Brother Abdel-Rahman Murphy talks about ways of transforming us into better Muslims and ways to boost one’s Imaan (faith).
AbdelRahman Murphy – Transformers
AI: Summary ©
The importance of transformation in Islam is highlighted, including finding one's own mistake, evaluating one's lifestyle, and protecting one's heart. fostering friendships and embracing transformation and change is crucial for personal success. The success of promised opportunities is also highlighted, but challenges are difficult to measure. It is crucial for people to be realign themselves with their values to avoid embarrassment and assumptions.
AI: Transcript ©
The last Friday, we have these classes are over one hour exam next week. That's why I was like, why am I here?
Please pass the puzzle of saying I can cheat.
He was a human
being.
I mean,
so basically what I just said in Arabic really quickly, was a lot. And it was the initial praise Allah subhanaw taala. Because in any gathering, we always want to start by praising a lot. Whether or not you're hanging out with friends, whether or not you're starting your class, whatever you're doing, you want to get together and just say 100 laps, everyone's
gonna pray the last time you want to thank him, why do we think him? Well, you know, look at yourself, look around you.
Just the mere fact that you can look around and your eyes are functioning and you have the ability to see and to recognize and to appreciate that's, that's a mirror sign of itself, why we should think we should always be grateful to him to God Almighty. And then we asked for God's peace and blessings to be sent upon the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. Why the Prophet Muhammad SAW some of them will have you learned about him, you'll know, the sacrifices that he made for us the things that he did for us, that allow us to be who we are. And you realize stories that are very interesting.
Some of the companions once were walking with a problem.
And,
you know, he said that he can't wait to meet his brothers in this and in the Arabic language, we learned that the male gender is universal as well. So it covers females as well. So we can translate as brothers and sisters. He couldn't wait to meet his brothers and sisters. And he was walking with people. So imagine like, I'm walking with you guys. Right? And we're just walking down to like Mason pond Parkway, because the only thing on campus I know what the name of it is.
So amazing palm garage. Man, I can't wait to meet. You know, a couple of brothers. You guys are like, awkward. Like we are all brothers. Right? Like not you guys. Some other people. That's what the profitsystem did. They were all like, get us a lot we aren't we are brothers. And he was like, Yeah, you're my You're my companion. But my brothers are the ones who will come after me. And they'll Trust me. They'll love me. They'll believe in me and the message that I brought but they'll never have seen me. So even when we weren't with the prophet SAW Selim, even though we weren't with him, the Prophet says I'm already prophesized and predicted are coming and he wanted to meet us. So
imagine that day on the day, when we go running to the prophet SAW someone. And it's like we being reunited with old friends. Someone that wanted to meet you, and you wanted to meet them. So we asked a decent bust on the Prophet, so send them at the very end, I say a lot on my job, that minimum, right. All I'll make this from now as the enemy.
Very good. Okay. That's the talk for tonight. I really appreciate you guys inviting them to
tonight's talk is, is it up here? Yeah, 180 180 degrees product transformation with other mervi.
The last part was not as important first part is very important. And it's interesting is that the concept of transformation is something that is central to Islam. So that Muslims should be constantly involved in transformation. And in revolution, all the time. There's never a point where we stop revolution in ourselves or transforming ourselves. We're constantly working on it. And the focus of transformation in Islam.
A lot of us are involved in community transformation. How many of you were big fans of the occupy movement?
Anyone? No one okay. You all are probably very wealthy. Okay. So how many of you were fans of Egypt for revolution
for Muslims and if so.
I know it's a little bit and push the envelope big and mechanization and all these I know they are obviously I know what they are. Okay.
You know, everyone's a fan of the Egyptian revolution. A lot of people were fans of different kinds of revolutions all over the world. And inshallah tada gives a victory to the Syrian voting sisters, who are currently rolling I mean, but really what the focus of Islam is, before communal revolution before Human Revolution, is individual revolution.
And this is what the prophet Muhammad SAW said and preached, and this is what he taught. And this is what for the first, you know, half of his message when he was given the the Quran and the revelation of the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala. This is what he focused on, was individual transformation.
Now
The question then comes or, you know, begs to be asked why then do we focus so much on communal communal transformation? Why? What was the focus of transforming community when a lot of ourselves we need ourselves transformation? Well, if we look at the time of the Prophet, so sudden we see that he focused on individuals, he focused on people. The problem is all sudden, you guys don't know who was on. You guys know who he was before he became Muslim. What's a famous thing that he did? Everyone everyone should know?
Okay, so one thing he used to do is used to build an idol of dates, right? And he actually at one time, he was known to be crying. Once they saw that he was crying. They said this way rising crime, and then he started laughing. It's okay. It's kind of weird, emotional mixture, and they start crying, and they started laughing. So he was constantly alternating between crying and laughing. So they went to the bar, why are you like having this like, emotional shift? And he said, I'm crying because I remembered in times of ignorance, I actually assembled an idol, something that I worship out of dates. And so I'm crying because I was in such a state where my heart was in such love for
that negligence of God that I used to worship dates, and then they're like, Well, why did you start laughing? He was I remember when I used to get hungry. I used to eat my idol. Right.
And so you turn this man. Okay, that's a more that's more lighthearted example. But to get real serious on you guys real talk. This man killed his baby daughter. And we tell the stories of like, almost killed his baby daughter. Everyone's like, ooh, OMG. No, yeah, like hashtag Oh my god, right? But no, think about this. For real. He killed his baby daughter, if any of you ever held an infant before.
And what's what's one word you would use to describe holding an infant? What's one word you would use to describe that?
undescribable Wow, we got a philosopher. Okay. You're right. It's undescribable you can't really describe the boat. What would you describe that baby in that moment?
Innocent very good.
Pure. I'm looking for something else but fragile. Thank you inshallah, go you go pick it up. Okay. So fragile, right? delicate. I would even say helpless, helpless. I mean, it's a it's a crude thought to have. But imagine at that moment you control the life of that child. You could very easily end it, you could very easily alter it. That's why whenever you asked to hold a newborn baby, the mom was always like,
can you like sanitize your hands first, right.
And then like, make sure you wear these big oven mitts and sit down on the pillow and make sure because they're very scared because at that moment that baby's life is fragile, right? Very delicate. All Mark took that baby and buried it in the ground and suffocated with dirt until it choked on dirt and died.
Again, we tell the stories if it's like oh yeah, baby died. No, the baby suffocated on its own dirt on the dirt, those covering it.
And while he was digging the grave, actually one time he was crying because he remembered that while he was digging the grave for his own daughter, they'd be bearing alive. The baby daughter, his, this, this, this creature, this amazing creation of God has so much love for the parent, that he got it that the dirt that was coming up from the shovel when he was digging, the grave for his daughter was getting into his beard, and his baby daughter was pulling the dirt out of his beard, to clean up this father's beard, her father's beard, and he put that baby in the ground and covered it. This is the man who because he met the prophet SAW some of them. And because the Prophet focused on what
individual transformation that after the prophet SAW, Selim said is that after me, if there was to be another prophet, it would be Omar.
He went from that, to this.
The prophet SAW said when Omar walked on a street, when he took a path when he hopped on patriot circle, right. shaitan hopped off of patriot circle.
He said that when he went on one way, so I thought it would look into peace out and think the other way. Why? Because almost a man was so strong. His revolution was so successful, his transformation was so complete, that shaitan didn't stand a chance.
And this is the goal that us as individuals that we should have, we can focus on transforming community, we can focus on transforming our families, we can focus on the revolution. But really, if we haven't individually revolution ourselves, if we haven't individually revolted against our neffs then it's all going to be in vain. It's all going to be for nothing for now.
So we talked about revolution, we talked about a couple things. We talked about recognizing our flaws, who came today during
Okay, cool, Mashallah. The rest of you.
Now, you offered probably a better job probably better for being somewhere else, but I'm happy for you. But this talk tonight is not gonna be very long, but we're going to have a few points, right. One of the points we already hit in July, and that is we have to be honest with ourselves.
Use the phrase in the hope that I want everyone to remember write it down if you have a pen and paper, Muslims look at mirrors not through windows.
We look at our reflection we don't look at other people. When we're talking about transformation all who came here tonight wanting a transformation
raise your hand please.
Because who knows maybe just raising your hand might be the reason why I love let's Dustin's agenda. You want to transformation that's our need our needs to walk out of here better than we came in. And so we have to take an active role in that. And the first step of the active role of transforming is recognizing your own flaws. But human beings we love checking out the flaws of other people. Or we love it, you know, are you sad? Jesus peace be upon him Prophet Jesus was, there was a statement that is quoted to him where he said that when you point a finger at someone, that hand is reminding the pointer to check himself or herself how many times
three times before looking at the other person than once you guys see what I mean by that. The finger pointing out once but before that there's three fingers pointing back at the individual, saying check yourself three times before even thinking about someone else. So the first step toward transformation is being honest. Getting over the denial. Right there. Man. Do you have a problem with that? No, no, I'm cool, man. I'm really because you know, you said you don't have a problem getting a four bedroom, but you haven't got a bedroom like three years, right? No, I'm good, man. I want your friend What I want you getting over that denial is sometimes the most bitter pill to
swallow. But it's the first step if we can't take that first step toward transformation, and the rest of the Battle of loss.
