Abdulbary Yahya – Marriage
AI: Summary ©
The conversation covers topics related to marriage and divorce rates in the United States, including the pressure on married couples to sell products and hold onto their DNA, the high divorce rate among Muslims, and the difficulty of protecting privacy during marriage. The speakers emphasize the importance of avoiding double-standing in marriage, having a strong mother, and trusting people when making decisions. They also mention the negative impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on children, particularly women and young men, and the importance of not giving up on one's desire to get married.
AI: Summary ©
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we have a very important topic, and very interesting topic to speak about today. There are two topics that people always like one of which is the one that we have, which is marriage, and the other one's gin. So maybe we can someday have gin marriage, we keep everybody like.
So
these are the topics that are
very interesting as well. At the same time, it's very important.
A lot of people don't realize when maybe some people do
in the United States
approximately the the average or the percentage, according to statistics, divorce rate in the United States is 46%.
That's for everybody, non Muslims, and maybe Muslims also, not 46. But that's with everybody together. 46% that's a pretty large percentage for any country acts as one for any country. But amongst Muslims in the United States of America.
There have been some actually, statistics that have been compiled,
I think mainly in, in the big cities and so forth. Some of the organizations have compiled that they've come up with around 33 to 36% 33 to 36% amongst Muslims, and it differs according to the different
ethnicities and different areas, but in general, that's a very, very large percentage to to have. And so, what
what is the cause of it? And also,
what is the solution?
A person who grows up in the United States
with the surrounding environment
is generally affected by the influences of the culture. And it is very difficult when a person is not married when a person is not married,
in this society, and he grows up in a society where
in Islam, we are ordered
to lower our gaze.
We as Muslims,
are ordered to lower gaze. Allah subhanho wa Taala says bulan Medina, yeah, we'll do mean I'm sorry him or your father for Raja home, say to the believers to lower their gaze, and to protect their private part.
In Islam, we are ordered to largesse.
But in this society,
women
are used to sell products. So they want you to not lower your gaze.
And the whole society
is based on a materialistic society where they're trying to sell things, and the biggest sell, the biggest thing that they have to attract people is they want you to look at the woman.
So you have the you have so many things that are against you. At the same time,
it is not
a taboo.
It is not a problem at all, in the high schools, and in the colleges, to have relationships, that in itself is a norm.
That in itself is a norm before in the United States itself. It used to be looked down upon
that you get married, or you have any relationship before marriage. But now you are looked at as very weird.
If you are in high school and people, people, people make fun of you if you don't have a girlfriend,
if you don't have a boyfriend.
And now it's even worse, boys have boyfriends and girls have girlfriends now. So that's even worse. So there's a lot of pressure in this society, when we
are posed with the question,
should we get married or not? The majority of the times majority
of what has happened, what's happened
is that our what the woman or the our daughters and sons, they already have somebody in mind.
And they've been together maybe for a while sometimes, or they've been communicating with each other. And communication nowadays, is very easy. You might think your children, your daughters and sons are asleep. And then you wake up in the morning, you see their eyes are all red.
And they haven't been sleeping, but it's been quiet in there. And you think that they're sleeping, there's no TV in their room, or maybe it's you know, it's off. But you know what, they might have their cell phones with him.
And you don't hear them talking. So they must be sleeping? No, they have what's called text messaging.
And maybe your children, they're texting each other the whole night with you even realizing it. And they can set their phones to vibrate mode, and it shakes under their pillow. And then you know, the alarm goes off, they will turn it off. And they won't care when it's time for budget. But when that text message comes, you know, they're waking up.
You know, they're waking up. So
in this society,
in this society,
you have a lot of problems, a lot of peer pressure on the youth.
And they might come forward. And they might want to get married, should you get married, I want to get married. And they might come even like almost some of some people come during high school.
And then sometimes a little bit after high school. And you're thinking where did you learn all this stuff?
Of course, you want them to complete their education.
And it's difficult for them. They're thinking, you know, mommy doesn't understand what's going on in this society.
And so you have this conflict, you have this problem.
