Compatible or comfortable?

Abdulfattah Adeyemi


Channel: Abdulfattah Adeyemi

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him was salam ala Cillizza, you didn't know Muhammad, wa ala and he was happy as Marine.

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Once more than welcome to Nevada to

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the topic of discussion is about compatibility.

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So we tabulate, compatible or compatible,

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compatible or comfortable

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for those who are yet to marry, they need to consider what is compatibility?

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For those who are married, what is it about compatibility? Will you rather be compatible, or you will prefer to be comfortable your marriage?

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Which one is which hard we know which one had we know which one is not? For many people have been married for many years. After those so many years, all of the things about compatibility they saw in one way or another, they begin to win off the bat begin to feed off and so tense compatibility, that became something that led to the wedlock, we suddenly transform and become padlock. So from wedlock, it became padlock. We Where are all of these parks, all of the sweetness, all of the romance, all of the happiness that people experience when the newly got married?

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Why is it that after some years, all of those sweetness begin to disappear gradually? And in some instances,

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it disappears completely? And then they wonder why did I will marry this person?

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And they look at each other? And they'll say, Look, we have nothing in common. You must have heard of that before? Or when a wife, I've been married for like 15 years. They say we have nothing in common.

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What did they think of that before they got married?

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Quinby because people have different ways of getting married. Some marriages are arranged some domestic order. Some some people recommended them for each other. Some they love each other. So they never loved each other.

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Some they had what they call chemistry, some they didn't have anything. Some they truly loved each other. Some they didn't love each other.

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Could it also be because of the hard times? Or could it be because people have wrong idea about compatibility?

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Will it also be because people don't really know who they are. And they don't really know what they want.

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Many people have gotten married before they realize that it is not what they actually wanted.

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And some married reluctantly, only for them to realize that.

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Whereas this person been all my life.

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To live in a society that satisfies material wants

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now and then everything's about materialism, materialism, materialism, people think the more material they have, the more they're going to be accepted in the society. Some people will think the more material things they have, the more respect they will get in the society. Some people don't think the more money they have, the more they will be honored.

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They will nobody will give it Tuesday says that you don't have money, for example.

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With all that in people's mind,

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there's something that people are missing out. They need some meaning to their lives.

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What is the meaning of this marriage itself in the first place? You smell marriage? What is it about it?

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Some people are very rich. But being rich is not the guaranteed way a happy marriage.

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And some people are very poor. Being poor, doesn't mean they will not have happiness. They will not have happiness, their marriage.

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For this few years were spent on Earth. We have seen a lot of that something that people really miss and they're struggling to get is love and acceptance, to be accepted for who you are. To be accepted as you are to be honored as you are.

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And to be loved as you are

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for this love that will say

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everybody looks for it.

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People have problem finding it.

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When some people find it, they don't recognize it.

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Some people recognize it. They

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Don't want to hold on to it

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and some people have problem letting go of it.

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It is common.

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It brings happiness. Sometimes it will come, it will bring sadness. Sometimes will come, it will bring sadness, sometimes to go. It will also bring sadness as it is about the biggest drama in our private lives. The biggest and the center stage of our lives.

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The most the most difficult to explain of all human emotions.

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There is no drug, there is no medicine. That cures things they were locked off.

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It is a very wonderful drug. When you feel it, you know that you really feel it. Even if you cannot explain it. You will see that it is the only thing that can suspend time and makes time to seem to stand still. It will make the wall wall to be a sieve is only a Jew and the person you love that exists. It fits you more than any nourishment. It quenches your thirst more than any soft drink or any cold drink. You feel full in the presence of love. You are never hungry, you are never sad. You are never bored. You are never lonely, in place of love. True love is not ordinary, is the most sublime of all human emotions.

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It is divine. Somehow. You cannot force a flower to open up to bloom.

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You can force love to be

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you can grab love, you can still love. You can sell it or you can buy it. You can even fake it. After a while to show that this is not love. There is nothing like true love or false love. Love is love. If it is not love, it is not love.

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And because it just Allah that audiences it is divine. Allah says what your Allah by an Akuma data Rama that this love is Wonder put it in place.

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And of course, we all want someone to share our laughter. To be a best friend, to be a lover. Someone who will not only listen to your doubts, and celebrate your triumphs, but someone who will jump at you at any time and say, Oh yeah, let's go out and enjoy ourselves. Or, oh yeah, let's go inside and enjoy ourselves. We want to be one half of a cup was personal care services so closely mesh, so much so that after a while, when two people love each other, they begin to resemble one another.

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such assurance of somebody to be both sides is not only possible, through love,

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but also through compatibility. There's a very critical aspects of love. That compatibility has something to do with what's not everything.

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Most people love people with who they're not even compatible at all. So low is superior to the concept of compatibility by all standards. So how can we gain insights into the qualities that's going to let us understand what love is and how compatibility or comfortability works with love. We have heard and we have seen, we have observed from researchers to matchmakers, we have watched so many couples draw together.

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And we have also watched them pull apart. Each of them suggests that there's something that is wrong about the way they love each other.

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Maybe they focused on compatibility, but compatibility is not everything about love.

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They see another one that is similar to compatibility they call it chemistry.

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Chemistry is when you see somebody instantaneously, you basically come to likable, you almost fall in love immediately with that person. They say they have chemistry something clicks about them, something walks with them something gels with them, somebody crack jokes, another person laughs something connects them. They see they have chemistry, we can have chemistry with people, we can have chemistry with things, we can have chemistry with situations. But this chemistry is not all it's not all there is to guarantee love.

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And now there is compatibility or there is the guarantees. Look, you know what?

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A person may say they are compatible now.

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If you observe very well, there will be 1358 other people with whom we are compatible.

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How can you determine which one is most compatible?

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I want to tell you a lot of stories today. Concerning knowing yourself and knowing the reason why somebody seems compatible, and why another person seems not compatible.

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There is a history of compatibility in the natural thing that Allah has created.

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There is the theory

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of the four elements that we have in existence.

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If not rob the son of Earth, the creature from us. And with that, that is Adam Ali salat wa salam. Now is the combination of, of water and air and fire that Allah meet Adam from the earth.

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How many things have I mentioned now? For things water ahead, fire ahead.

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Or which one

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on Earth, the Sun, the to rub.

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So some scholars now put it together.

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They mentioned this fall, as some of the elements that you see exist in every child of Adam, you see a truth of these four elements in them.

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When Adam Allahu Akbar, do you notice that Allah made Adam from the clay itself is a combination of the sun and the water mixed together it because mud is called Teen in Arabic teen what Calarco work, select a woman team, you created them from Team combination of sand and water becomes clear.

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And when you make clay if you want to make a pot, if you use clay to mold it, if you want the pot to last, where will you keep the pot in the fire you fight button you fight becomes terracotta.

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It can hold water, it can hold almost anything after it has gone through the fire.

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So before any chance of Adam can even be made in the first place, that water is needed. That's the water that's deposited in the mother that's represented by the earth.

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And then from one heat to the other for those of you who have been present when a baby's born, in fact, you women who have given birth to babies, I'm sure you realize that it was not a cold water that comes out of you.

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Very hot, hot like some nurses almost dropped your baby because it is so hot as it is coming out. And as baby comes out, that's why we shivering because where it was coming from was very hot. The heat was needed to fire him so that he can become Don so to speak.

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If the bass was no hot, his skin will be tearing to pieces as we're holding it.

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Allahu Akbar. And so because of that to Allah now said, you see beliefs. Remember we're talking about genes the other time they were credited from fire and a fire and a mix together becomes the genes and because they are weaker than Adam Allah say in the Qaeda shaytaan Canadore Eva indeed the shaytaan and in Cebu they are very weak.

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But when Allah was talking to

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women, Allah says in Acadia Hakuna Azim indeed your own words are very strong.

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Meaning that because of the composition of how I made you a combination of the earth and water, you are stronger than the completion of fire and

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now in the natural things that Allah has created, they all work hand in hand. Let's take for example, a tree

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if you plant a seed in the earth, the seed will germinate right with the assistance of water with the assistance of sunlight and water. So light and water have the seed to absorb some heat in the ground. And with that heat, it begins to grow as it grows, things are included in it. But the what is included is it the treats have has water in it. If it has become the full tree now, it has water in it right.

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It's also survives on oxygen and carbon dioxide, right. It takes in it takes in carbon dioxide and releases oxygen. These are properties of the air

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and then the sunlight makes it to be able to fruit or to release the flowers or to make the chlorophylls and they are

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But I think that it needs from the sun, a combination of the heat and the light.

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Now, if at the end of the day, we caught that tree,

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we caught you from the Mother Earth, what's going to happen

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is going to die. And when the tree dies, what is going to happen to it, if we set the the tree, we set it on fire, if we burn it, or we use us firewood, what happens, all of the fire properties that are taken from the sun will begin to be released. And so we'll say this tree, or this tick, or this fire, wood is burning, meaning that it is giving up the ghost and releasing the energy of the heat from the sun it had absorbed and stored after it had given up all of that, but what remains ashes and ashes is akin going back to the earth.

