AbdelRahman Murphy – Thirty & Up #22 Treasury Of Imam Al-Ghazali
AI: Summary ©
The importance of faced-to-face communication is discussed in shaping one's life and negative consequences of actions and feelings. The challenges of small tries and avoiding small sin are highlighted, along with the importance of good deeds and intentions in life. The best case scenario for Allah's is to make up six years of fasting and pray, but finding the perfect person is crucial. The conversation includes advice on finding a good partner, avoiding getting married, and giving a reminder to avoid drinking. The speaker also discusses a marriage prospect and advises against giving personal information.
AI: Summary ©
As-salamu alaykum.
As-salamu alaykum.
Welcome home, everybody.
It's good to see you.
Alhamdulillah.
Bismillah.
Bismillah walhamdulillah wa salatu was-salamu ala Rasulullahi
wa ala alihi wa ashabihi ajma'in.
Welcome back to our reading our last one
of the year, subhanallah.
This is our last 30 and up for
this year, inshallah, because I'm heading out for
Umrah on Saturday, inshallah.
We take our Qalam winter group that we
have, so we have 128 people with us.
It's me and two other people who are
teachers, so it should be good.
Three buses, three people, it's good math, strong
math right there, alhamdulillah.
So we're leaving Saturday, inshallah.
We're coming back the following Monday.
So we're gone for about nine days total,
inshallah.
So we'll have next week off.
I know that next week as well, a
lot of people are traveling or hosting, either
or.
So may Allah Ta'ala make everyone's journey
and time safe, inshallah.
And then we'll come back on the 31st.
Oh, it's a little New Year's Eve.
Wow, a little New Year's Eve 30 and
up, inshallah.
Next time we meet.
Okay, bismillah.
Section number 22, okay.
So Imam Ghazali, rahimahullah, in his writings, one
of the things that he does really well,
he does a lot very well, but one
of the things that I particularly appreciate about
Imam Ghazali and his writings is his ability
to translate not just the mathematics of something,
but also the effect and the impact of
something.
So it's one thing for a person to
say that you should pray because praying is
an obligation.
And we all know that's true.
But what does the effect of prayer have
on somebody?
And also, what does the effect of removing
prayer do to the life of somebody?
Okay, sadaqah, same thing.
We all know that charity is a part
of the Islamic routine and regimen.
But on top of knowing that we should
do it, what effect does it have on
our life, on our hearts and our lives,
respectively?
So Imam Ghazali, one of his main goals
in life, in his entire writing, was to
try not just to communicate the mathematics or
the X's and O's, but also to give
a little bit of the wisdom and the
reasoning behind why certain things happen, why we
do certain things and also the effects of
certain things.
And so we talked about the process of
repentance.
I think it was a few weeks ago,
maybe like a week ago, we spoke about
the process of repentance and the importance of
repentance and how repentance for the life of
a person is like the cleansing of a
person's body, right?
It's like cleaning the heart, just like how
we clean our body every day, we have
to clean our heart every day as well.
So we talked about tawbah.
But now Imam Ghazali is going to open
up this conversation about, well, what happens?
What happens to a person if they don't
prioritize this act of tawbah?
Like what's the effect of this?
What's at risk?
What's at stake?
And he has another long passage, but he
basically talks about the three things that occur,
that have to occur in order for repentance
to make sense or in order for repentance
to actually be felt and the three things
that you lose out on, the three things
that disappear from your life altogether if repentance
is not completed.
So we'll talk inshaAllah, we'll read from what
he wrote and then we'll talk a little
bit and then we'll end with what Dr.
Mustafa Abusway wrote, the author who analyzed this
text that we're reading.
So he says, number one, Imam Ghazali says,
understand that repentance has a, it's an experience
that is brought together by three pieces, okay?
It's an experience that is put together by
three pieces, like a puzzle that you solve
with three big pieces.
He says, number one is the knowledge of
repentance, number two is the state, and number
three is the action of repentance.
So if somebody is wondering, for example, like
okay, I notice that I commit sins or
I make mistakes, but I notice that I'm
not motivated to repent, like unless someone reminds
me from outside or unless there's like a,
you know, unless somebody sees me, right?
But I've noticed that the sins that I
commit privately, I've noticed that I don't find
myself really motivated to repent when it comes
to those sins.
Then Imam Ghazali says, there's a deficiency here.
One of your pieces of the puzzle is
not fitting properly.
So he's going to define each piece now
and he's going to try to give an
understanding of how each piece fits.
He says, knowledge comes first and the first
part of that knowledge is an understanding and
a realization of the greatness of the sin
that you've committed, okay?
So when I make a mistake, and this
is like a normal human behavior, when somebody
makes a mistake, the first thing that they
try to do is they try to downplay
it, right?
They try to rationalize it.
It's either not a big deal, right?
Or it was unavoidable.
So instead of taking the ownership, I mean
anyone here who's ever been wronged before by
somebody and you've tried to engage with that
person about the wrong that they've done and
how they've made you feel, it's either one
of two things.
You're either overthinking it or it was unavoidable.
So we just have to deal with it,
right?
I believe they call it gaslighting.
When it comes to Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala, when it comes to the sin that
we commit, not against people, not the wronging
of people, wronging Allah ta'ala, wronging that
relationship, the interesting thing is that Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala has already given us the
best gift which is he's removed the need
for the defense mechanism.
The defense mechanism that we have with people
is because we want to try to perfect
and maintain this image of us being flawless.
Like nobody wants to walk outside with a
stain on their shirt.
Nobody wants to drive with a dent in
their car.
We don't like flaws.
But Allah ta'ala has already told us
you're gonna have flaws.
So there's no need in trying to maneuver
yourself or try to present yourself in a
way where you don't have those flaws.
That's just part of who you have to
acknowledge who you are and you have to
own that, right?
Now, the issue is that we don't like
the feeling, the weight and the burden and
the guilt of it and so we try
to push it away.
So he says number one, realize the harm
of the sins that you've committed.
We can talk about these harms all day
long.
Let's say a person tells a lie.
Lying is a sin, yes?
Okay.
Well, apparently for some of us.
Lying, for those of us who don't know,
lying is not permissible in Islam.
We can't lie, okay?