And it starts off
of course, from the very beginning, providing providing them with Islamic environment and putting them in the correct and the right places to learn their morals and manners. Now if you're going to toss them
in places and put them in places
Tell them not to get wet. You know, it's sometimes it's not, it's very, very rare that a person can hold on to his DNA except for those whom Allah Subhana Allah has had mercy upon. And so as a result of this,
as a result of this, you have a very high divorce rate. Why? Because Muslims are behaving just just like the non Muslims. So that 33% or 36%.
It shows that amongst the Muslim communities, and some communities, there's, there's more or less in terms of percentage of divorce. And sometimes they want to, and in Islam,
and Islam
dating, through a dating comes after marriage. But in society,
that's not acceptable.
That's not acceptable. And you know, you get married, so you love each other. But no, they love each other. And once they get married, then it's over. It's it's the end. I mean, that's when it stops. And that's why the marriage, the marriages don't last that long, because you have so much of this. And so
in this society,
now, should you get if your kids come to you,
right, and they want to get married? Or do you want do you?
Do we get them married early on? Or do they finish? Or should they finish school? And what are some of the obstacles that are facing them? First of all,
as Muslims, we are ordered to protect our chastity.
In fact, the protection of chastity is very important, but at the same time, it's difficult. That's why the reward is also very great. The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Man, wamena, Li, ma baina Yahuwah, he, they healed a man to a level agenda, whoever can guarantee me that he can protect between his jaws in his mouth and his tongue, if you can protect your tongue, and he will attack you, you can protect your private part. And then I will guarantee him, Jenna will guarantee him paradise.
So these are two things, and one is more difficult than the other for the different
*, the male and female, for men and woman, for a woman generally it's more difficult to protect their time,
it's more difficult to protect their time. Because
they're more detailed oriented when they like to talk, they are more detailed than it ends up causing them to talk more for men.
For men, it's very difficult for them to protect the chastity when put in, in a difficult situation. And so as Muslims,
what should we do
as Muslims to help you know the youth, in terms of marriage, should they get married? Or should they not get married? First of all, in Islam,
marriage,
most of us, we know, marriage as being sadhana. We always hear that as being the son.
What we don't understand is
when we say something as son,
of course, that's something that's recommended for us to do. But sometimes
it becomes obligatory. It's not always good enough for everybody. And sometimes in certain cases, it's not recommended.
In certain cases, it's not recommended. But in general, of course, in Islam, there's no urbania there's no
monasticism in Islam, like you have in Christianity and Christianity, it's against the faithful to, you know, the, what they're doing in the priests and so forth. To say that, you know, marriage is, is not something it's something that's bad that they don't get married, pious and righteous people don't get married. And so they don't get married. So they go against the fitrah the filter there are lots of has created humans with and that's why you hear all this news about them doing things that are worse,
with their children, molesting them all over. You know, we hear it on the news all the time, because they're going against the fifth row. So that so marriage in itself is a blessing from Allah subhana wa tada and the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Man, not only events una de la 70 whoever abstains or stays away, avoids my son, whoever stays away, does dislikes it, then he's not amongst me. So the Prophet sallallahu wasallam.
He himself
Got married, and he recommended to the companions, many times to get married even to the youth, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He said, Yeah, I'm not sure a Shabaab or youth minister thought I mean, a minister, I mean, come on, but I felt as though whoever is able to whoever has the means and is able to, then let him get married, because it is more,
it will help him
to lower his gaze. And it will also it will protect, protect them and lower his gaze. And if he's not able to, then let him fast. And so
when we,
when a person grows up in this society,
we see that sometimes the children
the, they sometimes choose, sometimes the daughters come forward, and they want to ask, they want to get married to such and such person, people, and you don't allow them to get married, and then they run off,
then they run off with whoever that person is. And you don't understand why they have just taken off why they have run out.
The reason is, because one of the reasons
is because growing up this society, you're influenced a lot by the media, and by the culture. And in this society, sometimes little things,
cartoons that you watch that you think are innocent, they are messy, they're movies that you that you think it's innocent, there are messages in it, that when a person grows up watching this they are affected by their morals are affected by and their actions when they grow up, become affected by
let me give you an example.
Do you know the story of Aladdin?