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And the fire itself will not burn, unless the properties of the air is present.

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It will not be combustible, like the scientists who say, no fire will burn if there's no air.

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So from the tree that comes out, you see all your other elements present in that tree.

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For human beings that have been created, you get to see all the elements in us the way you see it in other. So these scholars have this theory, do not explain that some people have more of the behaviors of the earth in them than the behavior of the fire, that is part of them.

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Some people have more of the behavior of the water in them than that of the air. As for a belief and the genes, they are predominantly 100% having to do with the air and the fire.

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And the chatter of Adam has much more to do with the properties of the earth, and water.

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Now, when they now mix up to form a human being, you see all sorts of attitudes in the human behavior.

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They explain for example, for those who behave like the Earth, who have taken more of the, of the ways of thinking of the West, or the US or behavior of the Mother Earth itself, you see certain qualities in them, some are positive, some are negative. Part of their positive qualities is that they're very consistent.

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They're very consistent, they like stability,

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people will have to match up in them, they like to be stable, they cannot thrive, they cannot survive in an environment that is not stable. And that's why the earth was still wet, you can't carry the Earth from one place to another. If the Earth is not stable, no fruit can grow from it. If you keep cutting it and you keep scraping, you keep packing the sun and doing nothing will grow in it. But the earth likes to be stable likes to be waiting for you to function well.

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They also have a lot of things they can bottle up, they can swallow anything.

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All sorts of *, they can take it Forgive me for saying that. People will behave like the Earth, you can insult them, you can pour things on them, you can tap on them, they will not talk, they will not complain.

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So this one will anything. Those are some of their good qualities. They are very perseverant they like to stay behind the scene. They don't like to be seen as the ones doing things. They were there. The the fruit will grow, the tree will grow people will eat the fruit and don't forget the app itself.

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Nobody ever eats fruit and say thank you for bringing the fruit, fruit. And people will plug the fruit and take it far away. They will not remember the point where they took it from

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the earth can be very, very stable and very motherly, very nurturing.

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But you know, the opposite the other side of the Earth. The negative thing about the Earth.

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Don't get the earth angry.

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The Earth can eat anything can swallow anything, but the day you get angry, it will destroy everything including itself.

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Have you heard of volcano before? Volcanic eruption, what comes out of from volcano

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Fire, fire and brimstone. This is somebody who doesn't get angry because they don't get angry easily and every time they don't know how to do lead to anger. When they want to scatter those cutter everything.

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When they want to destroy they will destroy everything. A mother that not as a child when the child gets to to an extent if the mother crosses that child because walk walk on that child. In fact you remember proper setting Puranas agenda to tackle Daniel Perez lies at the feet of the mothers don't joke with mothers

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So many of them have this earth quality in them. They're very resilient. They don't look for trouble. They're very careful. They're very firm. They're very reliable. They're very respectable. They like to walk behind the scene. The people who behave like the earth, in terms of their professions are the teachers.

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The teachers are the people behind the scene, shaping and forming the life of individuals. But when they become president, they become governor, they become ministers, they don't remember this list teachers anymore. And you do sensor Kumada say I used to be the teacher of Susan. So

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you don't see a child doing well, a child doing fine. They may thank the parents but you don't think the teachers those who are the ones who had our hands on this slips and said this is how to write a this out read be this outlet or leave this out read bow

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bow you see them they walk in the background. Now, when you see somebody whose life is like that, they have advantages. Part of their disadvantage is that they can be very lazy. Sometimes they can very indifferent, sometimes indifference that sometimes they don't talk when they need to talk, when they are needed to be who you want to be, they will just leave you alone.

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You understand what I mean by that? It's partly positive, partly negative, they will leave you alone to be will want to be there indifferent to you after they're trained you you have left their classroom, they leave you alone to exist in your own life. And sometimes they can very cumbersome. Sometimes they can

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be very timid sometimes, if a woman is of this US situation.

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Once we enter into our house, you will know this the athletes and asked how does the house look like not only for women also for men, you know what to do, like?

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It looks very simple. Number one, sometimes can be very dirty.

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Number two, number three, they keep all sorts of things. Sometimes they clutter a lot, they keep things a lot, you remember those old bottles, you find them in their houses, why? They don't know how to throw things away.

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They'll say this was useful that was useful. This one is useful. That was useful. That's how they will pack their house, we saw also the thing they don't even need. So people who are close to the Earth, they are old school, most of the time, they deal more with the utility than would start.

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There's no it's okay like this. And the play, they put their bed for the past 15 years. That same spot you meet the bed in fact equals with the bed you start growing now, because it has stayed on one spot for too long.

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It's good in bed, they will use and some of them are not using wooden bed, they see us the iron bed we use those days.

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And they don't believe in style. They just put themselves together and they are okay good to go.

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Moses, us, they are down to earth. And that's how they are. If you enter a house that they have more of these elements in their homes, you see so many pictures they put on the world pictures of their first baby, their fourth child, that that is now a professor in EBU Zarya when he was a baby. Because he did like this

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to the camera, you see see see danger, when if he gets broken, they will change the glass they will put another frame they will change the glass. In fact, he will remain leather you see those olden day frames. Then you see the photograph of his great grandfather's

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and his great grandmother to the way they put during Gladys and sat down.

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Maybe the father was a bird who was going to fly them do like

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those people when you enter a person's house, you will know quickly that this one has plenty of earth element in them.

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But they are Moses. Even if he's a man is like a mother.

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A man that doesn't say anything wrong in birthing his children in the morning, taking care of them to go to school. That man has a lot of Earth in him. They're very caring, very nurturing. The attract people to themselves. People come to benefit from them. People come to keep them company.

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But people don't remember them.

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When they do good to people, when people don't come back to pay back. Sometimes they pay them with evil. Sometimes they pay them with indifference. Sometimes they will look at them as if the hair so what

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because they don't even talk about it. They do countless of those and they don't remember how many they have done. Those are the people with so much stuff in the system. Do you understand the actors now?

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I will explain another person to you that you will not tell me whether that one is compatible with any other one

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A man with that situation. You think it should be compatible with a woman with that same situation. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't work. But let me tell you about the fire now. Fire Fire

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Fire what happens to the fire person while the fire passing is nice, the fireplace is warm. The fireplace is vigorous has zeal has enthusiasm has college is very decisive is very creative is very daring.

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The fire person is not somebody who can keep in the background he will not stay in the background. Just silly cannot keep fire under your bed without it exposes itself.

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If you keep fire under your bed, even if you don't see the fire you see the smoke at least

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a fire person like to deceive a fiber select suit you heard a fat person led to move.

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They may have their business they have their sources.

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Medulla to raise their next up. A fat person doesn't keep quiet.

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If a person wants to be heard, by all means, they make others to be happy. They cheer people up. It's never a dull moment. For a fire person. Of course they get something darkness of the dark isn't it? Whenever a person is depressed is never thought.

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They have a potable sunlight they carry with them anywhere they go to. anywhere they go to, even by virtue of their smiles. They have a way of they may be here, but they will send the array of their lights through into your chest it will go into your heart and you become bright enough like them. They can speak one or two words and you forget wherever sad.

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The Earth can become melancholic, can have mood problem. Body fat person doesn't have mood problem.

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Have you ever seen where darkness quenches fire

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darkness can never quench fire. Rather, it is fire. That will dispel darkness. Now the fire carries two things with it. It comes dinar and the new

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NA a new NA is fire new is light.

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If you want something to be enlightened, if you want to throw light into something being the fire person, they are very good at throwing light into things.

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That's one thing about them. They don't like secrets. If you keep any secrets in them, they will burn it and they will expose the smoke. If you don't see the smoke, you will pass it as somebody somebody is born in here.

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You will know somebody is born. That's the fire personality. The fire person is a very interesting person. But let me tell you there is the opposite side.

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The negative side of the fire personal. Do you know what it is?

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When they get angry,

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they will burn things and they will burn themselves.

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They will destroy things and they will destroy when fire bonds are bought and after a while it will burn out itself. Fire doesn't know when to stop. You can set a small piece of fire now. Fire doesn't know that it is okay. He doesn't hear it enough.

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If the fire person is angry, it is very difficult to calm them down.

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If you don't put them under control, they are going to be the worst enemy things you have gathered for 20 years they will spoil it in 20 minutes.

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Because that is their nature. You know part of how they spoil it. They talk too much.

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They discuss too much. They don't have secrets. And they believe that everybody should be happy like them.

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Because they talk too much they make enemies because they're always happy people are envious of them.

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And because they don't know when to stop they don't know that don't rejoice too much in the presence of these people, they don't know that you should keep quiet

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because of that one envy will kill them.

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They their brightness, when people see that they cannot remove their brightness

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does like you cannot remove the brightness of the sun. You cannot remove the brightness of the lantern. What do you do?

