AbdelRahman Murphy – Thirty & Up #27 Treasury Of Imam Al-Ghazali

AI: Summary ©
The concept of "med strict" is related to money, provision, and the ability to reflect, and is a form of provision that Dr.eno discusses. The importance of finding a perfect person to talk to and finding a partner to achieve the best possible state of mind is emphasized. The speaker also advises against limiting oneself to specific categories and encourages others to explore one's journey of life. Humility is seen as a way to address negative behavior and find one's way around negative experiences.
AI: Summary ©
As-salamu alaykum.
Bismillah.
Bismillah walhamdulillah.
As-salatu was-salamu ala rasulillahi wa ala
alihi wa ashabihi ajma'in.
Welcome home everybody.
Welcome back to 13UP, where it's 7.13
p.m. and almost our bedtime, inshallah.
No, we are going through and exploring, we're
actually, subhanallah, we're chapter 27.
I think out of 40, let me check,
I think he has 40.
Yeah, 40.
27 out of 40.
We've done, alhamdulillah, now so far 26 sessions
on this text by Dr. Mustafa Abu Sway,
where he extrapolates or takes some passages from
all of the compendium of Imam al-Ghazali,
rahimahullah, and wants to explore some different concepts.
So he gives them like fun titles that
are good summaries of the passages themselves.
So, so far we've talked about a variety
of topics, but in the latest thread, we've
been dealing with the conversation on sincerity, like
what does it mean to be sincere in
your actions and in your behaviors.
We talked about last week the idea that
part of being a sincere believer is coming
to terms with and realizing that when it
comes to your relationship with Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala, it's different than your relationship with
others, in that your relationship with other people,
you have things that they know, things that
they don't know, but with Allah, Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala knows everything, so there's no
secrets with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and
in a way that makes sincerity somewhat more
attainable, right?
Because you understand that the veil has been
lifted, right?
And there it's just about doing the work
of humility at that point.
And now Imam al-Ghazali is going to
be focusing on, or this passage that was
chosen, Imam al-Ghazali is going to be
focusing on a really interesting notion, and that
is that he's challenging or he's asking us
to think about how we use the faculties
that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given
us.
One of the things that's important to understand,
and we discussed this a little bit last
night, but we'll explore it more today, is
the concept of rizq, provision.
So when we think of rizq, what's the
first thing that comes to your mind when
I say that word in Arabic, provision?
We think of money, right?
Money is the, when you say, oh Allah,
give me rizq, or Allah put barakah in
my provision, typically the first thing that a
person is imagining in their mind is, oh
Allah give me wealth, give me money.
And when you say barakah, you're asking for
Allah to increase the quality and the quantity
of your income.
But Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives and
He provides in a variety of ways, and
there's so many different pathways of rizq that
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given.
And some of them, of course, are material,
but some of them are also, you know,
innate.
Some of them are things that are inside
of each and every one of us.
So we have, for example, money.
We have things like opportunities.
We have things like skills and talents and
traits.
We have things like abilities, you know, relationships.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, referred to
his marriage with Khadija radiyallahu anha as rizq,
right?
That Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala made the
love that Khadija had for him and that
he had for her as a provision for
them.
So all of these are a form of
provision.
But what's interesting, subhanAllah, is that we rarely
think about rizq as being part of the
internal makeup of who we are, right?
Our emotional state.
Like how many of us think about a
good trait that we have?
Let's say you're generous.
Let's say that you're loving, you're caring, you're
patient or, you know, all of the above
or any of the above.
And how many of us attribute that to
like something that Allah gave us?
Like Allah gave you that disposition, you know?
Maybe you're somebody that generally is patient.
And instead of thinking about, oh, how, you
know, this is something that I have and
this one that makes me who I am,
how many of us think like, man, I'm
happy that Allah made me this way?
I'm happy that Allah ta'ala gave me
this, right?
This ability or this inclination or disposition.
So one of the things that is part
of provision that Dr. Mustafa, he talks about
in this passage, is the ability to be
reflective, to be a person of thinking, of
thought, of fikr, as they say.
And so he says in this quote, he
says, know and understand, right?
K-N-O-W.
Know that the meaning of fikr, fikr meaning
in Arabic is the idea of contemplation.
A person who is contemplative.
That they don't just like look at something
and think that it's just like everything else.
But they see something and they start to
think about the deeper layers of that.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, was a
very contemplative person.
He was a person that was constantly thinking
about things.
When they described him, they said da'im
al fikr, like he was always thinking.
And as a result of his always thinking,
one of the byproducts of it was matawasilul
ahzan.
That he was so empathetic for people.
It's interesting how the relationship between empathy, which
is seen as a good trait, and the
relationship between being thoughtful and contemplative, the hadith
puts it together.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, was empathetic
because he was thoughtful.
Typically people that lack empathy, lack empathy because
they're not thinking about others.
They're not contemplating, right?
So the Prophet, peace be upon him, in
his disposition was a very thoughtful person.
And one of the things that he would
do regularly, even before being a messenger of
Allah, even before being anointed and given the
charge of messengership, was he would go and
he would reflect in the cave of Hiraat.
And this is where the first revelation occurred,
in the cave of Hiraat.
But it didn't happen the first time he
went.
It's not like he went for the first
time and then Jibreel comes down with the
Quran.
This was something that he did regularly.
And it was before the formation of Islamic
Sharia.