Aladdin is a Disney cartoon.
In the story,
the boy,
that peasant boy,
he meets a princess
who escapes the palace,
any and they fall in love.
And of course, they are not compatible. One is a peasant, the other one is the princess. So how is he going to marry this person?
And so of course, the parents are going to disagree, meaning the Father, the king is going to disagree. So a lot of times, you have your daughters coming to you. And they're asking insane things, this person might not even be Muslim. Or you might be thinking about Islam only. And your daughters are asking you to marry this person already.
And then when you disagree said no, it's not permissible when you can't do that. And what ends up happening?
Sometimes she takes off. Because you say no, she takes off. And so she runs off with some guy. And you're wondering how can my daughter do such a thing? Well, the thing is, look, just look at this story of Aladdin just one example. And all the stories repeat himself over and over again a lot. But these love stories. It's always this the parent, the parent, parents disagree. But then the daughter says, You know, I have my own life. And so what they do, they go off on the flying carpet.
Right? They go off on their flying carpet, and what happened, what ends up happening, they come back. In the end, the moral of the story is in the end, it's okay, if your parents disagree with you. You just go off your flying carpet. By the time you get back. When you run off the yoke, they'll be okay. And then the end you'll have a happily ever after or have a happy wedding happy life. After that they are they're okay with it. These see they don't realize but people don't realize this is a cartoon. Little children are watching this.
But this is the message.
It's telling your daughters it's okay just go off on the flying carpet. You come back, you can get married
and you can be together. And so when they get this message they take off also.
And this is not the only movie most of the movies you look at some of the cartoons are love stories. What ends up happening, right the hero the can get with his lover so that they go and the end they always have a happy ending. It's okay. All of these things, these message messages you don't realize it's affecting
what's happening amongst the youth, the men, the young men and young woman in our community. And so
you have people
first of all,
You have to understand, especially when you send them to public schools, they're sitting
there sitting together
with men and woman,
I mean, boy, you know, young young men and young woman,
at the prime of the adulthood.
And
in that society also, it's looked down upon you, if you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you consider weird. So there's a lot of peer pressure. And the communication between parents, sometimes it's not there. And the trust also is not there, between the children, and the parents. And the connection is also not there. And when they can't trust you, and then when they don't know, they don't, they're gonna go to somebody else and some other people. And so you have your children coming to you sometimes, sometimes, the this is, these are just some some cases. But sometimes you also have
a case where,
you know, the the brother or the sister is practicing. And a lot of times you have a lot of sisters are who are practicing. And they, of course, also need to get married, but you want to give them the education, you want them to finish college and so forth, also. So what do you do? So what do we, as parents, when they come to us, if you let them get married,
just on a whim,
they might not be the right person. And that's why, and they might not be for the right reasons. And if that's the case, sometimes the marriages don't end up as don't end up
being successful. At the same time, you have another problem.
You have some parents,
who forced their children to get married to people, whether it's in this country, or overseas.
And it is for different reasons. So they'll give their children, their daughters, or their sons a choice. You either marry, I'll give you two to two choices. They'll say, you either marry cousin, or you marry your cousin.
And those are the two choices you have
either your cousin, or your cousin marries you.
There's no choice whether they know that person or not. And sometimes you want to get you want them to get married, because you want to help them out, and so forth. Now as for example, if something like that happens is that that comes from, from the father's side from the parent site. In Islam, it's not permissible to marry anybody off if they don't want it. And that's why during the time of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
during the time of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, a woman came
to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and complained to the Messenger of Allah sallallahu. She said, O Messenger of Allah, Maya, my father has married me off to somebody
who
to my cousin married off to my cousin, to raise his status, to raise his status without my permission.
So sometimes this happens in our communities, where you want your daughter or you want your son to help your nephew or niece overseas so that they can come to America. And so you tell them to get married. So this is a similar situation that happened during the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam.
So the father already married her off, and she came to the Prophet Salaam to complain to my father and married married me off to raise his status. And so the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave her the choice. And he said, if you want,
if you want, we can nullify this marriage.
