AbdelRahman Murphy – Thirty & Up Treasury Of Imam Al-Ghazali #10

AbdelRahman Murphy
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of finding a safe space in relationships and finding a meaningful relationship. They emphasize the need to avoid assumptions and avoid cluttering relationships, and to focus on one's psychological situation and finding a safe life. They also discuss the importance of troubleshooting and finding one's love in life, finding personal connections, and finding faith in life. The speakers end with a discussion of criminal cartridge and the importance of faith in life.
AI: Transcript ©
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Yeah, yeah.

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So, Shaykh Naveed, mashallah, we can actually, this

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mic is probably better for you, is it

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on?

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Testing, one, two, three.

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Yeah, it is.

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So, he's in town for a few different

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things and he graciously, he was here this

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morning for the seminary, he was working with

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some of the students here.

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For those of you who don't know, of

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course, Qadam also has, mashallah, basically an Islamic

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college, right, preparing young scholars to come and

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develop their own community programs and to serve

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the community.

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So, he spent some time talking about prophetic

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leadership, which is one of his areas of

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study and expertise, mashallah.

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Shaykh Naveed actually did his own Islamic studies

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in the city of the Prophet, peace be

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upon him, in Medina.

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He graduated from the Islamic University of Medina

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and then came back to Canada, mashallah, to

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practice and to build community there.

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So, we're happy to have you.

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Thank you for joining us.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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How's everything?

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Alhamdulillah.

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Alhamdulillah.

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I'm so happy to be here, bro.

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It's an honor, man.

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I feel like I've seen this so many

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times on, like, the internet.

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The beer is, like, surreal.

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Well, the funny thing is, okay, you have

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been here before because we've had food over

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there together.

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Exactly, but that was different.

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When it was closed, yeah.

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I mean, we just spoke about brothers eating

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chocolate and pizza together.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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And I was like, man, what type of

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biddad did I walk into?

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There was a guy that was with us.

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I can't name him because I don't want

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his daughter to lose respect for him.

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But we had pizza and then we were

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eating pizza and he would take a bite

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and then we would notice he would reach

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under the table.

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He would want to grab a piece of

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chocolate.

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And then he would eat a piece of

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chocolate in between bites, taking the whole sweet

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-salty thing to a new level.

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Oh, man.

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So, Shaykh Naveed, I'm happy that didn't scare

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you away from coming back.

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Never.

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I love you guys too much, man.

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Alhamdulillah.

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I love you guys too much.

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It's good to have you, alhamdulillah.

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We're happy that you hit us during a

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relatively good weather season.

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It was really hot here a couple weeks

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ago.

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I don't even know what that means because

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I was sweating so much today.

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I'm like, how did people survive there?

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I think in Canada it was like 40

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last week or two weeks ago.

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People are like melting.

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Yeah, yeah.

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So, for us when it gets there, it's

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pretty hot.

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But now this is like beautiful.

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Like this weather for us is like alhamdulillah.

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We'll take this all day.

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Yesterday was great.

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Today was a little, you know, it was

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good.

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But it got a little warm.

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A little warm.

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But beggars can't be choosers.

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Alhamdulillah.

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And we are all fukara when it comes

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to a lot of things including weather.

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So, alhamdulillah.

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It's a blessing to have you here.

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This is our Tuesday night class.

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So, we have Monday night which is heart

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work.

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Monday night is the more large community class.

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We're going through different topics there.

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Tuesday night was sort of a matriculation of

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Monday night where there was a group of

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people who are a little bit maybe older,

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a little bit more advanced in their life.

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They hit a few more milestones.

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And they wanted to have, I would say,

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more conversations that were more substantive and more

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in-depth.

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Not to say that heart work is not.

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But sometimes I feel like in the conversation

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piece, maybe the end result of the conversation

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is more inspirational on Mondays.

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Whereas here, you know, we talk a lot

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about, you know, quite frankly we talk a

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lot about what happens with your legacy after

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you pass away.

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You know, we talk about crafting your identity

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in a way that's meaningful.

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We talk about thinking a lot about, you

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know, your death, the afterlife.

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I mean everything that we talk about really

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is framed in the language of, you know,

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the long term, right?

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Beyond the aspirations of a 20-year-old

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who's starting in the workforce.

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Now you're 30 and older and you start

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to realize that you're coming close to Allah

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knows best and cresting through perhaps the halfway

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point of your life.

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And that realization is very sobering.

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And so the conversations that we have here,

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you know, they're lighthearted.

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They're funny as well.

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But we try to really anchor them with

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a lot more meaning and substance, you know,

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in a serious way.

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And I think everyone's prepared for that type

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of depth as well, inshallah.

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So I thought this would be perfect for

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someone like yourself, inshallah, who you have a

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lot of depth and substance as a person,

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inshallah.

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Shukr.

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We should get started.

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We've been reading from, in this class, this

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is our 10th week, a book called Kunuz

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min al-Ghazali, which translates to A Treasury

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of Ghazali.

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And it's an author, contemporary author, Dr. Mustafa

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Abu Suay, who did a compilation of some

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of the best passages that he thought were

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passages of relevance to the Muslim spiritual development,

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you know, from al-Ghazali's works.

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And so we talked about a lot of

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different topics so far, intention.

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We talked about sincerity.

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We talked about, you know, materialism versus spirituality.

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I talked about philosophy, you know, in al

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-Ghazali, some of his more famous challenges that

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he dealt with in his life.

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Tonight, the topic that Dr. Mustafa chose, he

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summarized it with the phrase striving beyond justice.

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And I think that, you know, we live

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in a time, primarily in our social era,

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where we see a lot of relationships as

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transactional.

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You know, relationships, we try to measure them

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out very evenly, almost like when you're baking

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something, you try to measure it out evenly.

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You flatten out the scoop or the cup

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of flour.

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And a lot of us, we view relationships

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in that way.

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There's a lot of inherent, like, scorekeeping, right?

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I think you deal a lot with marriages

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and with family dynamics as a scholar and

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an imam in Canada.

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Do you see a lot of that kind

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of culture between, you know, parents and kids,

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spouses, etc.?

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People keeping score and kind of that being

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a challenge?

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I think in relationships in general, just the

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way society molds us is that we become

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very transactional.

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But I think there's two components to this

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as well.

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Like, as human beings, we are created reciprocal.

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If someone's nice to us, we want to

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be nice to them.

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But if someone harms us, we have anger

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and rage as well that we want to

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reciprocate as well.

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And that is the part that should be

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controlled.

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So with that being said, there are certain

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moments where being transactional is good.

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But for the vast majority of times, you

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should always be more generous than, you know,

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transactional.

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Subhanallah.

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And that's exactly what Imam Ghazali talks about

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here.

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He defines later in the passage.

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We'll read it, inshallah.

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But he defines this concept, this Islamic concept

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of Ihsan, which scholars really do their best

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to try to define in a concise way.

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I mean, really, there's probably books that are

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written on this topic.

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Ihsan, it shares the same root as the

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Arabic word that indicates beauty or something that's

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ornamented.

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And it comes from the idea of a

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person's character being beautiful and then engaging with

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other people at a level that's beyond transactionality,

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right?

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So, for example, you know, the statement that

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we have in English, right?

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Do unto others as you would like to

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be done to yourself.

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And this is seen as the golden rule.

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But in Islam, we actually don't consider that

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to be the golden rule.

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That's like the, like, I don't know, very,

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very basic level of Islamic conduct.

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To do unto others as you would want

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to be done to yourself is considered like

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basic.

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That's basic human relationship or character.

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What we consider to be prophetic is that

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the Prophet, peace be upon him, would do

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unto others much more and better than he

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would expect to be done to himself.

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And so scholars would define Ihsan by saying

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that Ihsan, he says it here, which is

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really beautiful.

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He says, He says, He

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says that Ihsan is when a person does

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something, a behavior, an action that is beneficial

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to the one that they are interacting with

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or engaging with and it is not an

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obligation upon them to do this.

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Meaning that they're not beholden to this.

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He says, It is actually just simply a

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favor or a better action to be done.

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It's an elevation of that person's interaction with

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this person.

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So Ihsan, he's saying here in the relationship

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department, is when a person doesn't look at

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what was done to them and what is

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asked of them.

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But they look at what is beyond what

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is being asked of them.

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So I want to read, Inshallah, the translation

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of what Al-Ghazali says here.

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And I want to have Shaykh Naveed, you

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know, while he's here with us, share some

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wisdom.

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If you guys have any questions, of course

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the Slido is open.

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So you can go to slido.com, that's

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S-L-I-D-O.com and you

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can type in the words 30 and up.

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All of them are the words.

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And then you can start sending questions there.

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I can't wait to see your marriage questions.

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Okay.

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So it's an inside joke.

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It's not really a joke.

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It's just inside.

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It's just an inside thing that I'm dealing

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with.

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So but Inshallah, let's go ahead and get

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started, Shaykh.

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So he says that Allah ﷻ – it's

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pretty long so I'm not going to do

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the Arabic tonight as well because it can

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get pretty lengthy.

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He says Allah ﷻ, the Most High, has

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commanded both justice and excellence.

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Allah has commanded both.

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Okay.

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Shaykh, what do you think he means by

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this?

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What can we take from that?

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So I think stepping back, Allah ﷻ has

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legislated laws and legislations not for the sake

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of them being the norm of practice, but

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they're there to protect the weak and those

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that can't stand up for themselves to make

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sure that they are protected.

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But in terms of our interaction with one

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another, we should always be striving for higher

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than that.

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So don't just look at the baseline and

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say, this is what I'm meant to do.

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But this is a baseline so that no

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one is harmed, but you always strive for

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better.

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So when Allah ﷻ has commanded justice and

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excellence together, the justice is what the baseline

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is and excellence is what you should be

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striving for.

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This is actually a concept that we hear

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every Friday in the Jumu'ah khutbah.

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We hear this phrase literally, إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ

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بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ that Allah has commanded you with

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the responsibility of justice and also with good

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character, with ihsan.

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So it's interesting that the sunnah of the

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Prophet ﷺ was that every Friday, he would

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take a moment in the sermon where everybody

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was gathered, the only opportunity to speak to

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everybody, and he would remind them of these

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two requirements, community requirements.

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It's almost like he was saying to them,

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you can't really fit in here if you

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don't get along with this.

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There are some people in life that you're

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not going to get along with.

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There are some Muslims in life that you're

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not necessarily going to be the best of

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friends with.

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Correct, Shaykh, or no?

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Correct, 100%.

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And in those relationships, I just saw some

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people look at each other.

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Do you not get along with the person

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that you look at?

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Usually people look at each other, but there

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are some people in life.

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You know, I one time heard one of

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my teachers, Shaykh Hassan, he said something really,

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really, like it was very relieving.

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He said, you don't have to be best

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friends with everybody.

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And I think that that is like an

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empowering realization.

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Really, subhanAllah, the community is so big, what

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Allah has commanded for us is that we

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treat each other with courtesy, with love, with

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communal common love.

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But at the same time, there might be

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some differences in personality and differences in persuasion

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and preference that mean that you might not

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get along with somebody.

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I mean, have you ever traveled with a

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friend that after you're done traveling with, you're

00:11:14 --> 00:11:15

like, we're no longer friends?

00:11:15 --> 00:11:15

Never again.

00:11:16 --> 00:11:18

Yeah, because your style was so different?

00:11:18 --> 00:11:20

Have you ever shared pizza and then found

00:11:20 --> 00:11:22

out that the guy is eating chocolate in

00:11:22 --> 00:11:22

between?

00:11:22 --> 00:11:23

I've seen that.

00:11:23 --> 00:11:23

I've seen that.

00:11:24 --> 00:11:27

Those things end up being sometimes a realization

00:11:27 --> 00:11:28

that you know what, maybe we're not as

00:11:28 --> 00:11:31

close in these faculties or departments as we

00:11:31 --> 00:11:31

thought we were.

00:11:32 --> 00:11:34

But in those cases, you cannot be unjust.

00:11:34 --> 00:11:36

You can't say that, well, I don't really

00:11:36 --> 00:11:38

like this person, so I'm not going to

00:11:38 --> 00:11:38

be fair to them.

00:11:39 --> 00:11:41

Islam has the base requirement, like Shaykh Naveed

00:11:41 --> 00:11:45

just said, justice, everybody deserves justice, Muslim or

00:11:45 --> 00:11:45

non.

00:11:46 --> 00:11:48

Doesn't matter what faith tradition, doesn't matter whether

00:11:48 --> 00:11:50

or not you get along with them, doesn't

00:11:50 --> 00:11:52

matter whether or not their life is diametrically

00:11:52 --> 00:11:54

opposed to your moral value.

00:11:54 --> 00:11:56

They deserve justice, right?

00:11:57 --> 00:11:58

But then there's also the second level which

00:11:58 --> 00:11:59

is Ihsan.

00:11:59 --> 00:12:01

And that is what we're going to be

00:12:01 --> 00:12:02

talking about a little bit more.

00:12:02 --> 00:12:04

So he says that Allah Ta'ala commands

00:12:04 --> 00:12:05

to this.

00:12:05 --> 00:12:08

And then he says, justice is the cause

00:12:08 --> 00:12:09

of salvation.

00:12:09 --> 00:12:12

And he says the example of that is

00:12:12 --> 00:12:14

like capital in trade.

00:12:15 --> 00:12:18

On the other side, he says, excellence is

00:12:18 --> 00:12:20

the cause of all success and felicity.

00:12:20 --> 00:12:22

And it is likened to profit.

00:12:22 --> 00:12:25

So when someone's in business, when you sell

00:12:25 --> 00:12:28

something, you have your capital, right?

00:12:28 --> 00:12:30

You have your investment, you have the revenue,

00:12:30 --> 00:12:31

you have that.