The rest of the battle is lost. Now, why do we transform ourselves? What's the purpose? Who can offer a suggestion? what's the what's the point? Why even come here? Why even try to work on bettering ourselves
to improve our face? Are you not very good? That's one. But again, why? Like why do I want to improve my image?
This is raise your hand.
Okay, are there any girls in your name?
When I tried to improve you Okay, you can improve yourself.
Improve are you man? Oh, okay. Yes.
to please a lot, but why?
Why?
Okay, we're getting somewhere. Okay. But why?
Why?
As long as it says, okay, but why?
Listen, I work with you. Okay. I'm doing to you what they do to me.
Remember, why don't do this? Because Allah told us do Why?
Because it'll get you, you know, his pleasure in his paradox. Why?
Do you? Would you prefer Hellfire? No. Why?
You know what I realized? The right answer is, and this is the truth.
When I say the word Allah, what am I saying?
What does it mean, in Arabic? permissible, right, mean something that's free that you're not chained down your face permissible. When I say harm, what am I saying? What does it mean?
not permissible, forbidden. Scratch that. Don't think about those translations. Hillel means good for you. Something that's good for you. If something is permissible, that Allah has is informing us that by letting it be permissible halau is good for us. It's something that benefits us eating food, good for you. Some of it is not good for you, which is the definition of harm harmful for you. Anything that's forbidden, anything that Allah said, Do not do that. Stay away from that. Don't get involved in that. Don't drink that. Don't touch that anything that last month, I said, don't be saying because it's bad for.
So we talked about transformation Revolution, the focus is improving quality of our lives, this life and the next slide.
And a lot of people fail to realize that I had a counseling session the other night. And the reason why I bring this up, I'm sorry, but it just it hit me so hard. There was a man who was married to his wife for six years. They had a three year old son, and on their six year anniversary, she came home or he came home, not from Knoxville, by the way from a different city. He came home and he told his wife, I don't want to be married anymore.
Other six year anniversary. He did not go to Jared. Right.
He told her I don't want to be married anymore. I'm no longer in love with you.
Right? When we sat down and talked about it
as a group when I was in this, and I was in his town, he said that the reason why he wasn't in love with her anymore was because he wanted to change his lifestyle. Right? He wanted to start drinking. He had already started drinking alcohol. He wanted to be friends with girls. He said why don't we have to hold back from our relationship with females or why can't we just like hang out with them and all this stuff? Why why why do we have to? He basically said I want to live my lifestyle and not worry about anything else. I want to do whatever I want and not have to
Worry about my wife. So she's going to be bothering me about it. I don't want her anymore. That's what he said, After six years of being someone completely different, he changes. And when I looked at him in the face, and we sat with her, I looked at it right, the face that I so desperately wanted to punch, right.
I looked at him and I said,
Do you think that this lifestyle is good for you?
Do you think that by living this lifestyle, you're going to become a better person?
So forget about religion, cuz he was I don't know if I believe it anymore. That's what he said. Right? I was like, Well, you know, Allah still there without you believing him. Okay, but let's forget about that. Do you think this is good for you?
He's a no.
This is why would you do it? He was speechless.
So when we talk about transforming ourselves, the Why is always because Allah wants what is best for us. At the end of the day, this method of transformation is bettering our life, and this life and that excellent.
Now, the other parts of why is the motivation factor, this brother that I was talking to, didn't seem very self motivated. And this is something that I'm going to say, because a lot of people come to me and say, brother, Murphy, I have these friends that I really want to change. First of all, that's a very dangerous mindset, that you are changing someone, you're not changing anyone, right? People are changed by a lot. We act as ingredients in that change by being their friends by being their family. We're just ingredients, but the change is done by a las manzanas himself. Right? Yes, no? Awesome. Okay. So we act as ingredients in that. So people say I'm worried about my brother, he
does this or my sister is really concerning me. She's falling off on this side, right? This is the concern that people have.
The number one key to successful transformation is self motivation.
You cannot motivate anyone else to do anything. That person has to be self motivated. Whenever any parent comes to me for the Murphy, my son, he's going to *. Why? Because you didn't take out the trash. Right? Seriously, allegation? I had one Father sent me my son's when
I was like, okay, right. Very interesting. I was like, why he was because he doesn't print federal commission.
I was like, okay, that's intense, man. All right. He goes, and then he says after us yeah, you know, the profitsystem said the hardest prayers for a hypocrite to pray in the masjid are treasured, I shall write better and I shall do so. You know, transitive property whenever. Right? I would don't change his name. Whatever you do, please just leave it to whatever it is like moment, hopefully. Right?
I said ask the Father, by the way to finish sorry. I said did you pray? How old your son he was at FSU professionalism, you're 18? He goes, No. Okay. Give him some time. Right? Give me some time. But the self motivation has to be there. The mother or the father coming to me and saying, We need you to change our son needs you to help our son or our daughter. That's an erroneous belief. It's an erroneous book. It's an erroneous step. The step that needs to be taken is that that person, us individually need to realize that that transfer mission needs to be lit by ourselves. And the prophet SAW said, I'm taught this. The prophet SAW sent him one time a young man came to him and
said, yeah, this will walk. Can you give me a fatwa? Right, he goes, you know, come ask him for a ruling or for permission. And he goes, What's the first one he was I want to commit Zina with that girl.
Can any of you imagine going up to your local email and being like, yo, real quick,
real quick. You can FaceTime me, right?
And the pocket system is sitting in a gathering and there's a lot of companions around. And this kid comes up and go basically want to have * with that girl, you'll get up.
And he and the Hadees actually shows that he asked it in a very informal way. The prophet SAW Sam could have been like, Oh,
you could have done anything. He could have been like, You're disgusting. Oh, my God, a pervert. Like he could have called him out. All the other companions are like man like this kid up, grab the stick. Right? He could have done that. But what did he do? He realizes that motivation is intrinsically driven. That the motivation to change yourself is not something that anyone else can do. The prophet SAW himself in the Netherlands, the men that Allah says, you cannot guide me who you love. You cannot transform who you want. That transformation is individual. So what did he do? He put his hand on the chest of the young man. And he said a lot.
A lot. purify your heart. He said three times. The young men walked away from that gallery saying what? When I was going to the prophet SAW Selim, there was no action that I wanted to do more
than that.
And when I was walking, when I say walking towards Yes, I was walking towards the Prophet, there is no actual answer. And more than that, when I was walking away, he said, there was no action that I hated more than
the Prophet sparks something but it was self motivated. It wasn't the Prophet the Prophet saying that. It wasn't the Prophet narrating this. That was that young boy, a young man. And another story that's very famous. The prophet SAW son was dealing with an older woman.
Back in the early days, was the message accepted or declined?
In the early days declined or accepted for things except the raise your hand.
Okay, very good. Okay. It was declined. So much so that they used to abuse the profits. And so the Profit System is dealing with an older woman. And he goes up to her and says, Yeah, well, maybe guys with a sore before. No interesting, okay. He goes up to this older lady says, Yeah, homie. My mother, is it? Is it actually his mom? No, his mother died when he was
six, between five and seven, six. Okay. So rhymes with fix.
Okay, so his mother died when he was six years old. He goes into the old lady says, Yeah, tell me why would you call her my mother?
out of love and respect? Right. So for elders in the room, if you want love and respect from younger people, I'm sorry, young people. If you want respect, you got to give some respect, right? Yeah. All right, what seems to be the problem because he was walking in the street one day, and this old lady was packing up her thing, get ready to move. Imagine if you were walking out on the street, and you just see this old lady packed up a u haul truck all by herself.
It'd be outside you'd be like, what's going on? Why is she talking all by herself? You know, why didn't she hire any movers my mom Egyptian to the blood never hired Movers. She gave birth to movers right? My brother
for all the work pay a penny right?
She gave birth and fed movers so
this all they didn't have any movers and yummy was seems to be the problem where you go and you seem frustrating seeming to pack up your things? She was Yeah, yeah. in me, which means my son, why is she calling him her son. But respect elders. When young people give you respect, you got to give it back. To me, there's this man named Mohammad who has come to this town. And he is preaching this message of one god of do this worship, worship a lot alone. And it's tearing apart families. mothers and daughters are fighting. Sons and fathers are splitting apart. cousins are hating each other. And this isn't the group that I knew this isn't the city that I grew up in. I want to leave. Does she
know she's talking to awkward, very awkward moment, right? And she says I hate this man. He's crazy. He's mentally *. He's stupid. He's a magician. He's an idiot.
I want to leave again, at that moment. What would you do?
I'd be like, lightning bolts. Right?
Or something bad, right?
You
know, I'm not any more awkward. Right? It's it's you realize you But anyways, so we'll see what he did. His response was much more than the lightning bolt response. Right? So he looks at her and he says, I'm sorry, you feel that way. I hope that you don't commit to leave. But if you've already committed Can I at least help you go where you want to go? At least take you where you want to move.