It's not allowed.
I know everyone's like, but what if?
Okay, don't bring up the exceptions.
You're exposing yourself too much.
Lying is a sin.
And we can talk about like all the
effects of lying and how it hurts you
and how the sin is ruining relationships.
If I lie and then people find out
and they don't trust me and now I'm
like not trustworthy and because of that it's
going to be a struggle for me to
have meaningful relationships or do business or all
of these things, right?
Like if I tell a lie and then
people find out that it was not true
and I knew that it was not true,
it's going to actually hurt me in that
relationship, okay?
Backbiting, the same thing.
If I say something about somebody behind their
back and then they found out that I
said that, it's going to hurt that relationship.
So we usually look at the sin and
then we try to make ourselves feel like,
you know what, I have to stop doing
this.
Why?
Because it's going to hurt my relationship with
people.
But Imam Ghazali says, you're not actually giving
yourself the true weight of the impact until
you realize that it's not only the person
that you're hurting, it's your relationship with Allah.
That's really what's at risk.
Because you could backbite somebody and get away
with it.
You could lie and never be found out.
It's entirely possible that people go their life
committing sins that no one will ever find
out about.
And so if nobody finds out, then what
happens is the person starts to feel a
little bit safe.
Okay, you know what, I'm good.
I'm not at risk.
But no, Imam Ghazali says you are.
He says you're actually at the greatest risk
which is the more mistakes that are unrepentant
that a person makes, the more that they
are going to be veiled from Allah Ta
'ala altogether.
Which means that a person won't be able
to appreciate.
What does it mean to be veiled from
Allah?
I know it sounds like very spiritual language.
But we can translate this pretty easily.
Everything that you should be able to see
Allah in, you won't be able to see
Him in.
Like you'll be eating food, and a person
next to you will be eating food, and
the person next to you will remember Allah
and you will not.
It's like my kids.
I'm not trying to put my kids on
blast.
But my kids know better the dua to
make or the bismillah to say when you
forgot to say bismillah than the one that
you just say bismillah before you start.
Right?
Why?
Because they're kids.
It's okay.
Allah is not holding them accountable yet.
But why?
Because they are not aware yet putting two
and two together of the connection between what?
Between the food that they're going to eat
and the fact that Allah is the one
who provided it.
For kids it's okay.
But for adults, for people that have matured,
for hearts that can recognize, that's a really
scary thing.
It's a scary thing for a person to
be able to indulge and to be immersed
in blessings and to not recognize the source
of those blessings.
And one might argue, well, maybe they're just
not intelligent.
Like maybe if they were smarter they'd be
able to put two and two together.
But actually the ironic thing is it has
nothing to do with your degrees.
It has nothing to do with your position
or your title.
It has nothing to do with that.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the Quran,
He tells us that it's not the eyes
that see.
It's not the ears that hear.
Rather it's the heart that recognizes things.
So the more that I commit sins, the
more that I miss my prayers, the more
that I backbite, the more that I, whatever,
you name it.
The more that I ignore Allah in my
life, the more that I will be forced
to ignore Allah because I can't see Him
anymore.
And when I say see Him, I don't
mean literally.
I mean I won't be able to see
that Allah is truly the one that is
providing for me.
I won't be able to see that Allah
is the one that's protecting me.
You know, if I barely miss a bad
accident or if I slip.
Dallas winter is coming.
You can feel it.
68 degrees right now.
Okay?
Get your north face and everything.
I saw a guy yesterday.
Yesterday was like 74 with like 80%
humidity.
Saw a guy wearing a puffer vest and
a knit hat.
I was like it's all in your head,
brother.
I know it's December 16th but not here,
right?
It's September 12th in Dallas today.
But you might slip and then catch yourself.
Right?
Those little misses.
Those things that you think.
And you think to yourself you know, I'm
happy that didn't happen.
But the person who's able to see Allah
and everything, they recognize that it's truly Allah
Ta'ala that facilitated that for them.
The rizq that Allah provides for you.
You know, it's bonus season.
People get end of your bonuses.
Who gave you that?
People travel.
Allah even mentions this in the Quran.
You know, you fly.
Is anyone traveling this week?
Anyone going out of town?
And season travelers like me and people here
who go on planes a lot you see
people that get on the plane for the
first time and they're like scared you know.
Anyone here scared of flying?
Okay.
So they get turbulence and they start to
white knuckle the seats a little bit.
You know.
And subhanAllah it's so interesting because there's no
reason why all of us should not feel
that same level of fear.
Why do we feel so secure that when
we leave our house and our car when
we leave the ground on an airplane, why
do we feel like we know for a
fact that we're going to be safe?
Where does that confidence come from?
It comes from I'm a good driver.
You know, Chicagoans we drive different.
I'm executive platinum.
What does that mean about you being safe
in an airplane?
People think that they're safe but they don't
realize Allah Ta'ala is the one who
is the protector.
He's the one that gives you safety.
The Quran mentions this.
أَوَلَمْ يَرَوْا إِلَىٰ طَيْرِ فَوْقَهُمْ صَافَاتٌ وَيَقْبِدْ مَا
يُمْسِكُهُنَّ إِلَّا الرُّحْمَنُ You not see the birds
that expand their wings and they soar and
they glide?
Who is the one that holds them in
the air except Ar-Rahman?
Who is that one?
And so understanding that Allah Ta'ala is
present in everything.
You're eating some food.
What's to say that there's not some microscopic
thing that's going to give you some bad
issues for the next 48 hours?
What's to say that that's not going to
be there?
تَوَكَّلْتُ عَلَى اللَّهِ I trust in Allah.
And Allah Ta'ala is the one who
will provide you what you need but you
have to be able to recognize Him in
that state.
So Imam Ghazali says sinning actually the worst
tragedy is that it removes your ability for
your heart to be able to recognize Allah.
Okay?
Now, he then says that when a person
loses that recognition, when the veil has been
dropped, right?
Think of like you're looking at a stage
and the curtains are covering the stage now.
He says when the veil has been dropped
he says, I'll continue, as for knowledge it
is to realize the great harm of sins
and that they form a veil between the
servant and the beloved.