00:12:31 --> 00:12:32

But then you also, in order to be

00:12:32 --> 00:12:35

a successful business, you also need to make

00:12:35 --> 00:12:35

profit.

00:12:36 --> 00:12:38

If a person is basically just breaking even,

00:12:39 --> 00:12:42

then technically they are buying and they are

00:12:42 --> 00:12:42

selling.

00:12:43 --> 00:12:44

But are they really growing?

00:12:45 --> 00:12:46

Are they really increasing?

00:12:46 --> 00:12:46

They're not.

00:12:46 --> 00:12:49

The only time a person increases as it

00:12:49 --> 00:12:51

comes to the business example is when they

00:12:51 --> 00:12:52

make profit.

00:12:52 --> 00:12:54

And so he says here, operating at the

00:12:54 --> 00:12:57

level of justice is not going to grow

00:12:57 --> 00:12:57

you.

00:12:58 --> 00:12:59

It's not going to grow you.

00:12:59 --> 00:13:01

You only grow when you operate with the

00:13:01 --> 00:13:04

level of Ihsan, excellence and beauty.

00:13:05 --> 00:13:07

He says anyone who is satisfied with only

00:13:07 --> 00:13:10

capital when trading cannot be considered a sane

00:13:10 --> 00:13:11

person.

00:13:11 --> 00:13:14

Anyone who is only satisfied just by breaking

00:13:14 --> 00:13:16

even, if you're a business person, you're not

00:13:16 --> 00:13:17

a very good business person.

00:13:17 --> 00:13:18

This person is not sane.

00:13:18 --> 00:13:21

He says the same then would apply to

00:13:21 --> 00:13:23

all of a person's dealings with regards to

00:13:23 --> 00:13:24

the hereafter.

00:13:25 --> 00:13:27

The religious person, the person who is practicing

00:13:27 --> 00:13:30

their faith should never confine themselves to justice

00:13:30 --> 00:13:32

and avoiding injustice.

00:13:33 --> 00:13:35

Rather, they should, and he says while shutting

00:13:35 --> 00:13:38

the doors of excellence, rather they should reflect

00:13:38 --> 00:13:39

on the verse of Allah subhana wa ta

00:13:39 --> 00:13:43

'ala which says, and do good to others

00:13:43 --> 00:13:44

as Allah has done good to you.

00:13:44 --> 00:13:47

Shaykh, when you hear that verse, do good

00:13:47 --> 00:13:50

in general, open-ended, as Allah has done

00:13:50 --> 00:13:52

good to you, what reflections come to mind?

00:13:53 --> 00:13:54

I know that there's probably many.

00:13:54 --> 00:13:55

How far can I go back in terms

00:13:55 --> 00:13:56

of this?

00:13:56 --> 00:13:58

Please, Shaykh, I talk too much so cut

00:13:58 --> 00:13:58

me off whatever.

00:13:58 --> 00:13:59

No, no, no, I don't want to cut

00:13:59 --> 00:13:59

you off.

00:13:59 --> 00:14:01

I love what you're sharing.

00:14:01 --> 00:14:04

So I think let's start off with why

00:14:04 --> 00:14:05

do some people get along and some people

00:14:05 --> 00:14:06

not get along?

00:14:06 --> 00:14:08

I think understanding that is very, very important.

00:14:08 --> 00:14:10

So we have a hadith in Sahih al

00:14:10 --> 00:14:13

-Bukhari where the Prophet ﷺ says, الأَرْوَاحُ جُنُودٌ

00:14:13 --> 00:14:17

مُجَنَّدًا فَمَا تَعَارَفَ مِنْهَا يَتَلَفُ وَمَا تَنَاكَرَ مِنْهَا

00:14:17 --> 00:14:20

اِخْتَلَفْ that souls are like conscripted soldiers.

00:14:21 --> 00:14:23

Those that got along in the realm of

00:14:23 --> 00:14:25

the souls will get along in this world

00:14:25 --> 00:14:26

and those that didn't get along in the

00:14:26 --> 00:14:29

realm of the souls aren't going to get

00:14:29 --> 00:14:29

along here.

00:14:30 --> 00:14:31

So before Allah subhana wa ta'ala created

00:14:31 --> 00:14:33

the physical bodies, He had created the souls

00:14:33 --> 00:14:34

and He made them testify to the oneness

00:14:34 --> 00:14:35

of Allah subhana wa ta'ala.

00:14:36 --> 00:14:37

And it's interesting because when you look at

00:14:37 --> 00:14:39

it, it's as if they had an opportunity

00:14:39 --> 00:14:41

to hang out and chill while things were

00:14:41 --> 00:14:45

being set up for their testimony, I guess

00:14:45 --> 00:14:46

you could call it that.

00:14:46 --> 00:14:48

And at that time certain souls got along.

00:14:48 --> 00:14:51

And if those souls got along, naturally when

00:14:51 --> 00:14:52

you meet someone that got along over there,

00:14:52 --> 00:14:53

you'll click right away.

00:14:54 --> 00:14:56

And this explains so much because other times

00:14:56 --> 00:14:57

you'll meet someone for the first time and

00:14:57 --> 00:14:58

you're like, dude, why are we not getting

00:14:58 --> 00:14:59

along?

00:14:59 --> 00:15:01

Like nothing's even happened, but for some reason

00:15:01 --> 00:15:03

there's this aversion that we have and this

00:15:03 --> 00:15:04

is a spiritual aversion from the realm of

00:15:04 --> 00:15:05

the souls.

00:15:05 --> 00:15:06

Not to say that they're good or bad,

00:15:06 --> 00:15:08

but that's just the way it plays out.

00:15:08 --> 00:15:11

And then Aisha radiallahu ta'ala, she sort

00:15:11 --> 00:15:15

of explains this on how two women that

00:15:15 --> 00:15:17

had met one another from Makkah and Medina,

00:15:17 --> 00:15:20

they got along so easily because their souls

00:15:20 --> 00:15:22

had met in the previous life.

00:15:22 --> 00:15:26

Number two, with regards to business transactions, I

00:15:26 --> 00:15:28

think what we're looking at over here is

00:15:28 --> 00:15:29

how many people start a business for the

00:15:29 --> 00:15:30

sake of breaking even.

00:15:31 --> 00:15:32

Like no one does that.

00:15:32 --> 00:15:35

So if you're striving just to be just,

00:15:36 --> 00:15:38

what Imam al-Ghazali rahimahullah is saying, you're

00:15:38 --> 00:15:40

striving just to save yourself from the hellfire,

00:15:41 --> 00:15:43

but not necessarily go anywhere higher in Jannah.

00:15:43 --> 00:15:45

And what you have to be striving for

00:15:45 --> 00:15:47

is to go to those higher places in

00:15:47 --> 00:15:49

Jannah, and that will only be through the

00:15:49 --> 00:15:50

ihsan that you show.

00:15:50 --> 00:15:52

So if you strive for ihsan, you're striving

00:15:52 --> 00:15:53

for higher levels of Jannah.

00:15:53 --> 00:15:55

If you're striving for adal, you're just striving

00:15:55 --> 00:15:57

to be saved from the hellfire.

00:15:57 --> 00:15:59

So what do you want to strive for?

00:15:59 --> 00:16:01

You always want to strive for more.

00:16:01 --> 00:16:05

Number three, I was talking about this transactional

00:16:05 --> 00:16:06

relationship that we have.

00:16:06 --> 00:16:07

You'll see that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,

00:16:08 --> 00:16:11

He uses transactions as an example because that's

00:16:11 --> 00:16:12

what people can relate to.

00:16:12 --> 00:16:14

Like everyone has to transact on a daily

00:16:14 --> 00:16:14

basis.

00:16:14 --> 00:16:17

You buy bread, you buy milk, you do

00:16:17 --> 00:16:17

all sorts of things.

00:16:18 --> 00:16:19

So when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says,

00:16:19 --> 00:16:22

إِنَّ اللَّهَ اشْتَرَى مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ أَنفُسَهُمْ وَأَمْوَالَهُمْ بِأَنَّ

00:16:22 --> 00:16:25

لَهُمُ الْجَنَّةَ It seems very transactional that Allah

00:16:25 --> 00:16:26

subhanahu wa ta'ala has purchased from the

00:16:26 --> 00:16:30

believers themselves and their wealth in exchange for

00:16:30 --> 00:16:32

them having Jannah.

00:16:32 --> 00:16:34

So this means that if you sacrifice your

00:16:34 --> 00:16:37

life and your wealth for Jannah, you sacrifice

00:16:37 --> 00:16:38

your life and your wealth for Allah subhanahu

00:16:38 --> 00:16:39

wa ta'ala that you'll get Jannah.

00:16:40 --> 00:16:41

That's not a good understanding.

00:16:41 --> 00:16:43

Because the Prophet ﷺ tells us that we

00:16:43 --> 00:16:45

only enter Jannah based on the mercy of

00:16:45 --> 00:16:46

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

00:16:46 --> 00:16:48

So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is telling

00:16:48 --> 00:16:50

us when you put both of these evidences

00:16:50 --> 00:16:54

together that when you sacrifice yourself and your

00:16:54 --> 00:16:56

wealth, you're eligible for the mercy of Allah

00:16:56 --> 00:16:56

subhanahu wa ta'ala.

00:16:56 --> 00:16:58

But the deeds that you do are what

00:16:58 --> 00:17:01

will dictate how high you actually go.

00:17:01 --> 00:17:02

So now when we get to this verse,

00:17:02 --> 00:17:05

وَأَحْسِنْ كَمَا أَحْسَنَ اللَّهُ إِلَيْكَ It shows us

00:17:05 --> 00:17:09

a very important rule of engagement.

00:17:10 --> 00:17:12

There's one element, treat others like you want

00:17:12 --> 00:17:13

yourself to be treated.

00:17:14 --> 00:17:16

But there's a greater element of treat others

00:17:16 --> 00:17:18

the way that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:17:18 --> 00:17:18

treats you.

00:17:19 --> 00:17:21

How does Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala treats

00:17:21 --> 00:17:21

you?

00:17:21 --> 00:17:23

He gives you even before you ask.

00:17:24 --> 00:17:25

When you do ask, He gives you more.

00:17:25 --> 00:17:27

When you do ask, He gives you better.

00:17:28 --> 00:17:29

He's always looking out for you.

00:17:29 --> 00:17:31

You may be asking for something, but it's

00:17:31 --> 00:17:32

not good for you.

00:17:32 --> 00:17:33

So He gives you something better instead.

00:17:34 --> 00:17:36

That is the way we're meant to be

00:17:36 --> 00:17:37

looking out for one another.

00:17:37 --> 00:17:39

That's how you create bonds of relationship.

00:17:39 --> 00:17:40

That's how you create family.

00:17:41 --> 00:17:42

That's how you create community.

00:17:42 --> 00:17:43

That's how you create society.

00:17:44 --> 00:17:48

It is dictated upon this concept of اِرْحَمُوا

00:17:48 --> 00:17:50

مَنْ فِى الدُّنْيَا يَرْحَمُوكُم مَنْ فِى السَّمَاءِ That

00:17:50 --> 00:17:52

have mercy and compassion on the inhabitants of

00:17:52 --> 00:17:53

the earth.

00:17:53 --> 00:17:54

And the one who is above the heavens

00:17:54 --> 00:17:57

will have mercy and compassion upon you.

00:17:57 --> 00:17:58

And we learn this, you know, there's so

00:17:58 --> 00:18:01

many narrations where the Prophet ﷺ tells us.

00:18:01 --> 00:18:03

And this is again, this is why I

00:18:03 --> 00:18:04

like Tuesday night.

00:18:04 --> 00:18:06

Because we can say things like very, very

00:18:06 --> 00:18:07

directly.

00:18:07 --> 00:18:10

I think a lot of times people, they

00:18:10 --> 00:18:11

want good friends.

00:18:12 --> 00:18:13

Everybody wants good friends.

00:18:13 --> 00:18:15

We all want to be good friends and

00:18:15 --> 00:18:15

have good friends.

00:18:17 --> 00:18:20

And sometimes we wonder in a situation why

00:18:20 --> 00:18:23

we don't have the friendships that we yearn

00:18:23 --> 00:18:23

for.

00:18:24 --> 00:18:27

We wonder why the quality of those relationships

00:18:27 --> 00:18:28

may be inconsistent.

00:18:29 --> 00:18:32

And the Prophet ﷺ, he teaches us why

00:18:32 --> 00:18:32

this is.

00:18:32 --> 00:18:34

He tells us why.

00:18:34 --> 00:18:37

He says that whoever, for example, is not

00:18:37 --> 00:18:39

grateful to Allah, is not grateful to people,

00:18:39 --> 00:18:41

they will not be grateful to Allah.

00:18:41 --> 00:18:44

So there's like a reciprocal spiritual relationship.

00:18:44 --> 00:18:48

A person cannot frame themselves as being like

00:18:48 --> 00:18:49

a dichotomous individual.

00:18:50 --> 00:18:52

I'm one way with Allah and I'm different

00:18:52 --> 00:18:53

with people.

00:18:53 --> 00:18:56

Generally speaking, you are who you are.

00:18:56 --> 00:18:59

If you're grateful to people, you'll find yourself

00:18:59 --> 00:19:00

being grateful to Allah.

00:19:00 --> 00:19:02

If you're grateful to Allah, you'll find yourself

00:19:02 --> 00:19:03

being grateful to people.

00:19:03 --> 00:19:06

So when we find ourselves struggling in relationships,

00:19:07 --> 00:19:11

the real question is how is my relationship

00:19:11 --> 00:19:12

with Allah?

00:19:12 --> 00:19:17

If that relationship is good, those traits that

00:19:17 --> 00:19:20

are good in my relationship with Allah should

00:19:20 --> 00:19:23

be cascading down into my worldly relationships as

00:19:23 --> 00:19:24

well.