She says my son that'd be so kind. So they begin to walk if you guys were walked with a very older person.
They have a lot of good deeds. Mashallah. So they all kind of slow, right? They have another series, they have a lot of badger a lot of a lot of good deeds. So they're weighed down a little bit. Right. So.
Right? So they all kind of slow. She's like the anti Usain Bolt. Right. And so they're walking, and when you walk slow, what goes up?
the time you spend together, right? Right. Okay. Anyone? Anyone? physics? No? Okay. Very good. So he walks slowly moving slow. Time goes up. Does that physics make
that chemistry? I'm an English major?
Okay, so, gotcha. Okay. So bottom line. Well, guess what I'm saying, you know, they're going very slowly. And she's talking what a lot of trash. She's talking a lot of trash, right? She's like, yeah, this man named Mohammed. He's stupid. I can't believe he's doing this. I heard this one story about him that he did this. I heard his family doesn't even like him. I heard that I heard that I stop. And he's listening to it. If you guys ever been in a room where someone's talking about you, they don't know that you're there. So we're awkward. Right? Are you walking in there running everyone else's birthday party you walk into I wish
it was Murphy. Right? That happens all the time. When I'm doing like youth work. I walk into the room we have the place we have
the clothes. Hey.
Homework club after school hospital.
Alright guys, when you check in to the club on Facebook, and one of the morning I'll be doing homework. All right.
Unless that new dance called the homework
anyways, so they're talking trash the whole time. whole time whole time, right. He's talking about a lot of trash. They get to a point she's like, here. This is where I'm gonna live. He's like right here. She was right here. He begins to sell it for 10 for the whole time. She's talking trash. right then. Okay, he sets up her entire tent inside and outside. He cleans up the entire thing. Because all the chores it's like a seven hour affair right from start to end. He looks at her and says yummy. Is everything to your liking. She says my son Yeah, it needs
I couldn't have asked for anything more. He says You owe me. He says, then if you don't need anything else do I have your permission to leave it? Look at how respectful these beings are. He doesn't even know her. She's talking mad trash, right? More trash than the garbage man. Right? She's a non hardcore, and he has the patience to what to say. Can I have your permission to leave?
She says yes. So yeah, me, you've done so much Mandy, you know, please like, you're more than welcome to go back and go into your day. I know, you took out a bunch of time to help me. And he begins to walk away. And she says, My son gave me one second, he says what she says this whole time you've been doing work for me. You've been helping me out. You've been listening to me and helping me. You haven't told me what your name is. He says, I'm the Mohammed that you hate so much.
And she began to cry.
And she said, I have a lot.
That's transformation. That's internal.
Right? That's internal. That's that's self motivated. The Prophet didn't have to tell her like, oh, by the way, all that trash. You were talking that Angel, right? He was writing all that down. Right? He has to say that. He just gave her a little motivation a little bit. But it was all self motivated. He didn't have to commander to do anything she did on her own. So when we look at ourselves, and we take that first step of looking in the mirror and see one of our flaws, and the little bit of Navy said, What write down three things on a piece of paper that you don't like about yourself, go home and write this down. What are three things that I wish I didn't do?
That I wish I didn't do? On the other side, write down three things that you love that you do. For example, let's say that you have a habit of fasting on the 13th 14th and 15th of every Islamic month and three white days. And let's say that you're really good to your parents, like anything your parents asked. You do it, right. Or let's say that Mashallah you help your brother or sister, respectively, right. bros like y'all sisters right?
away really quick, right?
Let's say that someone needs help tutoring. Someone needs help with, you know, Oracle campus all going to be doctors, right? Yeah. Okay, so you help them out. Or let's say that you get together once a month, and you do project on signing up the needy, in this area in the DMV area, let's say you do something that you like, and you really, really humbled that you think a lot and you put that good inside of you write that down the other side, when we look in that mirror, we see what we see things that we need to solve and things that we need to keep doing. And as we move on with our life, the purification of the masses, what more things leave this side of the page and enter this page.
Eventually, the negative sides are shortening and the positive side starts lengthening. And then eventually on top of that, the negative side starts getting smaller and smaller. So for example, if your negative before was that you never prayed better, or you never prayed any prayer at all, or I never prayed. Men are Meteor negative. I wish I could pray sooner with my prayers. And you start doing that. And then maybe if I wish you could wake up 4pm once a week, or twice a week, or eight times a week super religious person, right?
All right, you see what I'm saying? That personal transformation has to be practical. Because a lot of people walk into this life and they walk out of this life constantly asking the question, How can I change myself, but no practical means are taken to fix the problems. Nothing. People ask, you know, one person asked me, How can I get this? This guy or girl out of my mind, right? There's a guy asked about a girl but the question is what Wait, I was in love with this girl. He said, I was crazy about her. I wanted to marry her. She wanted to marry me. And then all sudden she didn't want to marry me. Right? think she saw Twilight? Right? So
I don't have an eight pack. I no longer qualified, right?
And he said, He's like, he said, Like what? Like, I'm like, I feel terrible. Like I I can't get online, right? I can't. So first thing I asked him. I said what's your playlist? Right? And the first one I think was like Taylor Swift song. Right? We're never enough together. But I kind of want to write, but whenever doing this, please write.
The first thing I told him was like, What are you letting enter your heart
and forth if we're really going to be honest with us about transforming ourselves. Right? What are we going to transform what's the object of transformation is the heart.
That's what we want to revolt against is the nest that is controlling our heart. So what are we allowing? Enter? What are we allowed to enter into our heart through our ears through our iPods? Or mp3 collection? And what do we allow you to enter through our eyes? I'm gonna share a secret here. You can't tell anyone okay? You people watching this later on video. Don't tell anyone. I watched that movie.
I was I was drugged and forced into it right. I woke up the theater What's going on? And you see like a giant werewolf.
No, really? I watched it. I was I was really like, my Okay, basically I had family friends want to see it. It's kind of weird because they're like, yes. And they were like, I feel that people are gonna start walking out my phone. You
know, I wouldn't I saw with them. Well, I was shocked.
I was shocked. First of all, the average age of women last year was like 46.
Okay, that was number one.
And when there's a scene where one of the male characters takes his shirt off, they all start screaming
on the front lines, Lion King.
But real, real talk, though. We're sitting there, I swear to you, there's a couple people that I went with never Muslim. They're all Muslim, right? Everyone, Muslim, my wife and I went the whole time, we were just like, Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my god. Looking down, I looked up half the movie, it was almost a cut off.
Sometimes I look to my left, and this is the serious part. Sometimes I look to my left. And I was sitting on the end of the right side. And there's a group of Muslim girls that I saw in the community. Right now we're hugging myself, I want them to like run away. And there was a scene, there was a * scene in that movie. And also the scene where the character takes off his shirt. And while I was looking away, they were like,
you might be laughing.
That's poison.
I know it's funny, because like the face and all, but we'll think about this poison.
That's that goes straight to the heart.
There's no filter. There's no filtration process that bypasses reality, straight to the heart.
So we really want to if we want to take this seriously, really, we're going to be real about this. I want to be a better person Really? Do you? Yeah, I do. Do I? I want to, are we going to start taking the right steps and be practical about it?
There's a group of friends who want to see the movie they asked me, if you want to see this movie, I said, Let's go check out this website called kids in mind calm check it out. It's run by a Christian organization. That kind of weird, but they raised it based on not because they're Christian, but because they're they're just netminders. They base it on sexuality, violence, and profanity. Check the sexuality and profanity ratings violence also we shouldn't be accustomed to seeing but check those two, mainly, we want to go they want to see a movie, the rating for sexuality was at age 10 is the highest. Those will see it I was like no things. And they described by the way, on like in text,
all of the scenes that that are sexually being shown.
If we want to take this seriously, both the sisters, we're gonna have to start really protecting our heart, this thing is more valuable than diamonds. This thing is more valuable than any precious stone on this earth. This piece of flesh right here is the most precious thing that you own most precious thing that I owe.
How much would we protect the diamond if we found it
versus our heart?
We would never let a piece of gold roll around in the dirt. But we let our heart roll around in the filth of sexuality and profanity. We got to be very careful, right? So be very careful enters the eyes and ears because that goes straight to the heart. And the focus of that is why because it's good for us to abstain from those things. How do we do it? How do we do it? I'm not trying to I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad. Everyone in this room, particularly person, big white guy sitting at this table needs transformation. Everyone does. It's a constant thing. It's a constant thing. Right? So I'm not talking down to anyone. I'm actually speaking as a servant to you all
offering some advice. How do we do it then the first thing I want, everyone has a favorite write this down. And if you don't, then maybe on your phone in your notes. The first step to transformation, like we said,
is get over the denial.
We all need it.
The minute that you are I think that we're good. That's the moment that we need to close. The second step to getting through this transformation process and starting a Kickstarter and getting it running is like I said, Be practical. And write a list of things that you want to change about yourself. keep a journal, keep a diary for others. keep a journal sisters keep a diary. Same thing different words, right? Keep a written record of things that you want to change and the things that you want to keep things that you want to improve.