If you realize this through knowledge by way
of a certitude that prevails over the heart,
it ensues from this knowledge that a pain
must affect the heart and that pain is
known as missing Allah subhana wa ta'ala.
So what happens?
Well, we commit sins and then there's two
paths that we can take.
We either recognize it and we see the
effect of what it's done to us or
we live in this blissful ignorance and we
keep going down that path.
The blissful ignorance is a delusion because there
will come a point, there will come a
time, whether in this life or the next
life, where things are not going to be
as they seem.
May Allah protect us.
But the one path where we come to
recognize right, for a lot of us, maybe
it's during the month of Ramadan, may Allah
give us that.
Less than 80 days away.
It might be the month of Ramadan where
we realize that this is not the path
that I want to go down.
I'm following the wrong guide.
I'm not following the Prophet peace be upon
him.
I'm following my own desires.
I'm following Shaytan.
He says that you have to allow yourself
to feel this pain.
This pinch.
This discomfort.
And the more that we try to run
away from discomfort, the more that we're going
to find ourselves unable to reconnect with Allah
subhana wa ta'ala.
I was just talking to somebody the other
day Subhanallah.
You know, you can learn a lot about
your relationship with Allah when you think about
your relationship with your kids, if you have
kids.
Or any kids, if you have nieces and
nephews.
And if you think about how children behave,
it's very similar to how our nafs behaves.
Right?
The nafs of an adult is just a
better dressed up child.
But the emotions are very similar.
Right?
The embarrassment, the anxiety, the stubbornness, the unwillingness
to admit fault, the instant pointing the finger
at somebody else and blaming, these are all
things that we do as well.
We just do it with like chat GBT.
Right?
Make it look nice.
Kids are a lot more raw about it,
but we can identify with that.
I was just talking to somebody subhanallah about
you know my gentle parenting.
Right?
My favorite line with my kids is, guys,
this gentle parent is becoming very tired.
And when he becomes tired, he's no longer
gentle.
Right?
My friend was asking me, because he has
a younger kid, and we were talking about
discipline.
He said, how do you discipline an 8
-year-old?
And again, for our purposes tonight, how do
you discipline your nafs?
How do you get yourself back on the
straight path?
And I said, it's interesting, my wife and
I have had this conversation over and over
again, because my son, bismillahirrahmanirrahim, mashallah, is an
evil genius.
And I mean that in the most respectful
way.
He's very, very mashallah smart.
He's very, very emotionally in touch.
He understands.
He's not manipulative.
He actually understands his emotions.
He knows how to apologize.
He's very sincere.
But he's very stubborn.
And his stubbornness is his downfall.
It's his worst enemy, subhanallah.
As with us as well.
And so one rule that my wife and
I have, is that when he has a
tantrum, he goes up to his room, and
he starts crying.
And as any parent would, you feel bad,
and you want to go and console your
child.
And you want to go up there, and
you want to put your arm around them.
Not their neck, their shoulder.
And you want to give them that firmness,
but that love.
You want to let them know that it's
okay.
We can figure this out.
He's very tough on himself, subhanallah.
He says, I'm such a bad kid.
He'll say that.
And he actually means it.
He's not trying to draw us in.
I'm a bad kid.
He actually thinks that.
So we try to talk to him about
this understanding of himself.
But my wife and I have one rule.
And that rule is, we never go upstairs.
He has to come to us first.
Like, I will give him the world in
his apology.
If he apologizes, we will go get ice
cream, we'll go there, we'll go there.
But you have to come downstairs first.
It's not Mama and Baba's job to go
up to you.
It's your job to come to us.
And it's tough.
It's very difficult.
Because more than anything, everyone wants to have
harmony in their home.
Like, we all just want to have a
happy house.
And if that, and there are times where
I look at my wife and I'm like,
just let me go upstairs.
And she's like, no.
And there are times where vice versa.
She's like, come on, let me just go
bring him down.
I'll bring him down.
I said, no.
He has to bring about the courage within
himself to come and face his mistake.
Now, take that whole story, which is true,
and apply it to your own nafs.
Like, many of us want the forgiveness of
Allah, but we're not courageous enough to go
meet Allah.
Like, in order for Musa to be forgiven,
the forgiveness is waiting.
You just have to walk down the stairs.
And so Imam Ghazali says, the hardest part
about is that pain.
The hardest part about coming downstairs is the
pain, the guilt, the admission.
Because he knows he's wrong, but he doesn't
want to come down the stairs to admit
it.
He'd rather that we went up there and
he could apologize on his terms.
But Allah Ta'ala tells us, no.
Your apology will be accepted.
Your forgiveness will be granted.
Your repentance will be accepted.
But it's on my terms, not yours.
And the terms that Allah Ta'ala tells
us is that we have to go to
Him.
We have to turn to Him.
You know, in the Quran, Allah Ta'ala
mentions the process of tawbah.
It's actually so amazing.
Allah Ta'ala says, ثُمَّ تَابَ عَلَيْهِمْ لِيَتُوبُوا
Which is like an interesting when you translate
it, it sounds interesting.
It translates as literally, then He turned toward
them so that they could repent.
Because tawbah in Arabic means to turn.
It means to actually just make like a
directional 180.
That's what tawbah is.
When I do tawbah, I'm making a 180.
Directionally, I'm changing course.
And Allah Ta'ala in the Quran actually
tells us, He gives us like a BTS,
right?
A little behind the scenes.
How does tawbah work?
And going back to the analogy of my
son, when he comes across, around the corner
and starts walking downstairs, he sees me and
or my wife sitting downstairs and our faces
are looking up at him.
And it's like those steps before he can
see us are the most anxious steps.
But the minute that he sees that our
faces are there, the courage starts to increase,
right?
So in the Quran, Allah actually describes the
same phenomenon with us.
He says ثُمَّ تَابَعَ عَلَيْهِمْ لِيَتُوبُوا Allah turns
toward them so that they can make the
turn towards Him.
The tafsir says something very powerful.
The tafsir says that the human being believes
that in repentance, we take the first step.
But actually, the Quran tells us no.
Allah facilitates and opens the door for us
to even take that step.
Thus, our repentance is actually the second step,
not the first.
Allah, if you turn to Him, it means
that He opened the door for you.
It means that He wants you back.