Because you got married, you know, you married him off, he married you off without your permission, without asking you permission first. So if you want we can nullify. So the Act, the marriage contract was so high. That means if nothing was done, would have been so high, even without her permission. But in order to have that continue, that's still it has to have the approval. Otherwise, it can be nullified by the the woman, the daughter. And so that's why the processing gave her permission, but then at the same time, she said
messenger of Allah, I actually want to be with my cousin. I don't mind.
I only came here to ask you this to let these fathers know
that these men know that they don't have a hand in their this affair. Another day she wanted to teach the woman, I teach the men, that they should not force their daughters as for her case, she's okay with it. She's okay with it. And that's why when a person gets married the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said, the zohydro Allah doodle will
marry Mary Oliver dude means those whom you love, those that you love, and those that can have lots of children. So because I will boast on the Day of Judgment, because of the amount of the num numbers of my own, on the day of judgment. And so the Prophet sallallahu wasallam gave us this, he said, marry somebody that you love that you have the desire for that you want. Otherwise, there's not going to be there's going to be friction. And so, when a person
when your own your children come to you ask, or should you get married should you want should you want to get married yet or not? The first thing that has to be looked at first is how,
how this all came about.
And look at the people.
When you try to determine
a person's whether you should bear your children off, or you should you marry the other person off or not, when you make your decision,
your decision
should not be based solely on emotions. It should not be based solely on emotions. It should be based on
what the pre taxes are in the Quran, and son of the Prophet Mohammed Salah Lani.
And so the first thing that a person has to do is of course, to consult,
to consult with the people of who that other person is and how they are, and base their decision on Islamic grounds and not based a decision on any other thing. Other factors so much. But the first thing that you should based on is Islamic grounds. And how do you get this knowledge?
Well, you have to consult people who have
who have knowledge about Islam.
So even in this matter, of course, the families should come together, but a lot of people forget
in every circumstance in the different circumstances, to consult the people of knowledge,
to consult the people of knowledge, when you consult people of knowledge.
When you consult people of knowledge and experience,
they will give you a core on how to act and how to behave according to what is according to what is appropriate. According to the Quran and the Sunnah, and not based on emotions, and this also is worth even after marriage. So before marriage and after marriage, a lot of times when people have problems, they go straight to their closest friends. And they asked for this and that without asking the people of knowledge during the time of Prophet Ibrahim
alayhi salam.
The other type of Prophet Ibrahim alayhi salam, Prophet Ibrahim used to visit
he used to visit his son his smile in Mecca.
After he left her and his son, his wife and his son in Mecca,
Providence miles got married. When prophet is Abraham came to visit him he wasn't home.
So
because profit his smile was not
profitable to him, Abraham came and found out that he, his son had married a woman
from the tribes that settled there from the tribe of Judah home.
And
she was asked by the father, she was asked by the father
how
she was asked by the father how his life meet the father in law, but she doesn't know the father in law. This is profitable.
Hey, how's life in so she started complaining
about the difficulties
of life in Mecca,
and about the difficulties she was having. And so the Prophet Ibrahim Alayhi Salaam said when you sent your husband comes back, give him my salaams. Now she doesn't know that her father in law, given my salaams and tell them to change his doorstep. I Tibbets about the threshold on the door, tell the change that he doesn't understand. So he goes back to a sham. When her husband comes back, profitless may realize that somebody probably had visited. He said something and he asked his wife, his wife had forgotten to tell her. So she says, Oh, yes, somebody did come. And he told me to change. He told me to change. My, he told me to change, he told me to tell you to change your
doorstep.
And he gives you a slums. And so profit is made, he understood. He said, that's my father. He has advised me to divorce you.
And so he divorced his wife, according to the orders of his father, Prophet, Ibrahim Alayhi Salam divorced his wife, when his father, totally divorced wife divorced his wife.
Also, the next time he came,
she, of course, he got married to somebody else, and she didn't complain. So he said, you know, of course, the whole after everything happened just to shorten the story. He said, he advised him to keep her, he advised her to keep her. Now why did he advises Why? Why did he advise his son to divorce his wife. The reason is, because she did, he did not have good qualities.
She did not have good qualities. Because she was complaining all the time.