The third step
is to assess and evaluate your lifestyle.
Look at your iPhone, what's in the music app.
Look at your iTunes library.
Look at your blu ray or DVD collection. For those of you who are more tech savvy and illegal you're touring collection, right?
Look at your collection of AV audio visual, your media Look at all that and see what are things that are penetrating into my soul.
Right that are changing my perspective.
I've seen I'm not even kidding with y'all. Like I've met guys who are like I will not marry a girl unless she looks like Kim Kardashian.
First question, why do you know what concrete actually looks like?
Second, hopefully you don't know too much about what compression looks like. And third is
V recognize how that image of plastic and makeup has has penetrated your heart. You realize how that's that's changed your reality. Right? So be aware of that. The fourth thing is look at your friends circle.
Look at your company.
Do y'all influence each other? Y'all is a southern thing, by the way, sorry, pick a play. I grew up in Chicago, and I moved to, I moved to Dallas, and it was Knoxville, Tennessee. The minute you hear y'all get to resist it as much as possible. But the minute you say it, like a drug, you can't let go, right? It's just so easy. You say you all but y'all was much quicker. Okay? So y'all, the minute that y'all check out your friends circle, and see
who affects you in a good way in a bad way. That's when you start knowing that you're taking this seriously.
Now, what does that mean? Does that mean that we look at our friends who maybe influenced us in a negative way? And we're like stuck for logic on?
See you later, right? No, we don't do that. I you know, some people and some teachers, and some scholars might say, Yeah, do it just cut them off. I've actually, I've actually heard this, I've actually heard some speakers say, just cut them off. I don't agree with that. Because the prophets have said that people used to come to him, and they used to talk to everyone. And those people weren't as good as him.
Right? By the way, a little caveat here. Never ever, ever think that you're better than anyone.
Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. And the cumulative score of those strengths and weaknesses are only known by a lot.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and the total score of all that only known by Allah, none of us know. So all of you might think that I'm brother Murphy, I'm so pious, and you have your give me a talk. But all of my weaknesses might take me lower than anyone else in this room.
Some of you might see a sister who doesn't work a job, and you think that that's like a super strong weakness, but all of our positives, bring her above everyone else in this room.
Only Allah knows those things. How do we play it safe, we treat everyone as if they're better than us.
But in practical terms, when we're looking at our friend circle, we see the actions of what people do. And we see the advice that we give if you're sitting with a group of friends, and there are people who just do not stop backbiting, and just pull everyone in. Right? But that's something you have to evaluate. And maybe you need to have a conversation. If you're sitting with a group of friends, and they always influence you to go somewhere else to a place that's not good, then you need to check that.
By the way, a little tip on finding good friends, a lot of people ask me, How do I find good friends, be the friend that you want to have? If you're a great friend, then great friends will come out of your friends circles. If you're a great person, and you do good, you have good hobbies and habits, and good character, and your friends circle will instantly raise all of your friends do that, then you will be elevated.
You will see the bulk of fall into your group of friends. But if someone is like, man, I look at this, I do that and they complain about their friends do the same thing is because water finds its own level.
You have to raise the level that everyone else raises. Right? So it's very important to realize that transformation is a very practical process. It's not a spiritual mystical thing. Although there is a lot of spirituality to it. It's very practical, we have to look at it as such. I know that we don't have a lot of time left. But I do know that people love question answer. And I think that this can get more of a penetrating kind of discussion going. And so this is the introduction that I gave to Chawla. And I think all of you for inviting me here. If anyone wants to ask me questions, I thoroughly and really appreciate questions after sessions like right now in the open. And I
appreciate them quickly. Because what happens is the first 10 minutes, we all kind of look around each other for a little bit. And then at the end, I've like cut off like 20 people's questions, say sorry, we can't do it. Right. So if you have a question, then feel free to raise your hand and ask me one moment. We're just gonna make a couple quick announcements and then we can do the q&a.
Basically, there's a flyer in Burke, they're opening up a new machine on January 11. Mohammed Hassan Ali, he's going to be given lecture there, but we do want to show support to that new machine and also guys, we're selling our shirts and sweatshirts.
The back of the shirts that says 2012 so let's buy them before 2012 ends so you can be part of the era are they on sale in 2013
they're already on sale. So the short sleeve or $8 the long sleeve or $10 and then we have a brand new sweatshirts. We just got made this week.
You guys
also gmu MSA at Google Groups calm so if you guys ever have any questions or need anything from us, you can email officers there. Our website gmu. msa.on Mason calm, and then we're also on Twitter and Facebook. Let me see
What else I have here? If you're not getting the MSA emails, there's laptops in the back, make sure you give us your email, we send out our weekly announcements. They're also supported Syria right now, the mask was the massacre going on there. It's just heart wrenching some of the videos.
I can't even watch them. But we're working with Islamic Relief to raise funds. And they're helping out Syria. So in the back, you can make donations with a cash or credit card technology, swipe the card right up here. So makes it very easy. And then I think that's all the announcements I have right now. So if you guys need a mic, I'll come around the mic for questions. If not just raise your hand. I have a side note real quick on Syria, a lot of do a lot of us have the question and what we what we can do to help a lot of us I think everyone does like besides donation. When you give a donation you feel great. When you feel like you want to do something every day. This transformation
is part of that Allah, Allah says my promise that he will not change the condition of the people until they themselves change their own condition. So if we're talking about the Muslim Ummah, and we're tired of being the victim, we're tired of being beaten up and killed all over Palestine and Burma and Ethiopia and Somalia and Syria, if you're tired of it, then take that higher energy and transform it into better actions. The more that we all grow as a community, the more protected that we'll find ourselves. And the more benefit, the more beneficial that we'll see. Alright, that's something active, that's something that really is going to test and see who really wants to help
Syria.
A friend who actually,
we spoke to the drink the alcohol, but
now, he never encouraged me.
So, but, but
it's very good friends.
around the
world.
Yeah. So the question that you have generally is like, would you consider someone different or bad friend? And how would you help them if you see them? we don't we don't make we don't put people in boxes. That's not how life works. Like people don't fit in the box. I'm not seeing you in a mistake. I'm just saying this is what I used to do when I was younger. I used to be like, hypocrite beliebers.
Copper, no, no, yeah.
Come back GPA, right. I used to have this problem when I was younger person, I think a lot of young religiously, you know, like religious zealots. Honestly, I kind of have this issue where like, we just love labeling people. Like we just love it. Like, we're just like, Yeah, because it gives us comfort, that we know what someone is right? When in reality, the most comfortable thing is leaving it to Allah. Allah knows the quality of someone's belief, the quality of someone's action, he knows it, he knows. And the more that we worry about it, the more that we're gonna stress ourselves out, and will never ever be satiated. Now, practically speaking, though, we have to make a distinction
between actions that are good and actions that are bad, we never attribute the action quality to the person. If someone steals something, we're not gonna say they are professional feet, we will say that they are a person who made a mistake and stole something, if someone commit Zina or drink alcohol or smokes, and they are not a sinner, a terrible piece person, but they happen to make that mistake or do that thing once or twice, whatever, right? So the concept of how do you help someone the Profit System teaches us is time and time again, you know, the profit very rarely isolate them, very rarely did he engage in verbal debate, very rarely, there. I mean, you can probably in the
theater, you can probably count under 10 times that he engaged in a solid verbal discussion, and those verbal discussions only took place after that person had known him for a long time and had seen his character. Right. Why was the Prophet so so effective as a person? Because for 40 years, he was known as
a sodic. And I mean, for 40 years 140 in this room?
Anyone?
Right? No? Okay. I want make sure before no one handed up, correct. No one here has even lived that long.
Right? So the real answer to doing Dawa to people, it should be the dollar that you want to see. Be the dollar you want to see. And eventually they'll come to you. Eventually, they'll come to you, right? They'll see something inside of you that they appreciate that they like that they find peaceful, they'll come to you and they'll ask, and if they don't, that's fine. Nothing is supposed to be pushed on anyone. Right? But when we act a certain way and talk a certain way, especially in a very preachy way, it turns people off. I was once I was I used to live in Dallas, Texas.
Now I live in Knoxville, Tennessee. I used to live in Dallas, Texas, and I was
Youth I was a youth director of domestic there and I I don't usually wear those and stuff like the Arab like prom man prom dress.
But I have like a healthy collection of them. I don't usually wear the but sometimes I do because it's important to respect like you know, it's a very It is a very modest clothing. It's very modest garment. I do like wearing see up sometimes like those. But normally I just wear normal like clothes and so I was happy I happened to be wearing so when I went to Kroger he has a Kroger grocery store. It's like a
giant Yeah, I think a giant or a Wegmans.
I want to drive last night.
Giant like Cobras like
So anyways, it's kind of like Wegmans, right? Like Whole Foods.
And I went there to my wife was out of town, so I had to go buy dinner. So I had my box of cereal, and I went and I took it.
I can cook this real talk.