So in our understanding, it was a form
of worship, although it wasn't like the prayer
that we pray today.
But the idea of doing fikr, the idea
of being a person who thinks, and he
would think deeply about the state of his
community.
I mean, think about it.
He's a person with the purest heart.
He has the best in heart, the best
in mind.
And he lives amongst the Quraysh.
And these people are doing ridiculous things as
part of their culture.
The way that they abuse women and children,
the way that they abuse business, the way
that they, subhanAllah, all of these things that
are happening, and he's witnessing all of this.
And he's internally challenging all of it.
He can't really square living in a society
where these things are normal.
Which is kind of one of the things
that we've been talking about with 30andUP, which
is we have to redefine for us what
normal is.
When we see something in society that is
very common, we can't let the common things
become normal for us.
If we see certain ways that people talk
to each other or about each other, or
certain things that people do to one another,
just because it's something that's common doesn't mean
that we should let it become normal.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, was surrounded
by immorality, but he never let it become
normal for him.
So he would go and he would remove
himself.
And he would go into the cave of
Hira and he would do what's called At
-Hannath.
He would think, he would meditate.
Not like the meditation that you do before
Pilates.
He would do meditation or in a hot
room before yoga class.
But he would meditate deeply upon the purpose
of his existence, the purpose of society, the
purpose of community, how he could rectify the
things that he knew were wrong.
These are things that he thought about deeply.
And this is kind of, again, if you
think about it, when it came to him,
revelation came to him when he was what?
When he was how old?
40, 30 and up.
I mean, kind of funny, but also kind
of interesting.
You hit this age where all of a
sudden thoughtfulness becomes one of your core practices.
When you're in your 20s, mid-20s, late
-20s, it's rare to find a 25-year
-old who's thoughtful.
Because they're too focused.
And this is the way that Allah created
us, is that there's a point of your
life where you're like really, really hustling and
trying to push and trying to gain and
trying to climb and all these things.
And then there's a point of your life
where after you put in all that work,
there's like a deeper question about what am
I doing?
Like why am I doing this?
Is this how my life's going to be
forever?
That's all it's going to be?
And usually that's the crowd that comes tonight.
And so Imam Ghazali is like the perfect
author for this kind of gathering.
So he says, understand that the action of
fiqh, of being contemplative and thinking about things,
is coming to realize two things.
And then he says, when you realize these
two things, Allah opens a door for you.
You have to realize two things though.
He says, number one, he says, for instance,
if a person is inclined towards the evanescent
world, which is such an interesting translation, subhanAllah.
If a person is inclined towards the dunya
and prefers this life, they find themselves constantly...
What does it mean to prefer this life?
That we're constantly choosing this life over things
that we know are beneficial in the next
life.
So we're constantly choosing, we find ourselves.
You don't have to ask yourself the question.
One of the tough things about spirituality is
like, your words don't answer, your actions do.
So like we can sit here and answer
verbally all we want.
But really the reality is like, your actions
answer more.
And that's also true in relationships, it's true
in everything.
A person can sit here and defend themselves
all day long, but there's no defense needed
verbally if the actions are, what?
Telling the story.
Okay?
So he says, a person prefers this life.
Means like you look at every single fork
in the road, every single split in your
life, and consistently, every time I'm choosing the
shorter, easier, temporary, more material happiness.
Every single time.
Instead of choosing what I know is going
to be an investment for my Akhira.
I'm choosing this side.
Then he says, this person naturally will find
it challenging to know what the hereafter is.
It's like a person that is so focused
on one thing, they don't even know that
other things exist.
They have never even thought about it.
And then he says, this person doesn't understand
that the Akhira is actually the smarter thing
to prefer.
It's the more intelligent choice.
Because why?
As Allah says in the Quran, بَلْ تُؤْثِرُونَ
الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةُ خَيْرٌ وَأَبَقَىٰ That the Akhira
is everlasting.
What person would choose a really really fancy
nice hotel for a weekend over having a
beautiful home?
Nobody would do that.
You would never pay the same price for
a nice hotel for three days that you
would pay for your mortgage for the month
or for your rent for a month.
Because the intelligent person in you, Inshallah, I'm
not getting enough positive affirmations on that.
Apparently we have crazy spenders out here, okay?
Inshallah, rootsdfw.org.
But the idea is that intellectually you'd be
challenged by somebody and they would say what?
They would say like that's not smart.
One of my mashayikh back in Chicago used
to say like this dunya is just a
hotel room.
You know, don't get too comfortable.
Don't get too comfy.
It's just a hotel room.
You know, your home where you live is
the Akhira.
That's where you're supposed to be.
So don't get too comfortable here, right?
And so he says this person who's constantly
choosing this life, this life, this life, this
life, right?
They don't hold their tongue.
They lash out.
Why?
Why?
Because my ego being fed is happier, is
better than me being patient.
Because if I'm patient, who's rewarding me if
I'm patient?
Oh, in the Akhira?
No, no, no.
I want the reward now.
I want to win the argument now.
But the hadith of the Prophet peace be
upon him says what?
The person who gives up arguing, even when
they know that they're going to win.
You know, you see the victory of the
argument right in front of you.
And you pull back.
You pull back and you say, you know
what?
Maybe it's my mistake.
It's not that important.
That person, the Prophet peace be upon him
says, I promise them, I promise them a
mansion, a palace in the middle, the highest
place of Jannah.
If they're able to hold back.