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You remove the source.

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Have you fire and all the brightness would disappear.

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You can no hold the brightness or the fire person more you can remove the source. When Musa Ali salat wa salam said to history will say in me and us tonight. I saw fire in the distance. Let me go there and at least bring light from there so that we can see where through we are going or warm ourselves with it.

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That's Nara a new combined.

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And when Musa go there, Allah says I'm Bulli command FINITY, woman Hala, let Alberich of Allah be upon this one that's inside this fire, and the person that's around it. In other words, the fire person has an hour that attracts people, the way the lantern attracts insects. The way the bulbs attract insects, the light person, the fire person attracts people to themselves.

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But if you touch them,

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they will burn you. And they have no apologies for the that.

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If the earth person

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moves to marry the fire person,

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will they be compatible?

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Not much. Well, let me tell you somebody that may likely be compatible with either of them?

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Shall I tell you? Yes, let me tell you, the water,

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you water Allahu Akbar.

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Let me tell you the good side of water. Water is where we're all created from

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the most of our being is water. The larger percentage of resistance is water. If you add the blood to the water in our system, the things that remain are very small. In fact, all of our brain is like a Khumba. It is a higher percentage of liquid than solid. The brain, the interest in the chest, everything that is has all of our bodies, the blood that flows through our veins, and the water that goes around our system.

00:31:40--> 00:32:07

The percentage of the water in us is almost as if we are 70% water, and only 30% flesh, that's the soil. And that's why when the person dies, I told you the other time, the person will swell up, the water will separate from the flesh, because it was created from both water and sand to make clay and to become blood and flesh. So we have more of the water than the sand in our system.

00:32:08--> 00:32:14

So the water limit in us when it comes to being a water person becomes

00:32:15--> 00:32:16

more like a philosopher.

00:32:18--> 00:32:23

It can be very stable in the surface. Water very valid on

00:32:24--> 00:32:42

or it can be very violent in the surface. We're very stable on that. You can see the sea moving up and down, turning and surfing. But underneath it, the fish are very calm and comfortable. They move around, they don't even feel all of those turbulence on top of the water.

00:32:43--> 00:32:49

That is the water person for you. You can never guess right? What is going on in their mind.

00:32:51--> 00:32:54

They are so much like philosophers. They keep secrets.

00:32:56--> 00:32:59

They may not talk with their boiling insight.

00:33:00--> 00:33:04

And if you think that they are boring, they're softly they have some comfort somewhere.

00:33:05--> 00:33:17

They can negotiate almost anything because they're philosophers. If they're going straight ladies and they see big rock on you, what do they do? They will dodge it. They move ladies. They are the chiefs of diplomacy.

00:33:20--> 00:33:38

You never can get straight with them. But you know they can be very mild. They can be very trusted in nature. They can be very devoted. They can be very merciful. They can be very, very forgiving. They like forgiveness a lot. No matter how that is something you bring to them is the worship clean as if nothing happens.

00:33:40--> 00:34:19

And you see they're also very modest, they're compassionate. They, they have plans, that means they can flow easily. They can also be meditative. They can keep quiet for a long time, meditating and thinking and thinking and thinking. They're more like philosophers, they internalize things a lot. If you say something to them, instead of them to treat it on the surface, it will go deep down into them. Just like when you throw a stone into the river. What's going to happen? You can see it was flat like that, but where's the stone? It's not give you the stone back it will internalize it. It will bring it down and examine what is it that you have thrown into me?

00:34:21--> 00:34:37

Where if you threw rubbish into it, it will keep taking it if you keep taking it. Even if it is 50 Yes, it will take revenge on you. 50 Yes, the water people. They can forgive you but you don't forget

00:34:39--> 00:34:45

any stone you trained to deliver. If it is poisoned, you throw inside or you urinate in the liver.

00:34:46--> 00:34:49

Even if it is 50 years that you drink it back.

00:34:50--> 00:35:00

Yes. In fact in the last 50 years, that's in water you you pray that you defecate or urinate aside it. It will just call on different

00:35:00--> 00:35:10

The Sun, Sun, bring this thing up come and take it off me the sun will take it up by evaporation to press it to rain, the rain will fall back on your head you will you right?

00:35:12--> 00:35:13

Did he

00:35:16--> 00:35:19

did that rain will fall you will not you will not hold your umbrella that day

00:35:23--> 00:35:42

is funny isn't it? That's how the water people behave. So people will have that attitude of water in them. They can forgive you but they will not forget. They will give you back one day. If we if we pollute the water environment, what's going to happen? We are going to have acid rain someday.

00:35:44--> 00:35:58

Yes we are going to have oxygen it will bring it back. Benny Adam you say you don't hear what if you if you pollute me I'm going to give it back to you. It is what we point deliver they the sky will take up and already back on our head and will drink it.

00:35:59--> 00:36:32

Yes will drink it and all sorts of things will happen to us as a result of that. That is the water person. But is there anything negative I will Yes this negative thing we have been talking about what the positive thing about them is that they are the source of life. You cannot do without philosophers. You cannot do without thinkers. They are the ones who can think they will while others are busy movement about they you see them go like this. They go like that. They flew ladies they flew like that they think they reflect the sustain life and they plan ahead

00:36:34--> 00:36:47

and they are very patient. Very very patient. As you see them. They can be there like a river. They can remain where they are. They respect themselves a lot in the form of river. Everybody will go to them and fetch from them.

00:36:48--> 00:36:57

But if they become fluid, they show no mercy. They will sweep everything and everyone that comes on their path.

00:36:58--> 00:37:08

Now let me tell you this water people now between water and fire and water and earth which of them is more compatible?

00:37:11--> 00:37:14

What on earth more compatible.

00:37:16--> 00:37:17

Water water and fire

00:37:21--> 00:37:23

it is whoever comes first that will kill the other.

00:37:26--> 00:37:29

Let me tell you the fourth one then we begin to match the last match meet them.

00:37:30--> 00:37:44

This the first one is the element of a all of these things. I'm telling you our theories. You may disagree with what I'm saying. The Element of Air are the ones that they are very good qualities. Of course they are very vigilant. They have carefree.

00:37:45--> 00:37:51

In fact they have carefree attitude to things right. They don't take things to heart.

00:37:53--> 00:37:56

If you offend them now by time breeze blows they forgotten

00:37:57--> 00:38:16

and you see them they're very kind hearted. The end people they are very kind in fact you remember the Hadith on promise Allah al salam about from a during the last 10 days of Ramadan what was used to do the Sahaba said the Prophet used to spend I think eyeshadow related the Hadith he used to spend as quickly as the wind.

00:38:17--> 00:38:43

As the breeze. So he was is generosity was compared to the way the wind blows. The wind blows everyone whether you're a good person or a bad person, it doesn't care. It will give you the bendable and it will spin on you. It is very kind. It is very interesting. It is it has clarity, it has lightness, the the air people they don't want to things up.

00:38:45--> 00:38:47

In fact they are like the opposite of the earth people.

00:38:48--> 00:39:00

The African Bantu things have carry a lot of weight air doesn't carry with you. If you are too heavy to drop, why you need to save on the ground. If you've been through mud Wallah, you blow it away or to make light of it.

00:39:01--> 00:39:30

And so they also have that feeling of independence. They just want to be free to move to do things. People like that. You see the kind of profession they like the lab professionals where they can move around where they can do things you can't tie them down. If a woman is like the edge she can't stay in one place. So you go to the case you go to weddings you go to Sooners you go to coffin she go to barrier. There's no knees you know go to she doesn't say one way you can make an a woman to stay in one plus

00:39:32--> 00:39:36

she likes to travel so she can get in the WUSA he or she gets to Dubai or you know by

00:39:38--> 00:39:41

Sunday, you can get in there in order

00:39:42--> 00:39:44

to go to China to go and get it.

00:39:45--> 00:39:55

Why? Because she's the person. She's also very the exteriors, anything she does she does it perfectly. She does it well. And she's very optimistic. She's full of hope.

00:39:56--> 00:39:59

The Apex never gives up. And that's why it's very difficult for

00:40:00--> 00:40:04

To harness them to gather data in one place, they always have rooms to escape.

00:40:06--> 00:40:11

You can lock the epicenter of in the house unless you have organizer.

00:40:14--> 00:40:29

Israeli organizer that can lock the air up in the tire using it. You have to do a lot of wahala to do that one. You love them up there they carry me there but they won't stay there forever. One day, they will escape. Why? Because they're very optimistic they don't give up.

00:40:30--> 00:40:40

They don't give up or they don't lose hope. No matter how much you bottle them up in the tire. At a keyboard to bless them moment there is one small hole ladies.

00:40:41--> 00:40:56

They will take advantage of it and you see them they do not forget that they need to escape is only the app that can forget the earth when it's solid his face won't be to remain there. Even when you remove the things the mood that gathered together it will still remain there it will go.

00:40:57--> 00:41:03

As women. If you look them up in the house, they will stay. If you open the door, they will stay.