Just like when you come to your parent
who is going to forgive you and you
get so happy, even before anything has happened,
you get happy because you know that in
the apology, you can already see that they're
waiting to accept your apology and to forgive
you.
It's the same, if not more of course,
with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
But you have to be able to fight
that pain.
Imam Ghazali says you have to address the
pain.
You can't run away from it.
You have to rip the bandaid off.
The shot is going to go in.
You have to be able to take the
pinch if you're going to want to achieve
the feeling of relief.
So number one, he says, the knowledge that
this is going to block me from Allah.
That knowledge means it's going to separate me
from the one that I love.
The one that I need the most.
The one that I can't do anything without.
Who am I going to call out to
when I'm sitting there desperate with no one
else to turn to?
Who am I going to raise my hands
to?
If I don't have a good relationship with
Allah, if I don't feel like I'm on
good terms with Allah, then how am I
going to lift my hands in the air?
I know that I can.
I know that I should.
But I'm going to feel too heavy and
too embarrassed to even think that Allah will
be listening to me.
So then Imam Ghazali says, okay, you feel
that discomfort?
Yes.
Alright, now you have to own it.
And by owning it, it means that you
acknowledge the pain.
You realize that this pain is an appetite.
It's a hunger.
It's a thirst.
And that thirst is for a relationship with
Allah.
And you have to satiate that thirst.
He says, indeed, the heart experiences pain for
as long as it feels loss of the
beloved.
If the loss is a result of a
person's own action, then he says that the
person should feel sorry for the action that
led to that loss.
If it's my fault, if I realize it,
then I, the only thing that would make
sense is for me to come and apologize.
Don't justify.
Who justified?
Who was the king of justification?
Shaytan.
Shaytan made a huge mistake.
Made a huge mistake.
And in that mistake, instead of just owning
up to it, Shaytan says what?
It's not my fault.
It's your fault.
فَبِمَا أَغْوَيْتَنِي He says to Allah, because of
what you did to me.
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine that?
I mean, literally, that's gaslighting, right?
Am I right?
Or am I not right?
Don't let me be that uncle that's misusing
terms.
I'm about to go on an armor trip
with like teenagers.
I'll be like, Riz, right guys?
Riz, right?
Help me, please.
He's blaming.
He's literally, Shaytan in the Quran فَبِمَا أَغْوَيْتَنِي
Because of what you did to me.
You misguided me.
He's putting it on Allah.
Can you imagine?
We all can go read the story for
ourselves.
We know that it's not Allah Ta'ala.
Allah gave him the chance and he rejected
and then he says, no, you did it.
That's not his mind speaking.
That's his guilt.
His aql is gone.
Arrogance and guilt, it like mutes your intelligence.
Arrogance completely depletes your intellect.
An arrogant person can't think straight, right?
And so he says, being sorry for the
action that led to that loss and the
pain that is felt over the action that
led to the loss of the beloved, that
is called regret.
Regret is the combination of the pain and
the feeling of being sorry.
He says, if the pain in the heart
becomes overwhelming and prevalent, meaning if it actually
interestingly enough, the imagery that he starts to
paint is almost that of like a plant.
Like the pain is the soil and the
regret is the water.
And what sprouts from that is this very
interesting plant called will.
Irada.
Himmah.
Now it's turned into something.
There's no point in feeling something without letting
it lead to something.
In Islam, our emotions and our feelings, they
all have to lead to something.
You know, if I feel grateful, then I
should say Alhamdulillah and I should pray.
If I feel scared, then I should make
dua.
If I feel uncertain, then I should call
upon Allah and have tawakkud.
All of our feelings in Islam, Islam does
not invalidate your feelings, it just tells you
to use them.
Don't just be a place where feelings are
sitting.
Be a place where feelings are mined and
harvested and used for something greater than just
feeling something.
He says, so out of the pain that
a person feels in their heart springs another
state called will and motivation toward an action.
And then he says the last step.
What does a person do when they feel
this will?
He says this will must carry this person
from the past into the present and eventually
into the future.
And what does that look like?
He says as for the present that will,
that energy, that emotion that's turning into something
should cause that person to stop that mistake
dead in its tracks.
I gotta stop.
I have to stop.
This is not okay.
Right?
Because an apology is only as good as
the ability to cease doing what the apology
is needed for.
I'm an English major so let's do that
one more time.
An apology is only as good as a
person's ability to stop doing what led to
the apology being necessary.
Otherwise, we call that what?
Empty apologies.
Like sometimes you just tell somebody stop saying
sorry, just stop doing it.
Like the sorry is secondary.
If you stopped, that would actually show me
that you're sorry, right?
So behavior is the best way to apologize.
A behavior change, something different.
That's the best way to show.
And he says that as for the present,
abandon the sin that you were entrapped in.
As for the future, make the sincere intention
never to come back to that sin ever
again.
Don't give yourself a grace period.
You know, don't be like, after Ramadan.
This is a very tricky thing for us
because I know Ramadan, in Ramadan, we give
ourselves these you know, these like pious period
of time.
Like okay, I'm going to be this for
Ramadan.
And it's interesting because we give ourselves the
grace of coming back to that thing that
we left after Ramadan.
And then year after year, we're like man,
does this stuff really work?
Because it's been 20 years and I still
struggle with this.
I give it up during Ramadan but then
I come back to it.
It's probably because I didn't make the commitment
to never come back to it.
Like if I made that commitment that you
know what?
Day one of Ramadan, that's it.
It's a new me.
I'm never going back to that again.
I'm done.
I'm going to change my habit.
I'm going to change my circles.
I'm going to change my schedule.
I'm going to change my routine, my regiment.
I'm changing who I am.
And on Eid, I'm not going to celebrate
Eid by welcoming Shaitan back in.
Like I'm actually going to make that promise.
But if I keep telling myself, it's only
30 days.
There was a guy I knew who used
to break up with his girlfriend for 30
days.
May Allah reward every small thing that we
do.
But there is no preemptive intention to come
back to something.
That negates the repentance.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry that I hurt your feelings.
It's okay.
And I won't do it again for a
week.
Now all of a sudden you're like, did
you even mean it in the first place?
So part of the Tawbah is a sincere
promise to never come back to it.