So I put my Honey Bunches of Oats on the conveyor belt. I'm wearing it though. It's a very Muslim populous area. And so even though I'm wearing it, though, everyone knows like, Okay, he's wearing that Muslim thing, right? I have a beard. I'm wearing Koofi. And I,
I go to the lady and my dad has this habit of asking people like everyone that he sees like, how are you? whenever he's buying something? How are you? How's your day going? So as a kid, I learned that from him. And so when I went up to the counter, I said, Hi, good evening. How are you? Right?
I was not expecting this response. She goes, oh my god.
This is from the back of the sleeping. Sorry about that. Oh my god. I know what she goes. I've been waiting for someone to ask me about my day the whole day.
I want Honey Bunches of Oats more than anything right now.
And you are in between me and my HBO right?
And she just starts like telling me about how like her boyfriend broke up with her.
Her car had a flat tire. I think her cat had like some sort of infection or something like just like the all the worst things ever. And I'm just like, Oh my God, my notes gonna go turn the younger.
She goes at the end of it. She goes She goes, thank you so much. You don't know how good I feel. Just getting it off my chest.
Exactly.
I had nothing to do with it. All I do is ask her a day was and it wasn't even sincere. It was just like a typical a conversation starter. But she ended up and who knows. Maybe now she'll see. Well, that Muslim guy actually has no she said no one else asked her the whole day how her day was. So maybe now she'll think oh, that Muslim guy asked me how my day was that was really nice for them to listen. That's the way that Muslims in America or any non majority Muslim country. That's the way that we do Dawa. We don't go and say like, by the way, this prophet was an amazing guy. He was he did this, this, this this? And I'm like, Well, what about you? Right? We need to make sure that we
we turn into the Prophet so that we become like him. Right? If we be like Muhammad, then people won't even have to ask who he is anymore. They'll see it.
Yeah, I think that that's a personal decision. Like, again, I'm not trying to create a black and white formula that everyone has to follow. I'm just saying be aware of these things. Like if we really want to become better people, then we have to make sure that we are with people that make us better. Right? And that doesn't mean that that person is no longer qualified. Like if there's a friend of mine. Listen, I have friends who smoke. I have friends who drink alcohol, Muslim friends who drink I have them. But when they're around me, do they drink? No, when they're running? Do they talk about it? No. They know they can when they're around me. They they're when the group I'm saying
to kind of follow along. We're all gonna go pray and pray. They go pray, right. But we have to check and see if our friends are pulling us to places that we don't belong to. Right? If that's the case, then we have to not cut them off. I'm not saying the friend them on Facebook, which is like the ultimate like friendship ending. Right? Don't be friends on Facebook. Like we really want to let someone know that you're not friends anymore. Just do it there and they'll know right? How come it says add friend.
But
don't defend them completely. Just Just make sure that you whenever
maybe an obstacle to your faith comes up like a bad habit or something. Don't show any interest in it. There's a lot of people that don't be afraid. Don't listen, don't be afraid to express something that you think is not right. Right. They're really afraid
Friends, they won't bother, don't do it in a bad way. But if they're like, yeah, we're gonna go to clubs. And I'd be like, man, I wouldn't go for you. But you know. And again, it's your call, right? If you say it that way, then they're like, I swear to you, I've said this to people. And I'm like, you're right. And you're so right. I'm just, I'm trying to get out of this lifestyle. Like they realize it, we realize it when we make mistakes, when someone comes to me, says Brian Murphy, like you shouldn't have said something like that. I know. And I realize it, right, and I'm working on that. But if someone just cut me off completely, I would never even have a pathway to come back
become better. And it's because of the people around me. And I even became, I'm not good. But I even became the low amount of benefit that I am today. I mean, I mean, a lot of you don't know, like, in high school, I was a Muslim. I grew up with someone, I left Islam, for four years, I never get home. But I lived it up in a bad way.
I do whatever I wanted to.
And if my friends, my Muslim friends, my siblings had just cut me off like a lot of people do. And I wouldn't be here in front of you today. I wouldn't even be next to you. Who knows where I'd be.
But because of those friends who they kept in touch, they didn't go with me to the club. They didn't go with me to the bar or whatever. But they kept in touch with me. Not that I went I'm just saying good examples.
I was like,
but they kept in touch with me. Because of that the rope was still good. I can still pull myself back. Right? But don't cut the rope. But thank you. Very good. You have to also gauge it yourself as she's saying. You have to be kind of gauge yourself. Are they really pulling you down? Or can you maintain a level of growth?
Okay.
Any other question? Raise your hand. Yeah, that
thanks to the to the brothers who by the way, decorated this this with flowers, and
they're like sisters.
I just wanted to comment on one of the claims about
what's up second, Twilight, what?
Those things are? A poison to your heart. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a questionable claim. Because, like at a young age, that's not that that's more due to like, biological, like in neural neurological reasons, like in hormonal reasons. Like it's more of a cookie. Like if we all isolated ourselves from all those outside factors, that still wouldn't limit our imagination and imagination is more powerful than all those imagination like sparks from your own mind and has nothing to do with whatever you saw, like it could create new images in your imagination. And that would provide that satisfaction that you wouldn't be getting if you
did not watch any of it if you did not expose yourself to the outside world.
I think that basically just say I'm wrong. It's okay.
should just say that it's like, I think it's pretty harmless because we shouldn't be saying that, because everyone has free will. You can control your thoughts and you can control how you react, whatever you see. So it's better to say that to counter it, but in saying that it's free well, even though you are watching
and but yeah, you can completely isolate yourself.
Yeah.
know for sure. I'd like to talk about fair Thank you. So I agree with that to a certain degree.
But I went and saw it right. So like, I'm not saying that like you have to like live in a cave. Unless you're Batman.
By the way, might you know the first night of Ramadan was
was also released for Dark Knight Rises? Do you know what I do with my youth group? As a 45 kids to go see Dark Knight Rises on the first time Ramadan at midnight. Then we went for a family meal to make Toba for that.
Then we went to Waffle House to eat our feelings, right? And then we fasted so I'm not like your typical. I won't be like your typical like Tom sod was around. But I'm just saying let's be honest with ourselves. Let me let me explain. Let me explain what I mean. It shapes you mentioned imagination, and you shape and you mentioned how like freewill we have the decision to choose. We can block things out. The danger behind things like this sister, listening and watching is that it shapes people's reality is shaped and there's there is scientific data behind this men who watch *. Right men who actively look at *
When they engage in relations with their significant other, hopefully their spouse, they expect it to be like the * they're watching when * films are nothing like intimacy between marital couples, so things that we watch affect the reality that we then perceive. Let me give an example. The prophet SAW Selim when he married Ayesha, how old? Was she?
Something nice to say 1477. Generally speaking is younger than any age we consider to be normal in this country, correct? That's correct. Right. It's a social construct that they followed in the time of the Prophet so sudden, it's not something that we will follow in America. Although today in other countries it is followed. How old was What's her name? That little baby's name from Twilight?
Renee Houser knows me when Jacob fell in love with her.
So there's a character in the movie who's like called Jacob 1820. He's a 20 year old half Wolf, half man.
And he is romantically in love. He has imprinted his love onto this child. And he verbalize it and it makes the mother very uncomfortable. My point being is that whenever that anyone hears what the prophet SAW in America is at the young age, it's just a weird thing. Oh, my God, how can you do that? He's a child molester as they say these things, but then when Jacobs in love with his baby, they're all like, Oh,
that's creepy. Let's be honest, we'd be honest. That's creepy. If you saw a man walk in here, he's like, I'm in love with a toddler.
What would you say? Sandusky very good.
You would be still you would be disgusted. I would be disgusted. But because the movie has been formed in a way that is palatable, because it's in the context of a story that people have already taken in they're already addicted to, then it becomes normal. Right? And I'm not saying that if a man was in love with the baby be normal. What I'm saying is why was there no reaction? Why was it a reaction? Why when they were like you're in love with my child? Why wasn't everyone like, no. Instead, they were like, Oh, that's so awesome. Why? Because movies and music can shape our reality. Is it not true that the music you listen to can change your mood?
I'm just saying, again, I think Twilight is haraam. I can't pass it. Right? I'm not right. I'm just I'm just a dude. But
I will say this, I don't think it's healthy. I don't think it's healthy. When I walked out of that theater, I felt bothered. And I'm not like the most religious of people. I'm just saying I felt bad. I felt weirded out that, you know, there was so much questionable material in it. But again, I took all my youth on Dark Knight Rises. And this question was around that I covered all their eyes. I was like, a mother I was like,
so. But I appreciate you disagreeing with me. And I think that we can all take a lesson. What's your what's your ancestor?
Dr. Counter if there's anything? Yeah, just give her give her one minute.
You're not going to compensate in a way?
That is a
little hard to get.
You're watching. True. But my argument is that my argument is that you are.