You see how the Prophet peace be upon
him illustrated?
You can win now.
That's fine.
Like you can beat this person argument now.
That's great, right?
You won't talk to each other for a
few days.
You'll be upset.
You'll be hurt.
They'll be hurt.
But you know in your ego you'll feel
inflated.
Or just hold your tongue.
Forget about it.
Move on.
And you know what's going to be waiting
for you in the Akhira?
Is a palace.
And when you enter into that palace, you're
going to say, why did I ever argue
with anybody?
Why did I ever indulge in such petty
things?
So dumb.
So silly.
Right?
And so he says, when the person does
that, they never ever learn that the Akhira
is better.
They never ever allow themselves to realize the
Akhira is better.
They're consistently convincing themselves that this life is
where they're supposed to be.
Then he says, there's only two ways for
this person to become corrected.
The first is that they have to hear
about it from somebody else.
You know, it's like if a person is
convinced that, anyone here like sushi?
You guys enjoy sushi?
Anybody?
Okay.
It's always like a polarizing question.
Because some people are like, ew.
Some people are like, yes.
Right?
But imagine like some food that you really
like.
Okay?
And a food, imagine a dish or a
food or cuisine that has like both good
and bad.
That's why I picked sushi, by the way,
usually for this example.
Because sushi has like really good examples.
And then sushi has like 7-Eleven sushi.
Right?
So there's good and there's bad.
Now, imagine meeting somebody that is convinced.
Like you meet them.
You're like, hey.
You come to Roots.
You meet somebody.
Then after Roots, you're like, let's go get
something to eat.
You like sushi?
Oh, I love sushi.
Where do you want to go?
Oh, I have this great place.
You know, the funny thing is 7-Eleven
is actually Japanese.
So they're like, oh, I got this great
place.
It's Japanese.
Really interesting name.
It's just two numbers.
You know, like these new bistros, like 2114
Bistro.
It's just two numbers.
Really like in vogue, color, design, awesome.
They're like, you know, automated.
You're imagining like the most delicious, you know,
like the conveyor belt sushi.
And they pull up to 7-Eleven.
And you're like, are you serious?
And you're like, no, no, this is objectively
not good.
You know, where someone's like, let's go get
some good Mexican.
You're like, oh, yeah.
And they're like, there's this place.
It's incredible.
They say it's south of the border.
Right?
Taco Bell.
You know, do it with any cuisine you
like.
I'm not going to do the daisy one
because I know that might offend some people
who like all markets.
But anyway, so I'm from Chicago.
Listen, my du'as to every Muslim business
owner.
All right.
My du'as for success and for clean
kitchens.
Inshallah.
So imagine that.
Imagine that you're sitting here and you're talking
to somebody.
And they are convinced that objectively, like the
lowest tier, like the least refined, the least
fancy, the least nice, like all of the.
But they're convinced it's the best.
What do you feel in your heart?
Like what do you feel?
You may have just met this person.
Like you don't know anything about them.
You have no relationship.
But what do you believe now is followed
upon you?
I have to break the spell.
I have to get them out of this.
There's no way that I can allow this
person to keep stumbling forward in life thinking
that Taco Bell is the best Mexican that
Dallas has.
There's no way.
I'm not going to let them do this.
And so you.
And we've had these.
I mean, if anyone here has ever had
like a moment like this, you know what
I'm talking about.
Then the argument starts.
The conversation.
No, no, no, no, no.
Listen, you have to try this.
You have to go here.
You have to go here.
And then the person is so invested in
it.
That they're making this presentation.
And they want the original person who is
so close minded to like really truly believe.
Like trust me.
Trust me.
What you've experienced.
There's so much more beyond that.
It's not the best.
It's not the end all be all.
He says that this type of interaction is
the only thing that can pull the dunya
person out of the dunya.
Is that there has to be somebody that
comes to them and says, Have you even
read about Jannah?
Like stop trying to make this dunya Jannah.
It's never going to be Jannah.
It can't be Jannah.
Everything that we look for in this life
to give us like comfort and luxury and
this and this and this.
Even if, even if there's a flavor or
a taste of it.
It's never perfect and it's never permanent.
There's always some deficiency.
That's the nature of the dunya.
Allah made this dunya two things.
Imperfect and temporary.
So if we believe and think and are
like convinced that I'm going to find my
happiness here.
The reality is Allah says no, that's not
the case.
But you can use this place to try
to construct what will be permanent happiness.
What will be everlasting relief and happiness and
joy.
And that is in the akhirah, in Jannah.
So he says the person then is engaging
in this conversation.
The only way that they're going to break
out of this condition, this spell that's over
them.
Is that they hear about it from somebody.
So one has to hear from someone else.
That the hereafter is better.
That it is the place that you should
prefer.
Like stop preferring your stuff here.
Now all of us, you know, we would
assume in this scenario that we're the person
that's, you know, trying to convince the other.
But this section will not benefit us tonight
until we come to terms with the fact
that we are the person that's probably stuck.
We're the person that's probably stuck.
Like think of a moment when you were
absolutely, you had complete conviction in something.
And somebody came and told you, don't do
it, it's not worth giving away your akhirah.
And it wasn't until you heard that phrase,
that word, that sentence.
That it seemed like you were totally dead
set on a course for, you know, who
knows.
Could have been something emotional, could have been
something financial.
Could have been like just a mistake, a
sin.
It could have been just like a small
advice somebody gave you.