And then he says, having the intention to
stay away from the sin that caused that
loss.
I love SubhanAllah that he keeps going back
to the effect.
He keeps saying, look, forget everything else.
It's enough to realize that this sin is
separating you from Allah.
That's enough.
You don't have to talk about the other
effects.
Like if it didn't affect you in any
other way, except that it took you away
from Allah, would that not be enough?
Would that not be enough?
People could find out that you're a liar
and they still trust you.
Would you keep lying?
People could find out that you backbite them.
They wouldn't care.
Would you keep backbiting?
No, of course not.
Because you realize that it's not the people
that matter.
It's my relation with Allah.
And he says, as for the past, it
requires an attempt to repair and make up
whatever was lost so long as it can
be repaired.
So part of Tawbah being sincere is that
you have to stop.
You have to promise to stop.
And then you have to go back and
look at the damage that was done.
If it's something personal, if it's like something
that's just between you and Allah, then there
may be minimal damage.
But especially in the interactions that we have
with each other, there could be a significant
amount of damage that has to be repaired.
And in those moments, Allah Ta'ala, He
can forgive anything.
Allah can forgive anything.
But He, in His generosity, He deputizes somebody
else and He says, My forgiveness is granted
conditionally upon their forgiveness.
Or upon at least your sincere seeking of
their forgiveness.
And so when a person wrongs somebody else,
you can't just wrong somebody else and then
go to Allah and say, I'm sorry, Allah.
That's good.
But you actually have to go to the
person and say, hey, I'm really sorry.
And I need you to forgive me.
Now, if they forgive or not forgive, it's
not up to you.
All that you can do is seek forgiveness.
Beyond that, you pray that Allah Ta'ala
allows their heart to soften so that they
forgive you.
But what Allah is looking for in that
scenario, according to the Hadith, is not that
you're able to somehow, someway squeeze it out
of them.
It's that you can sincerely go and approach
and apologize.
And this is really, really important.
I'm afraid, like deeply afraid for myself.
And I wonder if you share this fear
too.
That on the day of judgment, it won't
be the transgressions against Allah directly that will
hold us back.
Because Allah is so forgiving.
He'll forgive those transgressions instantly the moment that
we apologize.
I fear for myself, may Allah protect us,
that it's the transgressions against people that I
simply just overlooked.
And then you show up on the day
of judgment, and the Prophet he tells a
story.
Do you know who the bankrupt person is?
And the companions they said, the person with
no gold and no silver.
And the Prophet said, like that person, yes.
But he said, the muflis person is the
one who shows up on the day of
judgment, and they've prayed their prayers, and they've
done their zakat, they've done their fasting, they've
done everything.
So the companions are listening and they're like,
this person's bankrupt?
Like they did everything and they're bankrupt?
And the Prophet, he continues, he says, but
then appears a long line in front of
them.
After they've done all their prayers and fasting
and zakat, a long line of people start
to form, a queue.
For those of you from the UK, may
Allah Ta'ala forgive you.
Alright, it's called a line.
Okay, so, a long line develops in front
of them.
And this person is wondering what this line
is for.
And what he realizes, or she realizes, as
the announcement is made, is that these are
the people that you wronged in the dunya.
And you never even sought their forgiveness.
And so now, they're coming and their forgiveness
is only going to be fulfilled by you
paying off your debt to them in the
form of good deeds.
And this person will give their good deeds.
2024 Ramadan, gone.
2023 zakat, gone.
2025 Umrah, gone.
These are things that I did.
These are things that we did them.
Like we fasted, we prayed, we did all
that.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Here you go.
And then eventually, you run out of everything.
Every good deed you've done is gone.
But there's still a line of people.
So the hadith continues that these people are
saying that, they said, hey, you treated me
horribly.
And the person says, I'm all out.
I have nothing left to give.
And those people say, okay, you can't give
me any of your good deeds, but you
can take my bad deeds.
And then they start to offload their sins
into your record, your book, my record, my
book, even though I've never done those sins.
And they start to be put onto me.
And I will only be called to go
meet Allah and face my hasab once all
that is taken care of.
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine showing up, thinking that you
had it all taken care of, but because
we didn't have the ability to apologize.
We're too egotistical, too full of it, too
full of ourselves to just simply go to
somebody and say, hey, I think that I
may have done something wrong.
And I really feel bad about it.
And I want to apologize to you.
It takes five seconds.
But because we lack that courage, on the
day of judgment we're going to have to
sit and take all of that experience.
May Allah protect us.
And so Imam Ghazali here is trying to,
again, he's not talking about how much Tawbah
you can do and you get 70 forgiveness
and this and that.
All of that we know.
And that's important.
But what he wants to do here in
this passage is something very different.
He wants to paint a picture for you
of what the effect of this can be.
So if I commit sins, I'm veiling myself
from Allah.
And I'm losing my ability to taste the
sweetness of faith.
It's like having something that you have every,
what's your favorite dessert, your favorite dinner.
You have a bite of it.
Every so often you're looking forward to it.
You take a bite and you taste nothing.
And I'm giving like 20-20 traumatic responses
right now.
Right?
You take a bite of something that you
really are looking forward to it.
And you taste nothing.
How panicked would you be?
What's wrong?
What happened to this?
They're like, oh it all tastes great.
I can't taste anything.
Why can't you taste anything?
I don't know.
Something must be wrong.
That's the heart of a person.
The heart of a person that doesn't realize
that they're drifting from Allah.
They're not anchored.
They're drifting.
And then eventually comes time to pray and
they don't feel anything.
They have to make du'a and they
can't even lift their hands.
What do I say?
What do I do?
It's not a given.
It's not a guarantee that it's always going
to be there.
So he says sins do that.
And by the opposite effect, tawbah, it rehydrates
and restores and enlivens the heart again.
And it makes a person able to see
Allah in every scenario.
The patience that you're looking for will be
there.
Just make tawbah.
Scholars actually do say this.
They say if you find yourself like unable
to function as a Muslim, like spiritually, ask
yourself one question.
How much istighfar am I doing every day?
The Prophet, peace be upon him, used to
say this.
I used to make, he said, peace be
upon him, over 70 istighfar every day.
And he was perfect.