And not only was she complaining, she was complaining to a stranger, about the difficulties that they had at home.
So Prophet Ibrahim noticed that and real right away, he said, You know, this is not somebody who is appropriate for my son. So he ordered indirectly, she didn't realize she got the message. She was the one that the messenger who brought the, the order of the divorce without even realizing it. But the reason is, because she was complaining, and that'd be the end, this is a this is a very, very bad characteristic. If you have problems in the house, don't go complaining to others.
If you try to take care of it, within the confines of the house first.
And if you have any problems, then go to the people have knowledge.
Because if you start complaining to people, your friends, sometimes, yeah, if you go to your brother, your friends, your friends might say, Oh, your wife was like that. If my wife was like that, oh, I wouldn't even be I'd be gone. I'll be gone a long time ago. What are you doing? Stay in it. All right.
You know, whether she's like that, see, he's gonna give you
his decision, or he's gonna give you a his
suggestion, advice based on emotions. And if a girl of a woman comes, as she's complaining to her friends,
most of the time, they don't know the whole story, or they don't have any feelings towards each other. Of course, they don't have that, that bond. And so they're going to say, oh, sister, what says to you, why are you still staying with her? If that was me,
be gone a long time ago. He can't be treating you like this, he says, right? Why are you taking that from him?
So you see that the advice is always based on emotions, and you're not going to get anywhere it causes more problems in the household. So,
in the moral of the story is the children should they listen to their parents.
Of course, first of all, they should listen to their parents, but the parents also should realize that if somebody has come
to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage,
and they are they have the characteristics, the correct characteristics, then you should allow you that they have the deen the character, then you should allow your daughter's to get married to that person to get married to that person. Because those are the things that are important because if you marry your daughters like Allison and bursary, Rahim Allah He said, when he was asked Who should I marry my daughter to buy somebody fly by
the person who came to him and he said, marry your daughter's off to somebody who has Dean
because even if they don't love them,
They won't oppress them.
And if they love them, then they will honor them like nobody, nobody else can. So marry your daughters off to the people who have Dean, and also the sisters and the brothers who want to get married, they should always consult and listen to their parents also, at the same time, and if there's any problem between that, then you should consult the people have knowledge, and try to discuss it with each other. And then the praise the heart or you praise the heart and consult, and then make your decision after that. And so
when, during the time, I remember I spoke about the father ordering.
Prophet Abraham ordered his son to get married to divorce. So the father orders his daughter to divorce or not to get married, or his son should he listened to his father to the Father. Of course, this is after marriage after marriage is even greater already. So you have to look at first of all, it's not permissible for a woman
to get married to somebody without the permission of her father of the Willie or the Willie that she has.
She can go off, because I know some people who they don't have a Willie, or they do have a Willie sorry. And they go off and they go to another Imam and the man marries a man.
Because their parents refuse to marry them up. And so they go to somebody else. You can't jump to the next Willie. If the father is there, you can't go to the brothers and you can't go to the uncles and so forth.
Unless he gives the wirkkala he gives the permission to do so. At the same time, as parents,
you know, during the time of the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam Omar, Abdullah heavner Omar radi Allahu Idaho.
He had married somebody that his father Omar did not like.
And so his father Omar ricotta, ordered his son up de la de la mer, to divorce his wife.
And so the law of Nomura de la and who listen to what he did. Okay. Did he?
Did he go to the people? Did he go to his friends?
This Did he go to? He spoke to his parents. Did he go to his other relatives?
No, he went to the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wasallam when he came to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam the Messenger of Allah Salaam said obey your father
and divorce your wife
obey your father in divorce your wife.
Now
the same thing happened during the time of Abu Dhabi also
another thing and the same thing happened to us without the internet without somebody came up with our and also there the time we met
there in terms of remember, Rahim Allah
and then came Mr. Mohammed is a great muhaddith He memorized a million it like we memorize he said I memorize a million Heidi like me you guys memorize bull hula hot
with the chains of course million Id like you memorize will hold on.
Now he knows this Hadith, Hadith, Abdullah and his students know the hadith of Abdullah Omar Abdullah Han about the case with the prophets of Allah and his father.