Hey, it's not worth it.
Or imagine those nights where you're really tired.
Right, you're 30 and up.
It's 7.33. You know, my wife and
I last night were sitting together after the
kids went to bed.
And we were talking.
And the kids actually went to bed like
semi-early.
It's like 9.45. And I look at
her and I'm like, imagine going to bed
right now.
It was like a thrilling thought.
I was like, imagine going to sleep at
9.45. She's like, I know.
Wouldn't that be phenomenal?
And then we stayed up till 11.30,
of course, right?
And then regret it at Fajr.
But the point being is, imagine being in
that state.
And then somebody just comes to you.
Imagine they say, hey, have you prayed Isha
yet?
And there's that slight moment.
Anytime somebody changes the lens of focus from
your heart, from dunya to akhirah, there's that
slight irritation, right?
You're getting ready to go shopping.
You're scrolling.
You're Amazoning.
You're doing this.
And someone's like, have you given sadaqah?
And you're like, come on, man.
You're at the restaurant ordering food.
Did you check if it's halal?
Come on.
The person looks daisy.
That's not a dalil, actually, right?
They're within a three-mile radius of all
markets.
Like they probably are halal.
So the reality is that every human being
has that pause, that moment, where when they're
reminded of the akhirah, their nafs protests.
And the goal that Imam Ghazali is saying
is that if you have that friend in
your life who reminds you, hang on to
them for dear life.
Never get rid of those people.
Some of them are like your parents.
Some of them are our parents.
You know?
Sallait, my mom, the words, the voice that
I hear my mom the most in my
brain is sallait.
Even now, if I call her right now,
literally, if I FaceTime my mom right now,
I'm going to be 37 next week, inshallah.
She's going to be like, did you pray?
Sallait means did you pray?
And I'm like, mom, I'm 37.
And she's like, that's not an answer.
Did you pray or not?
You know?
And there's that level of, again, that irritation.
Why are you asking?
But if you flipped it and you said,
man, subhanallah, this person is only asking.
They're only reminding.
They're only gently nudging.
Because why?
Because they care for my akhirah.
They want me to see the value of
the afterlife.
And they want me to be reminded of
that.
Then all of a sudden now the entire
experience changes.
So he says that they hear it from
somebody else.
And thereafter, that person's heart is opened.
And they start to imitate this person.
And they believe in them, even though they
don't have conviction yet themselves.
Right?
In Islamic spirituality, we actually have a phrase
that we steal from the English language.
All these imams and mashayikh, they use this
concept of fake it till you make it.
You don't have to be perfect to be
somebody that practices Islam.
And even, subhanallah, there's a hadith, there's teachings
of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him,
where he says, make dua.
And in that dua, you should be emotionally
moved.
And he says you should be moved enough
to the point where, maybe not every time,
but at least at some point you should
cry.
You should shed some tears.
And then he says, and if you can't
cry, because sometimes, in some cases, in some
places, you're not able to, he said, then
you should at least make the sounds of
a person who's emotional.
You know, someone who's emotional.
Like, there are some people that, they don't
cry, but they have this, like, maybe, like
this tough experience, and they feel it, and
they're just, they're sighing, right?
You know, that's not, those are, that's a
version of crying, even though no tears are
involved.
But when a person is exasperated, and they're
just exhaling, that's its own form of tears,
right?
Even though there's no actual tears coming.
So, in Islam, we actually are encouraged to
do what?
If we know something is the right path,
the right way, we should commit to it,
even if we're not fully yet convinced internally,
or motivated internally.
I was explaining this the other day to
somebody, I forgot.
But they asked a question about, basically, the
human challenge is that we want to be
fully motivated and bought into something before we
commit to doing it.
So, if you look at it as, like,
a flywheel, there's the heart, and there's the
body.
And we want the heart to be fully
in before the body moves.
But, subhanAllah, that's not the way that things
work all the time.
Sometimes, sometimes, it's really nice when the heart
is motivated and the body moves.
It's really nice.
That's what we call, like, pure passion.
Like, you're like, yes, I want to do
this.
Yes, I want to be there.
Yes, I'll do that.
And it doesn't matter what it is, because
your heart is bought in, right?
But there are some times where you absolutely,
your heart does not want to do something,
but you have to do it.
So, what happens then is your body has
to push the heart.
Your body has to be the one that
starts.
Like, how many of you go to the
gym?
Okay, mashaAllah.
It's not showing off.
No one here is showing off, okay?
You go to the gym.
There are some days where you're like, actually,
you want to go.
And then there are other days where you're
like, I don't want to go.
I don't.
But, subhanAllah, you force yourself to go.
And then, like, halfway through your workout or
even right when you get there, you feel
like, you know what, I'm happy that I
came.
I'm happy that I arrived.
Or when you finish, you're like, I'm happy
that I did this.
You know, I'm happy that I actually did.
Some people don't even want to be here
right now.
Right?
Some people are like, I really don't want
to go.
But my friends are going.
Or like, I've been going for a long
time.
I can't break the streak.
Tonight's number 27.
You heard that there's 40 chapters.
Like, oh, God, 13 more weeks.
I can't miss one of these, you know.
There's a podcast, you know.
But anyways.
And you just, and the body put.
But then, subhanAllah, you hear one thing.
Maybe it's like a verse of Quran that
I'm just.
There's nothing for me.
I'm just a glorified reader.
So I just read.