00:19:24 --> 00:19:27

If you, for example, are stingy with your

00:19:27 --> 00:19:29

time with Allah, you're probably going to be

00:19:29 --> 00:19:30

stingy with your time with people.

00:19:31 --> 00:19:33

The people that are the most generous and

00:19:33 --> 00:19:37

charitable in situations, for example, like fundraisers or

00:19:37 --> 00:19:40

whatnot, they also tend to be the most

00:19:40 --> 00:19:42

generous and charitable with their time and with

00:19:42 --> 00:19:45

their ear and with their shoulder and everything.

00:19:46 --> 00:19:49

So a lot of times, subhanAllah, we think

00:19:49 --> 00:19:50

of our relationship with Allah as being like

00:19:50 --> 00:19:52

on a different sphere or realm.

00:19:52 --> 00:19:52

It's true.

00:19:53 --> 00:19:55

You don't treat the creation like you treat

00:19:55 --> 00:19:55

the creator.

00:19:55 --> 00:19:57

Of course, you always prioritize Allah.

00:19:57 --> 00:20:00

But realize that the traits that we have

00:20:00 --> 00:20:02

are the traits that we have.

00:20:02 --> 00:20:04

And we can't really decide or dictate when

00:20:04 --> 00:20:05

we turn them on or off.

00:20:05 --> 00:20:07

They are what they are.

00:20:07 --> 00:20:09

So there's that hadith, that narration.

00:20:09 --> 00:20:12

There's also the Prophet ﷺ, he taught us,

00:20:12 --> 00:20:14

generally speaking, or actually this is a statement

00:20:14 --> 00:20:15

of Umar.

00:20:15 --> 00:20:18

Umar, he said that the prayer is the

00:20:18 --> 00:20:19

most important thing.

00:20:20 --> 00:20:24

And he said that, فَمَن كَانَ لِصَلَاتِهِ مُضِيعًا

00:20:24 --> 00:20:26

فَلِغَيْرِهَا أَضْيَعٌ He said that for the person

00:20:26 --> 00:20:29

whose prayer is deficient or is weak or

00:20:29 --> 00:20:31

is not there, everything else is going to

00:20:31 --> 00:20:32

be weak too.

00:20:33 --> 00:20:34

Everything else is going to be weak too.

00:20:34 --> 00:20:36

You know, a lot of times people talk

00:20:36 --> 00:20:37

about the purpose of religion.

00:20:38 --> 00:20:39

Like, why do we need religion?

00:20:39 --> 00:20:41

This is the big question these days.

00:20:41 --> 00:20:42

Why do human beings need religion?

00:20:44 --> 00:20:45

Imam Ghazali is really funny.

00:20:46 --> 00:20:47

He's very sarcastic.

00:20:48 --> 00:20:50

When you read his books, he's like, he's

00:20:50 --> 00:20:52

basically, he has a lot of trolling.

00:20:53 --> 00:20:54

I was going to call him a troll,

00:20:54 --> 00:20:55

but that would be disrespectful.

00:20:55 --> 00:20:56

He trolls people.

00:20:57 --> 00:21:00

So he trolled a lot of the religious

00:21:00 --> 00:21:03

critics, the critics of religion.

00:21:03 --> 00:21:05

And he said that, you know, for these

00:21:05 --> 00:21:08

people that say that religion is, what's the

00:21:08 --> 00:21:10

word, outdated, right?

00:21:10 --> 00:21:11

It's abrogated.

00:21:11 --> 00:21:12

He said, you're abrogated.

00:21:13 --> 00:21:15

It's like a person saying religion is dumb,

00:21:15 --> 00:21:15

and you're like, you're dumb.

00:21:16 --> 00:21:17

He basically said the same thing.

00:21:18 --> 00:21:21

So what we learn, subhanAllah, is that Omar

00:21:21 --> 00:21:23

رضي الله عنه is saying one of the

00:21:23 --> 00:21:26

reasons why religion is necessary beyond, of course,

00:21:27 --> 00:21:30

just the pure command of Allah, but one

00:21:30 --> 00:21:32

of the wisdoms that we find that religious

00:21:32 --> 00:21:38

presence is necessary is because it helps guide

00:21:38 --> 00:21:39

relationships.

00:21:40 --> 00:21:42

You know, one thing I like to tell

00:21:42 --> 00:21:46

married couples, especially like these newlyweds, and by

00:21:46 --> 00:21:47

the way, I don't like making fun of

00:21:47 --> 00:21:48

newlyweds.

00:21:48 --> 00:21:49

I find that a lot of people who

00:21:49 --> 00:21:51

are married for a while, how long have

00:21:51 --> 00:21:52

you been married for, Shaykh?

00:21:52 --> 00:21:53

18 years.

00:21:53 --> 00:21:54

Yeah, wow, mashaAllah.

00:21:54 --> 00:21:55

I got 16.

00:21:56 --> 00:21:57

Alhamdulillah, Allah Akbar, mashaAllah.

00:21:57 --> 00:21:58

How old were you when you got married?

00:21:58 --> 00:21:59

25.

00:21:59 --> 00:22:00

Oh, okay, okay, mashaAllah.

00:22:02 --> 00:22:04

So, don't do the math, that's impolite.

00:22:04 --> 00:22:06

Everyone stop right now.

00:22:06 --> 00:22:08

It's like looking up someone's house on Zillow

00:22:08 --> 00:22:09

when you get their address.

00:22:09 --> 00:22:09

Don't do it.

00:22:10 --> 00:22:12

I think there's like a technicality.

00:22:12 --> 00:22:13

There's a difference between when I got my

00:22:13 --> 00:22:14

niqah done and when I got my civil

00:22:14 --> 00:22:15

registration done.

00:22:15 --> 00:22:17

So I think let's go with 17 years.

00:22:17 --> 00:22:18

17 years, okay, okay.

00:22:19 --> 00:22:20

Yeah, Shaykh, you look 30.

00:22:21 --> 00:22:21

You're great, mashaAllah.

00:22:22 --> 00:22:22

Allah Akbar.

00:22:22 --> 00:22:24

So I've been married 16 years, alhamdulillah.

00:22:24 --> 00:22:25

I got married in college.

00:22:25 --> 00:22:27

So I got married when I was 20

00:22:27 --> 00:22:28

and now I'm 36, alhamdulillah.

00:22:29 --> 00:22:31

And I don't like, when I meet newlyweds,

00:22:31 --> 00:22:32

there's like the uncles.

00:22:32 --> 00:22:35

They're like, oh, enjoy it because it's only

00:22:35 --> 00:22:36

going downhill from here.

00:22:37 --> 00:22:38

And you're like, what's wrong with you?

00:22:39 --> 00:22:40

Like, freaking jerk.

00:22:40 --> 00:22:42

I remember we got married.

00:22:42 --> 00:22:44

The uncles were like, it won't last, beta.

00:22:44 --> 00:22:45

I'm like, what is wrong with you?

00:22:47 --> 00:22:49

And a lot of that, subhanAllah, is just

00:22:49 --> 00:22:50

projection, right?

00:22:50 --> 00:22:51

It's just projection.

00:22:51 --> 00:22:53

But there is one thing that I do

00:22:53 --> 00:22:55

tell newlyweds which I think is important.

00:22:56 --> 00:22:57

And Shaykh, you do a lot of, I

00:22:57 --> 00:22:59

know, marriage counseling work.

00:22:59 --> 00:23:01

So you can tell me how accurate this

00:23:01 --> 00:23:03

is in Canada, right?

00:23:03 --> 00:23:04

Here in America.

00:23:05 --> 00:23:06

No, but you can tell me.

00:23:06 --> 00:23:09

I'm pretty sure it's universal, which is that

00:23:09 --> 00:23:14

marriage is the comprehensive coming together of so

00:23:14 --> 00:23:19

many different personality and skills, personality traits and

00:23:19 --> 00:23:19

skills.

00:23:20 --> 00:23:20

100%.

00:23:20 --> 00:23:24

And of course, whenever anything is novel and

00:23:24 --> 00:23:27

new, we actually talked about this earlier today,

00:23:27 --> 00:23:29

the difference between nuance and novelty, right?

00:23:29 --> 00:23:32

Whenever anything is novel or new, you need

00:23:32 --> 00:23:35

very little motivation to keep it going because

00:23:35 --> 00:23:36

the novelty of it is exciting.

00:23:37 --> 00:23:39

So this isn't, I'm not taking a shot

00:23:39 --> 00:23:39

at newlyweds.

00:23:39 --> 00:23:41

I'm just saying it's the nature of everything.

00:23:42 --> 00:23:43

In fact, you can share what we spoke

00:23:43 --> 00:23:44

about earlier.

00:23:44 --> 00:23:46

When you get a new job, right, there's

00:23:46 --> 00:23:47

novelty.

00:23:47 --> 00:23:49

When you get a new car, there's novelty.

00:23:49 --> 00:23:51

When you get new clothes, there's novelty.

00:23:52 --> 00:23:55

And then after who knows how much time,

00:23:55 --> 00:23:57

for each one it's probably different, the novelty

00:23:57 --> 00:23:59

wears off and you notice other things.

00:24:00 --> 00:24:02

So if you are working at your job,

00:24:03 --> 00:24:06

after a few weeks, they're like, hey, remember

00:24:06 --> 00:24:07

that whole remote thing?

00:24:07 --> 00:24:08

We need you to come back into work.

00:24:09 --> 00:24:11

And you're like, but my friend doesn't have

00:24:11 --> 00:24:12

to come back into work.

00:24:12 --> 00:24:15

Or you get this new outfit, you like

00:24:15 --> 00:24:17

it, and then all of a sudden you

00:24:17 --> 00:24:20

just start, Instagram knows you, and Instagram puts

00:24:20 --> 00:24:23

the Vela Hijab sponsored ads, and all of

00:24:23 --> 00:24:25

a sudden now the new stuff you got

00:24:25 --> 00:24:26

is no longer good.

00:24:26 --> 00:24:27

It's the same thing in relationships.

00:24:28 --> 00:24:29

It's the same thing with marriage, with friendships.

00:24:30 --> 00:24:32

And Sheikh said something beautiful earlier today.

00:24:32 --> 00:24:35

Can you share the difference in novelty and

00:24:35 --> 00:24:37

then what actually people should be looking for?

00:24:37 --> 00:24:38

I will briefly.

00:24:39 --> 00:24:40

I just want to share something I just

00:24:40 --> 00:24:40

want to talk about right now.

00:24:40 --> 00:24:41

Yes, yes, please.

00:24:42 --> 00:24:44

There is a novelty when you first get

00:24:44 --> 00:24:44

married.

00:24:44 --> 00:24:47

And it's inevitable that you will go through

00:24:47 --> 00:24:49

a discovery phase in terms of who you

00:24:49 --> 00:24:51

are and who your spouse is.

00:24:51 --> 00:24:53

And that may actually be turbulent because you're

00:24:53 --> 00:24:55

still trying to figure a lot of stuff

00:24:55 --> 00:24:56

out after that novelty phase is over.

00:24:56 --> 00:24:58

But if you can ride that out, and

00:24:58 --> 00:25:00

if you can be patient, there's a new

00:25:00 --> 00:25:03

phase that comes about, and that is a

00:25:03 --> 00:25:04

layer of depth.

00:25:04 --> 00:25:06

Like, you know, they say onions have layers,

00:25:06 --> 00:25:08

but I think that's a terrible example.

00:25:08 --> 00:25:10

The example I want to share with you,

00:25:11 --> 00:25:12

I didn't mean that to be funny, I

00:25:12 --> 00:25:12

was real.

00:25:12 --> 00:25:15

No, you're right.

00:25:15 --> 00:25:16

Because every time someone says that, but they're

00:25:16 --> 00:25:18

trying to frame it positively, I'm like, I'm

00:25:18 --> 00:25:19

not trying to eat an onion raw.

00:25:20 --> 00:25:22

This is, if marriage is a gift from

00:25:22 --> 00:25:27

Allah, then there's multiple wrapping papers that are

00:25:27 --> 00:25:27

on it.

00:25:28 --> 00:25:33

And every once in a while, after, you

00:25:33 --> 00:25:38

know, decades of marriage, you're removing one layer

00:25:38 --> 00:25:39

of wrapping paper at a time.

00:25:39 --> 00:25:41

And it's like a new gift that is

00:25:41 --> 00:25:42

presenting itself.

00:25:42 --> 00:25:45

And this could be those beautiful characteristics, this

00:25:45 --> 00:25:47

could be those beautiful insights, this could be

00:25:47 --> 00:25:51

the generosity that they show you beyond just

00:25:51 --> 00:25:53

the physical generosity that we see.

00:25:53 --> 00:25:55

And just to add to this, because I

00:25:55 --> 00:25:58

know not everybody here is married, but this

00:25:58 --> 00:25:58

is every relationship.

00:25:59 --> 00:25:59

100%.

00:25:59 --> 00:26:01

I mean, the more, for example, you speak

00:26:01 --> 00:26:03

to your parents, right?

00:26:03 --> 00:26:05

I mean, even with me, like, I'll take

00:26:05 --> 00:26:07

my kids out, and I think I know

00:26:07 --> 00:26:07

my kids.

00:26:08 --> 00:26:08

Yeah.

00:26:08 --> 00:26:10

And then my kids, like, ask questions, and

00:26:10 --> 00:26:12

I'm like, wow.

00:26:12 --> 00:26:14

And we have a conversation, and I'm like,

00:26:14 --> 00:26:16

it's like they opened up a new realm

00:26:16 --> 00:26:16

for me.

00:26:17 --> 00:26:20

Or you spent, we framed the whole friends

00:26:20 --> 00:26:21

trip as a bad thing, but you travel

00:26:21 --> 00:26:23

with a friend, and you get closer as

00:26:23 --> 00:26:24

a result of that.