He had no sins.
He was making istighfar to demonstrate to us,
to model to us what?
You have to make this a part of
your life.
You wake up.
You brush your teeth.
You do the skin care routine.
Right?
GRWM.
Get ready with me.
Right?
You get ready.
You make your coffee.
Add to that.
Put a layer in that regimen of 70
istighfar.
Takes like 3 minutes.
But 3 minutes to do what?
You know, you just moisturize the face.
Now we have to?
Don't make me say it.
You have to moisturize this.
The hadith tells us that the heart becomes
dry.
It becomes dry.
Nobody likes, nobody looks at people's like dry
knuckles and their heels and they're like, that
one looks good, you know.
Everyone's like, you need this.
You know, here is some, you know, Vaseline
or some cocoa butter.
You need this.
Right?
Take care of that.
Imagine if people could see our hearts.
Like we're so self-conscious about this.
You know, we do this a lot.
But then we're not willing to actually put
in the work for this.
I'll share with you a couple statements and
then we'll conclude with our Q&A.
So slido.com if you go 30 and
up.
30 and up.
All the words.
And then I have the Q&A loaded.
Alright.
These are my three favorite ones.
You ready?
Ibn Ata'illah is amazing.
So I've said this one before but it's
a nice way to kind of frame this.
Part of the reason why we let sins
go is because we don't realize number one,
the effect which is what Ghazali just talked
about.
But also we don't realize the impact and
the weight.
Now he speaks about this elsewhere.
He says that small sins are particularly challenging
because they kind of fly under the radar.
Right?
You know like all those drones in New
Jersey right now?
Anyways.
They fly under They fly under the radar.
Everyone's like freaking out.
I'm like the day of judgment's coming.
Just get ready.
They fly under the radar.
And so he says لَا سَغِيرَةً إِذَا قَابَلَكَ
عَدْلُهُ He says you better not think that
there is even a thing called a small
sin when you meet His justice.
Like there's no way that you can think
that there's a small sin when you meet
the justice of Allah SWT.
And so that gets the person in the
fearful mindset right?
Like oh gosh.
Every single thing.
Every single thing.
You know when my kids get into a
fight or an argument we have a couple
of cameras in the house for like security
and whatever and then one in the kids
playroom so that we can This is how
you know it's bad.
We have one in the kids playroom.
Not so that we can watch them but
so that if not if, when they fall
we can show the doctor exactly how they
fell.
Because the orthopedic is like I need to
see how they fell.
Did you see them?
We're like yeah we'll pull up the camera.
Which part of the head did they hit?
This is how you know that your kids
are reckless half Arab kids.
So when my kids are arguing and they're
fighting and they're just being like irrational I
just scare them by saying do you want
me to pull up the camera?
And I'll say who started it?
And they'll point at each other.
And I'm like really who started it?
Well he did this.
Well she said this.
I said do you want me to pull
up the camera?
And then instantly one of them is like
I did it.
They just own it.
And they think that again because it's like
a small part of the story.
Well yeah I maybe did that.
But then she did this.
But they think it's a small part of
the story.
As soon as I bring up accountability they're
like okay yeah I did do that.
I shouldn't have done that.
And that's kind of what we have to
train ourselves to do.
Like we think like oh it's not a
big deal.
But then tell yourself one day I'm going
to have to watch this.
One day I'm going to have to watch
my life.
A good friend of mine he posted this
morning he said live a life you'd be
proud to watch a replay of.
I'm going to have to watch my life.
And not only just watch it on the
day of Hisab I'm actually going to have
to explain it.
Like I'll be asked like is that you?
Did you do that?
Why did you do that?
What were you thinking?
Don't think for a moment there's something as
a small sin when you meet His justice.
وَلَا كَبِيرَةً إِذَا وَاجَاهَكَ فَضْلُهُ But at the
same time subhanAllah there's no such thing as
a big sin when you meet it with
His mercy.
Or His grace.
This is the balance that we all should
have.
Our sins should be big for us but
we should know that they're small for Allah.
Does that make sense?
We feel that they're big for us and
we're scared of that.
But we know that when we meet Allah,
Allah is capable of forgiving even the biggest
sins as long as we have that repentance.
May Allah Ta'ala give us that.
Now I'm sure a lot of questions are
going to come in about the despair that
sinning can cause.
And the effect that...
By the way, by the way Imam Ghazali
talked about the effects of sin.
That is one of the effects by the
way.
One of the effects of sin is that
it is spiritually depressing.
It's like spiritually a depressing thought to think
like, man I can't believe I did that.
And then it's even more when you live
that imposter syndrome.
So you're like doing one thing and then
you go out in public and people think
you're like this really upright person.
Right?
And so it's a really really big challenge
that all of us have to face which
is the incongruence that we have in private
and in public.
And we want to try to make ourselves
as congruent as possible, as close as possible.
Right?
But he addresses, Ibn Ata'ala addresses the
despair.
And he gives a hope.
I love it, subhanAllah.
It gives me goosebumps.
He says, He says, when you commit a
sin don't let it be the reason that
you despair thinking that you'll never be upright
when it comes to Allah.
Like when you commit a sin don't beat
yourself up.
And don't think to yourself like man, this
is who I am.
I'm just a loser.
And I'll never ever be able to be
close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
He says, don't be hard on yourself.
I love this.
He lived like a thousand years ago.
We often times think that religious people are
really mean.
Like oh, if they're religious they must be
a jerk, they must be this and that.
Listen to what he's saying.
Can you imagine?
This is like an old Egyptian Ammu just
putting his arm around you.
He says, Right?
Listen to me.
Don't think that this is it.
Don't think this is it.
And then he says what?
He says, Because it may just be that
that was the last instance of that sin
that Allah has written for you.
You committed a sin and you feel bad.
Instead of thinking this is who I am,
think to yourself, that's the last time.
That's the last time.
I'm not going to let this thing define
me and get in the way of me
and my relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala.
Now a little bit of a reality check.
He says, From the signs of a heart
that has died or the death of the
heart.
Then he says, أَمَا فَاتَكَ مِنَ الْمُوَافَقَاتِ He
says, One of the signs that a person's
heart is passing away is the absence of
sadness over the neglected actions that have passed
in the life of a person.