00:41:06--> 00:41:19

If you ask them to escape, they will stay. If you imprison them, they will stay it is where you put them that they will stay where they want to stay. That's where they will stay. If you tell them to go they will still stay

00:41:20--> 00:41:25

they are the ones who like to count. Yes, I've been married for many years.

00:41:27--> 00:41:47

You know they like stability. They don't change marriage. If a man does die the Akwesasne if you say D like this, he doesn't know anything about divorce. He thinks he's going to die if he should divorce. Oh he thinks is the Word of His Word is upside down. Which divorce you will rather suffer from the hands of the wife than to divorce

00:41:49--> 00:41:56

as for the woman even demand is killing her lady she was Tuesday so is killing me i Libnah my tutor

00:41:59--> 00:42:00

look at the person

00:42:03--> 00:42:08

look at that she's so great. You want to die? Okay go now my kids my children

00:42:10--> 00:42:12

okay, you always say you should go

00:42:13--> 00:42:17

back to your thing and go the other will pack a loss until it doesn't work. So

00:42:19--> 00:42:21

what my marriage my marriage

00:42:25--> 00:42:29

Allahu Akbar go and try that with the fire woman

00:42:30--> 00:42:34

or more you burn you up you want me to go I've gone Dharma

00:42:36--> 00:42:41

or you want to try with the A these the air we are talking about one Giada with a you tell her to go

00:42:44--> 00:42:59

before I even had to go she's just going fast you don't take pace you don't even imprison her she can do that what I'm saying she can be very enjoying can very patient but she's very hopeful. If you mess up with the ADA will go

00:43:00--> 00:43:04

yes, it will go and it is whatever thing you give it there to give to you.

00:43:06--> 00:43:10

If you put perfume in the air you smell what is nice if you put too sir you smell what is bad

00:43:14--> 00:43:16

that's why he's annoyed it's called Carry.

00:43:17--> 00:43:39

Carry ketchup is what you see that it comes sequencer what you put what you saw what I'm just making it up. I don't know what you know, come sequencer, but maybe it sounds like it's what you read that you saw right now, like this, like that. Whatever you give to the air, that's what you get back. If the air is very, very light. If the air is very happy,

00:43:40--> 00:43:43

you that's within the air you will be happy.

00:43:44--> 00:44:02

They mirror what their husbands do to them. And they mirror what their waist do to them is what you bring that you get Allahu Akbar develops advantage you get with the A is inconsistency. They're not constant. If they are here, now they are there tomorrow. You can meet them where you left them.

00:44:04--> 00:44:12

Share you know you remember that the fire has a source. You understand the fire has a source, but where's the source of the air

00:44:13--> 00:44:36

he doesn't have to be tied down. So it will not even allow you to tie it down in the first place. They can be committed but on their own terms, not on your own time. If they stay they stay because they want to stay not because we make them to stay if they comply not because we made them to comply because they want to comply and they are very prodigal. They can do anyhow Now go away then they come back again.

00:44:38--> 00:44:41

They blow up and down as they want. They are very free people.

00:44:43--> 00:44:47

Which of these four people can actually marry the other one

00:44:50--> 00:44:53

Okay, so just to me now what can the A marry

00:45:01--> 00:45:37

There is positive and as negative let's look at the positive first positively Are you with me now? Positively the A can muddy the water right? Because without the aid water will not move is the air that's in the sea? That makes us to see the turf that makes up to see the curves? That makes us to see the surface right? Is the air with the sea that makes whatever you see is happening to be alive you know they also need oxygen down there. And the air mixes with the water what is h2o

00:45:39--> 00:45:40

What's the H part of it?

00:45:42--> 00:45:49

How was the O part of it? Thank you you can see you can have water without the air. They go hand in hand. The two of them

00:45:51--> 00:45:52

if they were say

00:45:53--> 00:45:54

the ozone will say

00:45:58--> 00:46:01

to cut for see they are just perfect.

00:46:02--> 00:46:04

You see if it were fire

00:46:06--> 00:46:08

if it were fire when one of them says

00:46:10--> 00:46:29

what happened? What did I do? Did I offend somebody do something that says something? What is wrong? What is happening? What should I do? What did I do? Should I die? Should I sleep? Should I wait should I eat? Does the fat person a fat person doesn't know where to keep secret is the app and the water that can keep malice for death

00:46:30--> 00:46:36

the fact that it doesn't keep malice so if you've been fired they will bring fire I will quarrel with sexually and so

00:46:37--> 00:46:39

when people come they told our houses don't do justice move.

00:46:41--> 00:46:50

These are no querulous finish now who told well okay we'll do one we're fighting which one are you referring to yesterday? Because you fought about three times yesterday

00:46:53--> 00:46:53


00:46:55--> 00:47:00

because you fought three times yesterday who told you call us out if I need to walk the Earth doesn't

00:47:02--> 00:47:06

the earth person a coral of 20 years

00:47:07--> 00:47:13

you it is still in their head? Do you see their forgotten 20 Yes, they will bring it up

00:47:14--> 00:47:30

one day it's like when you plan something now whatever it is buried on the ground if it's 20 years they will bring it up again. The aspects May Allah save us in somebody that's like a medicine that's like water right you know the air no sauce, but water has a source.

00:47:31--> 00:47:50

So, they can complement each other, they can help one another. In fact, in some instances, when what we call water people is actually a combination of the air and the water right. And when the water wants to express itself sometimes it needs the air to express itself. If there is so much heat,

00:47:51--> 00:48:02

you will see that the air will I help the water to drive off the heat in form of the vapor. That's the positive union between them they won't have the air and the fire

00:48:04--> 00:48:08

they can also work right okay because without the air the fire will not burn.

00:48:09--> 00:48:15

And if it gets too excessive, the air can put out fire

00:48:17--> 00:48:32

if it works positively, it can make the fire to burn more, if it works post negatively you can make the fire to be quenched. So you want to quench a candle the candle just relay that and that's it is gone.

00:48:33--> 00:48:38

But if you want to cook fire, you will never use a fire would you want it to burn well what do you

00:48:39--> 00:48:40

use deploy it?

00:48:41--> 00:48:48

Yeah, you see blow at it. So, it says it can be positive it can be negative depending on how you handle it.

00:48:49--> 00:48:54

Now which one is also positive amongst them the earth who can be asked Mary

00:48:56--> 00:48:57

the antimony anyone

00:48:59--> 00:49:02

they will complain if you bring fire they will become hot

00:49:03--> 00:49:09

during the daytime they can get very hot when the night falls they have to have cooling off themselves.

00:49:10--> 00:49:25

And if you make it to be too much like that, you will dried up and everything what is very valuable to eat it will push it down. So that your heat I mean your direct fire cannot burn it and sometimes before the Earth can be productive it also needs heat

00:49:26--> 00:49:34

for it to be productive. Do you understand what I mean now Alright. Then which other one what is the negative side of water and fire?

00:49:37--> 00:49:38

Water Mary's fire.

00:49:41--> 00:49:45

Water can quench the fire is there any way the water can help the fire

00:49:47--> 00:49:48

is difficult is it

00:49:50--> 00:49:51

is very difficult. So

00:49:53--> 00:49:57

when the water person marries the fire person

00:49:58--> 00:49:59

is not a very easy

00:50:01--> 00:50:12

fights between them is not a very easy way to say let's adapt. Adaptations are very difficult for them. That type of compatibility, you get us up,

00:50:13--> 00:50:21

they have to work really hard. You remember their natures, you remember the nature, the water is a philosopher. The fire is a show of person.

00:50:23--> 00:50:42

Right? So sometimes it's a missile of introvert, and an extrovert. Somebody who would like to be seen as somebody who well doesn't really like to be seen per se, but is always around very slow moving, sometimes very calm and collected. You never say fire has been slow, or less, it is just a candle.

00:50:43--> 00:50:50

If the fire is giving you Nah, it was giving you light, you can enjoy the fire as much as you want.

00:50:51--> 00:51:13

The fire can also give certain elements of heat, you're going to enjoy it in woman of yourself, in boiling your of your substance in cooking of your things, but don't get the fire person annoyed, I know that thing can happen. Now, this compatibility we are talking about now, some people have a combination of this and this and this right, have you thought of which one is your own?

00:51:16--> 00:52:00

You are asked right, can nature change? It can be adapted, it can be positive, it can also be negative. You cannot say fire is negative fire. Without fire we can cook most of the things we eat. Right. So fire can be very, very positive. The nature may not change well you can be adapted to suit certain situations as it is. But whichever one you are, you know the one that's more dominant. We all have all of these things, but some are more dominant than the other. Even if you enter our houses, our houses carry their own stain of these elements that we have. I've told you the house of the Ask person what was the house of the fireplace and what does it look like?

00:52:02--> 00:52:09

Everything is flushing Thank you my sister. Everything is flush everything flamboyant, they want you to see their new plasma TV

00:52:12--> 00:52:13

they wanted to see their new car

00:52:15--> 00:52:27

the average person can use one dapsone for 15 years you will see that 504 It was my father's father they used a bus to my father and we have changed the egg in about 15 times.