So she was saying just real quick for everyone. She was saying that basically, regardless of whether or not you watch it, your imagination is going to compensate, you're going to reach that point either way. So whether or not you watch it if the damage is already done, or not damage at that point is already reached. My counter argument would be that What? Why then do people why do some people have weird imaginations? Why do we consider some people to have weird thoughts? And some that are very normative? And why would we encourage them to have these thoughts that are not normal? Right? I don't think anyone would have come naturally, to say that this is normal. Right? And why
does it affect the way that they think afterwards? Right? Like, why does * affect the way that men think after they watch it? We can talk later, just you and I inshallah like we can email because I have questions. But I appreciate I appreciate you disagreeing with me. I think that's awesome. I think that's really cool. There just one more counter to that counter.
agree with what she's saying in that? Yeah, we have two buyers by disagree. Like, yeah, we have devices. I mean, we're gonna go watch *, because the buyers are there any way the court or whatever will increase that. So yeah, we have buyers but to certain extent, yes. I agree. I don't think she was, by the way. I don't think she was advocating washing column things. No, no, seriously, I don't think she was I just think she was just trying to say that. It's not as clear cut as I made it. I disagree. But again, this is part of the beauty of one of the questions from the brothers. from your experience as a youth director, what is the best advice you can give to how we
can give data to the youth or other youth? I think, just just be that person, like no one likes to be told, by the way, and you all made mistake mistake before in your life. We all were
There was a mistake when you're making it. Usually we are, right. It's like not like really missing Folgers the same
word.
Right?
Most of us are aware of the mistakes we make as we're making them for sure. So number one, when we're talking to use, quote, unquote, don't use the highlight the mistakes they're making. So you're doing this wrong. Everyone knows, we all know, right? It's about becoming a good example for your friend and your companion example, the prophet SAW them was a lot of things. One of the things he was was he was a great friend. Excellent. Right. He always influenced people in a proper way. And he was magnetic in that sense. So to work on becoming magnetic and, and a good influence. You don't have to preach all the time. In fact, please don't preach like preaching is very easy. Being a good
friend is very difficult. Can I tell you something? That's like a secret?
No, I was kind of like, well, we don't know you that well.
On Wednesday, before I came here,
I had a friend that I had to apparently he's a person from my, my youth, you know, the group that we have in Tennessee, I had to bail him out of jail. Right, because he had some some warrants or something.
And he was shot. Well, also, I called him yesterday, he was shocked that I was even still talking to him. Because he thought that what he had done was so heinous, that no one was going to talk to me anymore. And just reaching out to him again, I'm not saying that I'm an amazing person. I didn't expect his response. But just reaching out to him on the phone when he started crying.
And he wants to pick me up from the airport tomorrow when I go home. He wants to hang out the whole day with me. Because I'm cool as heck.
No, because because he really thought that, like he just wasn't he just thought that he was off my list the rest of his life. He was like, I see no way. Right? And I'm like, What are you talking about? Let's Let's go here tomorrow. He's like, for real? Yeah, pick me up. He's like, nice. And he was like crying and so like, just be there for people, man. Just serve people. Like, we don't have to tell them, we don't have to talk to them. Just be there for them.
You definitely should
indicate where you are in debate.
How would you die?
Yeah.
Gotcha.
Yeah, so I've been trying to work on that. And it's something
I've always found to be very challenging.
discussions are inevitable, right? Even the problems alone engage in discussion, right. So the brother is saying that Yeah, being an example is great, that's gonna, that's gonna work like majority of the time, but there are times definitely that happen, where we do have to endure, engage in a debate or discussion.
Number one, I would say is, try your best, absolutely not to be condescending at all, in the least condescending mean that you put them down. That's never gonna help any cause. And what happens is that when you do that people instantly become defensive. And they never want to listen to anything that you say they'll forget the content. And they'll just focus on you and how condescending I'm being or you're being good. So number one is don't be condescending. Number two, is never seek the debate too far. Like, at some point, when you find out that you're running in circles, you just need to stop.
Right? At some point, the not the information is within them, and they will come to trust it or agree with it. When the time is right, you're going to talk to them as much as you want. This happens with family members all the time. You try to tell your parents something they disagree to disagree. After a while, how many times are you gonna tell them? How many times do you keep repeating the same thing over and over and over again? You can't sometimes you just have to say like, Alright,
I guess we just disagree. And that actually stepping away from an argument can be the most convincing thing that you can do. I've had so many people that don't I've had a discussion with them. Again, particularly youth, they're trying to ask me why. Why America actually won. He was like, why is marijuana hot? Right? It was a serious question. And we had a discussion. And after a while, we started talking back and forth, back and forth. And he was just repeating the same things. Like dude, where's my car? And I was repeating the same things over and over again, right? And eventually, I just was like, Okay, you know what, it's definitely not okay. But you know, you are
your own person. So you make your own decision.
like two days later, he's like, you're right. Like, he just came back. He was like, you're right. Sometimes stepping away is the proper thing. But you know what, at the end of the day, when you do all these things, you're not condescending, you're very, very proper. When you speak, you're polite. Sometimes you step away when you have to, sometimes you're just not gonna win it.
And that's what the prophet SAW said, what he had he, he promised to the house in the middle of agenda for who are the one who backs away from the discussion, even if they're right, he said, even if they're right, because he was he was telling you, he's telling you like, by the way, you're gonna be right sometimes, but you're gonna have to back away. Right? So take those steps, it doesn't work. Okay, we all we all work on our lives, we're really strong on something. And I came to realize that we weren't right to let that happen
to me yet.
So I have this friend of mine.
Really close. And then a couple weeks ago, she told me that she completely gave up on a song and she was Muslim. So I tried to be like, help her and stuff like that. And then she was full of random things in the Quran and be like, how is this possible and stuff like that. So I just tried to be her motivation, in a sense. And then out of the well, I tried to convince her to go see mom and maybe get some help. But after that, she just didn't want to see him. She didn't want to talk about soccer and everything like that. So I didn't know what I should do. So I slowly just started distancing myself away from her. But then again, she moved away from humans away from this area, so she doesn't
really
enter parents.
So how do I like foster that relationship?
So like, I don't know about you guys. But when I with my friends we don't always talk about.
We talk about a lot of things. And so I think there's a common good friend or two different, but there's, there's more in common to you than your faith. And that's why you can have novels with your friends. I, you know, I play golf with this pastor in Knoxville every week. And pastor Tyler, I'm white, I play golf. I know, right?
So he, so we're both not I mean, we're not. You're not Muslim, I'm not Christian. But we have things in common that we talked about. So to answer your question, how do I foster the relationship with someone who are losing similarities with faith being the biggest one, just focus on things that are outside of that realm? Now, when we talk about someone losing their Eman, or losing their faith?
More often than not in my situation, I can tell you that it was frustration. It wasn't disbelief. When I did dipped out of the community for like a few years of high school. It had nothing to do with me finding any competition from abroad. Although, when I became frustrated with the community with my family, erroneously.
I tried to find contributions. And I made up like contradictions, like how could Islam teach this. And
so a lot of people project, a false sense of disbelief that's contradictory in nature, but in reality is just trauma. There's some sort of annoyance or frustration or traumatic event that pushed me over the edge, right? That's how it was me. A lot of people that I met, who loved Islam, my oldest sister being one of them, as well, but she's still actually Christian. That was the case. So when you talk to people who say, I'm not, I don't believe any more of this, and that a lot of it just has to do with that kind of reality. The important thing for them is the key talking to them about their problems, keep talking, keep talking them through it as long as they want to. But the
most important thing is to be there for them if and when they come back, because a lot of Islam is so naturally inaudible right that a word is so naturally attractive, magnetic, that people have a hard time. I remember during my my leave of absence,
that, uh, that I remember being like, I don't want to go back. I knew it, because it's just so magnetic. It makes so much sense, right? If I went back and no one was there to greet me, then I would be like, man, are you on that? So biggest thing is to be their arms open to accept personally come back and make sure you maintain a relationship with things like if you don't have a car, you haven't found that.
So they've taught me like, you know, suggesting the odd man, that's a big deal. It's a big deal. I think there's a good idea that a lot of people just need some space for a little bit.
Stop. I'd be more than happy for you to go ahead and just wherever you
like
bottom
You're
reading my mind.
Just before coming here, I do have like, my friends and we can
get an indication.
And I felt so sad about it and
we just take it easy. That's how
I felt that we would never say
our mother
our language.
So
smart
students.
Okay.
Where are you from? Sir? Where do you guys where the students from?
Okay.
Yeah. Okay. So like, one of the issues that I'm seeing is that, and this lends itself back to the Twilight question that we were talking about
is that um,
one of the guys that this is a story that kind of relates to this, the one of the people that I was talking to recently, that started drinking alcohol, he's a Muslim, and he was drinking with his friends in college. He wasn't, he was a foreign student, not exchange student, but a foreign student from another country from the subcontinent. And he said, Thank you.
He said that, if he did raise glasses and drink with his classmates, that they wouldn't look at him to say,
I went to college here, and I graduated. And I have a lot of classmates who used to drink. And I'm about as American as I can get, like, I love apple pie, I play golf, like I'm just very American. And I never drank alcohol in college and my classmates,
like my mind.