00:26:24 --> 00:26:25

And you're like, wow.

00:26:25 --> 00:26:28

And you come back now more bonded, right,

00:26:29 --> 00:26:29

than you were before.

00:26:29 --> 00:26:29

Why?

00:26:30 --> 00:26:31

Because, like you said, the depth is there.

00:26:33 --> 00:26:36

Yeah, so I would say, look, relationships require

00:26:36 --> 00:26:38

patience, and you just have to put in

00:26:38 --> 00:26:39

the work, you have to put in the

00:26:39 --> 00:26:42

time, and whatever seems difficult will become easy

00:26:42 --> 00:26:42

once again.

00:26:43 --> 00:26:44

So for those of you that are struggling,

00:26:45 --> 00:26:47

understand that there's a lot of gifts awaiting

00:26:47 --> 00:26:49

for you if you can just wait it

00:26:49 --> 00:26:50

out and work together on that.

00:26:51 --> 00:26:53

Now, with regards to this concept of novelty

00:26:53 --> 00:26:58

and nuance, you start a new job, you

00:26:58 --> 00:27:00

start a new relationship, things are new and

00:27:00 --> 00:27:03

exciting, but if you don't know the why

00:27:03 --> 00:27:06

and you don't know the what, that novelty

00:27:06 --> 00:27:08

clearly wears out very, very quickly, and then

00:27:08 --> 00:27:10

you're jumping from one thing to the next.

00:27:10 --> 00:27:11

And I think that is one of the

00:27:11 --> 00:27:12

crises of our times.

00:27:13 --> 00:27:17

When we're constantly having instantaneous gratification, this means

00:27:17 --> 00:27:20

novelty runs out even quicker than it used

00:27:20 --> 00:27:20

to.

00:27:21 --> 00:27:23

So you have to focus on controlling the

00:27:23 --> 00:27:27

instantaneous gratification, especially in those things that have

00:27:27 --> 00:27:28

very high consequences.

00:27:29 --> 00:27:31

So like, okay, you're watching a reel, you're

00:27:31 --> 00:27:32

not liking it, you can jump onto the

00:27:32 --> 00:27:33

next reel.

00:27:33 --> 00:27:34

There's a very little consequence that's there.

00:27:35 --> 00:27:36

But now when you're in a relationship, whether

00:27:36 --> 00:27:38

it's a friend, whether it's a parent, whether

00:27:38 --> 00:27:40

it's a spouse, whether it's a child, there

00:27:40 --> 00:27:43

are severe consequences to neglecting that relationship, and

00:27:43 --> 00:27:46

you have to take it a lot more

00:27:46 --> 00:27:46

seriously.

00:27:46 --> 00:27:48

So what is the nuance that you can

00:27:48 --> 00:27:52

develop in the relationship that replaces the novelty

00:27:52 --> 00:27:55

so you still have enjoyment and fulfillment that

00:27:55 --> 00:27:57

you would get in something that is new?

00:27:57 --> 00:27:59

So what you end up looking at, what

00:27:59 --> 00:28:02

are parts of the relationship that you enjoy

00:28:02 --> 00:28:04

that you can build on, right?

00:28:04 --> 00:28:07

So for example, you and your spouse love

00:28:07 --> 00:28:08

reading the same genre of books or watching

00:28:08 --> 00:28:10

the same genre of movies, right?

00:28:10 --> 00:28:13

So doing something like that that you can

00:28:13 --> 00:28:17

deepen the relationship with, that you reward yourself

00:28:17 --> 00:28:19

with at the end of the week, right?

00:28:19 --> 00:28:21

So you like reading.

00:28:21 --> 00:28:22

Actually, I don't even know, what are people

00:28:22 --> 00:28:22

reading these days?

00:28:25 --> 00:28:25

Remember?

00:28:25 --> 00:28:26

Yeah, today.

00:28:27 --> 00:28:30

It's a really philosophically romantic couple.

00:28:31 --> 00:28:33

You ever thought about the philosophers?

00:28:33 --> 00:28:35

No, I mean, I was thinking of the

00:28:35 --> 00:28:36

book Divine Love, right?

00:28:37 --> 00:28:37

Oh, yeah, okay.

00:28:37 --> 00:28:38

Yeah, yeah, right?

00:28:38 --> 00:28:40

So that was like the most recent book

00:28:40 --> 00:28:42

that I thought became like viral amongst Muslim

00:28:42 --> 00:28:43

couples and stuff like that.

00:28:44 --> 00:28:45

So that being said, so at the end

00:28:45 --> 00:28:46

of the week, you're done your work week,

00:28:46 --> 00:28:48

you want to spend time chilling together.

00:28:48 --> 00:28:51

Don't do something mindless where you're not interacting

00:28:51 --> 00:28:53

with one another, but do something mindful that

00:28:53 --> 00:28:54

you're both enjoying.

00:28:54 --> 00:28:56

And the key thing is you're both enjoying

00:28:56 --> 00:28:58

and finding fulfillment in it, right?

00:28:58 --> 00:29:00

And that is how the relationship grows, where

00:29:00 --> 00:29:03

you prefer the other over yourself, right?

00:29:03 --> 00:29:05

And you want to do things that will

00:29:05 --> 00:29:06

be pleasing to the other.

00:29:06 --> 00:29:08

And I think we completely forget about the

00:29:08 --> 00:29:09

spiritual dimension of relationships.

00:29:10 --> 00:29:11

When Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says, وَأَحْسِنْ

00:29:11 --> 00:29:15

كَمَا أَحْسَنَ اللَّهُ إِلَيْكَ Allah subhanahu wa ta

00:29:15 --> 00:29:18

'ala creates this worldly paradise for you, right?

00:29:18 --> 00:29:20

Because there's an ukhrawi paradise that is waiting

00:29:20 --> 00:29:22

for you for all the good that Allah

00:29:22 --> 00:29:23

subhanahu wa ta'ala is going to reward

00:29:23 --> 00:29:23

you with.

00:29:24 --> 00:29:25

But Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala creates a

00:29:25 --> 00:29:28

dunyawi paradise for you for the goodness that

00:29:28 --> 00:29:28

you show to other people.

00:29:29 --> 00:29:31

And this is why someone smiling at you

00:29:31 --> 00:29:32

makes you feel good.

00:29:32 --> 00:29:33

This is why when you hold the door

00:29:33 --> 00:29:35

open for someone and they say thank you,

00:29:35 --> 00:29:35

it makes you feel good.

00:29:36 --> 00:29:38

These are the smaller paradises that Allah subhanahu

00:29:38 --> 00:29:39

wa ta'ala has created in this life

00:29:39 --> 00:29:41

as a result of the good that you

00:29:41 --> 00:29:43

do towards others that is selfless.

00:29:43 --> 00:29:44

You take that into a relationship at a

00:29:44 --> 00:29:48

much deeper level, pleasing your spouse, spending time

00:29:48 --> 00:29:50

with your spouse, preferring your spouse, being generous

00:29:50 --> 00:29:52

with your words, being generous with your time,

00:29:52 --> 00:29:54

being generous with your thoughts.

00:29:54 --> 00:29:56

Like it's so easy to say when your

00:29:56 --> 00:29:58

wife asks you or a friend asks you

00:29:58 --> 00:30:00

what's on your mind and you're like nothing.

00:30:00 --> 00:30:02

I feel like that's the worst cop-out

00:30:02 --> 00:30:02

ever.

00:30:03 --> 00:30:05

Because sometimes that may be true there's nothing

00:30:05 --> 00:30:06

on your mind, you're just like lost in

00:30:06 --> 00:30:07

thought or whatever.

00:30:07 --> 00:30:09

But I would say a lot of times

00:30:09 --> 00:30:12

we are thinking about things we just don't

00:30:12 --> 00:30:13

want to share and then we cop out

00:30:13 --> 00:30:15

by oh nothing's on our mind.

00:30:15 --> 00:30:17

If you can force yourself to speak about

00:30:17 --> 00:30:20

what's on your mind, be vulnerable and trust

00:30:20 --> 00:30:22

in Allah that inshallah you're in a safe

00:30:22 --> 00:30:23

space with whoever you're with.

00:30:24 --> 00:30:26

Allow them to share their reflections on your

00:30:26 --> 00:30:27

thoughts and you'll see that's how you deepen

00:30:27 --> 00:30:28

the relationship.

00:30:29 --> 00:30:30

At one point or another someone needs to

00:30:30 --> 00:30:32

take the first step of being vulnerable.

00:30:32 --> 00:30:34

At one point in the relationship someone needs

00:30:34 --> 00:30:35

to take the step of being more grateful.

00:30:36 --> 00:30:37

At one point in the relationship someone needs

00:30:37 --> 00:30:39

to take the first step in being more

00:30:39 --> 00:30:39

selfless.

00:30:40 --> 00:30:41

That's how relationships are going to grow.

00:30:42 --> 00:30:44

And this is why the Prophet ﷺ says

00:30:44 --> 00:30:46

when he talks about the status of relationships

00:30:46 --> 00:30:49

in two people he would say وَخَيْرُهُمَا مَنْ

00:30:49 --> 00:30:51

يَبْدَوْا بِالسَّلَامِ Right?

00:30:51 --> 00:30:53

The one who is better amongst the two

00:30:53 --> 00:30:55

people is the one who begins with the

00:30:55 --> 00:30:56

Salam.

00:30:56 --> 00:30:58

Because that person had to be vulnerable.

00:30:58 --> 00:31:00

We've all been in a gathering where we've

00:31:00 --> 00:31:03

seen someone that we recognized and in our

00:31:03 --> 00:31:05

mind it's like who's going to start?

00:31:05 --> 00:31:07

Do I go to them or do they

00:31:07 --> 00:31:07

come to me?

00:31:08 --> 00:31:10

And the Prophet ﷺ here he said the

00:31:10 --> 00:31:13

reward the better amongst the two is the

00:31:13 --> 00:31:16

one who gets up and goes and initiates.

00:31:16 --> 00:31:19

Because that initiation is that opening of the

00:31:19 --> 00:31:20

door of vulnerability.

00:31:20 --> 00:31:20

Right?

00:31:21 --> 00:31:22

Because the ego is on the other side

00:31:22 --> 00:31:22

of that.

00:31:23 --> 00:31:24

The ego is the one that says no

00:31:24 --> 00:31:25

they'll come to me.

00:31:25 --> 00:31:26

No they should come to me.

00:31:26 --> 00:31:27

My wife was telling me something that I

00:31:27 --> 00:31:31

thought was really amazing with regards to this

00:31:33 --> 00:31:34

deepening of the connection with friends.

00:31:35 --> 00:31:37

And I think one of the things that

00:31:37 --> 00:31:40

we're dealing with now Shaykh primarily is the

00:31:40 --> 00:31:41

crisis of loneliness.

00:31:41 --> 00:31:42

And I think that there's a lot of

00:31:42 --> 00:31:43

people I mean some of the questions we

00:31:43 --> 00:31:46

get people feel like I'm surrounded by people

00:31:46 --> 00:31:47

but I'm so alone.

00:31:47 --> 00:31:49

And I think that's exactly what you're mentioning

00:31:49 --> 00:31:51

which is it's not that you're lonely you

00:31:51 --> 00:31:53

just don't have the depth of connection in

00:31:53 --> 00:31:54

those relationships.

00:31:54 --> 00:31:57

So you have a lot of surface connections.

00:31:57 --> 00:31:58

You have a lot of things.

00:31:59 --> 00:32:00

But you don't you have a lot of

00:32:00 --> 00:32:02

people who like your statuses.

00:32:02 --> 00:32:02

Right?

00:32:02 --> 00:32:04

You have a lot of people who text

00:32:04 --> 00:32:05

you everyday.

00:32:05 --> 00:32:07

But the depth of the relationship is not

00:32:07 --> 00:32:07

there.

00:32:08 --> 00:32:12

And one of the gatekeepers to depth can

00:32:12 --> 00:32:13

be honestly finances.

00:32:14 --> 00:32:16

Because a lot of times when people make

00:32:16 --> 00:32:18

plans those plans the barrier to those plans

00:32:18 --> 00:32:20

is like let's go get something to eat.

00:32:21 --> 00:32:23

And realistically if you want to create and

00:32:23 --> 00:32:26

cultivate a relationship it can be expensive.

00:32:26 --> 00:32:29

And so somebody has to create the counterculture

00:32:29 --> 00:32:32

now which is in order for us to

00:32:32 --> 00:32:33

have depth we don't have to spend money.

00:32:34 --> 00:32:36

You know we can sit together and we

00:32:36 --> 00:32:38

can enjoy each other's company.

00:32:39 --> 00:32:40

We don't have to spend money on a

00:32:40 --> 00:32:41

nine dollar latte.

00:32:42 --> 00:32:45

Because not everybody can afford 45 dollars a

00:32:45 --> 00:32:46

week for bad coffee.

00:32:47 --> 00:32:47

Right?

00:32:48 --> 00:32:48

Really.

00:32:49 --> 00:32:52

And so my wife was saying that her

00:32:52 --> 00:32:54

friends some of her friends now they kind

00:32:54 --> 00:32:57

of have this pact that they made where

00:32:57 --> 00:33:01

the expectation for getting together is that there

00:33:01 --> 00:33:04

is going to be no food consumed.

00:33:04 --> 00:33:06

And there will be no now this doesn't

00:33:06 --> 00:33:08

mean that a person will be shunned and

00:33:08 --> 00:33:11

excommunicated if they suggest going to get a

00:33:11 --> 00:33:12

coffee or something.

00:33:12 --> 00:33:14

But what it means is we need to

00:33:14 --> 00:33:16

get away from the expectation which is let's

00:33:16 --> 00:33:17

hang out.