00:52:28--> 00:52:32

And you see the sill of DACA Do you see be robbing teeny began robbing powder.

00:52:34--> 00:52:47

But for the fact let's just look at discussing this guy have used it for about six months two or more. There's another guy so today before you need to just pawn it, sell it and buy another one. So out of the character that has gone TT

00:52:48--> 00:52:53

that's the fire person you see when the Act doesn't match the fire person there will be conflict to

00:52:55--> 00:53:02

plenty conflict because all of these say things that the actors will be keeping and keeping devices which which one is this one? Let's change the job.

00:53:05--> 00:53:08

How can we be using the same bed sheets for five years

00:53:10--> 00:53:18

but the actors who say this bed sheets torches very tickle his original that was who look forward you nothing's awkward.

00:53:20--> 00:53:27

Somebody wants to buy come looking for dinner. Which was originally by committee bricks bought another one.

00:53:28--> 00:53:40

By you see they will keep one shoe for five years. This shoe lasts very long that oh look for shoes that can last where are the earth people right? And the shoes that have caught that they cannot be again does he keep it in the house?

00:53:41--> 00:53:49

Go and check your house No no you you have shoes that cannot size you again. You will not dish it out are you not trade away.

00:53:50--> 00:53:53

If your husband gets angry packet and trader you go and bring it back inside.

00:53:55--> 00:54:08

Some of you go to the dustbin and be crying. My bag my bag they throw me which bag the bag that your grandmother used during those this you see Bucha body leather I said very okay. Okay they will use the next you for me.

00:54:12--> 00:54:16

Module are going to be very unlucky. If your husband is the earth person

00:54:17--> 00:54:22

and you are fire. You are going to be very unlucky. Sometimes they look like anti progress.

00:54:24--> 00:54:57

Yes, they look like as you progress. You see men who are happy. You can keep one job for 45 years. When you apply this. You'll be getting promotion promotion promo he doesn't believe in changing job. He will stay there you will retire there. If even if they suck him, you will beg them to take him back. He doesn't know how to modify a person. If they mess up with him he will resign tell them to go to hell. And Allah so good he will get another job. Because so good. Because of his Yes, because he's a firebrand, you go to places you don't expect him to be.

00:54:59--> 00:55:00

And by the time you get

00:55:00--> 00:55:20

Just smile to them tell them I can do work for you now not even notice point I can work for you then those employees do wonder how did you get another job sir, they are those ones I was working with them and they were messing up my life. Now in place of work is anything like that is anything like compatibility in the physical work? I want to advise those of you who employ labor,

00:55:22--> 00:55:26

observe the kind of people to you bring to your jobs based on their natures.

00:55:27--> 00:55:36

Somebody wants to do a job of their marketing, you know, go and hire an artist to come and do marketing for you. You will say

00:55:37--> 00:55:50

you ever killed our business? Yes, you kill that business. Also for people you match together in the same office. If you don't want to be settling call and every time observe them, they do it. Some people can never work together.

00:55:52--> 00:56:07

Because a person of fire has dominance. A person of us has the other side. Subs can be subservient sometimes like to stay. If your boss is asked and you are fired, you will never agree.

00:56:08--> 00:56:11

Because you will have good ideas to say no no he's not dollar that yet.

00:56:12--> 00:56:16

We don't this is what how we have been doing for the past 50 years.

00:56:17--> 00:56:29

It will be good idea he will just push it aside. If you bring good as well if you are also Allahu Akbar. If if you are somebody with different metal it will be jealous of you.

00:56:31--> 00:56:38

And you'll find ways of suppressing or pressing you down pressing down if you want to talk quietly. We are your bosses were the ones talking.

00:56:39--> 00:56:48

So they can work together. You will see the subordinate behaving like the boss. In fact some subordinates are better dressed than their bosses.

00:56:50--> 00:56:55

They dress where they appear nice they appear at the board as in for the boss. Mr. Utility

00:57:00--> 00:57:24

you just seen the same table, the same chair. You see his desk ladies full of files, full of papers nobody needs again. Look at his often you see cabinet that is sitting down ladies cabinet that is bending to one side because of too many loads of things. Nobody who needs any more. You see men have that in some of these ministry offices you got to

00:57:26--> 00:57:32

forgive me I'm mentioning their profession now. Some who work in certain type of ministries. They are asked people

00:57:34--> 00:57:37

even if their funds are so dirty ladies, they will not clean it.

00:57:38--> 00:57:48

You see cobwebs in the offices they will not touch it the rug that's in their office it will be there for 50 years. They will not change it you know why? They say there is no money

00:57:50--> 00:58:02

a day the maintenance will have no released font. For two changes. You see double AC they use those days when AC used to be like Cobalt is that same AC DC you see we put a Do

00:58:04--> 00:58:12

you see those come up dust and brimstone come up from the AC that's the same time they see you. When you get to some office, you know that this will who are asked people,

00:58:14--> 00:58:22

more offices where they are Firebrand. Everything is purpose. Everything's brand new, they would rather use their own money

00:58:24--> 00:58:27

to fix an incident for the STB. They're not working.

00:58:28--> 00:58:40

And it was good to do a durable stay in their office if the office is not conducive for their nature. So when you have Office, either a private of his own or you work in public places, observe the people you work with.

00:58:41--> 00:58:43

And some people will eat granite.

00:58:44--> 00:58:54

In fact, from the name ground, not their attitude at proceed granite. If that wasn't it, granted, you will see the granite thing he forgot his table for like two years.

00:58:55--> 00:59:00

Because nobody has seats on that table is eating, I'm exaggerating. Because nobody sleeps the table.

00:59:01--> 00:59:14

And you go and why check under your bed. Now all of you when you get back home check under your bed. When you see plenty of dust collected under your bed and some things have been there forgotten for over one year, you are an artisan.

00:59:18--> 00:59:43

So in places of work, if you are going to employ people, you may observe some of these things. Do you understand what I'm saying now? So complementarity or compatibility. They go a long way in most of the things we do in life that keeps us together to be one more which of this can guarantee a fair compatibility and a lasting marriage.

00:59:44--> 00:59:50

Let me give you some example and ask you questions. You know we're talking about people being compatible with each other

00:59:52--> 00:59:53

arranged marriage.

00:59:54--> 00:59:59

For people who didn't, they didn't choose by themselves the marriage was arranged for them.

01:00:00--> 01:00:05

Do you think they consider compatibility when they were arranging these marriages

01:00:06--> 01:00:12

arranged marriage differ from first marriage? First marriages where the people don't have any choice in the matter,

01:00:13--> 01:00:22

and you compel them to marry each other, arranged marriages welcome, maybe, for example, parents are guaranteed select, and then the individual is

01:00:23--> 01:01:08

is consulted. Okay, we have gotten so personal for you, would you like to marry him? Or would you like to marry her? If they've been down, you know that that is one system they use nowadays, right? I mean, in the olden days, perhaps, nowadays, the CUC two, they select and they consult you, they ask you whether you want or you don't want, right. And then you choose, you accept or decline. There's another one, the individual will meet, husband and wife will meet and they will bring themselves to the elderly people for their approval, you will remember that type of system to you follow the system, they have met somewhere. Now the hot the wife takes the husband or the Romantics

01:01:08--> 01:01:11

who have to go and show the parents and say this person I want to marry

01:01:12--> 01:01:19

then they will approve it, they would, sometimes they will disapprove. And then they will have to go and change their mind look for somebody else,

01:01:20--> 01:01:27

then we have the the ones that the two of them will meet, and they don't care for anybody's approval.

01:01:28--> 01:01:43

And the fourth one is the first one I mentioned, where the people don't need the approval of the two couples bodysuit for them to marry each other. These are four ways of counted now if you observe it well, which of them was your own when you are getting married?

01:01:47--> 01:01:56

So many years ago, see, I asked my mother this question before us How do you do? Baba? How did the two of you even meet? So?

01:01:57--> 01:01:58

I won't tell you what she told me.

01:02:01--> 01:02:03

What are your views with them your own technique?

01:02:05--> 01:02:09

Which of them guarantees compatibility?

01:02:12--> 01:02:12

Which of them?

01:02:14--> 01:02:21

You see each other? And then you take yourself home? The wife introduce and they look at the two of you. And they say okay, go ahead,

01:02:22--> 01:02:23


01:02:24--> 01:02:29

What of what if they said no, don't man? Will you marry the person you married?

01:02:31--> 01:02:32

If they said no.

01:02:35--> 01:02:37

You keep begging them.

01:02:40--> 01:02:43

Or try to convince them try to blackmail them sometimes.

01:02:47--> 01:02:49

You ask the reason why they refuse.

01:02:51--> 01:02:53

If they say you are not compatible, that's why

01:02:55--> 01:03:00

it was a measurement of Okay. Let's say your daughter brings a man now.