And you're like, wow, subhanAllah.
I never thought of it that way.
And then you leave and you're like, I'm
so happy I came.
Even though in the beginning you didn't want
to go.
Or your friends are getting together.
You're tired.
But then you push yourself to go.
And then you spend time with them.
You feel rejuvenated.
And you're like, you know what?
I'm really happy that I went.
I'm really happy that I came to this.
Alhamdulillah.
So there are times where your heart is
the motivator.
And there are times where your body actually
has to jumpstart your heart.
And that means that when it comes to
your relationship with Allah, don't always hold yourself
back to be passionate about the good deeds
that you know you should be doing.
Because if we were always waiting for that
passionate energy, we would only be doing like
a fraction of the good that we're doing.
Like sometimes you wear what you wear because
you know it's what Allah loves and not
because it's what you want to wear.
Right?
My wife has good hair days.
And she's like, man.
She wears hijab.
She's like, what if?
You know?
This hair looks so nice.
And I'm like, yeah, mashallah.
She's not bald, by the way.
Okay?
I know it's a question a lot of
hijabis get.
Some people, time for prayer, they don't want
to get up.
But they have to get up and pray.
Even though they're comfortable.
Just sat down.
They just sat down.
They just got ready.
And they don't want to do it.
But get up and do it.
You'll always feel better that you did it
at the end.
And so he says this about Jannah.
You'll be surrounded by somebody.
You'll be sitting in a gathering.
And there will be a person that in
the midst of the dunya will remind you
of the akhirah and will tell you that
this is actually where you should be putting
your focus, where you should be putting your
preference.
And it's your job in that moment to
follow that person.
Imitate them.
Right?
Do what they do.
Hey, do you want to pray?
Don't think about it.
Just say yes.
And just stand up.
Don't give your nafs time to like counter.
Right?
Oh, I can pray later.
It just came in.
Do I have wudu or not?
That's the good one.
Oh, I don't know if I have wudu.
You go ahead.
Let me think this over.
No, just get up and make wudu.
Get up and make wudu.
Make wudu with the speed that you would
if Mufti Menk were there.
Like just make wudu and then go.
And put yourself.
Don't give yourself time to negotiate.
Do not.
And then he says, once you do this,
then you come to the realization, which is
the second stage, where you actually do start
to feel those like sweet breezes of ma
'rifah, of knowledge that yes, my akhirah is
truly better for me than my dunya.
And now what does that feel like?
It's no longer now that you're imitating people.
Now you are actually the person who is
creative and ideating your own good deeds.
You're doing the right thing because this is
what you know Allah loves.
And you are doing it not because the
people are there, but because you are aware
that Allah Ta'ala loves that thing and
He's watching.
So a person who only used to go
to Jumu'ah because their friends would go,
and then their friends are not there anymore,
and now you're still going.
Or I'm only going to go to Taraweeh
if it's part of my crew, but now
the friends stopped going, and I'm still showing
up.
I'm still there.
I'm by myself, but I'm still there.
It's no longer a matter of imitation.
Now it's a matter of what?
Now it's a matter of this is who
you actually are.
This is your genuine self.
And you've come to that place and you
realize that.
And he says that the person then comes
to realize that the Akhirah is everlasting.
Then he says when this person does these
two things, they imitate and then they start
to actually genuinely act on these good deeds.
He says Allah Ta'ala gives them, and
He gives them an opening, which is that
they live their life constantly thinking about the
Akhirah.
Every single question, every single decision that they
make is one.
That is run through the question, the lens
of the afterlife, and that is a state
that is of those who are dear and
near and dear to Allah Subhanahu wa ta
'ala.
So you can't reach the state of being
near and dear thinking about Jannah all the
time unless you are a person who pulls
yourself or is pulled out of hyper dunya
focus.
And the only way you can do that
is by listening when people remind you.
Once you've listened to the reminder, then you
start to create the behavior.
And once you follow the behavior and it
becomes who you are, then you start to
feel that passion that you were looking for.
And the passion that you were holding out
on the beginning, it now shows up in
you at the end.
May Allah Ta'ala give us that.
So Dr. Mustafa Abu Suay, he writes a
lot here.
We're going to pull from one of his
lines here.
Yeah, so we'll pull from one of his
lines here InshaAllah and then we'll do some
Q&A.
So if you have any questions, the Slido
is open and 30 and up is the
code.
You can type it in InshaAllah.
He says, Imam Ghazali, Rahimahullah, in this quotation,
explains how new knowledge can be derived from
previously known information.
This is actually a really interesting point.
He brings up this idea that just because
you know something doesn't mean that you actually
follow it.
Like if I asked everybody in the room,
like, hey, is the akhirah better than the
dunya?
We'd be like, yes.
But again, the actions are the things that
will substantiate the claim.
Okay, so he says, when somebody reminds you
of something that you already know, don't see
it as a waste of time.
Don't be like, I already know that.
Realize that this is Allah Ta'ala sending
this person in your life to remind you.
And in that reminder, this is Allah Ta
'ala pulling you, what?
Closer to him.
This is why good friends are so important.
He says, the quotation is epistemological in nature,
but the implication is very clear spiritually.
Fikr, contemplation, is the result of combining previously
known information and bringing forth a new piece
of information.
I'm going to repeat that one line.
Contemplation is when you take what you already
know, and you explore it, and you think
about it deeply, and you reflect on it,
and as a reflection, as a point of
realization, you now come to a realization.
