
			into your existence.
00:49:38 --> 00:49:40 
			Download the app now and start your journey
00:49:40 --> 00:49:42 
			to a more meaningful purpose-driven life.
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