00:33:17 --> 00:33:18

Okay where do you want to go eat?

00:33:19 --> 00:33:21

Because for a lot of people and especially

00:33:21 --> 00:33:23

for people that are trying to figure out

00:33:23 --> 00:33:25

especially in this economy how to live and

00:33:25 --> 00:33:26

how to live in a way that is

00:33:26 --> 00:33:29

moderate with their finances that is one of

00:33:29 --> 00:33:30

the barriers to entry.

00:33:31 --> 00:33:33

It's subhanallah and you'll see that a lot

00:33:33 --> 00:33:35

of times when people do this they focus

00:33:35 --> 00:33:39

way more on the experience of the food

00:33:39 --> 00:33:41

and of the drinks and everything than they

00:33:41 --> 00:33:42

do on the person that they're sitting across

00:33:42 --> 00:33:43

the table with.

00:33:44 --> 00:33:45

I mean some of the most meaningful relationships

00:33:46 --> 00:33:49

that I've had and that I continue to

00:33:49 --> 00:33:52

have till today are people that I go

00:33:52 --> 00:33:54

to Isha and Isha is at like 9

00:33:54 --> 00:33:55

o'clock or I go to Maghreb and

00:33:55 --> 00:33:56

Maghreb is at like 8.30 or something

00:33:56 --> 00:33:59

or 7.30 and in my head I'm

00:33:59 --> 00:34:00

like I'm going to leave right away.

00:34:00 --> 00:34:02

But then we catch ourselves standing in the

00:34:02 --> 00:34:03

parking lot by one of our cars just

00:34:03 --> 00:34:04

talking for an hour.

00:34:05 --> 00:34:05

Subhanallah.

00:34:05 --> 00:34:07

And then we you know start getting the

00:34:07 --> 00:34:09

text messages or we start you know where

00:34:09 --> 00:34:11

are you and this and you realize man

00:34:11 --> 00:34:12

like in order for our relationship to be

00:34:12 --> 00:34:14

this meaningful we actually didn't need to spend

00:34:14 --> 00:34:15

any money.

00:34:15 --> 00:34:16

Right?

00:34:16 --> 00:34:17

Apparently someone really agrees with me over there.

00:34:18 --> 00:34:21

So but the point being is that as

00:34:21 --> 00:34:24

we seek to cultivate depth in relationship ask

00:34:24 --> 00:34:28

yourself what implicit financial bias you have and

00:34:28 --> 00:34:32

what financial gate is keeping you from having

00:34:32 --> 00:34:33

those cultivated relationships.

00:34:34 --> 00:34:36

I know some people for example that feel

00:34:36 --> 00:34:38

very left out because they can't afford to

00:34:38 --> 00:34:40

go on the trips with their friends and

00:34:40 --> 00:34:42

those friends come back with the trips and

00:34:42 --> 00:34:45

now all the jokes all the references do

00:34:45 --> 00:34:46

you remember that one night?

00:34:47 --> 00:34:48

Do you remember in Tulum?

00:34:49 --> 00:34:51

And there's that one guy and that one

00:34:51 --> 00:34:53

girl who are like I couldn't go.

00:34:54 --> 00:34:55

But and the people it's almost like the

00:34:55 --> 00:34:57

lack of awareness is its own epidemic.

00:34:58 --> 00:34:58

Right?

00:34:58 --> 00:35:01

And so as Sheikh is mentioning here the

00:35:01 --> 00:35:04

importance of being vulnerable and being you know

00:35:04 --> 00:35:06

deep in your relationships we also have to

00:35:06 --> 00:35:08

make sure that as a community we don't

00:35:08 --> 00:35:11

create an environment where people are expected to

00:35:11 --> 00:35:13

spend to have friends.

00:35:13 --> 00:35:15

I think that that is a huge gate

00:35:15 --> 00:35:18

that we are we don't realize but it's

00:35:18 --> 00:35:19

impacting us deeply.

00:35:19 --> 00:35:19

Right?

00:35:20 --> 00:35:22

Now Imam Ghazali to finish the passage and

00:35:22 --> 00:35:23

then we'll go to some Q&A.

00:35:23 --> 00:35:27

He says by excellence we mean doing that

00:35:27 --> 00:35:29

which is beneficial to the person that one

00:35:29 --> 00:35:30

is dealing with.

00:35:30 --> 00:35:31

This is the part that I read.

00:35:31 --> 00:35:34

Without this being obligatory you know I think

00:35:34 --> 00:35:36

a lot of times in relationships whether it

00:35:36 --> 00:35:39

be friendships whether it be co-working relationships

00:35:39 --> 00:35:41

whether it be marriage you get to a

00:35:41 --> 00:35:44

point where people start saying they keep score.

00:35:45 --> 00:35:46

And they say well I would do this

00:35:46 --> 00:35:48

but they never do this for me.

00:35:48 --> 00:35:50

I sent you a meme you didn't send

00:35:50 --> 00:35:50

me a meme back.

00:35:50 --> 00:35:51

What did you say?

00:35:51 --> 00:35:52

I said I sent you a meme.

00:35:52 --> 00:35:53

Yeah exactly.

00:35:53 --> 00:35:53

Right?

00:35:53 --> 00:35:57

The biggest now in society is not responding

00:35:57 --> 00:35:58

to the meme.

00:35:58 --> 00:35:58

Of course.

00:35:58 --> 00:35:59

Right?

00:35:59 --> 00:36:01

Why did you like there's a meme you

00:36:01 --> 00:36:02

didn't respond they say are you mad at

00:36:02 --> 00:36:02

me?

00:36:03 --> 00:36:05

No man I have two kids.

00:36:05 --> 00:36:05

You know what I mean?

00:36:05 --> 00:36:08

Like and so and you have two kids

00:36:08 --> 00:36:08

too.

00:36:08 --> 00:36:09

What are you doing sending memes?

00:36:09 --> 00:36:11

So anyways but the point being is there

00:36:11 --> 00:36:13

and I was actually with I was at

00:36:13 --> 00:36:15

I was at someone's house and there was

00:36:15 --> 00:36:17

a list of people that were invited and

00:36:17 --> 00:36:19

you know whatever and dinner finished and then

00:36:19 --> 00:36:21

some people started to leave and I think

00:36:21 --> 00:36:23

somebody else brought up a name of another

00:36:23 --> 00:36:23

family.

00:36:24 --> 00:36:25

I said why didn't you invite them?

00:36:25 --> 00:36:26

You know you usually see them whatever.

00:36:26 --> 00:36:28

They said yeah you know we invited them

00:36:28 --> 00:36:29

a couple times and they never invited us

00:36:29 --> 00:36:30

back so we cut them off.

00:36:32 --> 00:36:35

And I'm Egyptian so we can't keep quiet

00:36:35 --> 00:36:36

in those moments.

00:36:36 --> 00:36:39

And so I remember saying is this a

00:36:39 --> 00:36:40

restaurant or your home?

00:36:41 --> 00:36:42

And I said if you want to be

00:36:42 --> 00:36:43

if you want to have that type of

00:36:43 --> 00:36:45

relationship with your friends where you're only going

00:36:45 --> 00:36:47

to socialize with people that invite you back

00:36:47 --> 00:36:49

then don't call that friendship.

00:36:49 --> 00:36:49

Call that business.

00:36:50 --> 00:36:50

Right?

00:36:51 --> 00:36:53

Is it the type of thing that you're

00:36:53 --> 00:36:54

only going to invite people?

00:36:54 --> 00:36:56

And this pervades everything.

00:36:56 --> 00:36:57

It pervades everything.

00:36:58 --> 00:36:59

And this is what Imam Ghazali is saying

00:36:59 --> 00:36:59

here.

00:36:59 --> 00:37:01

If you're going to live your life that

00:37:01 --> 00:37:03

way you're going to go bankrupt socially very

00:37:03 --> 00:37:03

quickly.

00:37:04 --> 00:37:06

Sure you have a business but your business

00:37:06 --> 00:37:08

fails and it actually it's actually low-key

00:37:08 --> 00:37:08

it sucks.

00:37:09 --> 00:37:10

And he says that your business is going

00:37:10 --> 00:37:12

to become bankrupt very quickly.

00:37:12 --> 00:37:14

So he says don't operate based on the

00:37:14 --> 00:37:16

premise of that which is obligatory.

00:37:17 --> 00:37:19

He says that's already dealt with with justice.

00:37:19 --> 00:37:21

And if you live your life in that

00:37:21 --> 00:37:22

way you're never going to be happy.

00:37:23 --> 00:37:24

And he says it's already been mentioned.

00:37:24 --> 00:37:26

So Sheikh this is I think something that

00:37:26 --> 00:37:28

is very very key and critical and as

00:37:28 --> 00:37:30

we say every week and I'd love for

00:37:30 --> 00:37:31

you to share some thoughts on this.

00:37:31 --> 00:37:33

This book the reason why I think it's

00:37:33 --> 00:37:35

so beautiful for us to share together is

00:37:35 --> 00:37:37

because there's no pointing the finger at anybody

00:37:37 --> 00:37:37

else.

00:37:38 --> 00:37:40

Throughout every passage so far that we've read

00:37:40 --> 00:37:41

it's as if the author is pointing the

00:37:41 --> 00:37:44

finger back at us and saying you have

00:37:44 --> 00:37:45

to think deeply about yourself.

00:37:45 --> 00:37:46

When you look at people complaining to you

00:37:46 --> 00:37:49

about relationships whether it be marriage or otherwise

00:37:49 --> 00:37:51

how much of it do you think is

00:37:51 --> 00:37:53

solved by self-reflection?

00:37:54 --> 00:37:55

I think a lot of it.

00:37:56 --> 00:37:58

But there's so much to add on this.

00:37:59 --> 00:38:00

Again please allow me to step back.

00:38:00 --> 00:38:01

Yeah yeah of course.

00:38:01 --> 00:38:03

So when we speak about loneliness and you

00:38:03 --> 00:38:06

know people having connections but not really connecting

00:38:06 --> 00:38:08

deeply there's a couple of things to look

00:38:08 --> 00:38:09

at.

00:38:09 --> 00:38:11

Number one is what is our relationship with

00:38:11 --> 00:38:13

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala like?

00:38:13 --> 00:38:15

And what I mean by that are you

00:38:15 --> 00:38:18

committing sin that you feel you constantly have

00:38:18 --> 00:38:20

to hide and put up a mask that

00:38:20 --> 00:38:21

you can't let people really see you?

00:38:21 --> 00:38:23

That will be a hindrance between you connecting

00:38:23 --> 00:38:26

deeply with people because you're constantly afraid of

00:38:26 --> 00:38:27

them knowing the real you.

00:38:27 --> 00:38:29

Number two is that we have to also

00:38:29 --> 00:38:32

understand that the way we are brought up

00:38:32 --> 00:38:33

as children has a huge impact on who

00:38:33 --> 00:38:34

we become as teenagers.

00:38:35 --> 00:38:38

So if we're not you know shown love

00:38:38 --> 00:38:41

and not you know brought love to ourselves

00:38:41 --> 00:38:42

by our parents it has a huge impact

00:38:42 --> 00:38:44

on our self-esteem and the way we

00:38:44 --> 00:38:45

view relationships.

00:38:45 --> 00:38:47

But at that point you will have to

00:38:47 --> 00:38:51

logically convince yourself to emotionally heal Allah subhanahu

00:38:51 --> 00:38:52

wa ta'ala loves me and the believers

00:38:52 --> 00:38:54

love me and I'm worthy of love and

00:38:54 --> 00:38:55

put yourself out there.

00:38:55 --> 00:38:57

You can't let your self-esteem you know

00:38:57 --> 00:38:59

prevent you from putting yourself out there and

00:38:59 --> 00:39:01

developing deeper connections.

00:39:01 --> 00:39:05

The third point over here is who are

00:39:05 --> 00:39:06

the people that people like?

00:39:07 --> 00:39:08

Like what type of people are they?

00:39:08 --> 00:39:10

They are the people that don't speak bad

00:39:10 --> 00:39:11

about others.

00:39:11 --> 00:39:13

They are the people that are generous with

00:39:13 --> 00:39:14

their time and generous with their words.

00:39:14 --> 00:39:16

They are the ones that will go out

00:39:16 --> 00:39:18

of their way to help you and they

00:39:18 --> 00:39:19

will also be go out of their way

00:39:19 --> 00:39:20

to be there for you in your time

00:39:20 --> 00:39:21

of your need.

00:39:21 --> 00:39:23

When you have a happy moment they will

00:39:23 --> 00:39:25

be just as happy as you are for

00:39:25 --> 00:39:26

yourself.

00:39:26 --> 00:39:27

Right?

00:39:27 --> 00:39:28

They are a part of your team those

00:39:28 --> 00:39:29

are the people that you love.

00:39:29 --> 00:39:32

And when you do this I genuinely believe

00:39:32 --> 00:39:34

that is how you will develop those deeper

00:39:34 --> 00:39:34

connections.

00:39:34 --> 00:39:34

Right?

00:39:35 --> 00:39:36

So figure out your whole situation with Allah

00:39:36 --> 00:39:37

subhanahu wa ta'ala first.

00:39:38 --> 00:39:40

Figure out your whole psychological situation thereafter and

00:39:40 --> 00:39:42

then focus on the characteristics that you want

00:39:42 --> 00:39:45

to develop that actually a good friend would

00:39:45 --> 00:39:46

actually have.

00:39:46 --> 00:39:47

And I think that's how we are going

00:39:47 --> 00:39:48

to develop deeper connections.

00:39:48 --> 00:39:50

Like it's so beautiful that you can come

00:39:50 --> 00:39:52

out here on a Tuesday night with like

00:39:52 --> 00:39:54

-minded people that want to develop deeper relationships.