You think about the things that you've already
been taught, but because you never let those
things marinate in your mind, and mature, and
become ripe, and nice, they never actually reach
their full potential.
So our full potential is not being withheld
by lack of knowledge, it's lack of reflection.
The more we think about Allah, the more
we think about the Prophet, the more we
think about, why am I here?
The more you realize that some of the
things that you spend your time and your
rizq, investing in, they're just actually counterproductive.
They're obstructions, they're not things that are constructing
towards anything.
He says there's a big difference between believing
someone on the basis of one statement, and
working out new knowledge based on the premises.
If you hear something from somebody, there's always
the initial challenge.
You can go back to the sushi example.
Oh, the best sushi in Dallas is, and
then you name a place.
The person could always challenge it.
He says the only way you come to
realize the truth of that claim is by
experiencing it.
So what he's telling us here is don't
reject the advice that somebody's giving you until
you've done it, until you've tried it.
It's like going to the doctor and the
doctor is saying, Hey, you should try this,
it would help your health.
And you say, I don't think so.
All the doctors are laughing because this is
pretty much the life of a physician.
Hey, your cholesterol is really high, you should
probably change your diet.
No, not me.
I'm going all Marcus after this.
The less that I'm able to actualize the
advice, the less I actually have in terms
of any ground to stand on at all
to argue back.
I share this sometimes and I'm careful sharing
it because I know that it's a touchy
subject.
But there's a demographic of individuals that were
born into Islam that are no longer Muslim.
And when they come to me, usually brought
to me by loved ones, as like a
last ditch effort to try to see if
there's something that can be said.
I oftentimes ask them a very simple question
which is, Do you believe in the Quran?
And they say, I don't.
And I say, did you ever read it?
And they say, no.
And I always say to them, look, life
is full of choices and anyone and everyone
can make their own choices.
And this is one of the gifts in
the test of Allah, is that everybody is
allowed to make their own decisions.
Allah wants us to pray, but he's not
going to impose that you pray.
Allah wants us to pray, but he's not
going to make our bodies stop and start
praying.
Although he could, but he doesn't.
Because why?
لِنَبَلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلَةٌ It's a test.
The whole point of the test.
Actually, my son, my eight-year-old son
was asking me, why does Allah not just
make everyone Muslim?
And I said, because this whole point is
to see who would do it if they
had the choice.
That's the whole purpose of the dunya.
Who would do this willingly?
Right?
And so when a person comes, I don't
believe in the Quran, and I say, have
you read it?
They say, no.
I say, well, what are you disbelieving in
then?
You can't not believe in something that you've
never read.
Right?
That's like me saying that a restaurant I've
never been to is the worst.
Doesn't make sense.
You guys tell I'm hungry, it's all restaurant
motif.
So, I never eat before I teach, that's
why.
So the point is, that Imam Ghazali here
is saying, just because somebody is advising you,
your only responsibility when you get advice is
not to shut them down.
Don't shut them down.
Because you don't actually have the proof.
You don't have the evidence to say whether
or not it works or not.
Until you've done what they're saying.
Hey, try this.
Hey, try that.
I know that this is, try this.
Until you've tried it, don't be like, no,
you don't know what you're talking about.
That's a sign of what?
That's a sign of a person that is
not willing to do what it takes to
become a person of the Akhirah.
Right?
And then once you try it, and once
you give it a shot, you'll start to
see those doors will open.
So he says, imitation is the form of
trying here.
And he goes, truly, something cannot be called
knowledge until a believer generates with that knowledge.
Until they actually live with that knowledge.
And then he goes on to discuss some
of Ghazali's finer points about theoretical versus practical.
But we'll move on to this.
He says, Imam Ghazali talks about the preferred
state of eternality of the hereafter.
He said, for those who are absorbed in
this life, and they would like to turn
to the hereafter because it is everlasting, either
they believe in it, through the report of
somebody, or they come to the same conclusion.
And then he quotes a poem, or a
line, a logical line, in which he said,
that which lasts longer is preferred.
The hereafter lasts longer, so the hereafter must
be preferred.
The pleasures of this life, whether they are
lawful or unlawful, are short-lived.
The pleasures of the hereafter are everlasting.
The problem is that the hereafter also has
another option, which is everlasting punishment.
And that's the ultimate challenge, is coming to
realize those two.
The comparison between short-lived pain and the
everlasting punishment of the next life have no
actual comparison.
So Imam Ghazali says, this is actually very
famously known as Pascal's wager.
You guys ever heard of the name Blaise
Pascal, the mathematician?
He had a very famous principle that he
argued.
I was a religious studies major in college,
and I had to study a lot of
logic and things like that.
But he had this very famous thing that
he proposed, where he said that mathematically it
makes sense to believe in God.
Mathematically, based on statistics.
And of course, our assumption when it comes
to belief in a religion is that the
secular proposition is that no, those things are
actually antithetical to one another.
Belief in God and science and rationality and
law and logic, those things don't match.
But he said, no, actually, statistically it does.
And they asked him how, and he said,
well, it's just a wager.
It's just a bet.
It's just statistics, probability.
And they said, on what?
And he said, would you rather have temporary
difficulty for everlasting pleasure or temporary pleasure for
everlasting pain?
And he goes, any smart person would take
temporary discomfort for everlasting pleasure.
Any person.
But nobody would trade temporary pleasure for everlasting
pain.