A man came and said, Oh, man,
my father has ordered me to divorce my wife. What should I do?
Mm hmm. Rahim Allah He said,
keep your wife don't listen to your father.
Since you wanna kiss, okay? So his students, environment students are wondering, whoa, wait, how can you give a fatwa? That's totally contradictory to the Hadith.
This is the opposite what the Prophet told us to do. Now he's telling him now to don't don't listen to your father's keep your wife stay together. Now what's the difference here?
When the people when they when the when they students asked him, How could you say that? How could you give such a fatwa? his students when they ask him that he What did he say? He said if his father with Oman, Qatar Yeah, I would have told him the same thing.
If his father was Oman, Qatar rhodiola. And I would have thought the same thing. What does that mean? Where did he mama said no, he mama but he was also he knew that Hadith but he understood the Hadith and where to apply it. In the case of the Latin American hombre de la Hondo. Omar ricotta is not going to tell his son to divorce his wife based on
Tribal reasons, based on maybe the based on the dunya, worldly affairs, he's going to tell him based on what's best for his son in this life in the hereafter in according to the deen, according to Islam. So in that case, yes. But if it's not in that case, if it's not because of that, sometimes there is a very good sister.
That is very pious, maybe. But she's not from the same tribe.
She's not from the same culture. And so you say, No, you can't marry them. Do you know what their great, great, great, great grandfather did in the desert.
You know, like, this tribe, and so forth. Because of that, no, we don't marry from this tribe and that tribe, right, we don't wait for this or that, because of this, or this, this is a new Muslim. Now, you can't marry new Muslims, or this is this and that, but they might have very good, you know, a HELOC and so forth. So if one of the one of the best ways to decide
to decide the, you know, first of all have trust, trust your parents, and your parents, and the parents also should also show some, you know, show respect also for their children, as in a sense that when something like this happens, they'll consult with each other, and then consult the people have knowledge. In this particular case, what is the best after knowing this person and knowing that person, and what has gone about what's happened, then try to consult one of the most important things is to consult the people of knowledge. And that's what others have left out. And this happened a lot during the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam.
And that's why during the time when the messenger of some of the woman would come to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, when it's a hobby, ultimately, he came to the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and she said, O Messenger of Allah,
this person, that person he mentioned Abuja him more than she mentioned. Also, more Alia, and
also some of the Who should I get married to?
These people have come forward to ask me to get married, who should I get married to notice that she even to choose who she gets to get married to. The Companions used to come to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam
used to come to the people of knowledge, so that they can give the correct advice. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, As for malaria, he is Luca la mala. He says he's just the poor guy, destitute, doesn't have any wealth. And as for Abuja, he doesn't leave the US ha, he doesn't drop his stick from his and his shoulder. In two cases, either he always hits people, he always hits or he's always traveling. You know, you travel, you always tie, so you're not going to be alone with him. So Mary was Hama, the Mary sama. Notice three people came to the prophet SAW three people had asked her for her hand in marriage. And it's, in this case, of course, this is permissible, this
gets permissible because she has not agreed to any one of them. So as long as she hasn't agreed to anyone, another person can come and ask. Another person can come and ask for her hand in marriage, if he hasn't said yes, to any of them yet, she still has the options. But if there's already an agreement, there's a you know, after the after that then you of course, you don't come and come in the way after there's an agreement to get married already. That's not permissible. islamically. But if there's no agreement yet, so in this case, look, three people came to ask for her hand in marriage, but she came to the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
to help her make the decision. So you come to the people of knowledge, because every case you can't give a blanket statement, blanket case, okay? All the youth they should get married right now. And then you come and then after that they get divorced. Because a lot of times, they make their decisions out of it just they feel like they're in love. And it's all lust. And you know what, somebody might come and say, Oh, this person has these bad qualities. But they'll close though they'll, they'll, they'll have a blind eye about concerning that they'll cover that up, because they want to get married to that person so badly.