And
the point of the story is that a lot of them feel a social pressure to fit in. But what's ironic is that that pressure is exaggerated and magnified by the movies that we watch and the television that we see,
you know, the music that we listen to the lifestyle that we try to live, right is oftentimes influenced by those things in the media.
The answer to your question is that oftentimes, there's not one thing that you can just say, and I struggle with this a lot people come to me for answers. And I always try to find the perfect answer to convince them. And you know what, sometimes you can,
you know, like, sometimes you just have to give them the advice and then let them live. You know, if at some point, we cannot change everyone, and my perspective on this has changed drastically. When I used to give someone advice and they wouldn't take it, I would become depressed, I become very sad, and I would just see them but now I'm realizing that people sometimes you give them advice, and it takes them a couple months to understand what you meant. The brother who was drinking and he told me that I have to drink otherwise, I keep hitting him say drink like he even said raise glasses and the glasses. I was like, you don't raise no one raises glasses at a bar. Dude. No one's like, yeah,
America like no one does. Right? They just like pound the agar and just go.
You know, the guy who I was telling when I told him at the end of it, I said, you know, you
I told him, I was like, you need to, you need to realize that this is not what I'll marry. They don't disrespect you. If you don't drink. He wouldn't. He just wouldn't listen to it. But you know what? I have a feeling in a couple months, like he'll come back. I would just be there for them when they come back and just keep kind of giving them a little bit of advice each time. When they say it'd be like, no, it's not proper, you know, using that language is not proper. It's not good. Yeah.
Gotcha, you.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So here's another thing by the way, this is not just international students. This is everyone is that people are not the same on the internet as they are in real life. Is the internet personality disorder, right?
Seriously, how many of you have ever encountered someone who's different on the internet? They don't realize.
We all have I mean, come on. Everyone has
I wanted to ask
as human beings.
So where do you draw the line between
the kids that you're supposed to be to do that?
Even if your parents don't agree to what you want to do, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, so basically the question is, if you have something that you want to do a project or something that you're involved with, or a certain lifestyle that you want, that's better for you, that will take you closer to a lot, but your parents feel maybe uncomfortable with it, where's the line that we draw, because you have to be obedient to your parents and be good to your parents. But at the same time, if you are obedient in this case, then it might take you away from something that seems closer, it'll always align. I'm not a parent.
But I was a child, right? I was a kid.
And I remember growing up, and I remember having certain things that my mom would say, don't go to and certain things to do, I would have certain things that my mom would encourage me to, you know, certain friends that she would encourage me to stay away from their friends, you know, all this, all the typical being raised universally, parents will just try to tell you things, different things.
You have to gauge what they're saying how they're saying it.
There's a difference between Hey, Mom, can I go here? Huh? I don't know, there's a difference between that and kind of go? No? Huge difference, right? So the problem is, a lot of times, when we hear the definitive No, we still try to push back. We still try to push back, you have to sometimes give some battles up and then sometimes take some on your own. If your parents are very against certain things that you do, then you have to be able to discuss and tell them and talk to them. If they still come to know, then you should try to be obedient and in that moment, but if it's a trend, where they're constantly holding you back from every single thing, and there's no reason and you get
your uncles and aunts and you get their advice, and they say no, there's no reason why you should be held back, you go to the Imam and there's no reason why you go to all the family, you asked for some see how they say no, there's no reason why, then you need to get your parents kind of involved in like an intervention, right? A lot of it has to do with you getting people involved that can convince them. But if you try to go one on one, you're always gonna lose that battle, you're always gonna lose. Now, your uncles and aunts are like, No, listen, this might not be good for you, especially as uncle you're close with Ben take their advice.
Right. But at the end of the day, this is part of the struggle growing up, you know, their parents do to them, our parents do to us, I'm not gonna say that you can disobey your parents.
Right. But I will say this, that there are ways that you can win them over. And there are ways that you even if they say that they're not completely happy with it. That's still a still No, no. Right? So you got to pick your battles wisely. get people involved, like your uncles and aunts, and respected people, at the end of the day, you have to make a decision, I will not disobey.
Law.
To the orange, or are you had a person ever go ahead?
I had a question about getting judged and how culturally like Middle Eastern, like being that Middle Eastern culture we, we've been taught to judge everyone. And how do you?
How do you deal with? How do you deal with people judging you like, just being able to, you know, communicate to them in a peaceful way without getting, you know, so emotional? Initially, you're very emotional when someone judges you, you just want to attack? How do you deal with that?
You know, it really depends on your relationship with the person.
One thing I will say that I always whenever you're trying to emotionally de escalate a situation.
A very good way to do that is through email, is through text messaging, but I would prefer email, some sort of nonverbal communication. Because you, you can clear your thoughts out. And you can write what needs to be written, instead of saying things because when you say words, you can't get them back. When you write, you can delete and rephrase and change, you can save the folder and then send it tomorrow, there's a lot of different alterations you can do email even has an undo button. So if you send it too quick, you can undo and delete that last line, but there's a lot of things you can do. So if you're having the problem of being judged with a single person or group of people, I
would reach out to them via one of these ways, right? You can write a letter, email, etc. If it happens across an entire community,
then you may have to be a little more verbal about it and tell them directly like I don't like when you say this about me. Just be very straightforward. A lot of us I think we we undermine the power of just being straightforward people not yelling, not screaming, but just saying it you know, you guys want to sound like candidates.
Wow, he's super West Coast, I guess. Okay. So it's not a Canada speaker teacher ship from the west coast. And he used to do prison law. He used to go to the chaplains or he used to be a doctor.
In a prison, and when he knew Sam, one time he walked into the prison. And he had a bag of books because he used to teach the Muslim prisoners. And one of the guards was like, hey, Sandra, what is that a bomb? Right? Again, that's judgment, right? And he looked straight at me on my lap. And he looked straight in the guards eyes deep in his soul. And he says, that was a funny.
And the guy says, I'm sorry, he starts crying.
Right?
The next week, because he used to go on a weekly basis, the next week, he walked in with a bag, and the garden gives them a plate of cookies.
We undermine sometimes the, the power of just
so you know, someone's talking trash or talking smack about you just tell them like, Listen, I don't like when you say this.
Yeah.
Especially, yeah, especially on Arrow funding in the air community.
You just have to tell them. And you know, if you appeal to their emotional side by saying that it hurts your feelings, and it really hurts you, which it does. And don't be afraid to say that. But don't be afraid to say it hurts me. As a guy. Don't be afraid to say that right? As well, then, nothing. You're a guy.
As a young lady, don't be afraid to say it really bothers me when you say these things. And really, like I lose sleep over. It bothers me. I even asked this big white guy one time, what do you continue to answer, like, tell them that it really, really bothers you. I don't think any person with a heart will be able to continue after that. He really appeals. Remember, the first step though, tried to email so you're not really emotionally just let it out there. If they keep doing it, then just try to kill the emotional side and say it really hurts my feelings. Right after that they keep doing it. And they're Voldemort.
I was just wondering, how would you advise someone to become more motivated and changing themselves?
If they know,
this is just an example like with prayer. They know they need to get on a better way or
better timing faces and guess
what would you say to like, have them motivate themselves into doing that or just stop solving bad habits?
A lot of a lot of how to self motivate you through introspection and reflection. And remember, what we said about why we do things is because it's good for us, and why we don't do things because they're bad for us. And that person needs to reflect on when I pray, what good happens to me, what goodness do I feel? And how is my relation with the law increase? Like how does it change my life? Now? If I get up and pray afterwards, how's my life get better? If I do bad things or make mistakes? How does that hurt my life, you have to do a lot of self reflection. A lot, you know how teachers would always tell you in your English classes right now.
And no one likes doing it. Right. But the majority of people, when you write an outline, your paper ends up being better. Because you put up a little bit, you put a little bit of work up into it, right? It's the same thing with Islam. If we can write an outline and put a little work into it, we'll find ourselves improving. The problem is a lot of people say they want to improve, but they don't. So in order to get that self motivation, you have to open your eyes or my eyes, or anyone else's eyes have to be open to the reality, which is this makes me better by 123 ways. Or this hurts me by XYZ, right? open their eyes to the reality. Again, today, I mean, like, it comes down to zero
self motivation. Like you can try a little bit here and there by reminding them. But it all comes down to that
to the transformation process, like becoming a better person. I know you'd like we've done things in the past. I feel guilty for them. At times, I guess what part is the guilt play in like, I guess in Islam, because sometimes becoming guilt, I feel guilty can end up like making me depressed instead of being motivated. Yeah. And so I guess I should be asked forgiveness, then at that point, again.
Should we continuously like, think about how to get across? Yeah. It's a very good question. There's a story that comes to mind. It's called the battle, the story of the battle or the CF, either heard of the story. So the Battle of Odyssey, and it was a battle between the Arabs and the Persian. Right. And this non
Muslim.
The Muslim Arabs of the time, right and whoever was with them, and the Persian apologists, wow.