00:39:55 --> 00:39:56

Now you got to put yourself out there

00:39:56 --> 00:39:57

and connect with people.

00:39:57 --> 00:39:57

Right?

00:39:57 --> 00:39:59

and you take this three-step process with

00:39:59 --> 00:40:01

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala you can get

00:40:01 --> 00:40:01

there.

00:40:01 --> 00:40:06

Now going back to the question relationships always

00:40:06 --> 00:40:08

have like a pre, during and post.

00:40:09 --> 00:40:09

Right?

00:40:09 --> 00:40:10

Hindsight is always 20-20.

00:40:10 --> 00:40:11

I could have done something better.

00:40:11 --> 00:40:12

We get that.

00:40:12 --> 00:40:15

But I think there's so much importance over

00:40:15 --> 00:40:18

here that if you start off every relationship

00:40:19 --> 00:40:21

interacting with the person for the sake of

00:40:21 --> 00:40:22

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

00:40:22 --> 00:40:22

Right?

00:40:23 --> 00:40:24

Let's go back to my meme example because

00:40:24 --> 00:40:25

I feel I have trauma here.

00:40:26 --> 00:40:27

Like I send people so many memes but

00:40:27 --> 00:40:28

no one responds to me.

00:40:30 --> 00:40:30

I'm sorry.

00:40:31 --> 00:40:32

No, it's not you bro.

00:40:32 --> 00:40:32

I love you man.

00:40:33 --> 00:40:33

I love you.

00:40:33 --> 00:40:34

I told you not to bring it up

00:40:34 --> 00:40:34

to me.

00:40:37 --> 00:40:38

Like why are you sending the meme?

00:40:39 --> 00:40:39

Right?

00:40:39 --> 00:40:42

Genuinely, like are you sending it for the

00:40:42 --> 00:40:44

sake of just discussing the meme next time

00:40:44 --> 00:40:45

we meet in person or talk?

00:40:46 --> 00:40:47

That's a valid intention.

00:40:47 --> 00:40:48

You're allowed to do that.

00:40:48 --> 00:40:51

Are you sending it for the sake of

00:40:51 --> 00:40:52

bringing a smile to someone's face?

00:40:53 --> 00:40:53

That's a higher intention.

00:40:53 --> 00:40:54

That's even better.

00:40:54 --> 00:40:56

Whoever brings you know, a smile to a

00:40:56 --> 00:40:58

believer's face has done a good deed.

00:40:59 --> 00:41:00

And I think as you focus on your

00:41:00 --> 00:41:04

intentionality behind why you're doing things it makes

00:41:04 --> 00:41:06

life so much easier to handle.

00:41:07 --> 00:41:11

And the more focused you get on worldly

00:41:11 --> 00:41:14

reward and compensation the more pain you will

00:41:14 --> 00:41:14

feel.

00:41:15 --> 00:41:15

Right?

00:41:15 --> 00:41:17

So if you're doing it I'm sharing a

00:41:17 --> 00:41:18

meme because I want them to send a

00:41:18 --> 00:41:18

meme back.

00:41:18 --> 00:41:20

You're setting yourself up for failure because you

00:41:20 --> 00:41:22

have no rights over the other person.

00:41:22 --> 00:41:23

But if you're doing it for the sake

00:41:23 --> 00:41:24

of oh, I want to bring a smile

00:41:24 --> 00:41:27

to this person's face whether they send you

00:41:27 --> 00:41:29

a meme back or not you've already fulfilled

00:41:29 --> 00:41:29

your goal.

00:41:30 --> 00:41:30

Right?

00:41:30 --> 00:41:32

And you can feel good about yourself and

00:41:32 --> 00:41:33

you will feel good about yourself.

00:41:34 --> 00:41:36

So make the transaction with Allah subhanahu wa

00:41:36 --> 00:41:38

ta'ala as opposed to the transaction with

00:41:38 --> 00:41:39

the human being.

00:41:39 --> 00:41:41

You transact with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:41:41 --> 00:41:42

it's a profitable trade.

00:41:42 --> 00:41:44

You transact with the human being it could

00:41:44 --> 00:41:45

go either way.

00:41:45 --> 00:41:45

Right?

00:41:45 --> 00:41:46

It's a gamble.

00:41:46 --> 00:41:48

So I think if you focus on relationships

00:41:48 --> 00:41:51

from this perspective in advance that's great.

00:41:51 --> 00:41:56

Now during the relationship I think apologizing first

00:41:56 --> 00:41:59

and thanking people are the two most important

00:41:59 --> 00:41:59

things.

00:42:00 --> 00:42:01

Like in relationships you need to learn to

00:42:01 --> 00:42:03

apologize even when you haven't done anything wrong.

00:42:03 --> 00:42:03

Right?

00:42:03 --> 00:42:06

Just for the sake of validating people's emotions

00:42:06 --> 00:42:08

and experiences and letting them know that you

00:42:08 --> 00:42:10

care about the relationship it's so important.

00:42:10 --> 00:42:13

And at the flip side of this is

00:42:13 --> 00:42:15

going out of your way to appreciate people.

00:42:16 --> 00:42:16

Right?

00:42:16 --> 00:42:18

Everyone wants to be appreciated.

00:42:18 --> 00:42:19

Everyone wants to be recognized.

00:42:19 --> 00:42:21

If you can do that that's the other

00:42:21 --> 00:42:23

half of the battle.

00:42:24 --> 00:42:27

And then in a post-relationship world a

00:42:27 --> 00:42:29

relationship has ended you're doing like a post

00:42:29 --> 00:42:31

-op in terms of why did this relationship

00:42:31 --> 00:42:32

break down?

00:42:32 --> 00:42:33

What went wrong?

00:42:33 --> 00:42:34

What could I have done better?

00:42:35 --> 00:42:37

A lot of it will often come back

00:42:37 --> 00:42:40

to someone got too greedy in the relationship.

00:42:40 --> 00:42:42

Someone wanted to bite off more than they

00:42:42 --> 00:42:43

could chew.

00:42:43 --> 00:42:47

Or someone violated a major violation in Islam.

00:42:48 --> 00:42:48

Right?

00:42:48 --> 00:42:49

That's what will come down too often.

00:42:50 --> 00:42:52

And if you can prevent those things before

00:42:52 --> 00:42:55

the post-op happens you'll save the relationship

00:42:55 --> 00:42:57

and you'll actually have a very fruitful relationship.

00:42:57 --> 00:42:59

There was a scholar I think that I

00:42:59 --> 00:43:01

read where he said that basically the end

00:43:01 --> 00:43:03

of every relationship can be traced back to

00:43:03 --> 00:43:04

a major sin being committed.

00:43:05 --> 00:43:07

Whether it was backbiting whether it was lying

00:43:07 --> 00:43:10

whether it was suspicion any of these things

00:43:10 --> 00:43:12

it always goes back to a major sin.

00:43:12 --> 00:43:14

You don't see this isn't talking about people

00:43:14 --> 00:43:16

not being as close anymore but this is

00:43:16 --> 00:43:17

like a relationship breaking down.

00:43:17 --> 00:43:18

Right?

00:43:18 --> 00:43:20

Like there's a difference between not driving that

00:43:20 --> 00:43:22

car anymore and your car breaking.

00:43:22 --> 00:43:23

So he was saying that.

00:43:23 --> 00:43:24

May Allah protect us.

00:43:25 --> 00:43:26

So we have some questions.

00:43:27 --> 00:43:28

I know that Isha Adhan is in we

00:43:28 --> 00:43:30

have about 15 more minutes 60 more minutes

00:43:30 --> 00:43:32

before we should probably wrap up.

00:43:32 --> 00:43:33

Can we do some questions?

00:43:33 --> 00:43:34

Inshallah.

00:43:34 --> 00:43:35

Can I leave in like 10 minutes?

00:43:36 --> 00:43:36

Of course.

00:43:37 --> 00:43:38

We can all leave in 10 minutes.

00:43:38 --> 00:43:38

Where are you going?

00:43:39 --> 00:43:39

Can we go with?

00:43:39 --> 00:43:39

I'm joking.

00:43:41 --> 00:43:41

I'm joking.

00:43:43 --> 00:43:43

Alright.

00:43:44 --> 00:43:45

We'll wrap up in 10 minutes then.

00:43:45 --> 00:43:46

So we'll do a little bit of a

00:43:46 --> 00:43:46

lightning round.

00:43:50 --> 00:43:51

The first question is about marriage.

00:43:51 --> 00:43:52

I'm so surprised.

00:43:52 --> 00:43:54

What does it mean if a man asks

00:43:54 --> 00:43:58

for Kitab or Nikah but says he's not

00:43:58 --> 00:43:59

ready for the wedding.

00:43:59 --> 00:44:01

Is this common and how should I interpret

00:44:01 --> 00:44:03

the intentions if it leads to arguments?

00:44:03 --> 00:44:05

I'm so happy you're here.

00:44:05 --> 00:44:08

Can I just I'm just so happy you're

00:44:08 --> 00:44:09

here right now.

00:44:09 --> 00:44:09

I love you too.

00:44:09 --> 00:44:11

Because this is usually I love you but

00:44:11 --> 00:44:13

I'm also just happy you're here because this

00:44:13 --> 00:44:15

is usually my burden and now I just

00:44:15 --> 00:44:15

get to read.

00:44:15 --> 00:44:16

This is just like me reading.

00:44:16 --> 00:44:17

I feel like Mr. Rogers.

00:44:17 --> 00:44:18

Got you.

00:44:18 --> 00:44:19

What do you do if a person says

00:44:19 --> 00:44:21

they're ready for Nikah but they're not ready

00:44:21 --> 00:44:21

for the Waleema?

00:44:23 --> 00:44:24

Have a conversation.

00:44:25 --> 00:44:27

Like why is that complicated?

00:44:28 --> 00:44:28

Hey.

00:44:30 --> 00:44:31

I'm so happy you're here.

00:44:32 --> 00:44:33

As in let's sit and talk.

00:44:34 --> 00:44:36

Like if you're about to get married and

00:44:36 --> 00:44:38

you're nervous, that's cool.

00:44:38 --> 00:44:38

That's fine.

00:44:39 --> 00:44:40

But what are you nervous about?

00:44:40 --> 00:44:41

Like let's talk about that.

00:44:41 --> 00:44:43

Or maybe there's a financial component here.

00:44:43 --> 00:44:45

I'm kind of reading into this and thinking

00:44:45 --> 00:44:47

is there a cost to the wedding?

00:44:48 --> 00:44:49

The Nikah is usually very simple.

00:44:50 --> 00:44:50

Right?

00:44:51 --> 00:44:52

And maybe there's a cost to the wedding

00:44:52 --> 00:44:54

that is being imposed upon this person.

00:44:54 --> 00:44:55

Perhaps.

00:44:55 --> 00:44:56

Right?

00:44:56 --> 00:44:57

The expectation is there.

00:44:57 --> 00:44:58

I also think it could be like commitment

00:44:58 --> 00:44:59

issues.

00:44:59 --> 00:45:00

It could be intimacy issues.

00:45:00 --> 00:45:00

Could be.

00:45:00 --> 00:45:01

For sure.

00:45:01 --> 00:45:01

Could be a variety of things.

00:45:02 --> 00:45:03

Again, like what you and I are doing,

00:45:03 --> 00:45:04

we're just assuming.

00:45:04 --> 00:45:05

Yeah, exactly.

00:45:05 --> 00:45:07

And if you're on the opposite end of

00:45:07 --> 00:45:08

this, you're just making assumptions with no verification.

00:45:08 --> 00:45:09

And honestly, it's not my marriage.

00:45:10 --> 00:45:10

So like you figure it out.

00:45:10 --> 00:45:11

But no.

00:45:12 --> 00:45:14

You know what they say in medicine, like

00:45:14 --> 00:45:17

the most, like usually the most correct diagnosis

00:45:17 --> 00:45:18

is the most obvious one.

00:45:18 --> 00:45:18

Right?

00:45:18 --> 00:45:19

So people usually go to WebMD and they're

00:45:19 --> 00:45:21

like, you won't believe what I have.

00:45:21 --> 00:45:22

And it's like, no, no.

00:45:22 --> 00:45:22

You just have a cough.

00:45:24 --> 00:45:25

I feel like when I read this, and

00:45:25 --> 00:45:27

you're right, it could be a slew of

00:45:27 --> 00:45:27

things.

00:45:27 --> 00:45:30

I would start with the conversation about, you

00:45:30 --> 00:45:32

know, what do you think is the reason

00:45:32 --> 00:45:34

why you're ready for Nikah but not ready

00:45:34 --> 00:45:34

for a wedding?

00:45:35 --> 00:45:36

Yeah.

00:45:36 --> 00:45:38

So I think, I love to make things

00:45:38 --> 00:45:39

practical as much as possible.

00:45:39 --> 00:45:39

Yeah.

00:45:39 --> 00:45:41

So go up to the individual and tell

00:45:41 --> 00:45:43

them, look, you know, I really care about

00:45:43 --> 00:45:44

you and I really want this to work

00:45:44 --> 00:45:44

out.

00:45:45 --> 00:45:46

And this is a safe space.

00:45:46 --> 00:45:47

Tell me what's going on.

00:45:48 --> 00:45:49

And let's just sit and talk.

00:45:49 --> 00:45:49

Right?

00:45:50 --> 00:45:52

And you have to come across as non

00:45:52 --> 00:45:52

-judgmental.

00:45:52 --> 00:45:54

You have to come across as very easygoing.

00:45:55 --> 00:45:56

And make dua for them.

00:45:56 --> 00:45:57

Look, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala unite

00:45:57 --> 00:45:59

us upon goodness and make things easy for

00:45:59 --> 00:46:00

all of us.

00:46:00 --> 00:46:01

You know, let's make this happen.