And vice versa with both the brothers and the sisters. And so it starts off from the beginning when making
when making this decision. That decision when is made sometimes
As I mentioned, sometimes the, the,
the children, they don't want to listen. So you have to give them you know, you have to make them. Also, you have to have the connection with them, so that they can trust you children. And of course, it starts from the very beginning to raise them up properly with Islamic manners and culture and culture from the very beginning, especially in this society, when it's very difficult, when
not only are they being not only is every but you know, all the society against them. But everything else is calling for haraam. So the first thing that a youth growing up in this society is they have to have chastity, you have to learn that chastity is a very, is a very chastity is something that is a part of Islam and China's in that patience is very important. Also.
Most people they think, okay, if I'm not going to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, I'm not going to communicate with this person, that person and then who am I going to get married?
Who am I going to get married?
have fear in Allah subhanho wa Taala and have trust put your trust in Allah.
Allah subhanho wa Taala will never make your
actions go to waste.
In the home a turkey? Well, yes, we're failing Allah, Allah, you're sinning. Whoever has taqwa and is patient, then Allah subhanho wa Taala will never make your deeds or actions go to waste. And that's why when you're looking for somebody,
when you're looking for a person,
you have to understand that if that person,
whether it's the brother or sister is communicating with you, and stuff like that, and doing that, maybe they are not trustworthy enough. So maybe after if they're talking to you, and they'll behind your back or behind your parents back and so forth. Maybe they're not trustworthy enough. Why?
Because the characteristics, the characteristics that we should be looking for, is like the characteristics in which the wife or the Father, the prophets, and messengers are also looked for, like, the wife of
a prophet Musa alayhis salam?
What did she What did she say? describing what did she How did she describe Prophet musala setup?
In the higher Minister ciyaarta
alcovy I mean, the person that's strong is able to be and also I mean, is trustworthy. And be
you know, put your trust in Allah Subhana especially with the sisters and with the brothers do with things correctly.
Because if you do it correctly, and inshallah Allah subhana wa strengthen the bonds, after you know, is to try to strengthen the bonds after marriage because a lot of times, in this society you have these dates that people go go, you know, on, and they already know each other and they have dates, once they get married, then all the fun stops.
And then the nightmare begins. right for them because it's over. But as Muslims, marriage is the beginning in which you build you start to build that love and the love strengthens with that. But at the same time, you also have to realize that when you have somebody who has the characteristics The Best Of course you could you marry a woman, because people marry a woman because of her beauty, because of her wealth, because of our status. And of course for because of the her religion. Of course the Messenger of Allah sallallahu wasallam ordered us to look for the one with Deen. Why? Because when the person has Deen
both women and men and woman, your children? Well, first of all,
we raised up properly, because the most important aspect of two of raising the children is picking the right mother.
So it starts off with that and that's why one of them is one of the Messiah. He was approached by a man a woman, a man and the man came and he said, Sure, what can I do? His father his son is a one year old, just one. This one here is a one year old only. And the chef son Mashallah is very pious. He looks at he sees Well, how you Your son is really, really good. You know, I want my son to be like that. What
can I do to, to have him be such a good having to be such a good son? And so he came he, the chef told him, it's too late.
It's already too late. There's only one.
He said, it's too late for you. And the brother said, What are you talking about? He's only one.
He said, it starts off with choosing the right mother.
It starts off with choosing the right Mother, you should have come to ask me before that.
As this is the most the most important decision in raising the child, as before you choose the mother, you choose the correct mother, because he is the one that's going to be with him most of the time. So it's a very important decision. So before you make that decision, you look at her, do you think she is going to be
a good mother?
Now, just because she's beautiful, is not going to make her a good mother. Me doesn't mean now, you know, beautiful mothers can raise
that good children. But that's, that's not a quality if you want nice children also. And so as parents also you should look at the people are they going to be good fathers are going to be supporting fathers that will take full responsibility are we and I mean, in a man, and then for a woman is she going to have that chastity that the man also the helpfulness and taking care
of the children also. And so
the advice of the main advisor, I would like to, you know, there's a lot there are a lot of steps, of course, that should be taken. But every single case, you should ask, as the people of knowledge concerning the specific cases, because there are there are so many different cases that might, might happen. And so you can't say that, okay, this person should get married, this person should not get married. But in general, just try to seek the advice of the people of knowledge. And as far as for those who want to get married,
and they're not able to get married, then try to be patient, and be strong and be patient. And know that in the end, sometimes you might not be a your parent, your parents might not agree with you. And they might say, you know, you shouldn't get married to this person or that person, just be patient. Because in the obedience of your parents, there's a lot of Baraka, there's a blessing, you don't want to disobey your parents, and try and you think that this is a sadhana. This is a sadhana to say this is Linda to get married, right.