وَتَرْكُ النَّدَمِ عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلَهُ مِنْ وُجُودِ الْزَلَّاتِ
And the abandonment or the loss of regret,
pushing away, right?
The stiff arm of regret when it comes
to the mistakes that I have made.
We talked about that earlier.
Understanding that that pain has a purpose.
That pain is calling for your courage.
The pinch you're feeling is calling for your
courage.
You have to meet it with courage and
strength and bravery to go and meet Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala knowing that Allah is
waiting to forgive you only if you can
come to Him.
So a sign of the death of the
heart is that I don't feel this anymore.
The pain is gone.
That's actually a really really bad sign.
The pain being there is actually good in
some ways.
Okay?
And then he finishes with this beautiful line.
He says, He says, Do not let it
be لِذَنْبُ عِنْدَكَ عَظْمَةً تَصُدُّكَ عَنْ حُسْنِ الظَنِّ
بِاللَّهِ تَعَالَى He says, Do not let the
sin become so great in your eyes, in
your estimation that it cuts you off تَصُدُّكَ
عَنْ حُسْنِ الظَنِّ بِاللَّهِ that it stops you
from thinking good of Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala.
He says, فَإِنَّ مَنْ عَرَفَ رَبَّهُ Whoever truly
knows Allah, whoever has read the Quran, whoever
knows Allah, then he says what?
استَضْغَرَ فِي جَنْبِ قَرَمِهِ ذَنْبَهُ They see when
they measure their sin upside by side against
Allah's grace, they see the sin as nothing
and Allah ta'ala's grace is infinite.
So Ibn Ata'illah gives us a little
bit of a boost when we think about
what it means to be a person who
repents and how to measure the feeling of
sin and despair but with the motivation to
come back to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So we ask Allah ta'ala to give
us the power and the bravery and the
courage to repent.
We ask Allah to make repentance something that
we do everyday.
Something that we do so that the effects
of the sins that we commit do not
reach us.
We ask Allah ta'ala to protect our
hearts from the veiling of Him and that
we're able to recognize Him in all scenarios
and all situations in life and that we're
able to live our lives in a way
that He'll be proud of and on the
day of judgment that we will be relieved
to see that our book will be given
to us in our right hands.
Ameen, Ya Rabb al-Alamin.
BarakAllahu feekum InshaAllah.
We're gonna go ahead and go to the
Q&A for a little bit of Q
&A and then we will break a little
bit early InshaAllah.
Okay, number one.
Bismillah.
I donate on a daily basis but sometimes
I forget that it's automated.
Does this still count as Zakat or Niyah
or should I donate manually with more intention?
This is a good question.
There's no doubt that having a good intention
is a part of the effect of a
good action.
So automating something is not a bad thing.
If you think about it, like when a
person builds a well, they don't wake up
every day and think to themselves like I
built a well.
You know, you do it, you do the
right thing and then it's a Sadaqah Jariyah
and it outlives you.
In fact, one could say that the less
you think about the good that you do,
the more sincere that good probably is.
Because you shouldn't be celebrating yourself.
You should just do it and move on.
However, there's a fine line and you know
yourself best.
Like I can't answer for you if you
know that this is something you struggle with.
Are you donating automated because donating is a
nuisance or because you just want it to
be something that is not forgotten?
Because you know that if you tried to
do it manually, you'd miss a day.
Or you'd miss, you know, whatever.
If you're donating on an automated schedule because
you're like, look, I know myself and I
know that I have already like a long
list of things to do and if I
tried to go every day and click and,
you know, do all that, it would be
not good.
I would miss.
I would forget.
Then automating is fine.
But if you're automating because it's just something
that feels like a nuisance or something that
feels like it's not worth your time, etc.
Right?
Then maybe it's better for you to not
automate.
But you know yourself best.
But the idea that just because it's done
automatically, it's not worth as much does not
hold water.
No pun intended with the word.
Wow, that was good.
Alright, anonymous question number two.
I am tired of life.
I keep making the dua that if life
is good for me to keep me alive
and if death is better for me than
to let me pass, am I sinful for
doing so?
SubhanAllah, it's not necessarily that a person is
sinful when they phrase their dua in this
language.
But what I would say is you don't
have to challenge Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
like this.
You don't have to say, oh Allah, if
I have good then keep me alive.
Just understand that if you're alive, you have
some good to do.
If you are there, then there's something good
for you to do.
And that good doesn't have to be something
magnanimous.
It doesn't have to be something that's you
know, there's no fireworks.
It's something that you can do that is
specific to you that might bring about relief
and ease into the life of somebody in
your life.
The fact that you're tired of life is
also something that subhanAllah shows that maybe you
figured it out.
Maybe you understand that this dunya is very
tiring.
And that's the nature of it.
I mean there are some days that are
a little bit better and there are some
days that are a little bit worse.
If you feel like it's something that's stopping
you from living a life functionally every day,
then it could be clinical.
You should talk to somebody professionally.
But if you feel like it's more that
you are functioning at a normal level, but
this is just an emotional state, a spiritual
state that you're feeling, then I would recommend
reminding yourself and thinking about how much khair
that you can do and finding purpose in
that.
And being surrounded by good people and hopefully
that will be enough inshaAllah to get you
closer towards appreciating and doing what you can
that Allah Ta'ala has given only you
the ability to do.
Ya Rabb.
Allah make it easy.
Another question.
If you have a friend that's suicidal, how
do you help them Islamically?
This is, you know, in counseling, so you
have to think about what the feasibility of
the suicide, if the person has been talking
about it, planning it, they have ideas, things
like that, then you need to actually take
serious action.
If it's someone that just feels there are
like the early, early, early signs of a
person kind of distancing themselves, losing interest in
doing things that they normally did, being sort
of catatonic in situations that they normally would
have had more interest in, then, you know,
maybe trying to get them into a space
where they can get professional help inshaAllah.
May Allah make it easy, Ya Rabb.
If I am at peace, does that mean
that I am nearing my certain time of
death?
No, not necessarily.
Not necessarily.
Tonight's really heavy.
It doesn't necessarily mean that.
It doesn't necessarily mean that.
It just means that you're at peace.
Bismillah.