00:46:01 --> 00:46:02

What do we need to do?

00:46:02 --> 00:46:04

We're a team working on a problem together.

00:46:04 --> 00:46:05

It's not your problem.

00:46:05 --> 00:46:06

It's not my problem.

00:46:06 --> 00:46:06

It's our problem.

00:46:07 --> 00:46:07

We're working on it together.

00:46:07 --> 00:46:10

And I think people are more likely to

00:46:10 --> 00:46:12

open up when it's like a team effort

00:46:12 --> 00:46:13

as opposed to, oh, it's your problem.

00:46:13 --> 00:46:14

You've got to solve it.

00:46:14 --> 00:46:15

I'll see you at the wedding.

00:46:16 --> 00:46:16

Right?

00:46:17 --> 00:46:20

See, I would say that this is a

00:46:20 --> 00:46:23

good trial run into figuring out how you're

00:46:23 --> 00:46:26

going to deal with inevitable disagreements that are

00:46:26 --> 00:46:27

going to happen in your marriage.

00:46:27 --> 00:46:28

So may Allah make it easy inshaAllah.

00:46:29 --> 00:46:31

The idea of getting to know someone for

00:46:31 --> 00:46:32

marriage makes me nervous.

00:46:32 --> 00:46:32

Not me.

00:46:32 --> 00:46:33

I'm fine.

00:46:33 --> 00:46:35

Is there a dua I can say to

00:46:35 --> 00:46:36

overcome this?

00:46:36 --> 00:46:38

Is that normal to be nervous at this

00:46:38 --> 00:46:40

grown age melting emoji face?

00:46:42 --> 00:46:45

Getting into any relationship can be nerve-wracking.

00:46:46 --> 00:46:46

Yeah, absolutely.

00:46:47 --> 00:46:50

But over here, it's about figuring out, again,

00:46:50 --> 00:46:51

your why.

00:46:51 --> 00:46:52

Why are you getting to know this person?

00:46:53 --> 00:46:54

It's not for the sake of doing anything

00:46:54 --> 00:46:54

haram.

00:46:54 --> 00:46:56

It's for the sake of fulfilling half of

00:46:56 --> 00:46:56

your faith.

00:46:57 --> 00:46:59

And sometimes you have to overcome the things

00:46:59 --> 00:47:01

that you're afraid of in order to achieve

00:47:01 --> 00:47:02

those greater things.

00:47:02 --> 00:47:02

Right?

00:47:03 --> 00:47:07

Yeah, let's quote Optimist Prime here.

00:47:07 --> 00:47:10

Fate rarely comes upon a people at the

00:47:10 --> 00:47:11

time of their choosing.

00:47:11 --> 00:47:12

Right?

00:47:12 --> 00:47:13

If you want to get the person that

00:47:13 --> 00:47:15

you desire so badly, you got to get

00:47:15 --> 00:47:15

to know them.

00:47:16 --> 00:47:17

That's just the way that it works.

00:47:17 --> 00:47:19

So that being said, I think, again, a

00:47:19 --> 00:47:21

three-step process is try to understand why

00:47:21 --> 00:47:21

you're afraid.

00:47:22 --> 00:47:23

Like, where is this coming from?

00:47:23 --> 00:47:25

And see if there's a way to troubleshoot

00:47:25 --> 00:47:25

that.

00:47:25 --> 00:47:27

Number two is ask Allah subhanahu wa ta

00:47:27 --> 00:47:28

'ala for strength.

00:47:28 --> 00:47:29

Right?

00:47:29 --> 00:47:31

Musa alayhi salam, when he used to make

00:47:31 --> 00:47:35

his famous dua, رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي وَيَسْتِرْلِي

00:47:35 --> 00:47:37

and make things easy for me.

00:47:37 --> 00:47:39

Expand for me my chest and make things

00:47:39 --> 00:47:39

easy for me.

00:47:39 --> 00:47:41

So allow me to be able to carry

00:47:41 --> 00:47:43

this burden but also make it easy for

00:47:43 --> 00:47:43

me.

00:47:44 --> 00:47:45

It's not just about carrying the burden but

00:47:45 --> 00:47:47

asking Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for ease

00:47:47 --> 00:47:48

as well.

00:47:49 --> 00:47:51

And then number three, what I would say

00:47:52 --> 00:47:53

is ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to

00:47:53 --> 00:47:55

beautify everything that you see.

00:47:55 --> 00:47:57

Who doesn't want to be in a beautiful

00:47:57 --> 00:47:57

world?

00:47:57 --> 00:47:58

Who doesn't want to be exposed to beautiful

00:47:58 --> 00:47:58

people?

00:47:58 --> 00:48:01

Who doesn't want to be in beautiful experiences?

00:48:01 --> 00:48:02

You ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for

00:48:02 --> 00:48:04

that sort of world view and that sort

00:48:04 --> 00:48:05

of lens and it becomes a lot more

00:48:05 --> 00:48:06

enjoyable to be there.

00:48:07 --> 00:48:08

JazakAllah khairan.

00:48:09 --> 00:48:09

Okay.

00:48:10 --> 00:48:11

What should I do if people are bad

00:48:11 --> 00:48:12

-mouthing me?

00:48:12 --> 00:48:15

I don't want to defend myself or speak

00:48:15 --> 00:48:17

ill of them yet they keep getting in

00:48:17 --> 00:48:19

my business and ruining my relationships.

00:48:19 --> 00:48:20

Allahu Akbar.

00:48:20 --> 00:48:21

Allahu Akbar.

00:48:22 --> 00:48:24

So I think there's two things to look

00:48:24 --> 00:48:25

at over here.

00:48:25 --> 00:48:28

Number one, did you do something wrong?

00:48:28 --> 00:48:30

Number two, did you not do something wrong?

00:48:31 --> 00:48:32

Let's start off with the latter.

00:48:32 --> 00:48:34

If you didn't do anything wrong, the general

00:48:34 --> 00:48:37

tradition is leave it up to Allah subhanahu

00:48:37 --> 00:48:37

wa ta'ala.

00:48:37 --> 00:48:39

He will defend you and He will take

00:48:39 --> 00:48:39

care of you.

00:48:39 --> 00:48:41

This is just noise that you need to

00:48:41 --> 00:48:42

ignore and move on with your life.

00:48:43 --> 00:48:44

Those people that leave you won't want to

00:48:44 --> 00:48:45

be in your life anyways.

00:48:46 --> 00:48:46

Right?

00:48:46 --> 00:48:49

Now, if you did do something wrong, this

00:48:49 --> 00:48:50

is the big one.

00:48:51 --> 00:48:53

You got to fess up to it and

00:48:53 --> 00:48:54

say, look, I'm really sorry.

00:48:54 --> 00:48:54

I messed up.

00:48:54 --> 00:48:55

I hurt you.

00:48:55 --> 00:48:56

I did X, Y, and Z.

00:48:56 --> 00:48:58

You start off with the apology.

00:48:58 --> 00:49:01

Number two, how do I repair the relationship?

00:49:02 --> 00:49:04

How can you and I become friends again?

00:49:04 --> 00:49:06

What can I do to make it up

00:49:06 --> 00:49:06

to you?

00:49:07 --> 00:49:09

Give them space to figure that out.

00:49:09 --> 00:49:10

That's such an important question.

00:49:11 --> 00:49:13

You can't be like, okay, you have 60

00:49:13 --> 00:49:14

seconds to tell me how we fix this

00:49:14 --> 00:49:15

relationship because I got to run.

00:49:16 --> 00:49:18

You have to give them time to figure

00:49:18 --> 00:49:19

out what repairs look like.

00:49:19 --> 00:49:20

Right?

00:49:20 --> 00:49:21

And how you can fix that.

00:49:22 --> 00:49:24

And then number three, eventually realize that not

00:49:24 --> 00:49:26

all relationships are going to go back to

00:49:26 --> 00:49:27

the way that they were before.

00:49:27 --> 00:49:29

And you have to be okay with that.

00:49:29 --> 00:49:31

Just like not all people will get along

00:49:31 --> 00:49:32

instantaneously.

00:49:32 --> 00:49:35

Not all people will get along forever.

00:49:35 --> 00:49:37

We have a beautiful example of the Prophet

00:49:37 --> 00:49:39

ﷺ with Wahshi.

00:49:39 --> 00:49:42

Wahshi accepted Islam and yet the Prophet ﷺ

00:49:42 --> 00:49:44

still felt pain in his heart towards what

00:49:44 --> 00:49:45

he did to his cousin.

00:49:46 --> 00:49:47

And that's okay.

00:49:47 --> 00:49:48

That's a part of being human.

00:49:48 --> 00:49:50

But it shows us that not everyone needs

00:49:50 --> 00:49:50

to be best friends.

00:49:51 --> 00:49:53

But again, we can't be unjust towards people.

00:49:53 --> 00:49:55

So that's how I would answer that.

00:49:56 --> 00:49:59

How do you make friends in your 30s?

00:50:01 --> 00:50:02

So I think we sort of answered that,

00:50:02 --> 00:50:02

right?

00:50:03 --> 00:50:03

Yeah.

00:50:03 --> 00:50:05

So I would say like make sure you

00:50:05 --> 00:50:06

have nothing to hide.

00:50:06 --> 00:50:08

Live an open life to the best of

00:50:08 --> 00:50:09

your ability.

00:50:10 --> 00:50:13

Do like a self-assessment in terms of

00:50:13 --> 00:50:14

do you have self-esteem issues?

00:50:14 --> 00:50:16

How do we work on that self-esteem

00:50:16 --> 00:50:16

and that confidence?

00:50:17 --> 00:50:19

And then develop those characteristics that are likable

00:50:19 --> 00:50:20

towards people.

00:50:21 --> 00:50:22

And hang around in beautiful places like this.

00:50:23 --> 00:50:24

I was going to say I think community

00:50:24 --> 00:50:24

is important.

00:50:24 --> 00:50:27

I also think people the challenge when you're

00:50:27 --> 00:50:29

30 is like you tend to be like

00:50:29 --> 00:50:31

a fixed personality type.

00:50:31 --> 00:50:33

And then you meet people and then they

00:50:33 --> 00:50:34

want to like make plans to do something

00:50:34 --> 00:50:36

and you don't see that as being something

00:50:36 --> 00:50:37

that you do.

00:50:37 --> 00:50:39

So for example, somebody is like oh let's

00:50:39 --> 00:50:41

go you know play volleyball.

00:50:41 --> 00:50:42

And you're like oh I've never played volleyball

00:50:42 --> 00:50:43

in my life.

00:50:43 --> 00:50:45

And so you're like no I'm good.

00:50:45 --> 00:50:47

And you miss out on that opportunity.

00:50:47 --> 00:50:49

But really it wasn't about the sport.

00:50:49 --> 00:50:51

It was about the chance to interact and

00:50:51 --> 00:50:51

spend time.

00:50:52 --> 00:50:52

Right?

00:50:52 --> 00:50:53

And you may not even have to go

00:50:53 --> 00:50:55

and do the actual activity.

00:50:55 --> 00:50:57

Just being there being present.

00:50:57 --> 00:50:59

You know laughing enjoying the company etc.

00:50:59 --> 00:51:00

That's fine.

00:51:00 --> 00:51:01

I think a lot of times we set

00:51:01 --> 00:51:04

ourselves up for expectations of what friendship looks

00:51:04 --> 00:51:04

like.

00:51:04 --> 00:51:06

When in fact it can be a lot

00:51:06 --> 00:51:08

less demanding and stressful than we realize.

00:51:09 --> 00:51:09

Right?

00:51:09 --> 00:51:12

It's really more about presence than anything else.

00:51:12 --> 00:51:13

Are you thinking about me playing volleyball?

00:51:13 --> 00:51:13

No bro.

00:51:14 --> 00:51:15

I'm just like I just wanted someone to

00:51:15 --> 00:51:16

play video games with.

00:51:16 --> 00:51:16

Yeah.

00:51:16 --> 00:51:17

That's all I wanted.

00:51:18 --> 00:51:19

So it's one of those things where I

00:51:19 --> 00:51:21

think like we put these expectations that are

00:51:21 --> 00:51:25

almost you know almost too ideal.

00:51:25 --> 00:51:26

Yeah.

00:51:26 --> 00:51:28

When it's in reality presence is the most

00:51:28 --> 00:51:30

important aspect of any relationship.

00:51:30 --> 00:51:32

Including making friends.

00:51:32 --> 00:51:33

Are you going to be a present person?

00:51:34 --> 00:51:35

Those are the things that are there.

00:51:35 --> 00:51:37

And obviously making sure that there's things between

00:51:37 --> 00:51:39

you that you share that you agree on

00:51:39 --> 00:51:40

things like that inshallah.

00:51:41 --> 00:51:43

We'll do one or two more and then

00:51:43 --> 00:51:46

we'll the plant between you two is dying.

00:51:46 --> 00:51:47

Please water it.

00:51:47 --> 00:51:48

We actually did water it.

00:51:48 --> 00:51:50

I think right here it got a lot

00:51:50 --> 00:51:51

of sun in the past couple of days

00:51:51 --> 00:51:52

so that's why it looks like it's dying

00:51:52 --> 00:51:57

but thank you for that incredible advice and

00:51:57 --> 00:51:58

the way you phrased it inshallah.

00:52:06 --> 00:52:09

There's a couple about like marrying somebody and

00:52:09 --> 00:52:11

then their mother being a problem.

00:52:12 --> 00:52:13

Should you still marry a man if you

00:52:13 --> 00:52:14

feel that their mother doesn't approve?

00:52:16 --> 00:52:17

Is it normal for a man's mother to

00:52:17 --> 00:52:20

ask other families who have previously pursued you

00:52:20 --> 00:52:21

for marriage about you?

00:52:23 --> 00:52:24

It's spicy.