01:03:02--> 01:03:04

Right? And you don't like the guy?

01:03:05--> 01:03:06

And you say no, no, we're

01:03:08--> 01:03:09

on what grounds?

01:03:11--> 01:03:15

Okay, what are some of the grounds that you say okay, this we're compatible? One.

01:03:17--> 01:03:18

He has plenty money.

01:03:21--> 01:03:23

Physical hmm.

01:03:25--> 01:03:26


01:03:30--> 01:03:46

Okay, genotype, okay, you say they're not compatible based on their genotype. Okay, that's one room for compatibility. I mean, the another, I've mentioned them arranged marriage and compatibility. Sometimes people see what you don't see.

01:03:48--> 01:04:21

So they object to it. Sometimes they know what you don't know, to the object to it. In fact, some of you never thought you will marry the person who married now because you didn't say anything compatible. Even though your parents say you must marry him he was well you just marry him by force. Some of you marry the men by force on till after some years and the marriage then you settled in and you feel when it's okay, now, we are together. And some of you accept like that, then you begin to see areas of compatibility that you can never see, just by looking at each other ladies.

01:04:22--> 01:04:24

We also have matters of attraction,

01:04:25--> 01:04:32

and compatibility. Some people are only attracted to each other doesn't mean that they're compatible.

01:04:33--> 01:04:57

I don't if you understand what I mean. Let me give you some there's this thing we call propinquity effect. That is the more we see or interact with somebody the more we like the person you understand, the more we like it most likely begin to like that person. The more you see the person in your street in your environment in your area, the more you begin to develop likeness for the person. There is the opposite of it or sometimes the more you see some people the more you hate them.

01:04:59--> 01:04:59

So sometimes

01:05:00--> 01:05:04

It's just similar is just what they call it st familiarity.

01:05:06--> 01:05:35

Familiarity can make us to think that we are compatible. And then we also have a enhancement or what we call packaging that can also enhance compatibility. That is the way a person dresses debate person appears the way a person does their things, the way a person has the visual perception or the way the person is perceived. When a person takes care of themselves, they made themselves look nice, they can become compatible somebody else was who likes to look nice.

01:05:36--> 01:05:50

The asked person doesn't care much about makeups or about fashion, but the fire person does. Right? So if your husband is an artisan or you're in fire person you are used makeups Bucha Villa immunol, you will see it

01:05:52--> 01:06:02

he doesn't see it if you just played knew, hey, we just it doesn't make any difference. If I see back and you wasted three hours in the saloon, they are making diligent neck pain you

01:06:03--> 01:06:17

may Allah have mercy on us. Now, these are some of the things that compatibility comes with. But you know what you should do? Even if you are married already, you should also strive for compatibility.

01:06:19--> 01:06:23

Compatibility can walk when we just marry

01:06:24--> 01:06:29

after some years compatibility will remove it will become compatibility

01:06:31--> 01:06:34

is not people who are compatible for the money why would they divorce

01:06:35--> 01:06:38

they will not be divorced if compatibility is all we need.

01:06:39--> 01:06:52

comfortability means you feel comfy with each other. After some years, you grow to accommodate one another. After some years, let the water know how to control the fire.

01:06:53--> 01:06:57

We begin to complement one another. If fire is burning,

01:06:58--> 01:07:03

angry, the only person that can come it down is water

01:07:04--> 01:07:23

is water. We all need one another. We need each other. The water will not let you destroy yourself and destroy the whole house. But if you're so far, you know that's the water when you are shouting or you are jumping up or down to hell with everybody. The philosopher will not give you fire for fire.

01:07:24--> 01:07:26

You can even keep quiet and be looking at you

01:07:27--> 01:07:29

observing where your weak points are.

01:07:30--> 01:07:33

Observing what you actually lack does making you to shout

01:07:34--> 01:07:40

if a woman is shouting and saying you're useless man, there's nothing you have ever done for me says yes, I've been married.

01:07:41--> 01:07:41

You just

01:07:43--> 01:07:44

demand me not taco.

01:07:45--> 01:07:47

You can even get cocky and drive away.

01:07:49--> 01:07:55

By time he comes back you for it. We'll pretend as if he didn't remember all of those things were saying

01:07:57--> 01:07:57

when I say

01:07:58--> 01:08:00

this morning I just collected now

01:08:02--> 01:08:03

he's about

01:08:06--> 01:08:07

$3.5 million

01:08:11--> 01:08:13

keep it in your account in case you need some

01:08:16--> 01:08:21

gifts and guess it is worth to buy something let it be there. I don't need it now.

01:08:22--> 01:08:39

Then the fire person that was born in you know, I told you they don't keep things much. She just come down from her high throne. I say there is no better instead of you to be making me to be angry every time is it not better? You see You made me call you a useless manner. Thank you Daddy, my darling.

01:08:42--> 01:08:44

It's only water that can control file isn't it.

01:08:46--> 01:08:58

So, we after some time become comfortable by controlling and keeping check on one another right the air and the fire can also control each other if they are careful.

01:09:00--> 01:09:13

Yes, the air and fire if they are careful, they can find ways of controlling each other because the air will contain the fire and the fire will contain the air or there will be you will not see the difference between them.

01:09:14--> 01:09:22

If they can complement if they can be comfortable with each other things are going to better for them in getting comfortable in marriage.

01:09:23--> 01:09:27

It can also be very dangerous to get too comfortable with each other.

01:09:29--> 01:09:44

You know what I mean? By comfortable now that say you feel free with each other. You can see anything you like without editing, right? You are comfortable with your husband, you're always comfortable with you. But don't get too comfortable when you get too comfortable. The marriage starts having problems.

01:09:45--> 01:09:47

Yes. When you start getting messy.

01:09:48--> 01:09:59

You start messing up because your husband doesn't talk he doesn't talk you have told him to something else. Because it's very calm and gentle. You have abused that gentility that's what they

01:10:00--> 01:10:07

mean, you got too comfortable you will not complain, you will not talk you do anything you like, but you don't dress up to appease him anymore.

01:10:08--> 01:10:34

Your husband may be an ask question. He doesn't like changing wives doesn't have like having many wives. Right? He's a very caring person, very loving person. And he loves it where you are. He has accepted you. There's nothing you do that you have now we'll call him because you have spent years together and he has accepted you like that. But after a while you start getting messy. You not just well for him. You start gaining weight just because you had three children

01:10:38--> 01:10:55

now you don't want your weight anymore. You don't speak calmly anymore. You are abusing friends of his friends. Sometimes you can some jokes that are insulted because he will not talk. Sometimes you don't know Allah hokhmah Some of you even announced your husband and I are going to the toilet.

01:10:58--> 01:11:01

Yes, because we are to come to Abu I'm coming to I want to buy *.

01:11:04--> 01:11:11

Who talks to the whole band like that? How should they let you say it now actually, you say excuse me I want to

01:11:13--> 01:11:18

help you ease myself Okay. Or excuse me just a moment without even saying it in front of his friend

01:11:20--> 01:11:22

who are coming out to buy *.

01:11:25--> 01:11:29

Now you got too comfortable, too comfortable. How can you say something like that?

01:11:31--> 01:11:32

Some women I know.

01:11:34--> 01:11:36

They will be changing their part in defense of their husbands.

01:11:38--> 01:11:57

Yes, I've heard a man complaint like that before. That see finish. Not to have any dignity left. For you have you ever become too comfortable? That's what I mean. Because he doesn't talk he doesn't complain up changing your things in his presence. Your own that we're serving you throw them anywhere in the room

01:12:00--> 01:12:09

you're not supposed to be seeing your own waste every time. He doesn't it's not sexually appealing for a man to see steamed on the way

01:12:11--> 01:12:26

and sometimes you don't get his food ready on time. Because you know he doesn't have any choice. You see I have to accept a man has gone to work for money is coming back in the evening to come and relax and eat is the university. Sorry we doing well. You come to any ladies, shellac bins.

01:12:28--> 01:12:37

Somebody that is hungry is required to have got too comfortable that you don't know exactly what he likes at any point in time. You must know if they adopt.

01:12:39--> 01:12:50

Don't get too comfortable. Now sisters don't get too comfortable. Jojoba because he doesn't complain. You start him because those who complain when it says oh yeah, let us let us sleep in the bed you say you are tired, you have a headache.

01:12:52--> 01:12:55

And you will not take care of the bedroom. You will not smell nice.

01:12:57--> 01:12:59

Then some of you start smelling kerosene.

01:13:01--> 01:13:16

When your Hawkman combines does emerge from the kitchen as he does where you are born. As if they planted your placenta there you will stay there the kitchen you're done will be in the panel. It'd be watching TV, nobody to talk to nobody to discuss with. You will be there in the kitchen. When you finish on the kitchen. You go to the bathroom and start washing

01:13:18--> 01:13:20

your sweat for you that you cannot sit down with your husband.