He said, so mathematically it makes sense to
be a believer.
He was Christian, right?
So there's obviously different challenges there.
But I like the theological basis of his
math.
That's a math class I could sit in.
MashaAllah.
So we ask Allah to give us the
ability to be people of reflection, of contemplation.
We ask Allah to make us those that
are humble enough to imitate even when we
don't have conviction ourselves.
And that we ask Allah that through our
practice and imitation and our stumbling that He
gives us the gift of conviction.
And when we come to that point, He
gives us the gift of passion and of
reflection.
Ameen, Ya Rabbil Alameen.
Okay, let's do some Q&A inshaAllah.
We're gonna let out a little early tonight
so that people have time to make wudu
inshaAllah and get ready for prayer.
The first question, Bismillah, may Allah ta'ala
give tawfiq.
How to deal with suicidal thoughts?
May Allah ta'ala make it easy.
You know, one thing I think that's important
whenever it comes to struggling with something that
you know is existential in nature, it's a
very, very difficult, tough situation to be in,
is never to isolate yourself.
When I got my, I did my Master's
in Mental Health and one of the things
that we learned as we talked about some
of the theories and the skills that are
used to deal with things like anxiety and
other mental health ailments is that isolation is
usually the pathway towards the most extreme form
of a lot of these struggles.
And when a person feels something, they tend
to isolate, whether it's out of shame or
frustration or anger, and that's where a lot
of those dark, dark thoughts tend to brew
strongest.
But when you find yourself yearning to isolate,
you need to meet that at least with
the ability to talk to somebody and to
speak to somebody, whether that person is family
or friend, whether they're, they could be a
professional, right?
But having somebody that you can lean on
to talk to, and again, it's about finding
that perfect match to talk to somebody that
is able to give you the time that
you need and that you feel comfortable talking
to them.
That's a really, really important step there.
So number one is never, ever be isolated
from people.
Number two is to realize that every single
person that exists on this earth has a
purpose.
You have a purpose.
Even if you feel like your purpose is
totally, like you don't, you feel like you
don't have one, like you can't identify it.
It's like, what am I here for?
You have a purpose.
And if you ever want to like, subhanAllah,
if you ever want to come to, I
was reading Dostoevsky earlier, he wrote Crime and
Punishment, and he said something to the effect
of like, spending time with children is one
of the greatest cures for the soul.
You know, children get so happy if you
just do something so simple with them.
And they have this way of reminding you
that all of your problems, as great as
they might be, can shrink away if you
just spend time with something innocent, someone innocent.
You know, so if a person wants to
understand their purpose and how they have purpose,
just be the person that hands out cupcakes
after Jummah to the kids.
I'm not joking.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, when the
man came to him and said, my heart
is hard, he said, what?
Go spend time with the orphans.
He told him that.
Go and pat the head of an orphan.
Why?
Because when you bring a smile to the
face of somebody that's an orphan, you instantly
realize that you have purpose.
Right?
The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, one
of the most beloved deeds to Allah is
to enter a believer into a state of
happiness.
That's one of Allah's most favorite things.
Can you make someone else happy?
Can you make someone else happy?
Right?
That's purpose.
Right?
So may Allah make it easy.
And then, of course, if someone is experiencing
suicidal thoughts to the level of ideation and
they're coming up with details and things like
that, then immediately you should absolutely seek help,
inshallah.
There's really, really good outlets here.
Me, personally, I recommend Mahmood Ali from Rahma
Institute in Allen.
But I know that MAPS is the mental
health network here in Dallas.
And I would strongly recommend, inshallah, that you
reach out.
Let them know that Roots sent you, inshallah,
that we would prioritize.
May Allah make it easy.
Okay.
If a spouse is too full of shame
to seek marital counsel with our local imams
after fidelity with a member in our community,
how can we assure them that it is
safe?
May Allah make it easy on them.
So the first thing is, I think it's
important for the person, I think it's important
for any person to realize, again, that seeking
isolation in any difficulty is not going to
lead to an answer.
It's just going to lead to further distance.
And so if the issue is that they
don't want to talk to local imams because
maybe they go to their masjid or something,
you can always seek counsel from people.
We live in a time where the Internet
makes the world very small.
A big world can become very accessible.
So you can always seek counsel from imams,
even in other countries.
You can talk to an imam in the
UK if you want, and that person would
have no idea who you are.
And you can speak openly and receive counsel
and advice from them, inshallah.
And then I think also the reality is
that time heals.
And this is, obviously, I'm not recommending anything.
I'm not saying what a person should or
shouldn't do.
This is a very personal issue that needs
professional work.
But I think the reality is to assume
that something will recover immediately is an unfair
expectation of anything, of anyone.
One of my teachers, he said beautifully about
a sin.
He said if you push a boulder for
10 days in one direction, it's going to
take you at least 10 days to push
it back.
And he was saying that when you sin
for a period of time, he said Allah
can forgive the sin.
That's not even a question.
Allah will forgive the sin.
But just because Allah forgave a sin doesn't
mean that you're not going to still have
to work through some of that residual stuff.
And that requires intentional work.
You can't just think that it's going to
go away.
It requires work.
It requires maybe therapy.
It requires talking to trusted friends.
This is why I always tell everybody, have
friends that are a little bit older than
you so you can reach out to them
and you can ask them for advice.
A lot of times it's easy.
And someone just like catapulted to the top.
They got voted.