00:52:24 --> 00:52:28

Okay, so I guess the first one should

00:52:28 --> 00:52:29

you marry a person if you feel their

00:52:29 --> 00:52:30

mom doesn't approve?

00:52:30 --> 00:52:31

I think this is one of those questions

00:52:31 --> 00:52:34

where a general answer is usually not the

00:52:34 --> 00:52:35

right way to go.

00:52:35 --> 00:52:38

There's case by case but Sheikh, I'll defer

00:52:38 --> 00:52:38

to you.

00:52:38 --> 00:52:39

I appreciate that.

00:52:41 --> 00:52:44

I think everyone's waiting and really interested.

00:52:46 --> 00:52:49

So, again, I think it's not fair to

00:52:49 --> 00:52:51

give a very simplistic answer and say, you

00:52:51 --> 00:52:53

know, it's all about compatibility between you and

00:52:53 --> 00:52:53

the spouse.

00:52:54 --> 00:52:57

Marriage is more, you know, than just that.

00:52:57 --> 00:52:59

So I would say, let's find out why

00:52:59 --> 00:53:00

she doesn't like you.

00:53:01 --> 00:53:01

Right?

00:53:01 --> 00:53:02

Let's start with that.

00:53:02 --> 00:53:04

Is there something that really needs to be

00:53:04 --> 00:53:04

fixed?

00:53:05 --> 00:53:06

If there is, let's fix it.

00:53:06 --> 00:53:09

If there isn't, then let's move on to,

00:53:09 --> 00:53:12

okay, it's between the man and myself.

00:53:12 --> 00:53:14

If we get along really, really well and

00:53:14 --> 00:53:15

he thinks that he's gonna be able to

00:53:15 --> 00:53:18

navigate this relationship together with my help, then,

00:53:19 --> 00:53:20

bismillah, let's go forward with it.

00:53:20 --> 00:53:22

But if it's like, you know what, this

00:53:22 --> 00:53:24

is gonna be too catastrophic for him and

00:53:24 --> 00:53:25

he's not gonna be able to handle it,

00:53:25 --> 00:53:27

then even though I may want something and

00:53:27 --> 00:53:29

we may want something, it's not gonna be

00:53:29 --> 00:53:29

a good fit.

00:53:30 --> 00:53:31

May Allah ﷻ replace it with something better

00:53:31 --> 00:53:32

for both of us.

00:53:32 --> 00:53:32

There we go.

00:53:33 --> 00:53:33

That's good.

00:53:33 --> 00:53:33

Alhamdulillah.

00:53:33 --> 00:53:35

And then the last thing I wanna talk

00:53:35 --> 00:53:36

about tonight is I'm not sure if you

00:53:36 --> 00:53:41

heard, but our brother, Marcellus, was unjustly murdered

00:53:41 --> 00:53:45

today by the criminal injustice system.

00:53:46 --> 00:53:47

I don't know if you saw, but Shaykh

00:53:47 --> 00:53:49

Omar shared and many others that his last

00:53:49 --> 00:53:52

statement was that, I praise Allah in all

00:53:52 --> 00:53:52

situations.

00:53:53 --> 00:53:55

And that's the last thing that he wrote

00:53:55 --> 00:53:58

as his last statement before being executed by

00:53:58 --> 00:54:00

the state of Missouri.

00:54:01 --> 00:54:03

So we ask that Allah ﷻ accept him

00:54:03 --> 00:54:04

as a shaheed.

00:54:04 --> 00:54:07

We ask that Allah ﷻ accept him and

00:54:07 --> 00:54:09

that the moment that his life, his soul

00:54:09 --> 00:54:11

was taken from his body, that he was

00:54:11 --> 00:54:14

shown the gardens of paradise and that the

00:54:14 --> 00:54:15

angel of death came to him in a

00:54:15 --> 00:54:18

beautiful way and released him gently where he

00:54:18 --> 00:54:19

felt no pain.

00:54:19 --> 00:54:22

We ask that Allah ﷻ took him by

00:54:22 --> 00:54:24

means of the angels up to the highest

00:54:24 --> 00:54:26

level of the heavens to see his place

00:54:26 --> 00:54:27

and his abode in Jannah.

00:54:27 --> 00:54:29

And we ask that in his resting place

00:54:29 --> 00:54:31

in the barzakh, we ask that Allah ﷻ

00:54:31 --> 00:54:34

give him nothing but pleasure and relief and

00:54:34 --> 00:54:37

comfort for all of the injustice that he

00:54:37 --> 00:54:39

was subjected to in this life.

00:54:40 --> 00:54:42

And we ask Allah ﷻ to not hold

00:54:42 --> 00:54:44

us to account for the inability and the

00:54:44 --> 00:54:47

weaknesses that we have in serving our brothers

00:54:47 --> 00:54:50

and sisters who are in systems of oppression

00:54:50 --> 00:54:52

and then not being able to free them,

00:54:52 --> 00:54:52

Ya Rabb.

00:54:52 --> 00:54:53

So if you have any thoughts or any

00:54:53 --> 00:54:55

du'as you want to make, then we

00:54:55 --> 00:54:57

can, inshallah, conclude after that.

00:54:57 --> 00:54:58

No, subhanAllah.

00:54:58 --> 00:55:00

I think it was really, really important that

00:55:00 --> 00:55:01

we spoke about that today as we were

00:55:01 --> 00:55:02

talking about justice.

00:55:02 --> 00:55:05

So I think it's really important.

00:55:05 --> 00:55:08

And I think this is a good point

00:55:08 --> 00:55:09

to conclude on.

00:55:09 --> 00:55:12

In this particular case, both the prosecutor and

00:55:12 --> 00:55:15

the defense said there's holes and gaps in

00:55:15 --> 00:55:15

the evidence.

00:55:16 --> 00:55:17

Can we please stop this execution?

00:55:18 --> 00:55:20

Yet the judge still went ahead with it.

00:55:20 --> 00:55:21

You have both the prosecutor and the defense

00:55:21 --> 00:55:23

telling there's a problem here.

00:55:23 --> 00:55:23

Don't go forward with it.

00:55:24 --> 00:55:25

But the judge is just fixed in their

00:55:25 --> 00:55:26

ways.

00:55:26 --> 00:55:28

So what you take away from this is

00:55:28 --> 00:55:32

a constant reminder to ourselves that this world

00:55:32 --> 00:55:34

was never meant to be a permanent abode

00:55:34 --> 00:55:34

of happiness.

00:55:34 --> 00:55:36

It was never meant to be the ultimate

00:55:36 --> 00:55:37

source of justice.

00:55:38 --> 00:55:40

It was never meant to be this perfect

00:55:40 --> 00:55:40

place.

00:55:41 --> 00:55:45

It's okay to, you know, forget about that

00:55:45 --> 00:55:46

sometimes because it's human that we forget.

00:55:47 --> 00:55:49

But you should never believe that you will

00:55:49 --> 00:55:51

find justice truly in this life.

00:55:51 --> 00:55:53

You should never believe that you will truly

00:55:53 --> 00:55:54

be happy in this life.

00:55:54 --> 00:55:55

All those things are for jannah.

00:55:55 --> 00:55:57

And all those things are for the hereafter.

00:55:57 --> 00:56:00

And that is what our faith brings to

00:56:00 --> 00:56:00

us.

00:56:00 --> 00:56:01

We're talking about relevancy of faith.

00:56:02 --> 00:56:03

Imagine you had to live in this sort

00:56:03 --> 00:56:04

of world with no faith.

00:56:04 --> 00:56:06

Like what happens with this person when you

00:56:06 --> 00:56:07

have no faith?

00:56:08 --> 00:56:09

Faith brings you solace.

00:56:09 --> 00:56:10

Religion brings you comfort.

00:56:11 --> 00:56:13

It brings you, makes you find purpose and

00:56:13 --> 00:56:15

meaning in all the hardship that you face.

00:56:15 --> 00:56:17

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make things

00:56:17 --> 00:56:20

easy for his family and for the Ummah

00:56:20 --> 00:56:21

of Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam.

00:56:21 --> 00:56:21

Ameen.

00:56:21 --> 00:56:23

And we have full faith in believing that

00:56:23 --> 00:56:25

Allah ta'ala does not wrong anybody.

00:56:25 --> 00:56:26

Of course.

00:56:26 --> 00:56:27

And that we believe that even though humans

00:56:27 --> 00:56:30

wrong one another, Allah replaces the wrongs and

00:56:30 --> 00:56:34

He compensates for the wrongs and injustices that

00:56:34 --> 00:56:35

we experience.

00:56:35 --> 00:56:37

So, you know, one of my teachers, he

00:56:37 --> 00:56:39

said, because we would ask him about things

00:56:39 --> 00:56:40

like Palestine.

00:56:40 --> 00:56:41

We would ask him and say, how can

00:56:41 --> 00:56:43

we, as Muslims, understand this?

00:56:43 --> 00:56:46

Allah is the all-powerful.

00:56:46 --> 00:56:47

He's the all-knowing.

00:56:47 --> 00:56:47

Like, why?

00:56:47 --> 00:56:48

Why do these things happen?

00:56:49 --> 00:56:51

And he said, you need to believe that

00:56:51 --> 00:56:54

Allah is giving them something that makes whatever

00:56:55 --> 00:56:57

this life could have been in its best

00:56:57 --> 00:56:58

form look like nothing.

00:56:59 --> 00:57:02

And that's why when Allah describes Jannah, He

00:57:02 --> 00:57:04

describes the believers in Paradise and He says

00:57:04 --> 00:57:07

that they say that this life was nothing.

00:57:08 --> 00:57:10

And the Hadith say that they can't even

00:57:10 --> 00:57:12

remember the joys they had in this life.

00:57:12 --> 00:57:13

They can't even remember it.

00:57:13 --> 00:57:17

Because by comparison, it completely and totally disappeared.

00:57:17 --> 00:57:18

It was eviscerated.

00:57:18 --> 00:57:18

Right?

00:57:18 --> 00:57:21

You think of the best joys you have

00:57:21 --> 00:57:23

now compared to the joys you had when

00:57:23 --> 00:57:25

you were a child and those joys now,

00:57:25 --> 00:57:28

they completely erase some of those memories because

00:57:28 --> 00:57:30

there's so much more in their quality and

00:57:30 --> 00:57:31

quantity and substance.

00:57:31 --> 00:57:33

And so we have full faith that the

00:57:33 --> 00:57:35

moment that our brother, that his soul was

00:57:35 --> 00:57:37

taken from his body tonight, that he was

00:57:37 --> 00:57:39

in a state of complete and total bliss

00:57:39 --> 00:57:40

and comfort and ease.

00:57:40 --> 00:57:42

We ask Allah Ta'ala to, again, reward

00:57:42 --> 00:57:44

his family for their patience and to reward

00:57:44 --> 00:57:46

him for his sacrifice and his patience as

00:57:46 --> 00:57:48

he sat there and had his life taken

00:57:48 --> 00:57:50

for an unjust reason, Ya Rabb.

00:57:51 --> 00:57:51

BarakAllahu feekum, everybody.

00:57:52 --> 00:57:53

We appreciate you coming through.

00:57:53 --> 00:57:55

Shaykh, of course, with your busy schedule and

00:57:55 --> 00:57:57

everything that you had, you've been so far

00:57:57 --> 00:57:58

away from your family for so long.

00:57:58 --> 00:57:59

So we really, really appreciate it.

00:57:59 --> 00:58:00

We hope that this was a home away

00:58:00 --> 00:58:01

from home.

00:58:02 --> 00:58:03

And JazakAllah khairan.

00:58:03 --> 00:58:04

We can't wait to have you back.

00:58:04 --> 00:58:05

BarakAllahu feekum.

00:58:05 --> 00:58:07

We're going to, inshaAllah, allow Shaykh Naveed to

00:58:07 --> 00:58:09

head out because he does have some things

00:58:09 --> 00:58:09

he has to do.

00:58:10 --> 00:58:11

He's got to go give salam to some

00:58:11 --> 00:58:12

people here.

00:58:12 --> 00:58:13

So we'll go ahead and say salam to

00:58:13 --> 00:58:14

him as a group, everybody.

00:58:15 --> 00:58:15

InshaAllah.

00:58:16 --> 00:58:18

And like I said, the isha prayer is

00:58:18 --> 00:58:19

just going to be in 10 minutes.

00:58:19 --> 00:58:20

So we'll go ahead and wrap up with

00:58:20 --> 00:58:20

that.

00:58:21 --> 00:58:22

So if you can help me by putting

00:58:22 --> 00:58:23

the back jacks up to the front.

00:58:24 --> 00:58:25

And then for those of you who sat

00:58:25 --> 00:58:26

in the black folding chairs to help us

00:58:26 --> 00:58:27

by folding them and putting them on the

00:58:27 --> 00:58:28

dollies.

00:58:28 --> 00:58:29

JazakAllah khairan.

00:58:29 --> 00:58:31

Wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

00:58:34 --> 00:58:35

Oh, it is?

00:58:35 --> 00:58:36

Oh, I'm so sorry.

00:58:37 --> 00:58:38

Isha time is happening right now.

00:58:38 --> 00:58:40

So if you can forget the chairs and

00:58:40 --> 00:58:40

go.

00:58:40 --> 00:58:41

Forget the chairs and go.

00:58:41 --> 00:58:42

It changed today.

00:58:42 --> 00:58:43

I'm so sorry.

00:58:43 --> 00:58:45

It's 8.45. I think they waited for

00:58:45 --> 00:58:46

a few minutes for us.

00:58:46 --> 00:58:47

So you can just forget all the chairs.

00:58:47 --> 00:58:48

We will take care of them.

00:58:49 --> 00:58:49

And you can head over.

00:58:49 --> 00:58:50

Salamualaikum.

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