01:13:23--> 01:13:25

So don't get too comfortable because

01:13:27--> 01:13:28

nobody don't have

01:13:29--> 01:13:31

nobody don't have to housework.

01:13:32--> 01:14:00

It is this is where we, my sister. Look, let me say this is where we take each other for granted. Men also take their wives for granted to he will come back from work with fights like this from the office, he will staple yourself to the dining table with his laptop. That's where he will remain our boo. You say Don't disturb me now not because he was busy, the office will come back. Oh my god. You people don't like you to now you don't like it I want to discuss your husband is always on phone.

01:14:01--> 01:14:08

You are discussing some of these chatting with somebody on telephone. Or you want to discuss some very important he was used on Facebook.

01:14:09--> 01:14:14

He's following some non-entities on Twitter, who likes that kind of thing.

01:14:15--> 01:14:49

We get too comfortable with each other because we think we are compatible. Compatibility will not work again. When we get too comfortable by taking each other for granted. Most women now they have their best friends outside the marriage not inside the marriage. I told you the other time is your husband not supposed to be your best friend, your best confidant. If something is disturbing your mind is you know why you should discuss with both is not there. You will not make himself available because he has gotten too comfortable. You don't complain you don't ask for money because you know he doesn't have because of that or when when he comes he doesn't remember you

01:14:52--> 01:14:59

how many men who said they bought on their way for their wives in the last day is a no no, no, no, no, no, she should buy that by herself. Where's he written?

01:15:00--> 01:15:03

divided haram, for a man to surprise his wife was the one.

01:15:04--> 01:15:08

So I bought this one for you. Even if he's buying this one let him exaggerate.

01:15:10--> 01:15:14

By a very big one I said Well, if you say but this is two people who say that what I see

01:15:16--> 01:15:20

is tangerine let it be the size of watermelon, Dubai.

01:15:21--> 01:15:28

But what I'm saying is, don't get too comfortable in marriage. Many of us who have become too comfortable.

01:15:29--> 01:15:44

Please let us try. So many people do that when you see some couples after many years of marriage, they're still shy of one another. They speak softly to each other. This is speak with respect to one another.

01:15:45--> 01:15:49

The wife still sells her husband food by herself. Even she didn't cook it

01:15:51--> 01:15:59

and I know of some men who don't feel comfortable eating food outside. They will rather come home and eat your own that tastes like like battery acid.

01:16:01--> 01:16:04

Even if your soup tastes like sawdust, they will see come home and eat

01:16:05--> 01:16:11

more you that you know that your husband cannot eat outside he will always come home Why don't you give him good food.

01:16:12--> 01:16:27

Feed him well. He's not every time is the household I'll be doing everything for the husband now. Mostly most homes now. I heard of one lady that the house had is so good to the extent that when the man comes back from work, the house happily need to look at his face.

01:16:28--> 01:16:33

To know whether he's tired or not. If the man is touch she knows the type of tea she will bring.

01:16:35--> 01:16:45

The demand is tight and he also is honored as you bring beverage for him. But if the demand man is very energetic, he is carrying his office but she will bring Lipton for him.

01:16:46--> 01:16:49

So the wife has said she doesn't even know the difference.

01:16:51--> 01:17:10

The House have concerns that this this male guy is very busy. The house they will carry the children to the panel. Go and be watching some agenda or take them to somewhere and keep them busy so that he can cause into it. But you don't know the difference is when the man is busy. Oh yeah. Daddy Daddy has called Fatima party

01:17:12--> 01:17:38

that has come a one day daddy and disturbing him. They will be bothering him. The man doesn't like going out he will stay he can do his work. He can relax, you can eat he can sleep. He can even watch TV because you had the chance to come and be disturbing him. You don't have any sense that this man is tired. He wants some time for himself. When some men cannot help it again. You just carry his bag and go outside go back to the office.

01:17:39--> 01:17:51

You will do everything he has been just for coming back home. 10pm He knows now that gets I can come home. Anything can happen. And when he comes the first thing you confronting is some bad news.

01:17:53--> 01:17:55

Where have you been since Did you hear what happened?

01:17:57--> 01:17:58

Bad news.

01:17:59--> 01:18:00

Things that he doesn't even want to hear.

01:18:02--> 01:18:23

Gossip. Things that do not improve anything in his life. Things that do not contribute anything to his livelihood. He don't even know how to read moods to know that this man to even ask him about his walk about your office. I hope you did your best May Allah assist you. You want me to give you some time to do some work.

01:18:24--> 01:18:27

He can say I don't even want to do any work. You can come and sit down with me.

01:18:28--> 01:18:55

That's a good wife understands and your husband to understand that okay, I know you're trying to give me space God was use calm calm. Let's sit down and talk is mine will not be come at rest. But if he knows that once he comes, it is some complaint that none of his business you see that my cousin's elder sisters younger brother. A friend to that was causing is going to get married and they have taken out to me is that one he wants to hear someone who is thinking of face to face.

01:18:58--> 01:19:11

So we get too comfortable that's what I mean. All of the compatibility you thought you had it is this carelessness take each other for granted that makes it to disappear. You that was a Kenny Why have you not become a pain in his neck?

01:19:12--> 01:19:20

At the end of the day, he will just leave you alone and face another life or that girls outside that want to ask him about his life.

01:19:21--> 01:19:29

This confuse things who are who have you been able to say to him, I'm still there? May Allah provide for you, etc. Is that what you call them? Isn't it

01:19:31--> 01:19:34

isn't it anybody calling your husband on coup there anybody?

01:19:37--> 01:19:37


01:19:40--> 01:19:50

They call him on call because they care about him that let me give you another example of you getting to come to let me see I'm a desert you ladies now. Because you people are the ones who get too comfortable.

01:19:51--> 01:19:59

Your husband doesn't come home on time. There's a particular time he normally comes he didn't come back. Now you came back about five hours late.

01:20:00--> 01:20:08

Instead of you to see a welcome or be worried about you everything was alright you see what when did you begin all of his work

01:20:11--> 01:20:15

all your mess clauses are called Baba Malika called Baba was they have all

01:20:19--> 01:20:36

this I would say yes we are here that's how you will move about anyhow you are supposed to have arrived in this house in six weeks now. Just call me I will see everything perfect why? Where are you coming from? I know the woman will say to us no pressure don't pray don't pray Thy child don't want buffle page I post

01:20:39--> 01:20:41

to watch Oh no, no no no don't show and she just stopped by the

01:20:43--> 01:20:43

she started

01:20:53--> 01:20:55

she was done by the by the bathroom. No.

01:20:57--> 01:20:58

God forbid I shall post

01:21:01--> 01:21:01

guys it has

01:21:02--> 01:21:03


01:21:08--> 01:21:11

It is that kind of attitude. That will make the mango too bad.

01:21:13--> 01:21:15

But why you suspect in his battle?

01:21:16--> 01:21:20

The man is tired. You want to shower and relax.

01:21:22--> 01:21:22


01:21:24--> 01:21:26

it is to me I don't know what we're thinking

01:21:27--> 01:21:33

is known in all cases now. Sometimes, you know, okay, what if his car got spotty on the way

01:21:35--> 01:21:36


01:21:41--> 01:21:45

is not in all situations that people are able to fall

01:21:47--> 01:21:49

then he has to be understanding to

01:21:51--> 01:21:55

we must be understanding. That's what makes compatibility to work.

01:21:56--> 01:21:57

I don't know what

01:21:59--> 01:22:02

she was No, no, don't don't. I'm pretty sure if

01:22:04--> 01:22:08

it is that kind of attitude. Okay. Now look at it now a man that notes

01:22:09--> 01:22:20

that when I get home now my wife does even care what happened to me. She doesn't care how my day was going. She will not take to even say who has your day I hope you found time to eat.

01:22:21--> 01:22:28

She doesn't bother what is happening in your life. Such a woman you are not in a hurry to go home to meet her.

01:22:29--> 01:22:51

And sometimes when you get some great some troubles you meet. There is no good news that she has. She doesn't know how to cheer you up. She doesn't know how to make you happy. She doesn't even know how to make you relax. For such a man is a matter of time. Any woman that can give him those things that he lacks, even if that woman is

01:22:53--> 01:22:54

is so low to him.

01:22:57--> 01:23:23

Though to see why we like people who care for us. It's natural. We like people who care about us. We'll let you ask about us. We'll have someone that will call us Sarah Malika Josie, let me ask after you. Why is it that we husband and wife we don't do that to each other. He's when we see we see when we don't see we don't care. And when we expect each other back and we don't see each other instead of to be linear. We told you to call it

01:23:25--> 01:23:41

No, marriage has its own respect, has its own norms has its own regards. No matter how compatible we are. If we are too comfortable, it will not work. seems to be going wrong. I will know where it came from. Men who don't dress well.

01:23:42--> 01:23:45

He will just put everything together he'll be looking at see we have people to change.