No, no.
I don't mean to dismiss it.
But I also don't want, we don't want
to get into like fortune telling Islam, where
it's like I feel this way.
Does that mean something?
No.
It means that you feel at peace.
Alhamdulillah.
Say Alhamdulillah.
And ask Allah to make you feel at
peace when it is time, inshaAllah.
Okay?
I was born Muslim, but then I had
six years where I stopped praying and fasting,
and I left Islam.
I've been guided back.
Do I have to make up my fasts
and my prayers?
The scholars actually differ on this.
SubhanAllah.
Because if a person actively left Islam, meaning
they said I'm no longer Muslim, like they
apostated, then the scholars differ on whether or
not they have to make it up.
So it depends kind of on the situation.
I would say that the best case scenario
would be Allah knows best.
It's always better to be safe than sorry,
but it's also a little bit of a
task to make up six years of fasting
and praying.
And so for the praying part we can
discuss later.
There's an opinion that a person doesn't have
to make up an exorbitant amount of missed
prayers if they missed them.
But they can do that through praying all
their Nawafil, praying Tarawih, etc.
That's the opinion that I follow.
Ibn Taymiyyah he mentions that.
He says that you don't have to pray
five Dhul-Hijjahs for every Dhul-Hijjah for
the rest of your life if you missed
because ultimately it's ruining the entire purpose of
that.
As for fasting perhaps there's a way that
you can explain to a local scholar kind
of like your experience and maybe there's an
alternate solution like paying the expiation.
I have an interview for a job tomorrow.
Please pray for me.
May Allah Ta'ala give you rizq that
is blessed and make it whatever is best
for you.
May Allah Ta'ala give that to you.
And everyone's like, oh man why didn't you
just say give him the job?
Or give her the job?
Because what if it's not the best for
them?
Then I'm going to be in trouble.
You made dua for that and I got
it and I hate it.
It's all your fault.
I believe we can heal within a marriage
but there's something I need to work on
alone beforehand.
I'm worried that there won't be anyone once
I heal and I'm ready.
So I want to commend you for being
thoughtful.
I think that's an important part of this.
Thank you for being thoughtful and thinking about
coming into a relationship in a way that's
not a liability but you become someone who
is I don't want to say an asset
but you know what I mean.
I want someone who's going to be a
part of a productive constructive part of the
spousal relationship.
What I will say is this there's a
baseline.
There's a baseline.
Under that baseline, yes you should not get
married.
You should not.
That's like very general functional etiquette and spiritual
standing.
If a person can't for example hold a
job.
If a person can't for example be kind.
If a person can't be patient.
If they're angry.
If this and this.
You're under the baseline.
Don't get married please.
If you reach the baseline then yes you're
eligible to get married inshallah.
But that doesn't mean that you're like perfect.
There's still like above the baseline work that
has to be done.
But you're just.
You qualify.
Right.
You qualify.
So if you're underneath that and I don't
know where you are but if you're underneath
that baseline then yes the responsible thing to
do would be to work on yourself and
get to a point where you meet the
threshold.
Right.
And then inshallah Allah his nasib for you
will be good.
But don't ever think that like oh I'm
going to get to a point where I'm
going to be perfectly healed and perfectly complete
and then I'll be ready.
Because that's a bit of a fallacy.
Right.
Everyone who gets married will always have something
to work on.
And for those of you that are looking
for the perfect person remember that this question
I'm answering a question that wasn't asked right
now.
If you pick up what I'm laying down.
Okay.
Which is I keep struggling to find the
right one.
Is your threshold baseline far too high.
Right.
I'm not telling you to settle.
Right.
Because that's the second.
Are you telling me to settle?
No.
I'm not telling you to settle.
This is not a debt.
I'm telling you to ask yourself what's really
important to you and to make that your
rubric and when you speak to somebody understand
the absolute necessities.
Understand the things that you would want and
understand the things that would be nice.
Okay.
May Allah make it easy.
Okay.
Last question.
Oh God.
If there's a marriage prospect who checks many
boxes on Dean, better than me, handsome, good
character but they're shorter than me.
What do you do?
Advise.
Something tells me I know what gender this
person is.
Honestly, I'm just going to say it.
It's your call.
Don't put this on me.
You want me to tell you what to
do?
You already know what to do.
I don't know.
My wife's shorter than me too.
You and I will be similar.
I just want a good guy.
That's interesting.
I've never heard this one before.
Is it haram to lie about our age
when we meet people?
Not for marriage, they write.
Because that would be.
Advice on how to avoid answering when asked.
Interesting.
SubhanAllah.
Okay.
That's a good question.
Yeah.
You're more than welcome.
I can give you the answer.
You're more than welcome to tell the person
that I'm not comfortable answering that.
Which is fine.
I'm curious to wonder what the particular sensitivity
is about it.
Age is not a bad thing.
Aging is not a bad thing.
But if you're particularly concerned about that then
I would just think of GBT is great
at this.
Think of a nice socially acceptable way to
deflect the question.
Maybe give them a math equation.
There are two trains leaving the station at
the same time.
If you get this right, I'll tell you
my age.
They're both going 45 miles per hour.
That's not my age.
Allah knows best.
But I would say that you're more than
welcome to deflect in a way that is
responsible.
Or maybe reconsider why it's such a sensitive
thing.
And think about either way.
Or do both.
May Allah bless everybody.
JazakAllah khairan.
There's a lot of questions.
We don't have time.
I don't want us to be late.
So I'm going to end now.
May Allah accept from us and give us
Tawfiq.
I won't be seeing everybody here for a
couple weeks.
So may Allah keep everyone happy and safe
and healthy.
Enjoy your breaks.
Enjoy your time with your family if everyone's
traveling.
Or receiving guests.
May Allah make it a wonderful time filled
with happiness and faith.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Take care.
If you sat on the chairs, if you
could help us stacking the chairs, they should
click into each other by the way.
The black chairs, they should click into one
another.
When you stack them on the dollies in
the hallway, they should.
Also, the furniture, if you sat on it,
if you could just turn it and reshape
it to the way that it was.
And then the backjacks that we have up
front, if you could just line it up
in the front of the room, I'd really
appreciate it.
JazakAllah khairan.