How do we balance being tough on ourselves?
This is from Andrea listening in Chicago.
It's like a radio host now.
How do we balance being tough on ourselves
to improve while not transgressing into negative internal
self-talk?
Great, great point.
We should never ever indulge in negative, like
self-deprecating ideas.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, never did
that.
You cannot find a single narration where the
Prophet, peace be upon him, encouraged people to
indulge in negative talk about themselves.
I was one time at a masjid, I'll
never forget the story, when I was young
in Chicago, Andrea.
And the imam was like really feeling it.
He was making a dua and he was
on the mic.
And he was like, oh Allah, we've committed
so many sins.
And he was just like going in.
And then he goes, ya Allah, we're the
worst.
We're worse than dogs.
And someone in the audience, it was not
in prayer, someone goes, speak for yourself.
Oh Allah, I'll never forget that.
I was like, wow.
Like that person, you know.
Also dogs aren't bad.
Poor dog is like, what did I do?
So, the point is, look, there's a way
where your nafs can get intertwined and you
can actually become spiritually vain.
There's a way for that to happen.
There's a false humility that can occur with
people.
False humility is not the response to arrogance.
The response to arrogance is humility and is
being real, that's it.
But not false humility.
If somebody comes up to you and says,
I like your shirt.
Don't say, no, this is ugly, this is
so bad, this is so horrible.
That's false humility.
If someone comes up to you and says,
I like your shirt, say, yeah, it's better
than any shirt you ever owned.
No, that's arrogance.
Someone comes up to you and says, I
like your shirt, you say, thank you, that's
very kind of you.
May Allah put barakah in it.
I really appreciate that.
You see how it's so simple.
And guess what?
You completely removed yourself from the center of
the response.
Thank you, that's so kind of you.
I appreciate your kindness.
May Allah put barakah in it.
You're not even talking about yourself.
You're like completely invisible in this state.
So, there's ways to be humble but still
not make someone feel bad for being nice
to you.
And I think that's an important skill to
work on, inshallah.
I think a lot of times we've been
taught that being praised or being given good
words is a bad thing and we should
know.
You shouldn't.
The Quran says, The Prophet said, Give good
news.
Give good news to people.
Be nice, be kind.
Tell people nice things.
And it's our job to not be overly
harsh on ourselves.
So, Andrea, my response to you is don't
be overly harsh on yourself.
Celebrate your wins.
It's okay.
It's okay to thank Allah for the things
that He's allowed you to have tawfiq with.
It's from Allah.
It's okay.
But it's also important to recognize your shortcomings
and to come up with a game plan
on how to respond to that.
If you have a strategy on how to
respond to negative aspects, that's good.
But if it's just thinking about the negativity
and stopping there, that's bad.
So, if it's like, Oh, man, I keep
doing this.
I'm so worthless.
That's not good.
Oh, man, I keep doing this.
I have to really fix that.
Let me try this.
That's good.
Because you want to construct.
You don't want to destruct.
Okay.
We'll do one last one and then we'll
stop.
It's 8.03. We have 10 minutes till
Isha.
Inshallah.
I'm a bit older and I want to
get married.
Late 20s.
Parents say that I'm old and should just
choose someone and that I'm now suitable for
someone who's been divorced due to my age.
I mean, a lot of times I make
it easy.
Look, marriage is one of those things.
I don't think there's ever an objective right
answer.
I will say that in my experience, I
don't think it's wise for people to walk
into the prospect of looking for a companion
with having categorical limits.
I just don't think it's smart.
Right?
Categorical limits.
You know what that means?
Absolutely no one from this category.
It's just silly.
Because you never know.
Like Justin said, never say never.
That was a deep cut right there.
Wow.
Sorry about that one.
But you never know.
You never know what person you'll meet.
You never know.
And sometimes people they reject maybe a good
opportunity because they're too embarrassed to go back
on what they denied.
So my advice to the sister or brother,
whoever's here, whoever's asking this question, is you're
absolutely within your scope and your right to
have preference.
Everybody can have preferences.
That's, I mean, yeah.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, he even
said that.
Right?
But don't let your preferences become the goal
of marriage.
The goal of marriage is what?
لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً Allah Ta
'ala says to give sakinah, to experience undying
compassion and mercy for each other.
That's the goal of marriage.
لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا So sometimes you're so focused on
the preferences and the categories that you're like
overlooking the sakinah that's right there.
You know, there's a sister one time that
I met, and she was like I have
to marry someone of this background, of this
educational, this, this, this, right?
And then she ended up marrying this guy
who never ever achieved any of those educational
backgrounds, and in fact he works as a
plumber.
But he's like the best husband.
Incredible.
And she said had I been firm on
my categories, I would have never found him.
And her parents, by the way, didn't approve
at first.
But then they found out this guy's like
super, mashallah, good guy, good, you know, everything.
And they found out that plumbers in Chicago
make bank apparently.
So they were like, hey, we don't need
a degree, right?
So, but the point being is, may Allah
Ta'ala make it easy, the point being
is don't limit yourself.
Like just allow the process to be one
that allows you to explore the person with
the goal of sakinah, li tazkunu ilayha.
JazakAllah khairan.
We'll go ahead and break here inshaAllah because
Isha is in about 10 minutes.
May Allah Ta'ala give us tawfiq and
allow us to learn from all the things
that we've said and heard.
BarakAllahu feekum everybody.
Wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.