01:23:46--> 01:24:04

Everything is so mixed up. And you don't earn any respect with your wife because you shout on her. Men who shot on their wives their their wives don't expect them anymore. They know that the highest yield is to shout men who cannot bring themselves low and call their wives once a while as it's anything bothering your mind.

01:24:05--> 01:24:10

You look so sad. You look so what is anything you will need then he wanted to do for you.

01:24:12--> 01:24:24

Once he knows that it is not going to end up with money. You know that's another thing. If we know that it's all money, money money. We will not call you again when we are broke. But if you know if it's companionship, if it is

01:24:25--> 01:24:30

what do they call this thing? Your companionship they call it when you just need to just talk

01:24:31--> 01:24:34

when you have bad mood, you just need someone to make it light for you.

01:24:36--> 01:24:53

When we can do these things together it is then that compatibility makes sense. And when we get comfortable, we should not be too comfortable with each other. The Quran says who Nalli bass and bass now know you a gamut for your wives and your wives I garment for you. A garment is something that you feel comfy in.

01:24:55--> 01:24:59

If there is heat, it will not stick for you. It gets cold it

01:25:00--> 01:25:08

to cover you and if you wait, it is very smooth on your skin. Not a clothes you wear and it will look like sandpaper on your skin

01:25:09--> 01:25:30

is an hour we are supposed to be for each other. We are supposed to keep each other comfortable, not too comfortable. Now I've mentioned some aspects of this comfortability now, even when it comes to husband and wife being what husband and wife do in the bedroom. woman a woman should make her bedroom look like a paradise for the man. A place where wants to enter those want to go together.

01:25:31--> 01:25:40

But as for some of you, the man will come he doesn't use it. What is it that he's smelling my buddies? Sorry, who is the chairman I came to eat? Whoo in the bedroom.

01:25:42--> 01:25:43

They put tools on the bed.

01:25:45--> 01:25:48

And why don't you Chris? Where do I happen? I'm not very busy too.

01:25:49--> 01:25:57

In our bodies bedsheet is that Zion? Leslieville either Jerry, where do I have time for that? No, you are getting too comfortable.

01:25:58--> 01:26:10

If you understand what I mean. I mentioned that and some of you are laughing that even the plates you use and serve your husband. Don't get too comfortable about it so longer. You are not an earth woman. And asthma is one that we'll use one pit for 15 years.

01:26:11--> 01:26:22

Is that plate last two he didn't even break that. There's Oh God. He breakables up and down. They will not give their husband something to drink in a glass cup. They will say because you don't break it.

01:26:23--> 01:26:29

They will say should I shouldn't break glass teach them to break glass now. So the next time they will know that glasses are not to be blocking.

01:26:30--> 01:26:38

The way we serve each other, they will regard each other. Let the man also wake up one day or buy a nice dress for his wife even without her asking.

01:26:39--> 01:26:58

Because this man will not complain about Santa Claus. Many of you don't buy anything for them again. After all you are walking izannah What do you say? Saturday you are walking now what why do I have to buy cloth for you again? Yes, may Allah make it easy for us. Now let me wrap it up now. Insha Allah, upon all of this comfortability, we are talking about

01:27:00--> 01:27:02

we still need each other,

01:27:03--> 01:27:12

in terms of any time of sickness, in terms of bitterness, in the times of happiness in terms of soul.

01:27:13--> 01:27:21

Will this same man still be there? This one, I will say you are comfortable, will still be there when the doctor says,

01:27:22--> 01:27:24

Sorry, we have done all we can do.

01:27:25--> 01:27:26

Your wife may not live long

01:27:28--> 01:27:34

with his wife still be there, when the landlord comes to embarrass him in your presence.

01:27:35--> 01:27:46

We know so many women who keep moaning. Their husbands are in depth hydrants from here and there. But they don't have that compassion, to see how the guy have you heard of his trouble?

01:27:47--> 01:27:49

They have let him to suffer all alone.

01:27:51--> 01:28:14

Can we go through the suffering of marriages together however, combating why the beginning that compatibility will not work again, where we cannot suffer with each other. More, we cannot deal with each other, when we are feeling sad, or we cannot make each other happy. When our hearts are filled with too much worries. And we can only move downwards from each other.

01:28:15--> 01:28:25

To hell with compatibility that if we cannot be there for each other at the time, we need each other when the world was turned upside down. With this man still stand by you.

01:28:26--> 01:28:39

When your child goes to school, and they say they're looking for your child, they don't know where your baby has gone to, with this man still be there to stand by you to look for the child or up there to be accusing you and costing you.

01:28:41--> 01:28:51

The day your child is sick, I take the child to the hospital. Will your husband ever think it is worthy for him to take permission from office to come and stand by you in the hospital?

01:28:53--> 01:28:57

And say let me support you. So that is not only you that will look after this baby.

01:28:58--> 01:29:12

When you are sick, or nobody to stay within your hospital, your husband or you say is compatible? Can he leave his job to come and stay with you and keep your company or your feet to bed or he will spend some sense to come and stay with you?

01:29:13--> 01:29:18

Is it only the fifth part of you that you want to enjoy? What of when the other side comes?

01:29:20--> 01:29:33

Compatibility and comfortability will not work again, if we cannot keep hope alive at all circumstances. If the wife cannot see my husband, I know you are trying I know you are broke. I know you don't have money

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to manage whatever you give to us who pray for you. Allah will bless you, Allah will help you

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or sit the woman they'll come back and say you either came in today or you give me the money

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or this compatibility thing we talked about. They don't make any sense. If we don't have a partner that can suffer well with us, somebody who can make our griefs to be removed

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As someone who can make our pains and sorrows to be removed or to be alleviated somebody who understands our hurts, how can fill it up with sweet words of encouragement and happiness.

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One of the great guarantees of life is that every person, every couple will suffer one way or the other. When you are choosing a mate or if you are married already be ready to suffer with one another.

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Suffering is not only when one is not there, it can also be anything can happen. Children can be sick, may Allah protect our children for us, a child can die. It has happened before a relative can die.

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An accident can happen. Are we ready to be there for each other or not? So let us not oversimplify or over glorify compatibility. compatibility is only working at the point of marriage. After many years, it becomes comfortability and will become comfortable with each other like I want. Do not let us be too comfortable with each other.

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Marriage is an uncompleted building,

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the couples will have to continue to build it forever till you die. You can never finish building marriage. So whichever one of these elements that you have in your life, understand your own very well and understand your husband very well.

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In fact, some of your husband's I have a mixture of the whole of all before.

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But observe him very well know which one is akin to him which one is his own, and see how you can work hand in hand with one another. Your husband, maybe someone who doesn't talk or you talk a lot once in a while you say shut up, please keep quiet.

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And wasn't the one if you seem quiet, he doesn't want to talk. Don't bore him with a talk. Uh, hey, you started. Didn't they tell us in the lecture that a man should listen to the what is the everyday man wants to listen?

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Give him a space. Let him relax. Keep the children busy. Lock them up in the pillow. Let them be watching Tom and Jerry.

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And spend some time alone with your husband if you want to. He doesn't want to allow him to be the same thing with the other party to is not every time you keep secret because we're water now. You keep too many things. Too many things too many things. You keep peddling ladies Green Lady sometimes what's the come out straight? Men cannot read minds.

01:32:32--> 01:32:37

You can't say you mean we have been married for the past 20 years. You don't know what I'm thinking? How is he supposed to know what do I think?

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Tell him now what is bothering you. Instead of looking melancholic, I see somebody dies every time you use Squarespace like monkey that sock line.

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Just scatter your face. Anyhow, I said you ate cockroach. Here's what I will tell you Squarespace. Mostly why if you are going to use sellotape to put your smile like this. Put your smile, smile at him. Let him be happy. Bring him out of his mood. To say that you are the person doesn't mean that you take sheets every time.

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Don't allow yourself to be pushed to the limit before you react. If there's something you don't want peace talk, say that you don't want it.

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Instead of allowing things to pile up a lot you want to unite explode, you won't have to catch fire. And then Walmart will pack up don't wait till then they if you are the air, you like going up and down. As you will have water as you fire. And as you have the earth to

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let a learn to settle down once in a while. I'm saying this because of most of the men who don't like to stay at home.

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They don't stay one plus says my business my business my business my business. After all your business oh you make all the money or you know coming back to the same house.

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My business my business your children are growing up they don't even know you.

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And so many of the men there if you get home ask your husband the birthdays of each of the children they don't remember.

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He doesn't go stay with them. He doesn't know whether they do homework he doesn't some men think is haram to attend pity.

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Because always does know if you are made of a try and come down once in a while you to stay you know to see how the A obey the organizer.

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When he puts his own he should stay there for a while. So looking for space to escape. May Allah make it easy for us. Now I hope you have all understood this, what we call it these things that were put together all of these elements and the rest of them. Some of them are theories. You don't ask him to bring through for them. But we're just using them as examples for us to see how people behave and how people can be compatible. How people can be comfortable and how not to feel too comfortable so that compatibility can make sense.

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All right