Okay, so well, so there was a battle under the lap of honor
for the lavon
and
There was a man in a Lincoln admitted he was a hobby. And he had a really interesting habit. He used to drink a lot of alcohol a lot
to the point where he became drunk, multiple occasions. And we'd have to go through the punishment of being drunk or whatever in public. One time during the battle, he was caught drinking. And because they were in the battlefield situation, they weren't able to, like take him to court and everything. So they had to put him in the house of the general the general was sad, individual costs. So they put him in the house of the general and he's there, he's caged under house arrest. This is someone who knew the profit. So someone who's alive, who was considered as a hobby, and who had an alcohol problem. He was caught during defending the Muslims, which is like an amazing event
that he was caught during that time in the battle drinking, so they put him now in the house.
Everyone knows that he's right. He has every reason to be depressed, feel guilty, believes that he made a mistake. He made it public. He made it during one of the most critical times of Muslims being together, he made a huge mistake.
Solid, because his wife is inside the house. And he's like, he's tied up to a pole or something. So he can't move. And he's crying. And she basically tells him like, why are you crying? Like, what, like you made a mistake. And he goes, I need a way to fix it. I need a way to fix it. Like I have to do something to fix it. See at that moment, he could have just wallowed in his own misery. You know, and sat in that in that spot and just cried and you know, basically when depressed, or you could have done what he actually did, he took the energy of sadness, and he turned it into change.
We have to do is you have to realize about what he did was he begged Sideswipe wife begged her to let him go. Just No way. I'm not gonna let you go. No, not gonna happen. You're a prisoner. You're there. He begged. Please, please, please let me go and fight. Let me go continue to fight. Let me go continue to defend and fight for Muslims. So not gonna happen. So finally he promised He said, Listen, if you let me go, and I and I'm alive if I die, not. If I'm alive. I'll come back. And I'll tie myself back up. And I'll sit here, but I'm not going to escape. Don't worry. She said, Fine. Right. I'll take your word. So he goes, he takes a sheet or like a cloth and causes face up so that
his face is covered, his identity is hidden. And he gets on a horse and he starts riding like crazy towards the battle. And he goes back and he like does a lot of damage doesn't die doesn't get hit at all, when all of our season or I'm sorry, Assad sees him. Because he says, that looks really familiar. He goes, if I didn't know that he was tired of my house. I could have swore that was a midget? Because I was he was really good fighter. So he saw his style. He was like, hey, okay, good fight. He's a legend in my house. Right. So Afterwards,
he goes back and ties into the house. He goes and ties itself up. He's alive. He was back. But look at what he did. Again, he couldn't become angry, depressed himself in either anything. Or he could have done what he did was just Toba. Toba is exactly what I've mentioned it help us to recognize the mistake he drank is to repent, right? He was crying. He was repenting a lot. I apologize a lot. So sorry. And the third thing was to make up for it to do something to make up for it. And the last part the law scholars mentioned is you have to swear that you're never gonna do it again. If you fall into it again. That's a chance that happened but don't intend to do it again. Like oh my god, I
miss thunder. Oh, for law tomorrow.
Right? That's not like a proper Silva proper Toba is I miss Folger? And I gotta go to bed earlier, I gotta set an alarm. I gotta do it, right. I'm never I don't ever want to again, and I'm going to take every precaution necessary to try to wake up on time. So you can easily become depressed like you said, or get or you know, guilt ridden, or realize that when a loss martaba forgives you. Like he says it's worthless footpod He says, prevented loss and that's when you ask for forgiveness. A lot turns your bad deeds into good deeds. So everyone actually let's do this right now. Okay. A lot of us is a very interesting proposition. We're going to do a last one sounds like he's sort of
forgotten. He gives a very interesting statement he says that this person he described the person that is guaranteed to help fire they're a fast declare hypocrite and they do all these terrible things. He said for them and double the punishment. Right two times, many said illa metabo Amina Amina Ramadan sonica that will let you get your little mosaic. Right so the first step in limit that everyone would say it's like robot for every sinner you've ever committed. We ask Him to forgive us in London Sabbath what Adam and everyone say that either has a lot. Mohammed Rasul Allah. Ramadan Sati. Hi, look to your brother's sister and give him a big smile.
Okay,
A lot continues that lanica for those people, you bet them Allahu Allah subhanaw taala will say at the end, that all their bad deeds and the good deeds. We are all walking around this room tonight with no good with no bad deeds.
It's pretty baller, isn't it?
And the great thing about this deal is that as never expires, you can do it every day, but you have to do with sincerity. Right? You have to do with sincerity. We all did it right now. And at the end, we kind of felt really good. That's awesome. Right? That feeling has to happen every time you do it. Right. So the way to get out of that guilt and depression is to realize and harness that energy and turn towards good.
Time for one more question.
We just want you to
win.
Oh, so the prophet SAW sent him He promised. He promised his houses and agenda in different levels. One on the outside on the middle on the inside very different levels. And the part that we quoted was he said that he promises a palace or a mansion or a house in a state agenda in the middle. For the person who gives up a debate argument. They leave it even if they're right, he said, even if they're right. So and you're in an argument, you're like when I'm right, that person's wrong. They're on right? Well, if you want that house in general, just just give up like, okay, that's fine. We disagree. It's okay. And just back out, right? The Prophet says one of the teaching
assistant de escalate fitna between us, right.
So how do you help transform somebody that feels like they already transform? Does that make sense? Like,
I haven't thought of like a dictator, like,
a relationship, like towards the pants and she makes more money than your pants.
Like, she's preaching something, but she's doing something else. So it's like, how do you help transform somebody who feels like they've transformed into
a hypocrite? Okay, okay.
Well, hypocrite English means a lot different than a hypocrite in Arabic.
English.
You know, it's tough honestly. The the sour answer is that sometimes you can't.
You know, the prophet, the prophet, sometimes, at the deathbed of his uncle, he stood at the deathbed of his uncle and his uncle to say one word of faith, and his uncle wouldn't do it. So, you know, profit nucleus of his family, distant profit nodes, such as family distant, so even the prophets had trouble sometimes their family members. So I guess in that way, it was granting us on the right. But at the same time, you just you just work on your relationship with them and being consistently there for them. I think part of his sister is that we have to start our community has to start embracing this culture of transformation in the sense that we have to be able to admit and
get everyone to admit that we always need to move forward. There's not a point that you hit, I think a lot of people who go through like this religious awakening,
they hit a point where they think that they've made it, I have a, I have a relative who became religiously aware, I think, at age like 35, or something. And he's kind of reached that dictator status as well, you know. And the problem is, he never ever thinks that he's wrong anymore. Because he, I think, was so disgusted with his old lifestyle, that he can't accept the fact that even now that he's recognized a loss of grace and blessing on him, that he can sometimes make mistakes.
I still have yet to figure out how to do it. But I think the only thing that we can look at is the precedents of the Prophet. So some of them in the prophet SAW said, I'm constantly just working through people, by being kind to them and taking them and doing things for them that they never expected. I think that really just the way that you treat people speaks volumes about how they're going to react to your advice. If you treat them very, very, very, very, very well. Then the react, sometimes they won't react, sometimes they they're just gonna, you know, pass away to the way that they are. And that's part of the struggle, but that doesn't mean that we ever stopped trying. So
when the person said that I don't want to be Muslim anymore, I don't want to be Muslim. The prophet SAW something, give up on them. You know, when he killed,
he killed some companions. You know, Omar terrorized some companions, but they became the best, but some of them who didn't convert to Islam. The Prophet never gave up.
Nice, right? So the way that we treat someone is not based on the result that we want. The way that we treat them is based on the command of the Prophet, which is treat everyone the best that we can with. The result is up to them and a lot.
Right? That's a very good question, though. It's tough. It's tough because you hate seeing people that you love, you know, do that. But sometimes you can even by the way, this is another story that we can tell you can even through your own reflection and transformation, inspire the men.
For example, admitting that you're wrong about something in front of her, might help her admit that, you know, maybe something she doesn't.
She never
well maybe like when you're when you're near her, just like
thinking of the day.
Because like, I feel like I feel like that helps people take their guard down a little bit. You know, you have people who are like on the fight, thinking about arguments, and the first and the person comes back. I'm so sorry. Like, no, I'm sorry. It's like, two people apologize if you both hate each other five minutes ago, and you would never apologize until one of you apologized, and then the other one starts apologizing and now it's like neverending apology, and you're gonna start fighting again over who apologizes for right? So if you can get someone's defense down a little bit by just kind of be like, yo, we're all human. I, you know, I've made this mistake. Maybe that all
along.
Okay.
Just a token of our appreciation
for coming out.
Now that we're concluding, I just want to say one thing. A lot of you might see me in a certain light, but I'll be the first person to say this, that it's my honor and pleasure to serve you. I'm not like a celebrity or anything like that. But like, whenever you need anything from me, feel free to reach out. And please don't ever ask me to retweet you. I'll do it. You don't have to ask.
Please just just treat just, you know, when you see me, don't please don't think of me as higher than you. I'm just like you. In fact, I'm probably lower than you. I'm just here to help whatever I can to tell Zach mulcair for inviting me. I love you all for the sake of Allah.