But obedience of the father is obligatory obedience of your mother is obligatory, it's mandatory. And so you should try to do your very best to try to reconsolidate at the same time, the parents are not allowed to force their children to get married with those whom they don't want to get married to.
And so it shouldn't force your children to get married with those whom they you know, they don't want to get married to the same time the brothers and sisters who do want to get married, they should be patient, and put their trust in Allah subhanho wa Taala. And look for the best person. And maybe the best person isn't the one that you're communicating with right now. Because if they are really, really good, maybe they wouldn't be calling on the phone every night.
Or maybe they wouldn't be texting you they really, if they are willing to text you right now. Maybe after they get married, they're going to be texting other people to
also. So the real good ones. You ask how do you get married, then you ask you about your you asked your sisters, go after the brothers, you ask your sisters, as your mother as your mother's as your aunties, and ask them who are the people who are really good. Indeed, that would make really good wives.
And then when they tell you such and such person is really good, and you consult and then after that, you'd be brave.
Don't go around the back door.
You speak to your parents, right? And then you go to the Father. If you go to the right door, inshallah, last summer, we'll put Baraka in it and do it the right way. Because you started going around the back door, then if you're trying to make something halaal. When it's Haram, when it actually becomes halal, you're not going to enjoy the last one, I will take the car away.
And so, also, there are other Of course, other obstacles also, as as Muslims, we should help those to get help help people who need to get married, to get married, whenever they're able to and this is something that is recommended for all of us and it's nice, it's at the community as a whole and the people
As a whole, so it should help also with that. And
you know, as I mentioned, should a person get married or not getting married, this is a every for every family, for every person, person, person,
they have different circumstances, but in general look for the people, for the people who have been and look for the people, of course, who have knowledge and have that zeal for knowledge, that desire for knowledge. Sometimes you might have somebody, you might lose your sister, and you might see that she might not be
you know, she, she might not be in a situation where she's not.
You know, she doesn't have everything, but if she has the desire to learn to seek knowledge and and to want to have knowledge, then that's something that's a sign that that person is good, because the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said my unit Allah will be higher on if up to 15 whomsoever Allah somehow once goodness for him, and then he makes him learn this Deen. So that desire to learn Deen is an indication that a lot of one's goodness for that person, that person has some goodness in them. It's not because of the rich, because the law gives money to non Muslims and who are very non Muslims who are very rich, very wealthy, but doesn't mean I lost my loves them. So look for the
indicators, that Allah loves that person, if Allah loves that person, it's because Allah Subhana Allah knows that that person has a good heart. So you look at those indicators. And then inshallah if you appear if you're if your
daughters or sons come forward, usually the sons and come forward they're asking somebody, look for that in those indicators, that person have that desire to seek knowledge do they want and if they do, and Sharla those are the things that will help us bring forward. So I hope this gives us a little bit of light to you know, go forward when some of these things occur and I know this is a difficult case, difficult situation, especially in our communities, but try to in order for us to apply the Quran and Sunnah correctly, then we have to ask and see consults, consultation with
seeking consultation, allistic, St. St. Shara and istikhara. That's why Omar mahatama de la and he said,
Man, edema minister Shara was taharah there nobody ever regrets when they consult and they praise taharah so for every decision,
if you need to do something, consult with the people and the people who you should consult with are the people of knowledge. And if you consult and you ask Allah subhana wa istikhara as the prophets on taught us, then inshallah you will not regret you will not regret whether you should get married now, or if you get married later, should you finish or not or surely you should do not finish yet. And so inshallah I hope that sheds a little bit light on We ask Allah subhana wa tada to benefit from that which we have learned and to teach us that which benefits us which is communicating with sal Allahu Allah novena Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam