AbdelRahman Murphy – Heartwork Guided Steps To The Path Of Allah #17

AbdelRahman Murphy
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The speakers emphasize the importance of gratitude and mindfulness in life, as it is crucial for growth and health. They stress the difficulty of losing faith in praying and finding one's own happiness, as it is difficult to achieve them. The importance of praying and finding one's own happiness is emphasized, along with visiting burials and finding one's own happiness, as it is crucial for personal growth and personal development. The speakers also emphasize the importance of flexibility and minimal interactions in relationships, as well as finding a partner and purposeful communication to avoid false expectations and mistakes.

AI: Summary ©

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			Ready?
		
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			Okay.
		
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			As-salamu alaykum.
		
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			Bismillah.
		
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			Bismillah walhamdulillah wa salatu wassalamu ala rasulillah.
		
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			Wa ala alihi wa ashabihi ajma'in.
		
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			Welcome home everybody.
		
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			It's good to see you.
		
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			Alhamdulillah.
		
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			Welcome back.
		
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			For those of you who are regulars, welcome
		
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			back.
		
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			For those of you it's your first time,
		
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			welcome, welcome.
		
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			Alhamdulillah.
		
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			Including this chair that I'm sitting on.
		
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			First time.
		
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			Alhamdulillah.
		
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			Just praying it's not going to break, inshallah.
		
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			Alhamdulillah.
		
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			We are...
		
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			So tonight's session is, I would say, a
		
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			little bit more heavy than some of the
		
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			other sessions.
		
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			They've all been obviously very substantial and substantive.
		
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			But tonight he's going to be speaking about
		
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			topics that are a little bit more heavy.
		
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			One of that being death.
		
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			And I think a lot of times when
		
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			we frame the conversations around death, we frame
		
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			them in a way that's maybe demoralizing or
		
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			maybe it can be heavy without any sort
		
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			of purpose.
		
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			But this is heavy in the same way
		
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			that a person lifts weights.
		
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			And the heaviness of lifting weights ultimately has
		
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			benefit, has tangible benefit.
		
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			And so he's going to provide us this
		
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			conversation, inshallah.
		
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			I'm just letting you know now, just so
		
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			everyone can prepare themselves.
		
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			I know that maybe some people in here
		
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			are experiencing in their own life the loss
		
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			of a loved one or the loss of
		
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			loved ones maybe more closely than others.
		
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			And so just wanted to prepare you for
		
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			that, inshallah.
		
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			But it's going to be, inshallah, a good
		
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			conversation.
		
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			It's a motivational conversation.
		
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			And when you look at the conversations about
		
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			death, you find that in the Qur'an
		
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			and the hadith and the words of the
		
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			scholars, they always frame it in a motivational
		
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			way.
		
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			Meaning to use the reminder of death in
		
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			order to remind somebody to do what they
		
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			can, inshallah, to make the most of their
		
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			life.
		
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			But before we get there, we're going to
		
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			continue, inshallah, with this section that we ended
		
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			on.
		
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			So we concluded last week with this section
		
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			on how he was giving the imperative of
		
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			being a thankful person.
		
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			Yeah.
		
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			What's up?
		
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			Okay.
		
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			Do you have the license plate?
		
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			Yeah.
		
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			Do you have the license plate number or
		
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			no?
		
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			Yeah.
		
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			No, this is important.
		
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			This is a big deal for us.
		
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			Prius 6225B50.
		
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			We've officially become a Muslim organization.
		
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			I'm just so proud and honored that we
		
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			had a parking lot announcement.
		
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			I feel like we just reached Islamic organization
		
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			puberty.
		
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			Like we just have a major milestone, right?
		
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			We're now an adult Islamic organization.
		
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			So that's your Prius.
		
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			She's just looking out for you so that
		
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			you don't drain your battery, inshallah.
		
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			So if that's yours, get up.
		
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			Not now because then we'll know it's you.
		
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			Wait for 30 seconds.
		
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			Look at the coffee shop.
		
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			Walk over there.
		
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			Walk back.
		
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			And then when you leave, we'll know that,
		
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			you know, maybe it wasn't you.
		
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			Okay?
		
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			All right.
		
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			Jazakallah khairan, Iman.
		
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			Appreciate it.
		
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			So we ended last week reading the section
		
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			on the importance of giving thanks and how
		
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			it's easy for a person to be thankful.
		
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			Well, I take that back.
		
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			Let's reframe this whole conversation.
		
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			We have times where it's easier for us
		
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			to be thankful and we have times where
		
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			it's challenging for us to be thankful.
		
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			It's not always easy to be thankful when
		
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			times are good.
		
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			Sometimes when Allah Ta'ala provides us with
		
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			moments of blessing, we become forgetful.
		
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			So it is easy to be thankful in
		
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			times of good, but it's also easy for
		
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			a person to neglect that gratitude and that
		
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			thankfulness to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
		
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			So I don't want to assume that it's
		
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			just easy for all of us because I
		
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			know that it's challenging.
		
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			But at the same time, it's also difficult
		
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			to be thankful in some moments that are
		
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			challenging, that are difficult.
		
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			It's hard to find the silver lining and
		
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			to be somebody that can identify, you know,
		
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			the good in the bad, right?
		
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			The good in the moments of difficulty.
		
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			And so he began this section by saying,
		
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			the Arabic verb is wa'idhim, wa'idhim
		
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			shukraka, that be consistent and be constant in
		
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			your gratitude.
		
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			And this is not to say by any
		
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			stretch or any means that you don't have
		
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			any moments in your life that are difficult.
		
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			In fact, if a person didn't have any
		
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			difficult moments, then gratitude would be a lot
		
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			more challenging.
		
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			It's the difficult moments that makes gratitude more
		
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			meaningful, more sweet.
		
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			When a person is grateful for the things
		
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			that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given
		
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			them, they're constantly referring back to the times
		
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			that they were challenged and tested.
		
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			When Allah relieves somebody from a difficulty, right?
		
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			When somebody is thirsty and they have a
		
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			sip of water, when someone's hungry and they
		
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			have a bite of food, right?
		
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			All of these are moments in which Allah
		
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			has relieved the distress of somebody.
		
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			And in that relief, you find gratitude, okay?
		
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			So he says, wa'idhim shukraka, be a
		
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			person that is consistent in your gratitude.
		
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			This is one of the paths of spirituality.
		
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			A lot of times we think spirituality is
		
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			limited to certain things, but if we look
		
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			at it holistically, we find that if we
		
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			make these small shifts in our worldview, how
		
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			we see things, and now you'll find on
		
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			Instagram, right, the influencer culture, they're talking about
		
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			mindfulness and gratitude and being present.
		
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			And I have to say it in this
		
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			voice.
		
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			This is my mocking voice, right?
		
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			And the reality is that the Prophet, peace
		
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			be upon him, taught us this 1,400
		
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			years ago.
		
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			The scholars mentioned this as being a necessary
		
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			practice for a healthy heart over 1,000
		
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			years ago.
		
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			And right now is when the Western world
		
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			is discovering the importance of mindfulness and the
		
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			importance of gratitude, you know, and the importance
		
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			of being a person with a positive mindset,
		
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			a growth mindset.
		
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			These are all things.
		
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			You know what growth mindset is in Islam?
		
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			We've been saying it since we were kids,
		
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			inshallah.
		
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			Inshallah is growth mindset.
		
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			Inshallah is the idea that I hope to,
		
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			I aspire to do this if Allah gives
		
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			me the ability, right?
		
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			And you're removing all of the onus and
		
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			all the responsibility from yourself, you know.
		
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			And, you know, on Monday, last Monday, my
		
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			son was having a lot of trouble memorizing
		
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			Quran.
		
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			And he kept talking, you know, calling himself
		
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			like really, you know, I'm dumb, I'm this,
		
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			I'm that.
		
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			He's being really harsh to himself.
		
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			So my wife, when I actually was right
		
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			before heart work, so I was trying to
		
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			like calm him down.
		
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			And he's a big kid.
		
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			He's actually as tall as my wife.
		
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			It's not a joke.
		
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			He's seven.
		
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			And he's as tall as my wife who's
		
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			35.
		
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			Actually, can I tell you a funny story?
		
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			So I bought him shoes, and I wanted
		
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			to buy all of us the same pair
		
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			of shoes as a family.
		
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			I know I'm adorable.
		
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			And I wanted to buy all of us
		
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			the same pair of shoes.
		
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			So I got myself, my daughter Iman, my
		
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			son Musa.
		
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			And then I couldn't find my wife's size.
		
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			So then I was like, oh, hold up.
		
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			My wife and my son wear the same
		
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			size shoes.
		
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			Like maybe half a size off.
		
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			So then I just went, and Alhamdulillah, it
		
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			was like half off than the adult version,
		
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			right?
		
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			So if I were to find like the
		
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			women's version of this basketball, it's a basketball
		
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			shoe.
		
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			If I were to find the women's version
		
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			of this, I'm paying crazy money.
		
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			But now for the rest of her life,
		
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			Mehreen's going to have to buy children's shoes.
		
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			Because I just unlocked this crazy savings, right?
		
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			Alhamdulillah.
		
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			But so he was having a tough time,
		
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			and he was basically being down on himself.
		
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			So my wife, Mashallah, she's a genius.
		
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			She was like, look, let's talk about this
		
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			growth mindset.
		
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			And she discussed this with him.
		
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			And part of growth mindset, which really unlocked
		
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			a lot of his anxiety, and it really
		
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			took away a lot of his self-deprecation,
		
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			that a lot of us might feel, was
		
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			gratitude.
		
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			Being grateful for what you have.
		
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			And being grateful for even the things that
		
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			you don't have.
		
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			Because for one thing you don't have, Allah
		
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			has given you millions of other things.
		
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			And how callous is it?
		
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			How hurtful?
		
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			How rude?
		
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			Imagine that you made an entire dinner for
		
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			somebody.
		
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			And you spent all day cooking it, preparing
		
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			it.
		
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			And you made so many different things.
		
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			And you're so excited, and they come and
		
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			they say, Oh, you don't have soup?
		
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			And they pointed out the one thing that
		
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			you didn't make.
		
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			Like how offensive would that be?
		
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			And now translate that example, وَلِلَّهِ الْمَثَلُ عَلَىٰ
		
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			Allah's example is infinitely great.
		
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			Think about how we do that with Allah.
		
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			Allah gives us A through Z.
		
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			And we show up and we're like, where's
		
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			the apostrophe?
		
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			We get upset about the smallest thing.
		
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			Instead of realizing that we are overwhelmed with
		
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			blessings.
		
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			So being grateful is one of the keys
		
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			of this success.
		
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			Now, what's one of the things that makes
		
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			gratitude easier?
		
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			This is the next section that he goes
		
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			into.
		
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			There's a practice that is very, very helpful
		
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			and very healthy.
		
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			Optimism.
		
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			The practice of being optimistic.
		
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			In Arabic sometimes they call it like, حُسْنَ
		
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			ذَنْبِاللَّهِ Or رَجَاء, hope.
		
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			Or having good expectations from Allah subhanahu wa
		
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			ta'ala.
		
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			This is actually, by the way, a good,
		
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			good thing to be.
		
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			A good person has optimism.
		
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			But optimism has a really, really ugly cousin.
		
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			Don't think about your ugly cousin right now.
		
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			It's not nice.
		
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			Optimism has a very ugly cousin.
		
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			And that ugly cousin is called طول الأمل
		
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			طول الأمل, in Arabic the translation is unrealistic
		
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			or lofty, lofty expectations.
		
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			Like the person effectively is what?
		
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			Is hoping for, hope is not bad.
		
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			But hoping for and expecting things without the
		
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			preconditions that are required.
		
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			Which is first and foremost, of course, believing,
		
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			having good intention, believing that everything is from
		
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			Allah.
		
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			That's number one.
		
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			Number two, putting forth the effort yourself.
		
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			Many of us have aspirations or hopes, but
		
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			we don't put forth the effort.
		
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			And then when we don't realize the hopes
		
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			that we have, we get upset.
		
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			But who's to blame?
		
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			Who's to blame if we hope for something
		
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			and then don't put any work in?
		
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			It's not Allah.
		
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			And this is something that I want to
		
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			be very, very intentional about saying tonight.
		
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			Many of our generation, okay, you know, mid
		
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			-twenties, early thirties, and so we have this
		
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			really, really horrific habit of blaming Allah for
		
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			our problems.
		
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			Like, oh, Allah didn't give me this.
		
00:11:34 --> 00:11:35
			It's like you woke up at 11 a
		
00:11:35 --> 00:11:37
			.m. What do you mean He didn't give
		
00:11:37 --> 00:11:39
			you this, right?
		
00:11:40 --> 00:11:43
			The reality is that Allah gave you all
		
00:11:43 --> 00:11:45
			of the toolbox that you needed to accomplish
		
00:11:45 --> 00:11:47
			something, but then that's not enough.
		
00:11:48 --> 00:11:50
			You know, it's the equivalent of us opening
		
00:11:50 --> 00:11:51
			the fridge and saying there's nothing to eat.
		
00:11:51 --> 00:11:52
			What do you mean?
		
00:11:52 --> 00:11:54
			There's all the ingredients necessary, just put it
		
00:11:54 --> 00:11:55
			together.
		
00:11:55 --> 00:11:57
			But when we say there's nothing to eat,
		
00:11:57 --> 00:11:59
			what we're actually saying is I'm too lazy
		
00:11:59 --> 00:12:00
			to put together all these things to eat
		
00:12:00 --> 00:12:01
			something, right?
		
00:12:02 --> 00:12:04
			So tul al-amal is when a person
		
00:12:04 --> 00:12:07
			has those expectations, they project it onto Allah,
		
00:12:09 --> 00:12:12
			they don't put forth the effort themselves, and
		
00:12:12 --> 00:12:14
			then they come to a point of desperation
		
00:12:14 --> 00:12:17
			or a point of disappointment in realizing or
		
00:12:17 --> 00:12:19
			in feeling this distance and saying, you know
		
00:12:19 --> 00:12:20
			what, Allah didn't give me this.
		
00:12:20 --> 00:12:21
			That's called tul al-amal.
		
00:12:21 --> 00:12:24
			Now, if a person struggles with lofty expectations,
		
00:12:25 --> 00:12:27
			it's almost impossible for them to be grateful.
		
00:12:28 --> 00:12:29
			So that's why He puts these two things
		
00:12:29 --> 00:12:29
			together.
		
00:12:30 --> 00:12:31
			He said, be grateful as much as you
		
00:12:31 --> 00:12:32
			can.
		
00:12:32 --> 00:12:34
			Force yourself into a state of gratitude.
		
00:12:35 --> 00:12:38
			Find the lemonade amongst the lemons.
		
00:12:38 --> 00:12:40
			Be that person that will always...
		
00:12:40 --> 00:12:42
			And again, you know, you have to be
		
00:12:42 --> 00:12:42
			smart about this.
		
00:12:43 --> 00:12:45
			You don't want to necessarily even...
		
00:12:45 --> 00:12:47
			This isn't about you being the positive person
		
00:12:47 --> 00:12:48
			in the group.
		
00:12:48 --> 00:12:51
			Because sometimes your timeline and other people's timelines
		
00:12:51 --> 00:12:52
			are not the same.
		
00:12:52 --> 00:12:55
			If somebody is going through it and processing,
		
00:12:55 --> 00:12:56
			that's not the time for you to be
		
00:12:56 --> 00:12:59
			like, well, I went to this lecture, and
		
00:12:59 --> 00:13:00
			I know that you're sad, but you need
		
00:13:00 --> 00:13:02
			to find positivity right now.
		
00:13:03 --> 00:13:05
			That person is like, leave me alone, you
		
00:13:05 --> 00:13:05
			know.
		
00:13:06 --> 00:13:08
			It's not about putting it on other people,
		
00:13:08 --> 00:13:08
			it's about what?
		
00:13:08 --> 00:13:10
			Being grateful yourself.
		
00:13:11 --> 00:13:12
			You can only control yourself.
		
00:13:13 --> 00:13:16
			So He couples that conversation, that topic, that
		
00:13:16 --> 00:13:19
			subject in His text He couples it with,
		
00:13:19 --> 00:13:22
			you can only be grateful if you don't
		
00:13:22 --> 00:13:26
			have unrealistic and lofty expectations that you do
		
00:13:26 --> 00:13:28
			not work hard for.
		
00:13:29 --> 00:13:29
			Okay?
		
00:13:30 --> 00:13:34
			So He says, and He continues here, one
		
00:13:34 --> 00:13:36
			of the expectations that we have, and this
		
00:13:36 --> 00:13:37
			is an important one, He says, do not
		
00:13:37 --> 00:13:38
			expect to live a long time.
		
00:13:40 --> 00:13:44
			Everyone in this room right now has visions
		
00:13:44 --> 00:13:45
			of their future.
		
00:13:46 --> 00:13:48
			They have ideas and hopes and dreams of
		
00:13:48 --> 00:13:49
			what they want to become.
		
00:13:50 --> 00:13:52
			What they want to accomplish.
		
00:13:53 --> 00:13:56
			When it comes to their personal aspirations, their
		
00:13:56 --> 00:14:01
			family, their professional aspirations, the religious aspirations, all
		
00:14:01 --> 00:14:02
			of these things.
		
00:14:03 --> 00:14:06
			Now, what happens is, when we become too
		
00:14:06 --> 00:14:10
			accustomed to this, we actually start to give
		
00:14:10 --> 00:14:15
			ourselves an uncomfortable concession of time.
		
00:14:15 --> 00:14:15
			We say, you know what?
		
00:14:15 --> 00:14:16
			I can always do it later.
		
00:14:17 --> 00:14:19
			I can always do it at this point.
		
00:14:19 --> 00:14:21
			I can always finish it when the time
		
00:14:21 --> 00:14:21
			comes.
		
00:14:22 --> 00:14:24
			But the scholars always say what?
		
00:14:24 --> 00:14:27
			That don't ever put off until tomorrow what
		
00:14:27 --> 00:14:28
			you can do today.
		
00:14:28 --> 00:14:31
			Don't ever put off what you have the
		
00:14:31 --> 00:14:33
			ability to accomplish right now.
		
00:14:33 --> 00:14:35
			Don't put it off till later because you're
		
00:14:35 --> 00:14:37
			not sure that Allah will ever give you
		
00:14:37 --> 00:14:39
			the ability to do that thing.
		
00:14:41 --> 00:14:43
			And many of us ask the question, why
		
00:14:43 --> 00:14:44
			do bad things happen?
		
00:14:44 --> 00:14:45
			Why do we get sick?
		
00:14:45 --> 00:14:46
			Why do we get injured?
		
00:14:47 --> 00:14:48
			Why do these tests happen?
		
00:14:49 --> 00:14:51
			And one of my teachers, he said to
		
00:14:51 --> 00:14:54
			me, this is actually right after I tore
		
00:14:54 --> 00:14:55
			my ACL the first time.
		
00:14:55 --> 00:14:57
			I tore my left ACL like 10 years
		
00:14:57 --> 00:14:58
			ago.
		
00:14:59 --> 00:15:01
			He said to me, and this is probably,
		
00:15:02 --> 00:15:03
			you remember I talked about not being too
		
00:15:03 --> 00:15:04
			quick with it?
		
00:15:04 --> 00:15:05
			He was too quick with it for sure.
		
00:15:06 --> 00:15:08
			So when you tear your ACL, when you
		
00:15:08 --> 00:15:09
			have a knee injury or a back injury,
		
00:15:10 --> 00:15:12
			one of the things that you can't do
		
00:15:12 --> 00:15:14
			is you can't pray normally.
		
00:15:14 --> 00:15:17
			You have to pray in a chair, okay?
		
00:15:18 --> 00:15:20
			And for anyone here who's ever done that,
		
00:15:21 --> 00:15:23
			after being able to pray normally for the
		
00:15:23 --> 00:15:25
			majority of your life, it's a really, really
		
00:15:25 --> 00:15:26
			weird feeling.
		
00:15:27 --> 00:15:31
			You almost feel like, you're like, this isn't
		
00:15:31 --> 00:15:34
			really hitting me as hard as it is.
		
00:15:34 --> 00:15:36
			And subhanAllah, it was during the month of
		
00:15:36 --> 00:15:36
			Ramadan.
		
00:15:37 --> 00:15:39
			And so, you know, during Taraweeh, I'm sitting
		
00:15:39 --> 00:15:42
			there and it's like all of these healthy
		
00:15:42 --> 00:15:44
			people with two ACLs.
		
00:15:45 --> 00:15:46
			You just see the world in ACLs at
		
00:15:46 --> 00:15:47
			some point.
		
00:15:47 --> 00:15:47
			You're like, wow.
		
00:15:49 --> 00:15:49
			MashaAllah.
		
00:15:49 --> 00:15:50
			May Allah protect them.
		
00:15:52 --> 00:15:55
			And I'm looking at this audience, this jama
		
00:15:55 --> 00:15:58
			'a, this congregation, and then it's just me
		
00:15:58 --> 00:16:00
			in a chair with like four uncles who
		
00:16:00 --> 00:16:00
			are asleep.
		
00:16:02 --> 00:16:04
			And I'm sitting here and I'm like, man.
		
00:16:05 --> 00:16:07
			And subhanAllah, there actually came a moment.
		
00:16:07 --> 00:16:09
			I'm not even exaggerating.
		
00:16:09 --> 00:16:10
			I'm just being open and vulnerable.
		
00:16:11 --> 00:16:12
			There was a moment where I was crying
		
00:16:12 --> 00:16:14
			because I missed sajda.
		
00:16:15 --> 00:16:18
			Like it just felt so weird finishing prayer
		
00:16:18 --> 00:16:21
			and being like, assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
		
00:16:21 --> 00:16:22
			And your head didn't touch the ground.
		
00:16:24 --> 00:16:25
			You know, it's my favorite place to make
		
00:16:25 --> 00:16:25
			du'a.
		
00:16:25 --> 00:16:27
			Whenever I feel like my du'a can't
		
00:16:27 --> 00:16:28
			focus, I just go into sajda.
		
00:16:29 --> 00:16:31
			I take away all the distractions, my face
		
00:16:31 --> 00:16:31
			is on the ground.
		
00:16:32 --> 00:16:34
			Hadith says it's when you're closest to Allah.
		
00:16:35 --> 00:16:36
			So I put myself, and for a year
		
00:16:36 --> 00:16:37
			I couldn't do that.
		
00:16:37 --> 00:16:39
			Well, I could, but then I wouldn't be
		
00:16:39 --> 00:16:40
			able to get back up without like a
		
00:16:40 --> 00:16:40
			lot of people helping me.
		
00:16:41 --> 00:16:43
			And that's not practical, right?
		
00:16:43 --> 00:16:47
			So in that moment, I remember making du
		
00:16:47 --> 00:16:48
			'a to Allah.
		
00:16:49 --> 00:16:53
			I remember being like, oh Allah, please just
		
00:16:53 --> 00:16:55
			give me back my sajda.
		
00:16:55 --> 00:16:57
			I don't even want to play basketball anymore.
		
00:16:58 --> 00:17:01
			I don't want to do anything that...
		
00:17:01 --> 00:17:04
			I have no aspirations for anything that is
		
00:17:04 --> 00:17:05
			the cause of my injury.
		
00:17:05 --> 00:17:06
			I just want to go back to praying.
		
00:17:07 --> 00:17:08
			You know, then you fast forward.
		
00:17:09 --> 00:17:10
			And I remember that du'a was very
		
00:17:10 --> 00:17:11
			sincere by the way.
		
00:17:11 --> 00:17:13
			I wasn't making it like in public.
		
00:17:14 --> 00:17:15
			It was just I was really really sad.
		
00:17:16 --> 00:17:19
			And my teacher said that sometimes Allah does
		
00:17:19 --> 00:17:22
			these things, He takes away certain abilities so
		
00:17:22 --> 00:17:22
			that you can miss them.
		
00:17:23 --> 00:17:26
			And in missing them, you realize how valuable
		
00:17:26 --> 00:17:26
			they are.
		
00:17:27 --> 00:17:28
			And that was true.
		
00:17:29 --> 00:17:30
			But we're human, so what happens?
		
00:17:31 --> 00:17:32
			You do the rehab, you do the physical
		
00:17:32 --> 00:17:35
			therapy, you get back, you're praying normally, and
		
00:17:35 --> 00:17:37
			then you start to miss your prayers.
		
00:17:38 --> 00:17:40
			And the very same behavior that you were
		
00:17:40 --> 00:17:43
			like really heartbroken about, you went from longing
		
00:17:43 --> 00:17:46
			for it, like you long for like a
		
00:17:46 --> 00:17:50
			sweet dessert, and now you see it as,
		
00:17:50 --> 00:17:51
			because what?
		
00:17:51 --> 00:17:53
			Your life got busy again, you see it
		
00:17:53 --> 00:17:53
			as a burden.
		
00:17:54 --> 00:17:57
			And this is the nature again of human
		
00:17:57 --> 00:17:57
			beings.
		
00:17:58 --> 00:18:01
			Now, why do we see these things turn
		
00:18:01 --> 00:18:02
			into like burdens and difficult moments?
		
00:18:02 --> 00:18:04
			It's because we have lofty expectations.
		
00:18:05 --> 00:18:07
			I think that I'm gonna be able to
		
00:18:07 --> 00:18:07
			make it.
		
00:18:08 --> 00:18:09
			I think that I'm gonna pray later.
		
00:18:10 --> 00:18:11
			But this is why when the Prophet shallallahu
		
00:18:11 --> 00:18:13
			alaihi wasallam would stand up and lead the
		
00:18:13 --> 00:18:14
			jama'ah, he would actually say what?
		
00:18:14 --> 00:18:19
			He would say, pray this prayer as if
		
00:18:19 --> 00:18:21
			it's your last one.
		
00:18:21 --> 00:18:22
			And I know that it sounds like a
		
00:18:22 --> 00:18:23
			cliche thing.
		
00:18:24 --> 00:18:25
			You know, pray this prayer as if it's
		
00:18:25 --> 00:18:25
			your last.
		
00:18:25 --> 00:18:28
			And some guys like, come on man, don't
		
00:18:28 --> 00:18:28
			be so dramatic.
		
00:18:29 --> 00:18:32
			But subhanallah, for some people like, when they
		
00:18:32 --> 00:18:33
			pray that was their last prayer.
		
00:18:33 --> 00:18:34
			They didn't know when it was.
		
00:18:35 --> 00:18:39
			And it's not about you imagining during that
		
00:18:39 --> 00:18:40
			salah your untimely death.
		
00:18:41 --> 00:18:42
			That's not what it's about.
		
00:18:42 --> 00:18:45
			It's about you understanding that if I give
		
00:18:45 --> 00:18:48
			this prayer my focus, I'm not gonna have
		
00:18:48 --> 00:18:49
			any regrets when I finish it.
		
00:18:50 --> 00:18:52
			I'm not gonna forget which rakah I'm in.
		
00:18:53 --> 00:18:54
			Do I have wudu or not?
		
00:18:54 --> 00:18:55
			You know, some of us spend the first
		
00:18:55 --> 00:18:57
			three rakahs trying to remember if we have
		
00:18:57 --> 00:18:57
			wudu.
		
00:18:58 --> 00:19:00
			And then we spend the fourth rakah trying
		
00:19:00 --> 00:19:01
			to figure out which rakah we're in.
		
00:19:02 --> 00:19:03
			And then we finish the prayer, we're like,
		
00:19:04 --> 00:19:05
			praying is not so hard, right?
		
00:19:06 --> 00:19:07
			You know, subhanallah.
		
00:19:07 --> 00:19:09
			That's not the kind of prayer that I
		
00:19:09 --> 00:19:10
			wanna finish with.
		
00:19:10 --> 00:19:11
			Can you imagine that's your last prayer?
		
00:19:11 --> 00:19:12
			That's not what I wanna finish with.
		
00:19:13 --> 00:19:15
			So he says, don't have lofty expectations.
		
00:19:15 --> 00:19:17
			Don't expect to live a long time.
		
00:19:17 --> 00:19:19
			The Prophet, peace be upon him, only lived
		
00:19:19 --> 00:19:19
			till 63.
		
00:19:20 --> 00:19:26
			When someone passes at 63, we now in
		
00:19:26 --> 00:19:27
			the era of like modern medicine, we say
		
00:19:27 --> 00:19:30
			things like, wow, young.
		
00:19:31 --> 00:19:33
			But that's how long he lived.
		
00:19:33 --> 00:19:35
			There was a doctor in Knoxville, Tennessee where
		
00:19:35 --> 00:19:37
			I used to live and he said, he
		
00:19:37 --> 00:19:38
			was 65.
		
00:19:39 --> 00:19:40
			And he said, you know, people wished him
		
00:19:40 --> 00:19:42
			a happy birthday on his 65th birthday.
		
00:19:42 --> 00:19:44
			And he said, I don't care anymore.
		
00:19:44 --> 00:19:45
			63 was all I expected.
		
00:19:45 --> 00:19:46
			Everything after that is a bonus.
		
00:19:47 --> 00:19:48
			That was his mindset.
		
00:19:49 --> 00:19:51
			You know, our Prophet lived till this number,
		
00:19:51 --> 00:19:52
			peace be upon him.
		
00:19:52 --> 00:19:53
			I don't expect anything more than that.
		
00:19:55 --> 00:19:57
			It's not about being sadistic and dark.
		
00:19:57 --> 00:20:00
			Someone says happy birthday and you're like, birthdays
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:00
			are haram.
		
00:20:01 --> 00:20:02
			That's not, they're not by the way.
		
00:20:02 --> 00:20:03
			But that's not the point.
		
00:20:04 --> 00:20:05
			Wallahu alam, but they're not.
		
00:20:07 --> 00:20:10
			The point is that if you understand every
		
00:20:10 --> 00:20:13
			moment as being valuable, you will live that
		
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15
			moment and have minimal regrets.
		
00:20:16 --> 00:20:18
			He says, do not expect to live a
		
00:20:18 --> 00:20:18
			long time.
		
00:20:19 --> 00:20:22
			He says, on that basis, if you live
		
00:20:22 --> 00:20:25
			thinking that you have forever, you're gonna be
		
00:20:25 --> 00:20:27
			very bad at getting things done.
		
00:20:27 --> 00:20:28
			You're gonna procrastinate.
		
00:20:28 --> 00:20:31
			And he says, for example, I'll go to
		
00:20:31 --> 00:20:32
			hajj when I'm 50 years old.
		
00:20:32 --> 00:20:33
			I'll go to hajj later.
		
00:20:34 --> 00:20:35
			You know, somebody might say, oh, I'll do
		
00:20:35 --> 00:20:37
			this, I'll start praying later.
		
00:20:38 --> 00:20:39
			I'll start dressing a certain way later.
		
00:20:41 --> 00:20:43
			I'll get married, I'll date for a little
		
00:20:43 --> 00:20:45
			bit now, but I'll get married later, right,
		
00:20:45 --> 00:20:46
			when I'm serious.
		
00:20:47 --> 00:20:50
			All of those laters are manifestation of this
		
00:20:50 --> 00:20:50
			disease.
		
00:20:52 --> 00:20:53
			Right, don't put off till tomorrow what you
		
00:20:53 --> 00:20:55
			have the ability to do today.
		
00:20:56 --> 00:20:59
			And so he says, no one is promised
		
00:20:59 --> 00:21:02
			anything, and a person who believes that they
		
00:21:02 --> 00:21:03
			have this promised is delusional.
		
00:21:04 --> 00:21:05
			They are delusional.
		
00:21:06 --> 00:21:09
			So then, he says, cut short all of
		
00:21:09 --> 00:21:11
			your expectations in this world.
		
00:21:12 --> 00:21:14
			That will instantly make your relationships better.
		
00:21:16 --> 00:21:17
			You know, how many times have you experienced
		
00:21:17 --> 00:21:19
			the loss of a loved one, a friend
		
00:21:19 --> 00:21:21
			or a family member, and you instantly try
		
00:21:21 --> 00:21:22
			to think of the last time you talked
		
00:21:22 --> 00:21:22
			to them?
		
00:21:22 --> 00:21:26
			And you realize that you didn't speak to
		
00:21:26 --> 00:21:28
			them as regularly as you should have.
		
00:21:29 --> 00:21:31
			And you have this immense regret.
		
00:21:32 --> 00:21:33
			I should have.
		
00:21:33 --> 00:21:35
			I should have called them more.
		
00:21:36 --> 00:21:37
			I should have texted them more.
		
00:21:37 --> 00:21:39
			Now, there's an element of that that's just
		
00:21:39 --> 00:21:39
			reality.
		
00:21:40 --> 00:21:42
			You can't constantly be on the phone with
		
00:21:42 --> 00:21:42
			somebody.
		
00:21:44 --> 00:21:46
			But on the other side of the spectrum,
		
00:21:46 --> 00:21:49
			there's also an element of this which is
		
00:21:49 --> 00:21:51
			solved by a person not thinking that they
		
00:21:51 --> 00:21:52
			have forever.
		
00:21:53 --> 00:21:55
			I saw the most heartbreaking but very true,
		
00:21:56 --> 00:21:58
			subhanAllah, realization.
		
00:21:59 --> 00:22:00
			You know, a lot of us, especially as
		
00:22:00 --> 00:22:02
			you get older, and I don't know how
		
00:22:02 --> 00:22:03
			old with the average age in here, but
		
00:22:03 --> 00:22:06
			I'm 36, so you can measure yourself based
		
00:22:06 --> 00:22:07
			off me, I guess.
		
00:22:07 --> 00:22:10
			When you get to my age, you start
		
00:22:10 --> 00:22:17
			to see the signs of weakness in your
		
00:22:17 --> 00:22:17
			parents.
		
00:22:18 --> 00:22:21
			You know, the Qur'an describes as when
		
00:22:21 --> 00:22:22
			you were born, you were weak, and then
		
00:22:22 --> 00:22:24
			you became strong, and then you returned back
		
00:22:24 --> 00:22:24
			to weakness.
		
00:22:25 --> 00:22:27
			And that's the timeline Allah gives people in
		
00:22:27 --> 00:22:28
			the Qur'an.
		
00:22:29 --> 00:22:30
			Weak, strong, weak again.
		
00:22:31 --> 00:22:33
			So you start to see like, you know,
		
00:22:34 --> 00:22:37
			my mom is Egyptian, so Egyptian women, you
		
00:22:37 --> 00:22:40
			guys saw that, you know, Obama, Egyptian women,
		
00:22:40 --> 00:22:41
			you guys saw that?
		
00:22:41 --> 00:22:42
			We are Egyptian women.
		
00:22:43 --> 00:22:44
			So my mom is an Egyptian woman.
		
00:22:45 --> 00:22:47
			Very strong, very strong everything.
		
00:22:48 --> 00:22:52
			Strong opinions, strong voice, strong hands.
		
00:22:53 --> 00:22:54
			Sorry, CPS, right?
		
00:22:54 --> 00:22:59
			Okay, so I say that I turned out
		
00:22:59 --> 00:23:00
			okay, but did I?
		
00:23:00 --> 00:23:03
			Okay, so anyways, my mom used to, subhanAllah,
		
00:23:03 --> 00:23:05
			when she wanted us to like stop playing
		
00:23:05 --> 00:23:09
			video games, there's a very easy solution when
		
00:23:09 --> 00:23:10
			we're kids.
		
00:23:11 --> 00:23:12
			But my mom was not the most, like
		
00:23:12 --> 00:23:15
			technologically, like she, you know, these things are
		
00:23:15 --> 00:23:16
			all new, right?
		
00:23:16 --> 00:23:18
			She's incredibly smart, mashAllah.
		
00:23:19 --> 00:23:21
			But like the mechanics of a Sony PlayStation
		
00:23:21 --> 00:23:23
			to her are not the same as what
		
00:23:23 --> 00:23:24
			she knew, what she studied.
		
00:23:25 --> 00:23:27
			So there's a very easy way for a
		
00:23:27 --> 00:23:29
			person when they're leaving the house to like
		
00:23:29 --> 00:23:31
			make sure their kids don't play video games.
		
00:23:32 --> 00:23:33
			You take the controllers, right?
		
00:23:34 --> 00:23:36
			Or you take like the power cables or
		
00:23:36 --> 00:23:38
			the games, take the games, the discs.
		
00:23:39 --> 00:23:40
			My mom would take the TV.
		
00:23:44 --> 00:23:45
			My mom would unplug.
		
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			And for all of us, for those of
		
00:23:48 --> 00:23:51
			us who are under 30 maybe, a TV
		
00:23:51 --> 00:23:53
			in your life has always been like what
		
00:23:53 --> 00:23:55
			you see on the walls here, like this
		
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			really thin, like 16 pounds.
		
00:23:58 --> 00:24:01
			No, we're talking about, speaking of Egyptian, these
		
00:24:01 --> 00:24:02
			things were like pyramids.
		
00:24:02 --> 00:24:05
			They were tubes that had a deep, they
		
00:24:05 --> 00:24:08
			were like three feet long, right?
		
00:24:08 --> 00:24:09
			They were massive.
		
00:24:10 --> 00:24:11
			I mean, it was like your couch was
		
00:24:11 --> 00:24:14
			smaller than the television, okay?
		
00:24:14 --> 00:24:17
			And she would literally pick it up if
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:19
			she worked on the weekends because she was
		
00:24:19 --> 00:24:20
			a nutritionist at a hospital.
		
00:24:20 --> 00:24:22
			If she worked on Friday or on Saturdays
		
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			and Sundays, she would literally take it in
		
00:24:25 --> 00:24:26
			her car and she would put it in
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:27
			her trunk.
		
00:24:28 --> 00:24:30
			And my brother and I were like both
		
00:24:30 --> 00:24:33
			devastated but just honestly impressed.
		
00:24:34 --> 00:24:35
			You know, you have to give props where
		
00:24:35 --> 00:24:37
			props are due, right?
		
00:24:39 --> 00:24:42
			So you need to imagine my framework when
		
00:24:42 --> 00:24:43
			I think of my mom.
		
00:24:44 --> 00:24:46
			My mom was the woman who, before Fudger,
		
00:24:46 --> 00:24:48
			would lift up a television and put it
		
00:24:48 --> 00:24:51
			in the trunk of her minivan and then
		
00:24:51 --> 00:24:51
			go to work.
		
00:24:51 --> 00:24:53
			And she went to work at seven so
		
00:24:53 --> 00:24:54
			we'd wake up with like heartbreak.
		
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59
			And then, you know, you fast forward, right?
		
00:25:00 --> 00:25:03
			So that was like high school and then
		
00:25:03 --> 00:25:05
			college and then like you get a job
		
00:25:05 --> 00:25:07
			and you go and you're like chasing life,
		
00:25:07 --> 00:25:07
			right?
		
00:25:07 --> 00:25:08
			So you're like in your 20s and you're
		
00:25:08 --> 00:25:10
			like, it's all about me.
		
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11
			You know, I got to find a job.
		
00:25:11 --> 00:25:12
			I got to do this, do this, this,
		
00:25:12 --> 00:25:13
			this.
		
00:25:14 --> 00:25:17
			And then, you know, I move and my
		
00:25:17 --> 00:25:18
			mom is like, yeah, move.
		
00:25:18 --> 00:25:19
			Like, you know, she's happy.
		
00:25:19 --> 00:25:20
			Not like, yeah, move.
		
00:25:20 --> 00:25:21
			She's like, no, no, please.
		
00:25:21 --> 00:25:23
			Like, you know, be successful.
		
00:25:23 --> 00:25:25
			Like, I'm making dua for you, habibi, et
		
00:25:25 --> 00:25:25
			cetera, et cetera.
		
00:25:26 --> 00:25:27
			Like hiding her own pain, right?
		
00:25:28 --> 00:25:30
			So then you plan your visits and you
		
00:25:30 --> 00:25:31
			go back and visit your parents and you
		
00:25:31 --> 00:25:32
			try to see them and you try to
		
00:25:32 --> 00:25:35
			like as much as you can and you
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:36
			pick up on these things.
		
00:25:36 --> 00:25:37
			You know, the same woman that could lift
		
00:25:37 --> 00:25:38
			this television.
		
00:25:39 --> 00:25:41
			I saw her struggling to carry a gallon
		
00:25:41 --> 00:25:44
			of milk, right?
		
00:25:49 --> 00:25:54
			And so you realize like in your eyes,
		
00:25:55 --> 00:25:59
			those 15 years flew by from high school,
		
00:25:59 --> 00:26:02
			college, you know, master's degree, et cetera.
		
00:26:02 --> 00:26:03
			They were like so fast.
		
00:26:05 --> 00:26:11
			But the degradation of strength was hidden from
		
00:26:11 --> 00:26:12
			you and then bam, it just hits you,
		
00:26:13 --> 00:26:13
			right?
		
00:26:14 --> 00:26:16
			So I saw this post that I thought
		
00:26:16 --> 00:26:18
			was really crazy, which is that when your
		
00:26:18 --> 00:26:22
			parents get older, you start to think about
		
00:26:22 --> 00:26:23
			like, oh, I have 20 years left with
		
00:26:23 --> 00:26:23
			them.
		
00:26:24 --> 00:26:25
			You know, you do the math.
		
00:26:25 --> 00:26:27
			You're guessing like, oh, they're 40, they're 50.
		
00:26:27 --> 00:26:28
			Hopefully, you have 20 years left.
		
00:26:28 --> 00:26:30
			But then if you only visit them like
		
00:26:30 --> 00:26:32
			once a year, twice a year, three times
		
00:26:32 --> 00:26:34
			a year, you actually don't have 20 years
		
00:26:34 --> 00:26:34
			left with them.
		
00:26:34 --> 00:26:35
			You only have 20 visits.
		
00:26:37 --> 00:26:38
			And then you go and visit them.
		
00:26:38 --> 00:26:39
			And this was a post that was for
		
00:26:39 --> 00:26:41
			the general public, you know, where like most
		
00:26:41 --> 00:26:44
			people see their parents on Thanksgiving and that's
		
00:26:44 --> 00:26:44
			it.
		
00:26:45 --> 00:26:46
			When I say people, I don't mean from
		
00:26:46 --> 00:26:47
			the ummah, hopefully.
		
00:26:47 --> 00:26:49
			But we are a product of our environment.
		
00:26:51 --> 00:26:52
			And so even if you see your parents
		
00:26:52 --> 00:26:55
			four times a year, like you only have
		
00:26:55 --> 00:26:58
			80 more meals with them, 80 more visits.
		
00:26:58 --> 00:27:00
			And you start to count and realize like,
		
00:27:01 --> 00:27:03
			I went recently with my kids and I
		
00:27:03 --> 00:27:06
			did the math and I thought, subhanAllah, if
		
00:27:06 --> 00:27:07
			my mom has this many years left and
		
00:27:07 --> 00:27:09
			I see her this many times a year,
		
00:27:09 --> 00:27:11
			I only have this many visits.
		
00:27:11 --> 00:27:13
			And it hit me so heavily.
		
00:27:14 --> 00:27:20
			So, tur al amal, it affects you across
		
00:27:20 --> 00:27:21
			even yourself, subhanAllah.
		
00:27:23 --> 00:27:25
			And you have to realize like, I don't
		
00:27:25 --> 00:27:27
			have this much time with this person.
		
00:27:28 --> 00:27:30
			I don't have this much time with these
		
00:27:30 --> 00:27:30
			people.
		
00:27:31 --> 00:27:32
			I don't have this much time, etc.
		
00:27:32 --> 00:27:33
			Even with myself.
		
00:27:35 --> 00:27:37
			And then ultimately when your soul leaves your
		
00:27:37 --> 00:27:41
			body, that's when the realest of realizations happens.
		
00:27:42 --> 00:27:45
			You know, I was planning on praying, like
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:47
			imagine this, when the angel of death comes
		
00:27:47 --> 00:27:49
			and takes your soul, may Allah make it
		
00:27:49 --> 00:27:50
			a good taking for us.
		
00:27:51 --> 00:27:54
			Will you have prayed the prayer that was
		
00:27:54 --> 00:27:54
			in the waqt?
		
00:27:56 --> 00:27:58
			Will you have performed the salah that was
		
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59
			in that time?
		
00:27:59 --> 00:28:02
			Or as a result of delaying the prayers,
		
00:28:02 --> 00:28:03
			will you have been taken in a moment
		
00:28:03 --> 00:28:04
			where you didn't pray?
		
00:28:06 --> 00:28:07
			Let's say your death was written for dhuhr,
		
00:28:07 --> 00:28:10
			or for night time after isha.
		
00:28:11 --> 00:28:12
			Let's say your death was written for that
		
00:28:12 --> 00:28:12
			time.
		
00:28:13 --> 00:28:15
			Will you have performed isha before?
		
00:28:16 --> 00:28:18
			Or do you have this habit of putting
		
00:28:18 --> 00:28:20
			things off when it comes to Allah to
		
00:28:20 --> 00:28:21
			the last minute?
		
00:28:21 --> 00:28:23
			And so when the angel comes, is your
		
00:28:23 --> 00:28:26
			request gonna be, no, no, no, please give
		
00:28:26 --> 00:28:27
			me five minutes.
		
00:28:27 --> 00:28:28
			I'm just gonna pray and then you can
		
00:28:28 --> 00:28:28
			take me.
		
00:28:28 --> 00:28:31
			Or is the thought going to be, alhamdulillah
		
00:28:31 --> 00:28:32
			that I prayed.
		
00:28:33 --> 00:28:35
			And I'm meeting Allah in a state where
		
00:28:35 --> 00:28:37
			I completed the last prayer that was upon
		
00:28:37 --> 00:28:38
			me, I completed it.
		
00:28:40 --> 00:28:42
			So dhuhr al-amal is a very, very
		
00:28:42 --> 00:28:45
			sophisticated and a very subtle disease of the
		
00:28:45 --> 00:28:45
			heart.
		
00:28:45 --> 00:28:48
			And he says if you want to be
		
00:28:48 --> 00:28:50
			grateful to Allah and be purposeful with Him,
		
00:28:50 --> 00:28:51
			you conquer this.
		
00:28:52 --> 00:28:55
			This is why the dua that we recite
		
00:28:55 --> 00:28:57
			when we wake up in the morning is
		
00:28:57 --> 00:28:57
			what?
		
00:28:58 --> 00:29:05
			الحمد لله الذي أحيانا بعدما أماتنا وإليه مشهور.
		
00:29:05 --> 00:29:09
			That dua translates to, all praise and thanks
		
00:29:09 --> 00:29:11
			be to the one who gave us life
		
00:29:11 --> 00:29:15
			after He caused us to die and to
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:17
			Him is our return.
		
00:29:18 --> 00:29:20
			You realize when you wake up that that
		
00:29:20 --> 00:29:22
			was the rehearsal of death.
		
00:29:23 --> 00:29:26
			When you sleep at night, there's no guarantee
		
00:29:26 --> 00:29:27
			that you will wake up the next morning.
		
00:29:27 --> 00:29:30
			As dramatic as that sounds, there isn't.
		
00:29:30 --> 00:29:33
			Sleep is the ultimate trust exercise with Allah.
		
00:29:34 --> 00:29:35
			You have no clue.
		
00:29:36 --> 00:29:38
			And when you wake up, the dua from
		
00:29:38 --> 00:29:40
			the sunnah of the Prophet peace be upon
		
00:29:40 --> 00:29:42
			him is, to thank Allah for restoring.
		
00:29:42 --> 00:29:44
			The hadith actually says, this is crazy.
		
00:29:45 --> 00:29:47
			Not crazy in a derogatory way but this
		
00:29:47 --> 00:29:48
			is incredible.
		
00:29:49 --> 00:29:52
			When a person falls asleep, their soul actually
		
00:29:52 --> 00:29:53
			is lifted from their body temporarily.
		
00:29:53 --> 00:29:56
			And it hovers.
		
00:29:56 --> 00:29:58
			And then when it's time for them to
		
00:29:58 --> 00:29:59
			come back, their soul is put back into
		
00:29:59 --> 00:30:00
			their body.
		
00:30:01 --> 00:30:01
			Right?
		
00:30:02 --> 00:30:04
			And there's a conversation about that's where dreams
		
00:30:04 --> 00:30:07
			come from because the arwah, the souls have
		
00:30:07 --> 00:30:09
			a different experience than the bodies do.
		
00:30:09 --> 00:30:11
			But anyways, the point being is, every night
		
00:30:11 --> 00:30:13
			when you fall asleep, remember that.
		
00:30:14 --> 00:30:15
			That this is just a dress rehearsal for
		
00:30:15 --> 00:30:16
			the eventual end.
		
00:30:18 --> 00:30:19
			And so when you go to sleep at
		
00:30:19 --> 00:30:21
			night, if you haven't prayed isha yet, remember
		
00:30:21 --> 00:30:21
			that.
		
00:30:22 --> 00:30:27
			If you haven't communicated with your loved ones,
		
00:30:27 --> 00:30:28
			at least a simple text message.
		
00:30:29 --> 00:30:30
			I love you.
		
00:30:31 --> 00:30:31
			Right?
		
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33
			I hope to see you soon.
		
00:30:33 --> 00:30:38
			If you haven't squashed all your grudges, all
		
00:30:38 --> 00:30:40
			of your petty fights and arguments that you
		
00:30:40 --> 00:30:42
			have, think, go through your head.
		
00:30:42 --> 00:30:43
			This is spirituality.
		
00:30:45 --> 00:30:47
			Spirituality is when your head hits the pillow,
		
00:30:47 --> 00:30:48
			you have nothing heavy in your heart.
		
00:30:49 --> 00:30:50
			That's a spiritual person.
		
00:30:51 --> 00:30:53
			They have completed their responsibilities.
		
00:30:54 --> 00:30:56
			They've remembered Allah and they've put Allah first.
		
00:30:56 --> 00:30:57
			Not themselves, Allah.
		
00:30:58 --> 00:31:00
			I'm not gonna have this dumb fight with
		
00:31:00 --> 00:31:03
			this person that's hanging over me like a
		
00:31:03 --> 00:31:03
			rain cloud.
		
00:31:04 --> 00:31:06
			I'm not gonna die in this state because
		
00:31:06 --> 00:31:08
			I don't wanna take this to the Day
		
00:31:08 --> 00:31:08
			of Judgment.
		
00:31:09 --> 00:31:11
			I wanna just finish it here.
		
00:31:11 --> 00:31:12
			I wanna resolve this here.
		
00:31:13 --> 00:31:14
			May Allah Ta'ala give us a good
		
00:31:14 --> 00:31:15
			ending.
		
00:31:16 --> 00:31:18
			And as a result of this, He says,
		
00:31:20 --> 00:31:23
			the next line, is that one of the
		
00:31:23 --> 00:31:27
			things that a person should do and it's
		
00:31:27 --> 00:31:30
			recommended to do from the Prophet ﷺ, is
		
00:31:30 --> 00:31:34
			actually visit, make it a habit to visit
		
00:31:34 --> 00:31:39
			the graveyards or the resting places of the
		
00:31:39 --> 00:31:41
			departed beloved people that we have.
		
00:31:41 --> 00:31:45
			To go and visit the graves of people.
		
00:31:45 --> 00:31:50
			Now, I know that there's some like, there's
		
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51
			some superstition for sure.
		
00:31:52 --> 00:31:52
			Right?
		
00:31:53 --> 00:31:57
			There's some question even in Sharia about like
		
00:31:57 --> 00:31:59
			women visiting graves.
		
00:31:59 --> 00:32:01
			So I'm gonna clear this up one time.
		
00:32:02 --> 00:32:02
			Okay?
		
00:32:03 --> 00:32:06
			The practice of visiting graves, without a doubt,
		
00:32:06 --> 00:32:08
			is a sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ.
		
00:32:09 --> 00:32:09
			Without a doubt.
		
00:32:10 --> 00:32:12
			In fact, he would do it on Fridays
		
00:32:13 --> 00:32:14
			of all days.
		
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15
			You know, Jumu'ah is like a happy
		
00:32:15 --> 00:32:16
			day, right?
		
00:32:16 --> 00:32:18
			Jumu'ah, you're like, Oh, Jumu'ah, then
		
00:32:18 --> 00:32:19
			go get some lunch.
		
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21
			And then, you know, it's kind of like
		
00:32:21 --> 00:32:22
			the end of a week for us.
		
00:32:23 --> 00:32:24
			So, but he would go in the morning
		
00:32:24 --> 00:32:27
			on Fridays and he would go to Baqiyah,
		
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28
			which is the grave in Medina.
		
00:32:28 --> 00:32:30
			It was right close to his house, like
		
00:32:30 --> 00:32:31
			300 yards away.
		
00:32:32 --> 00:32:34
			And he would visit and he would go
		
00:32:34 --> 00:32:35
			and make du'a for those who had
		
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36
			passed away.
		
00:32:36 --> 00:32:37
			And the du'a when you visit the
		
00:32:37 --> 00:32:39
			grave is actually even more amazing.
		
00:32:41 --> 00:32:44
			You know, you greet them as if they're
		
00:32:44 --> 00:32:46
			still alive because you understand that in that
		
00:32:46 --> 00:32:48
			moment they can actually perceive what you're saying.
		
00:32:49 --> 00:32:52
			As-salamu alaykum, Ya Ahlul Diyar.
		
00:32:53 --> 00:32:56
			Peace be upon you, Oh, inhabitants of this
		
00:32:56 --> 00:32:56
			abode.
		
00:32:57 --> 00:32:58
			Right?
		
00:32:58 --> 00:33:01
			Antumus sabiqoon, wa nahnu nahiqoon.
		
00:33:01 --> 00:33:03
			You were the ones who went ahead and
		
00:33:03 --> 00:33:04
			we're just coming after you.
		
00:33:05 --> 00:33:06
			Like we're right behind you.
		
00:33:07 --> 00:33:11
			Nas'al Allah al-Azeem al-'afiyah.
		
00:33:11 --> 00:33:13
			Like we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
		
00:33:13 --> 00:33:13
			for his pardon.
		
00:33:14 --> 00:33:16
			So when a person visits the grave, listen
		
00:33:16 --> 00:33:18
			to this, the du'a is the exact
		
00:33:18 --> 00:33:20
			mindset that we should have, not only in
		
00:33:20 --> 00:33:21
			that moment but in life.
		
00:33:22 --> 00:33:24
			Number one, is that the people in the
		
00:33:24 --> 00:33:26
			grave are not so different from you.
		
00:33:27 --> 00:33:29
			The only difference is that your body is
		
00:33:29 --> 00:33:30
			still working.
		
00:33:31 --> 00:33:34
			But their soul and your soul is the
		
00:33:34 --> 00:33:34
			same.
		
00:33:34 --> 00:33:35
			It's the same substance.
		
00:33:35 --> 00:33:36
			I told my son this.
		
00:33:36 --> 00:33:38
			He's like, what happens when you die?
		
00:33:38 --> 00:33:40
			And I was panicking because I'm like, oh
		
00:33:40 --> 00:33:41
			my God, you're five.
		
00:33:42 --> 00:33:43
			But that's what happens when you take a
		
00:33:43 --> 00:33:43
			kid to Turkey.
		
00:33:43 --> 00:33:45
			All they see is gravestones everywhere.
		
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47
			Doner kebab and graves, right?
		
00:33:49 --> 00:33:51
			And so we're walking and he sees this
		
00:33:51 --> 00:33:53
			cemetery in front of the masjid.
		
00:33:53 --> 00:33:54
			He goes, what's that?
		
00:33:55 --> 00:33:56
			And my wife looks at me and I'm
		
00:33:56 --> 00:33:57
			like, do we lie?
		
00:33:58 --> 00:34:00
			I'm like, I got a few good deeds,
		
00:34:00 --> 00:34:01
			you know, that I can...
		
00:34:01 --> 00:34:03
			And she goes, no, it's just, it's time
		
00:34:03 --> 00:34:03
			to explain.
		
00:34:04 --> 00:34:05
			I said, you know, this is a grave.
		
00:34:05 --> 00:34:07
			This is where people who die are buried.
		
00:34:08 --> 00:34:11
			And then he thinks of the oldest person
		
00:34:11 --> 00:34:13
			and he goes, are they going to die?
		
00:34:13 --> 00:34:14
			He said, it's his grandma.
		
00:34:15 --> 00:34:16
			He's like, is she going to die?
		
00:34:16 --> 00:34:18
			And I'm like, no.
		
00:34:19 --> 00:34:20
			I mean, eventually we're all going to die.
		
00:34:21 --> 00:34:22
			But I was like, she's not going to
		
00:34:22 --> 00:34:22
			die.
		
00:34:23 --> 00:34:24
			And then he goes, what happens when someone
		
00:34:24 --> 00:34:25
			dies?
		
00:34:25 --> 00:34:26
			And I said, I was panicking and I
		
00:34:26 --> 00:34:29
			came up with this subhanallah explanation only from
		
00:34:29 --> 00:34:29
			Allah.
		
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31
			Because in a panic, I didn't know what
		
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32
			to say.
		
00:34:32 --> 00:34:35
			I said, well, when you die, Allah made
		
00:34:35 --> 00:34:37
			you as a person, you are two things.
		
00:34:37 --> 00:34:39
			You are a body and a soul.
		
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40
			When you die, your body stops working, but
		
00:34:40 --> 00:34:41
			your soul keeps living.
		
00:34:43 --> 00:34:44
			And I said, so he goes, okay, so
		
00:34:44 --> 00:34:46
			when you die, that's when your body stops.
		
00:34:46 --> 00:34:47
			I said, yes, exactly.
		
00:34:48 --> 00:34:49
			Right?
		
00:34:49 --> 00:34:50
			But the soul keeps going.
		
00:34:51 --> 00:34:53
			And that soul goes to be with Allah
		
00:34:53 --> 00:34:54
			and be in Jannah, inshallah.
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55
			Right?
		
00:34:56 --> 00:34:58
			But when you go to the graves and
		
00:34:58 --> 00:35:01
			you're wishing upon them peace and blessings and
		
00:35:01 --> 00:35:04
			greetings, you're admitting something, which is what?
		
00:35:04 --> 00:35:05
			We're not so far off.
		
00:35:06 --> 00:35:07
			And then you even say, in terms of
		
00:35:07 --> 00:35:10
			sequence, you say to them, you were ahead
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:11
			of us, sure.
		
00:35:12 --> 00:35:13
			But we're right behind you.
		
00:35:13 --> 00:35:15
			I'm not going to guarantee myself.
		
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16
			There's not a big gap between us.
		
00:35:18 --> 00:35:20
			Even if it's years, even if you look
		
00:35:20 --> 00:35:22
			at the tombstone, you see, oh, wow, this
		
00:35:22 --> 00:35:24
			person passed away 20, 50, 60 years ago.
		
00:35:24 --> 00:35:27
			On the grand scale of humanity and time,
		
00:35:27 --> 00:35:28
			it's going to be a blip.
		
00:35:29 --> 00:35:31
			When they look at you dying and someone
		
00:35:31 --> 00:35:33
			else who died 50 years before you, 100
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:35
			years before you, even 1,000 years.
		
00:35:35 --> 00:35:39
			And then you say, after admitting that you're
		
00:35:39 --> 00:35:42
			coming soon, you say, we ask Allah for
		
00:35:42 --> 00:35:42
			his aafiyah.
		
00:35:43 --> 00:35:46
			We ask Allah for his pardon, his gentle
		
00:35:46 --> 00:35:46
			pardoning.
		
00:35:46 --> 00:35:47
			That's what we need.
		
00:35:48 --> 00:35:48
			All of us.
		
00:35:49 --> 00:35:51
			So he says, visit the graves.
		
00:35:52 --> 00:35:53
			Go when you can.
		
00:35:54 --> 00:35:55
			Make it a habit.
		
00:35:55 --> 00:35:56
			If you don't go at all, which most
		
00:35:56 --> 00:36:01
			people don't, then make it maybe a once
		
00:36:01 --> 00:36:01
			a month thing.
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:04
			You don't have to go at night.
		
00:36:05 --> 00:36:07
			Everyone in this room is like October 31st.
		
00:36:07 --> 00:36:07
			No, wrong.
		
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09
			Right?
		
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10
			Don't cross culture like that.
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:12
			Go on Friday.
		
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14
			Go during the daytime.
		
00:36:14 --> 00:36:16
			If you can't go inside of one, maybe
		
00:36:16 --> 00:36:19
			drive by one with that intention that this
		
00:36:19 --> 00:36:21
			is the, I'm making ziyarah, now I'm going
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:22
			to visit.
		
00:36:22 --> 00:36:24
			I'm making dua for any Muslims who are
		
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24
			here.
		
00:36:24 --> 00:36:26
			I'm praying for them, I'm praying for their
		
00:36:26 --> 00:36:27
			forgiveness, etc.
		
00:36:27 --> 00:36:30
			But he says, go with the focus of
		
00:36:30 --> 00:36:33
			reminding you of death.
		
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35
			The Prophet, peace be upon him, would do
		
00:36:35 --> 00:36:36
			this every single week.
		
00:36:36 --> 00:36:40
			The commentator says, visiting the graves is one
		
00:36:40 --> 00:36:43
			of the most incredible cures for so many
		
00:36:43 --> 00:36:44
			diseases.
		
00:36:44 --> 00:36:45
			It softens your heart.
		
00:36:47 --> 00:36:49
			It disconnects you from all of the things
		
00:36:49 --> 00:36:51
			that frustrate you and anger you.
		
00:36:52 --> 00:36:54
			Remembering death is one of the most incredible
		
00:36:54 --> 00:36:55
			cures.
		
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57
			If you're a person who has anger issues,
		
00:36:58 --> 00:37:01
			if you get into fights with people, if
		
00:37:01 --> 00:37:02
			you have like a lot of grudges or
		
00:37:02 --> 00:37:04
			a lot of like beef between you and
		
00:37:04 --> 00:37:07
			somebody else, just start visiting graves.
		
00:37:08 --> 00:37:11
			And you'll realize very quickly that none of
		
00:37:11 --> 00:37:11
			it matters.
		
00:37:12 --> 00:37:13
			None of it.
		
00:37:14 --> 00:37:17
			If you're really worried about your life, if
		
00:37:17 --> 00:37:20
			you're really worried about getting married or making
		
00:37:20 --> 00:37:22
			money or being successful or all that stuff,
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:23
			just go visit the grave.
		
00:37:25 --> 00:37:27
			It doesn't mean that stuff's not important.
		
00:37:28 --> 00:37:33
			But whenever you compare something to infinity, that
		
00:37:33 --> 00:37:34
			other thing becomes zero.
		
00:37:35 --> 00:37:38
			So when you are staring at your eventual
		
00:37:38 --> 00:37:43
			end, six feet under, and that your soul,
		
00:37:43 --> 00:37:46
			the thing that is gifted by Allah inside
		
00:37:46 --> 00:37:48
			of you, that is the only thing that
		
00:37:48 --> 00:37:50
			will continue after your body dies.
		
00:37:51 --> 00:37:54
			When you realize and have that realization in
		
00:37:54 --> 00:37:57
			that moment, all of your concerns and worries,
		
00:37:57 --> 00:37:58
			they take a backseat.
		
00:37:59 --> 00:38:02
			And you get this really beautiful thing called
		
00:38:02 --> 00:38:02
			perspective.
		
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04
			And you start to realize, you know, all
		
00:38:04 --> 00:38:08
			those arguments, all of those anxieties, all of
		
00:38:08 --> 00:38:11
			those stressors, all of those things that frustrate
		
00:38:11 --> 00:38:15
			me, that make me into an angry person,
		
00:38:15 --> 00:38:17
			a bitter person, a cold person, a sad
		
00:38:17 --> 00:38:18
			person.
		
00:38:19 --> 00:38:22
			All of them are completely and totally useless
		
00:38:22 --> 00:38:25
			in the face of remembering death.
		
00:38:27 --> 00:38:31
			Not only that, I'll share with you some
		
00:38:31 --> 00:38:32
			narration, subhanAllah.
		
00:38:32 --> 00:38:33
			Let me read to you one or two
		
00:38:33 --> 00:38:34
			narrations and then we'll go to Q&A.
		
00:38:35 --> 00:38:36
			If you have any questions, by the way,
		
00:38:36 --> 00:38:37
			slido.com, you can go to heartwork, inshaAllah.
		
00:38:39 --> 00:38:42
			This is not only displayed when a person
		
00:38:42 --> 00:38:45
			visits the grave, but also this should be
		
00:38:45 --> 00:38:48
			what we reflect on when we see death.
		
00:38:49 --> 00:38:51
			And it goes without saying that for the
		
00:38:51 --> 00:38:55
			past year, we've witnessed more than likely for
		
00:38:55 --> 00:39:00
			anyone in this room, more death visually and
		
00:39:00 --> 00:39:04
			with information and pictures, more than we've ever
		
00:39:04 --> 00:39:07
			anticipated seeing in ways we've never imagined.
		
00:39:07 --> 00:39:08
			May Allah Ta'ala accept them all as
		
00:39:08 --> 00:39:12
			martyrs and give them all Jannah with no
		
00:39:12 --> 00:39:12
			hisab.
		
00:39:14 --> 00:39:17
			But even when somebody passes away and you
		
00:39:17 --> 00:39:21
			attend their janazah, even if somebody passes away
		
00:39:21 --> 00:39:23
			and you knew them but you weren't able
		
00:39:23 --> 00:39:26
			to, it should have some effect on you
		
00:39:27 --> 00:39:29
			even if it's momentarily.
		
00:39:30 --> 00:39:33
			Meaning, it's spiritually concerning if we hear about
		
00:39:33 --> 00:39:35
			death and then we go to Doordash and
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:36
			order lunch.
		
00:39:37 --> 00:39:38
			It's concerning.
		
00:39:39 --> 00:39:41
			It's concerning if we go to a janazah
		
00:39:41 --> 00:39:45
			and we're making plans at the janazah to
		
00:39:45 --> 00:39:46
			go to a coffee house.
		
00:39:47 --> 00:39:48
			It's concerning.
		
00:39:48 --> 00:39:49
			It's concerning.
		
00:39:50 --> 00:39:54
			Because in that environment, the heaviness and the
		
00:39:54 --> 00:39:58
			weight of the undeniable truth of death should
		
00:39:58 --> 00:40:01
			be so felt that you no longer feel
		
00:40:01 --> 00:40:02
			hungry.
		
00:40:03 --> 00:40:05
			You're no longer planning what to do after
		
00:40:05 --> 00:40:05
			that.
		
00:40:06 --> 00:40:08
			Maybe you have plans later but now is
		
00:40:08 --> 00:40:09
			not the time.
		
00:40:09 --> 00:40:16
			So there's some narrations that were shared about
		
00:40:16 --> 00:40:18
			the people before us, the companions of the
		
00:40:18 --> 00:40:19
			Prophet ﷺ.
		
00:40:20 --> 00:40:23
			One of them, he says that there was
		
00:40:23 --> 00:40:27
			a person that there was, he was attending
		
00:40:27 --> 00:40:30
			a janazah of one of his good friends.
		
00:40:31 --> 00:40:32
			His really good friend passed away.
		
00:40:33 --> 00:40:35
			And everybody came up to him and they
		
00:40:35 --> 00:40:37
			saw him and they said salamu alaykum to
		
00:40:37 --> 00:40:37
			him.
		
00:40:38 --> 00:40:41
			And they all commented that he looked absent
		
00:40:41 --> 00:40:43
			-minded or rude.
		
00:40:44 --> 00:40:45
			Like he was ignoring them.
		
00:40:47 --> 00:40:48
			And then so after the janazah, a few
		
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49
			days later they went to him and they
		
00:40:49 --> 00:40:51
			said like, hey, did we upset you?
		
00:40:51 --> 00:40:53
			Like why didn't you respond to our salam?
		
00:40:53 --> 00:40:54
			Like we were giving you salam and you
		
00:40:54 --> 00:40:56
			just shook our hand and left.
		
00:40:57 --> 00:40:58
			And he said, I don't remember anything.
		
00:41:00 --> 00:41:00
			I don't even remember.
		
00:41:01 --> 00:41:04
			I was in such a reflective state, like
		
00:41:04 --> 00:41:07
			I can't even remember you guys being there.
		
00:41:07 --> 00:41:09
			I was just in a different place.
		
00:41:11 --> 00:41:12
			And so they said that he would just
		
00:41:12 --> 00:41:13
			greet and turn away.
		
00:41:13 --> 00:41:14
			He was preoccupied.
		
00:41:15 --> 00:41:18
			Another narration said that when the earlier generations
		
00:41:18 --> 00:41:23
			would attend a funeral, it was noticeable on
		
00:41:23 --> 00:41:26
			their behavior for at least a couple days.
		
00:41:28 --> 00:41:30
			Like maybe, you know, if you're used to
		
00:41:30 --> 00:41:33
			having like a big dinner or big breakfast
		
00:41:33 --> 00:41:37
			or whatever, these people after seeing a body
		
00:41:37 --> 00:41:39
			be buried into the ground, they just were
		
00:41:39 --> 00:41:41
			no longer interested in that.
		
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43
			Maybe it would take them a couple days
		
00:41:43 --> 00:41:44
			to recover.
		
00:41:44 --> 00:41:47
			Now again, this isn't a performative thing like,
		
00:41:47 --> 00:41:49
			oh, go to a janazah and then don't
		
00:41:49 --> 00:41:49
			eat.
		
00:41:49 --> 00:41:50
			That's not what I'm talking about.
		
00:41:51 --> 00:41:52
			And for some people it might affect you
		
00:41:52 --> 00:41:53
			in different ways.
		
00:41:54 --> 00:41:56
			You know, for some of us, you might
		
00:41:56 --> 00:41:58
			be shopping and then you go to a
		
00:41:58 --> 00:42:00
			janazah and then you leave and you're like,
		
00:42:00 --> 00:42:01
			I'm going to empty the cart.
		
00:42:02 --> 00:42:04
			I'm going to donate this instead.
		
00:42:04 --> 00:42:07
			For some of us, we haven't talked to
		
00:42:07 --> 00:42:09
			our relatives or our siblings in a long
		
00:42:09 --> 00:42:09
			time.
		
00:42:09 --> 00:42:11
			We go to a janazah and then as
		
00:42:11 --> 00:42:12
			we're leaving the parking lot, we stop and
		
00:42:12 --> 00:42:13
			we text them, we call them.
		
00:42:14 --> 00:42:17
			So everybody's reaction or response is different.
		
00:42:17 --> 00:42:19
			I'm not trying to prescribe one response.
		
00:42:20 --> 00:42:25
			But if there's no response, when something doesn't
		
00:42:25 --> 00:42:27
			respond, in medicine we call that death.
		
00:42:27 --> 00:42:32
			If something doesn't respond, they're trying to shock
		
00:42:32 --> 00:42:34
			the heart back into life and there's no
		
00:42:34 --> 00:42:36
			response, that's when they call it.
		
00:42:37 --> 00:42:40
			So if a person experiences the greatest shock
		
00:42:40 --> 00:42:42
			which is literally praying in front of a
		
00:42:42 --> 00:42:44
			body of a person that was alive a
		
00:42:44 --> 00:42:46
			few hours ago, and then if they go
		
00:42:46 --> 00:42:48
			to the burial ground and see that person's
		
00:42:48 --> 00:42:51
			body being lowered into the earth and nothing
		
00:42:51 --> 00:42:55
			happens here, that's a sign of a heart
		
00:42:55 --> 00:42:56
			that is very close to dying.
		
00:42:58 --> 00:43:00
			And so we ask Allah to give us
		
00:43:00 --> 00:43:02
			a heart that is soft and a heart
		
00:43:02 --> 00:43:02
			that feels.
		
00:43:03 --> 00:43:04
			And we don't just scroll past death.
		
00:43:05 --> 00:43:08
			We don't just quickly stop by and make
		
00:43:08 --> 00:43:09
			dua and then go back to life.
		
00:43:09 --> 00:43:11
			No, we want to make sure that whenever
		
00:43:11 --> 00:43:14
			we experience death, which is reality, which is
		
00:43:14 --> 00:43:17
			a reality, you cannot avoid it.
		
00:43:17 --> 00:43:18
			But we want to make sure that that
		
00:43:18 --> 00:43:20
			experience gives us a better life.
		
00:43:21 --> 00:43:23
			It brings us closer to Allah.
		
00:43:24 --> 00:43:27
			Now especially for those of you who have
		
00:43:27 --> 00:43:29
			lost dear loved ones, people that are close
		
00:43:29 --> 00:43:33
			to you, there is something really, really important.
		
00:43:33 --> 00:43:35
			He mentions here, he says, when you think
		
00:43:35 --> 00:43:37
			of death, take a journey with your heart
		
00:43:37 --> 00:43:38
			to the place of resurrection.
		
00:43:39 --> 00:43:41
			One thing I'd like to share, raise your
		
00:43:41 --> 00:43:43
			hand if you have someone that you loved
		
00:43:43 --> 00:43:43
			who has passed away.
		
00:43:45 --> 00:43:46
			Okay, everybody here.
		
00:43:47 --> 00:43:48
			Let me share with you a narration from
		
00:43:48 --> 00:43:49
			Ibn Al-Qayyim.
		
00:43:49 --> 00:43:50
			And then we'll go to Q&A.
		
00:43:50 --> 00:43:51
			This is my favorite narration.
		
00:43:52 --> 00:43:53
			He shares in one of his books, which
		
00:43:53 --> 00:43:55
			is, there's a chapter on it called the
		
00:43:55 --> 00:43:56
			Book of Death.
		
00:43:56 --> 00:43:58
			And he explains some of the narrations about
		
00:43:58 --> 00:43:59
			what happens.
		
00:43:59 --> 00:44:01
			And one of the reasons why death is
		
00:44:01 --> 00:44:03
			so scary for us is because it is
		
00:44:03 --> 00:44:05
			the end of one thing but the beginning
		
00:44:05 --> 00:44:06
			of something.
		
00:44:06 --> 00:44:08
			It's the end of what we know and
		
00:44:08 --> 00:44:09
			the beginning of what we don't know.
		
00:44:10 --> 00:44:12
			Okay, so it's just a transition stage.
		
00:44:12 --> 00:44:14
			But the difference is we just don't know
		
00:44:14 --> 00:44:15
			what follows.
		
00:44:15 --> 00:44:17
			None of us can come and say, I've
		
00:44:17 --> 00:44:18
			experienced that.
		
00:44:18 --> 00:44:22
			So we have this very, very fearful curiosity
		
00:44:22 --> 00:44:23
			about it.
		
00:44:23 --> 00:44:24
			But we know from the hadith and from
		
00:44:24 --> 00:44:27
			the Quran, of course, what to expect in
		
00:44:27 --> 00:44:29
			most cases, right?
		
00:44:30 --> 00:44:31
			Ibn Al-Qayyim says that when a person
		
00:44:31 --> 00:44:34
			passes away, and the hadith tells us this
		
00:44:34 --> 00:44:37
			and then he shares some others, that there's
		
00:44:37 --> 00:44:38
			two scenarios that occur.
		
00:44:38 --> 00:44:39
			The first scenario is that this person was
		
00:44:39 --> 00:44:40
			a very pious person.
		
00:44:41 --> 00:44:44
			And in that moment, when the angel of
		
00:44:44 --> 00:44:48
			death arrives into their vicinity, into their environment,
		
00:44:49 --> 00:44:50
			this person was very pious.
		
00:44:50 --> 00:44:52
			The angel of death does not show up
		
00:44:52 --> 00:44:55
			with the, you know, the black Moroccan soap
		
00:44:56 --> 00:44:58
			and the giant sickle.
		
00:44:58 --> 00:44:59
			No, the angel of death shows up like
		
00:44:59 --> 00:45:05
			a handsome, beautiful, just soothing, pleasant individual.
		
00:45:06 --> 00:45:08
			And the hadith says that the room smells
		
00:45:08 --> 00:45:09
			like musk.
		
00:45:10 --> 00:45:15
			And the person who's actually on their deathbed
		
00:45:15 --> 00:45:18
			in their last moments, they actually, while their
		
00:45:18 --> 00:45:20
			face might not be able to, the hadith
		
00:45:20 --> 00:45:21
			says that they actually smile.
		
00:45:22 --> 00:45:25
			They experience this joy, this pleasantness.
		
00:45:27 --> 00:45:30
			And then, subhanAllah, when the angel of death
		
00:45:30 --> 00:45:32
			arrives, the angel of death says, Oh, you
		
00:45:32 --> 00:45:34
			noble, wonderful person.
		
00:45:36 --> 00:45:38
			It is time for us to go.
		
00:45:39 --> 00:45:40
			Allah is calling you.
		
00:45:41 --> 00:45:44
			And the soul, again, that you would think
		
00:45:44 --> 00:45:46
			is like, wants to stay here, the soul
		
00:45:46 --> 00:45:50
			is like, Yes, this place is not it.
		
00:45:51 --> 00:45:53
			And they basically, the hadith says that the
		
00:45:53 --> 00:45:55
			soul is removed from the body.
		
00:45:55 --> 00:45:57
			And the example that is given is like
		
00:45:57 --> 00:45:59
			when you pour water out of a glass,
		
00:45:59 --> 00:46:00
			how smooth that is.
		
00:46:01 --> 00:46:03
			And the angel of death is taking the
		
00:46:03 --> 00:46:03
			soul by the hand.
		
00:46:04 --> 00:46:06
			And then, the angel of death shows, you
		
00:46:06 --> 00:46:08
			know, this is the first time now that
		
00:46:08 --> 00:46:09
			the soul has seen the body, or out
		
00:46:09 --> 00:46:10
			of body experience, right?
		
00:46:11 --> 00:46:12
			The soul is looking at the body, the
		
00:46:12 --> 00:46:13
			lifeless body.
		
00:46:14 --> 00:46:16
			And then, the angel starts to ascend the
		
00:46:16 --> 00:46:16
			heavens.
		
00:46:17 --> 00:46:20
			And you start going above even the base
		
00:46:20 --> 00:46:22
			sky that we see as the highest, right?
		
00:46:22 --> 00:46:24
			And you go throughout the heavens.
		
00:46:24 --> 00:46:27
			And the hadith says that on the way
		
00:46:27 --> 00:46:31
			up, there are crowds and like, just immense
		
00:46:31 --> 00:46:33
			crowds of mala'ika, angels.
		
00:46:34 --> 00:46:37
			And for the righteous soul, for the good
		
00:46:37 --> 00:46:42
			soul, the angels are like fangirling over you.
		
00:46:43 --> 00:46:44
			Oh my God, is that him?
		
00:46:45 --> 00:46:47
			I heard, I saw him last Ramadan.
		
00:46:48 --> 00:46:51
			He usually prays two rakah, he prayed four.
		
00:46:53 --> 00:46:53
			Right?
		
00:46:53 --> 00:46:54
			He said he was going to finish the
		
00:46:54 --> 00:46:55
			moshaf.
		
00:46:55 --> 00:46:57
			Miskeen, he barely started, right?
		
00:46:58 --> 00:46:59
			But he tried.
		
00:46:59 --> 00:47:03
			And they're like singing your praises the entire
		
00:47:03 --> 00:47:03
			way up.
		
00:47:04 --> 00:47:07
			And all you hear are like people like
		
00:47:07 --> 00:47:08
			celebrating your life.
		
00:47:09 --> 00:47:12
			Like celebrities, like a person who watched your
		
00:47:12 --> 00:47:13
			top 10.
		
00:47:16 --> 00:47:18
			And then, the angel of death takes you
		
00:47:18 --> 00:47:19
			all the way.
		
00:47:20 --> 00:47:22
			And Allah Ta'ala gives permission for you
		
00:47:22 --> 00:47:26
			to enter into the veranda, the balcony of
		
00:47:26 --> 00:47:28
			what will then give you a view into
		
00:47:28 --> 00:47:28
			paradise.
		
00:47:30 --> 00:47:32
			And Allah gives you in that moment, the
		
00:47:32 --> 00:47:38
			righteous soul, special permission to look at your
		
00:47:38 --> 00:47:44
			reward in paradise, your abode, your home, what
		
00:47:44 --> 00:47:45
			you spent your whole life building.
		
00:47:46 --> 00:47:47
			That's your moment.
		
00:47:48 --> 00:47:50
			And you get to see your neighbors, and
		
00:47:50 --> 00:47:51
			you get to see everything.
		
00:47:52 --> 00:47:54
			And the soul looks in disbelief and says,
		
00:47:54 --> 00:47:55
			is that mine?
		
00:47:55 --> 00:47:56
			And the angel of death says, what?
		
00:47:56 --> 00:47:57
			And much more.
		
00:47:58 --> 00:47:59
			That's just one picture.
		
00:48:01 --> 00:48:03
			And then the angel of death takes the
		
00:48:03 --> 00:48:06
			soul very gently down into the resting place,
		
00:48:06 --> 00:48:07
			into the barzakh.
		
00:48:08 --> 00:48:11
			And the soul is put in rest in
		
00:48:11 --> 00:48:12
			that place.
		
00:48:13 --> 00:48:14
			But here's the interesting thing.
		
00:48:15 --> 00:48:18
			There's a life there that is not like
		
00:48:18 --> 00:48:19
			the life here.
		
00:48:19 --> 00:48:22
			The hadith tells us that the soul will
		
00:48:22 --> 00:48:24
			be able to interact with other souls of
		
00:48:24 --> 00:48:25
			people that have passed away.
		
00:48:26 --> 00:48:29
			So if somebody, for example, lost their spouse,
		
00:48:30 --> 00:48:32
			and then they passed away, they're reunited.
		
00:48:33 --> 00:48:35
			They get to have dinner again.
		
00:48:36 --> 00:48:37
			And this time nobody has to cook.
		
00:48:39 --> 00:48:41
			Or if you miss your mom or your
		
00:48:41 --> 00:48:43
			grandmother and you pass away, now you're reunited.
		
00:48:44 --> 00:48:47
			Or if you lost a child, now you
		
00:48:47 --> 00:48:50
			get to raise that child in the akhirah.
		
00:48:51 --> 00:48:53
			And the souls get to spend time together.
		
00:48:55 --> 00:48:58
			And it's basically the best waiting room you
		
00:48:58 --> 00:48:59
			could ever imagine.
		
00:49:01 --> 00:49:03
			Now the hadith goes on and explains the
		
00:49:03 --> 00:49:03
			opposite.
		
00:49:03 --> 00:49:05
			And we don't have a lot of time,
		
00:49:05 --> 00:49:06
			so I'm not going to go through each
		
00:49:06 --> 00:49:06
			detail.
		
00:49:08 --> 00:49:11
			But for the wretched soul, for the one
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:14
			that never sought repentance from Allah, for the
		
00:49:14 --> 00:49:18
			one that never remembered Allah, that soul, when
		
00:49:18 --> 00:49:20
			the angel of death shows, he's not handsome.
		
00:49:22 --> 00:49:23
			He's intimidating.
		
00:49:24 --> 00:49:24
			He's scary.
		
00:49:25 --> 00:49:27
			And the soul doesn't come out easy.
		
00:49:27 --> 00:49:29
			The soul is screaming for more chances.
		
00:49:31 --> 00:49:32
			But it's pulled out.
		
00:49:32 --> 00:49:34
			The hadith says like sheep's wool is pulled
		
00:49:34 --> 00:49:35
			out of a steel comb.
		
00:49:36 --> 00:49:38
			Doesn't want to come out.
		
00:49:40 --> 00:49:43
			And then the soul is roughly carried.
		
00:49:43 --> 00:49:45
			And the angels that are aligning the sides,
		
00:49:45 --> 00:49:46
			they're not celebrating.
		
00:49:47 --> 00:49:48
			They're saying, Oh man, I remember that guy.
		
00:49:49 --> 00:49:51
			He was horrible to his family.
		
00:49:52 --> 00:49:53
			He never prayed.
		
00:49:54 --> 00:49:56
			He was so dishonest.
		
00:49:56 --> 00:49:57
			He used to backbite.
		
00:49:58 --> 00:49:59
			So instead of hearing all the good things
		
00:49:59 --> 00:50:01
			you did, which is interesting because the good
		
00:50:01 --> 00:50:02
			people also sinned by the way.
		
00:50:03 --> 00:50:04
			But they just made tawbah.
		
00:50:05 --> 00:50:07
			But this person didn't make tawbah.
		
00:50:08 --> 00:50:10
			And they hear all of these things and
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:12
			then they see their position in the hellfire.
		
00:50:13 --> 00:50:15
			And the person asks the angel, Is that
		
00:50:15 --> 00:50:15
			it?
		
00:50:15 --> 00:50:17
			And the angel says, No, no, much more.
		
00:50:19 --> 00:50:21
			And then that person is flung down to
		
00:50:21 --> 00:50:21
			the earth.
		
00:50:21 --> 00:50:25
			Not gently carried, flung down until their body,
		
00:50:25 --> 00:50:27
			their soul, sorry, roughly hits their resting place.
		
00:50:27 --> 00:50:30
			And they experience the opposite.
		
00:50:31 --> 00:50:32
			Instead of the pleasures, the preview of the
		
00:50:32 --> 00:50:35
			pleasures of paradise, they get the preview of
		
00:50:35 --> 00:50:35
			the torment.
		
00:50:36 --> 00:50:37
			May Allah ta'ala protect us.
		
00:50:39 --> 00:50:43
			When you spend some time reflecting about the
		
00:50:43 --> 00:50:50
			inevitability of our destination, there is no choice.
		
00:50:50 --> 00:50:54
			There's no choice but to feel some change.
		
00:50:55 --> 00:50:57
			Now, let me share with you one thing.
		
00:50:57 --> 00:50:59
			This is the last part of that narration
		
00:50:59 --> 00:51:00
			that I think is beautiful.
		
00:51:01 --> 00:51:02
			For those of you who have lost somebody
		
00:51:02 --> 00:51:03
			but you're still here.
		
00:51:04 --> 00:51:05
			You feel like there's nothing that you can
		
00:51:05 --> 00:51:06
			do.
		
00:51:06 --> 00:51:07
			But Ibn Qayyim shares a narration.
		
00:51:07 --> 00:51:09
			And he says, When a person does a
		
00:51:09 --> 00:51:13
			good deed, donates, reads Quran, does something good,
		
00:51:14 --> 00:51:16
			and intends it for somebody who has passed
		
00:51:16 --> 00:51:16
			away.
		
00:51:16 --> 00:51:18
			We call that like sadaqa jariyya.
		
00:51:19 --> 00:51:22
			So makes dua, reads Quran, gives charity, does
		
00:51:22 --> 00:51:22
			something.
		
00:51:24 --> 00:51:28
			The angels show up with this massive feast.
		
00:51:30 --> 00:51:31
			And they present it in front of the
		
00:51:31 --> 00:51:32
			soul.
		
00:51:32 --> 00:51:34
			All of their favorite foods.
		
00:51:34 --> 00:51:36
			So if you imagine like what the person
		
00:51:36 --> 00:51:37
			that you're thinking about what they used to
		
00:51:37 --> 00:51:38
			love eating.
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:40
			What was their favorite dish?
		
00:51:41 --> 00:51:43
			Biryani, maqluba.
		
00:51:43 --> 00:51:44
			Like what was it, right?
		
00:51:45 --> 00:51:45
			A good burger.
		
00:51:47 --> 00:51:49
			And when you do something that's good in
		
00:51:49 --> 00:51:52
			this life for them or a good deed
		
00:51:52 --> 00:51:54
			in general as carrying on their lineage, their
		
00:51:54 --> 00:51:57
			legacy, the angels come, they present this meal.
		
00:51:57 --> 00:51:59
			And the soul asks like, What is this?
		
00:52:00 --> 00:52:01
			Where did this come from?
		
00:52:02 --> 00:52:05
			And the angel says, This is because your
		
00:52:05 --> 00:52:09
			daughter, your son, your granddaughter, your grandson, your
		
00:52:09 --> 00:52:12
			sibling, your parent, whoever.
		
00:52:13 --> 00:52:16
			They're doing good deeds and they're dedicating them
		
00:52:16 --> 00:52:16
			for you.
		
00:52:17 --> 00:52:18
			And so we're bringing you a preview of
		
00:52:18 --> 00:52:19
			that reward here.
		
00:52:20 --> 00:52:21
			Enjoy this feast.
		
00:52:21 --> 00:52:25
			And they are given updates on everything that
		
00:52:25 --> 00:52:26
			you do.
		
00:52:27 --> 00:52:29
			So you know how in like the Judeo
		
00:52:29 --> 00:52:31
			-Christian culture they say things like they're watching
		
00:52:31 --> 00:52:32
			down on us from above.
		
00:52:33 --> 00:52:34
			Not quite true.
		
00:52:34 --> 00:52:36
			But we do believe in Islam that the
		
00:52:36 --> 00:52:41
			angels deliver the updates and the good news
		
00:52:41 --> 00:52:46
			about what those who have left us about
		
00:52:46 --> 00:52:48
			what the good things that their beloved family
		
00:52:48 --> 00:52:49
			and friends are still doing.
		
00:52:49 --> 00:52:52
			If you lost somebody and you worry about
		
00:52:52 --> 00:52:55
			impressing them and you worry that you didn't
		
00:52:55 --> 00:52:57
			have a chance to show them how good
		
00:52:57 --> 00:53:00
			you could be in this life, don't worry.
		
00:53:00 --> 00:53:02
			The angels are going to carry all of
		
00:53:02 --> 00:53:04
			the good that you carry and they will
		
00:53:04 --> 00:53:05
			give them that news.
		
00:53:07 --> 00:53:08
			You're going to not be having to tell
		
00:53:08 --> 00:53:10
			them much in Jannah because they will have
		
00:53:10 --> 00:53:11
			been told.
		
00:53:11 --> 00:53:12
			May Allah Ta'ala give us a good
		
00:53:12 --> 00:53:12
			ending.
		
00:53:13 --> 00:53:14
			May Allah Ta'ala reunite us with our
		
00:53:14 --> 00:53:15
			loved ones in paradise.
		
00:53:16 --> 00:53:17
			May Allah Ta'ala make us those who
		
00:53:17 --> 00:53:19
			see the value of time and don't waste
		
00:53:19 --> 00:53:19
			it.
		
00:53:20 --> 00:53:21
			May Allah Ta'ala give us the ability
		
00:53:21 --> 00:53:23
			to take advantage of all of the opportunities
		
00:53:23 --> 00:53:25
			and not to take them for granted.
		
00:53:25 --> 00:53:28
			May Allah Ta'ala protect us from thinking
		
00:53:28 --> 00:53:30
			that we have a longer time than we
		
00:53:30 --> 00:53:30
			do.
		
00:53:30 --> 00:53:31
			Ameen, Ameen, Ya Rabbil Alameen.
		
00:53:32 --> 00:53:32
			Okay.
		
00:53:32 --> 00:53:34
			We'll do a couple of questions InshaAllah and
		
00:53:34 --> 00:53:35
			then we'll head for prayer because prayer is
		
00:53:35 --> 00:53:36
			at 8.45, correct?
		
00:53:37 --> 00:53:38
			Yeah, okay.
		
00:53:39 --> 00:53:39
			Alright.
		
00:53:39 --> 00:53:40
			Bismillah, Bismillah.
		
00:53:44 --> 00:53:44
			Okay.
		
00:53:45 --> 00:53:46
			I know someone.
		
00:53:46 --> 00:53:47
			First question.
		
00:53:48 --> 00:53:51
			I know someone who has a lot of
		
00:53:51 --> 00:53:56
			faith, does not engage in haram and strives
		
00:53:56 --> 00:53:58
			in all aspects to be a good Muslim
		
00:53:59 --> 00:54:00
			but struggles with prayer.
		
00:54:01 --> 00:54:01
			Any advice?
		
00:54:02 --> 00:54:02
			Okay.
		
00:54:04 --> 00:54:09
			So, this is actually not as uncommon as
		
00:54:09 --> 00:54:13
			one would think because the hadith of the
		
00:54:13 --> 00:54:15
			Prophet ﷺ actually explains this.
		
00:54:16 --> 00:54:18
			It's actually a lot easier for a person
		
00:54:18 --> 00:54:21
			to hold themselves back from something than it
		
00:54:21 --> 00:54:22
			is to produce something.
		
00:54:23 --> 00:54:27
			Like, it's harder for a person to do
		
00:54:27 --> 00:54:29
			something good than it is just to not
		
00:54:29 --> 00:54:29
			do something.
		
00:54:29 --> 00:54:30
			That's bad.
		
00:54:31 --> 00:54:31
			Right?
		
00:54:31 --> 00:54:32
			The Prophet ﷺ explained this.
		
00:54:33 --> 00:54:36
			So, it's not completely like crazy to think
		
00:54:36 --> 00:54:39
			of a person that really does well when
		
00:54:39 --> 00:54:41
			it comes to staying away from the things
		
00:54:41 --> 00:54:43
			that are bad but they really, really struggle
		
00:54:43 --> 00:54:44
			with prayer.
		
00:54:44 --> 00:54:47
			It's not an uncommon thing to imagine or
		
00:54:47 --> 00:54:47
			to see.
		
00:54:48 --> 00:54:50
			So, my advice.
		
00:54:51 --> 00:54:52
			There's a lot of things that could be
		
00:54:52 --> 00:54:53
			said about this.
		
00:54:53 --> 00:54:58
			My advice to this person is make prayer,
		
00:54:58 --> 00:55:02
			make salah, the way in which you thank
		
00:55:02 --> 00:55:02
			Allah.
		
00:55:04 --> 00:55:07
			Make salah God's love language.
		
00:55:08 --> 00:55:11
			If you are grateful for anything that you
		
00:55:11 --> 00:55:15
			have, imagine that the only time you can
		
00:55:15 --> 00:55:17
			share that thanks is in prayer.
		
00:55:18 --> 00:55:19
			Just imagine that.
		
00:55:19 --> 00:55:20
			Now, we know that Allah will, you know,
		
00:55:20 --> 00:55:22
			if you say Alhamdulillah at any time, you're
		
00:55:22 --> 00:55:23
			given a reward.
		
00:55:23 --> 00:55:26
			But imagine in your head, the only time
		
00:55:26 --> 00:55:28
			that I can truly thank Allah for what
		
00:55:28 --> 00:55:31
			He's given me or truly ask Allah for
		
00:55:31 --> 00:55:33
			support for difficulty or truly ask Allah for
		
00:55:33 --> 00:55:36
			relief for tough, tough times that I'm going
		
00:55:36 --> 00:55:38
			through, the only time is through prayer.
		
00:55:38 --> 00:55:41
			If you say that I only have five
		
00:55:41 --> 00:55:45
			chances a day to really directly communicate with
		
00:55:45 --> 00:55:50
			Allah without a doubt, maybe not all five,
		
00:55:50 --> 00:55:51
			but without a doubt, you'll start to see
		
00:55:51 --> 00:55:53
			the value of those windows of time.
		
00:55:53 --> 00:55:54
			You'll see the value, okay?
		
00:55:56 --> 00:55:58
			It's a mindset shift.
		
00:55:58 --> 00:56:00
			We have to get away from prayer being
		
00:56:00 --> 00:56:04
			a burden and prayer being a responsibility and
		
00:56:04 --> 00:56:05
			we have to start seeing prayer as an
		
00:56:05 --> 00:56:06
			opportunity.
		
00:56:06 --> 00:56:07
			We have to.
		
00:56:08 --> 00:56:10
			The Prophet, peace be upon him, he described
		
00:56:10 --> 00:56:11
			prayer as an opportunity.
		
00:56:11 --> 00:56:13
			He called it sweetness.
		
00:56:13 --> 00:56:15
			He said it was relaxation.
		
00:56:16 --> 00:56:18
			You know, I'm always stunned by the amount
		
00:56:18 --> 00:56:19
			of people who do yoga but struggle to
		
00:56:19 --> 00:56:23
			pray or who started meditating but struggle to
		
00:56:23 --> 00:56:26
			pray or do morning affirmations or who try
		
00:56:26 --> 00:56:28
			to manifest but struggle to pray.
		
00:56:28 --> 00:56:30
			All of these things that we're seeking in
		
00:56:30 --> 00:56:33
			these other modalities are found in prayer.
		
00:56:34 --> 00:56:36
			They're found there, right?
		
00:56:36 --> 00:56:39
			So try to make that a way to
		
00:56:39 --> 00:56:42
			commit yourself to salah.
		
00:56:43 --> 00:56:44
			Okay, can women go to graves?
		
00:56:44 --> 00:56:44
			Oh, graves.
		
00:56:45 --> 00:56:45
			I didn't answer that question.
		
00:56:46 --> 00:56:47
			Okay, so there's a hadith in which the
		
00:56:47 --> 00:56:51
			Prophet, peace be upon him, he said, لعنة
		
00:56:51 --> 00:56:54
			الله على زائرات القبور القبور أو كما قال
		
00:56:54 --> 00:56:56
			He said, the curse of Allah is upon
		
00:56:56 --> 00:56:57
			the women who visit the graves.
		
00:56:58 --> 00:56:59
			Okay?
		
00:56:59 --> 00:57:01
			And this is the quote that many people
		
00:57:01 --> 00:57:01
			will quote.
		
00:57:02 --> 00:57:05
			But it's only half of the narration which
		
00:57:05 --> 00:57:08
			is actually low-key, really, really bad thing.
		
00:57:08 --> 00:57:09
			You should never quote half of a hadith.
		
00:57:10 --> 00:57:11
			So then the Prophet, peace be upon him,
		
00:57:11 --> 00:57:12
			continued.
		
00:57:12 --> 00:57:13
			And actually I have a funny story.
		
00:57:13 --> 00:57:15
			One time we were doing a tour of
		
00:57:15 --> 00:57:16
			the grave in Medina, Baqiya.
		
00:57:17 --> 00:57:18
			And we had the sisters.
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:21
			And this man shouts out the first half
		
00:57:21 --> 00:57:21
			of the hadith.
		
00:57:22 --> 00:57:25
			He says, Allah's curse is upon those women
		
00:57:25 --> 00:57:26
			who visit graves.
		
00:57:26 --> 00:57:27
			It was like a drive-by.
		
00:57:28 --> 00:57:30
			And I was with Mufti Kamani.
		
00:57:30 --> 00:57:33
			And Mufti Kamani, he goes, and he quotes
		
00:57:33 --> 00:57:33
			the other half.
		
00:57:34 --> 00:57:37
			And the other half is, those who make
		
00:57:37 --> 00:57:38
			the cemetery a place of worship.
		
00:57:40 --> 00:57:42
			So he screams it back at the guy.
		
00:57:43 --> 00:57:47
			And the guy is like, you know, like...
		
00:57:48 --> 00:57:51
			So, the prohibition is not for women to
		
00:57:51 --> 00:57:52
			not go to graves.
		
00:57:52 --> 00:57:55
			The prohibition is for women to go to
		
00:57:55 --> 00:57:56
			graves if they do this.
		
00:57:56 --> 00:57:57
			Now, it's kind of random.
		
00:57:57 --> 00:57:58
			Why would the Prophet, peace be upon him,
		
00:57:58 --> 00:57:59
			just specifically call out women?
		
00:58:00 --> 00:58:01
			Because that was a cultural practice of the
		
00:58:01 --> 00:58:02
			time.
		
00:58:03 --> 00:58:05
			It was culturally a practice where people would
		
00:58:05 --> 00:58:11
			actually hire whalers to go and to make
		
00:58:11 --> 00:58:15
			the grave a place of some kind of
		
00:58:16 --> 00:58:18
			sanctimonious practice where they would beat their faces
		
00:58:18 --> 00:58:21
			as a way to display honor and grief
		
00:58:21 --> 00:58:22
			for the deceased.
		
00:58:23 --> 00:58:25
			It's like a performance.
		
00:58:26 --> 00:58:27
			And this was pre-Islam.
		
00:58:27 --> 00:58:28
			This was Jahiliyyah.
		
00:58:28 --> 00:58:30
			So then the Prophet, peace be upon him,
		
00:58:30 --> 00:58:31
			he forbade this.
		
00:58:31 --> 00:58:33
			And he cursed anyone who does this.
		
00:58:34 --> 00:58:38
			But the hadith begins with the general and
		
00:58:38 --> 00:58:40
			then it continues with the specific.
		
00:58:40 --> 00:58:41
			But you can't stop halfway.
		
00:58:42 --> 00:58:42
			Right?
		
00:58:42 --> 00:58:43
			You can't stop halfway.
		
00:58:43 --> 00:58:46
			So that's why a lot of people, they
		
00:58:46 --> 00:58:46
			prohibit.
		
00:58:47 --> 00:58:48
			Or I'm sorry, not a lot of people.
		
00:58:48 --> 00:58:50
			That's why some people, they think that the
		
00:58:50 --> 00:58:51
			prohibition is there.
		
00:58:51 --> 00:58:53
			But it is not there unless you're going
		
00:58:53 --> 00:58:54
			to go wail.
		
00:58:54 --> 00:58:55
			If you're going to go wail, don't go.
		
00:58:55 --> 00:58:57
			If you're going to go wail and perform
		
00:58:57 --> 00:58:58
			and make it a place of worship, then
		
00:58:58 --> 00:58:58
			don't go.
		
00:58:58 --> 00:58:59
			Allah knows.
		
00:58:59 --> 00:58:59
			Okay?
		
00:59:00 --> 00:59:01
			But if you're going there to reflect and
		
00:59:01 --> 00:59:03
			to remind yourself of the temporary nature of
		
00:59:03 --> 00:59:05
			this life, then everybody should go.
		
00:59:07 --> 00:59:09
			Is it okay to move out of an
		
00:59:09 --> 00:59:11
			abusive home even though my parents are totally
		
00:59:11 --> 00:59:11
			against it?
		
00:59:11 --> 00:59:13
			I feel anxious and conflicted.
		
00:59:13 --> 00:59:14
			I need this test to end.
		
00:59:14 --> 00:59:17
			So on its face, on its face, the
		
00:59:17 --> 00:59:19
			answer to the question is yes, of course.
		
00:59:19 --> 00:59:21
			If a person is being abused, your primary
		
00:59:21 --> 00:59:23
			responsibility is to seek safety.
		
00:59:23 --> 00:59:26
			But it's important for you to go and
		
00:59:26 --> 00:59:33
			seek a professional opinion about the situation within
		
00:59:33 --> 00:59:35
			your realm of possibility, right?
		
00:59:35 --> 00:59:36
			So go and speak to a licensed clinician.
		
00:59:37 --> 00:59:38
			Explain the situation.
		
00:59:39 --> 00:59:43
			Give them the chance to, what's the word?
		
00:59:43 --> 00:59:47
			Ratify and verify and affirm that yes, in
		
00:59:47 --> 00:59:49
			fact, this is absolutely abuse.
		
00:59:49 --> 00:59:50
			I'm not talking about physical abuse.
		
00:59:50 --> 00:59:51
			Physical abuse, you don't have to ask anybody.
		
00:59:52 --> 00:59:53
			Hey, is this actual abuse?
		
00:59:53 --> 00:59:53
			No.
		
00:59:53 --> 00:59:54
			If it's physical abuse, no, absolutely not.
		
00:59:55 --> 00:59:55
			Get out.
		
00:59:55 --> 00:59:55
			Get out.
		
00:59:56 --> 00:59:56
			Okay?
		
00:59:58 --> 01:00:01
			I'm talking more so about if there is
		
01:00:01 --> 01:00:04
			trouble in the home, right?
		
01:00:04 --> 01:00:07
			What we deem as like toxic behavior, verbal
		
01:00:07 --> 01:00:08
			abuse, emotional abuse, etc.
		
01:00:08 --> 01:00:10
			Not always from spouses, by the way.
		
01:00:10 --> 01:00:10
			It could be from siblings.
		
01:00:11 --> 01:00:12
			It could be from in-laws.
		
01:00:12 --> 01:00:12
			It could be from parents.
		
01:00:13 --> 01:00:13
			May Allah protect us all.
		
01:00:14 --> 01:00:16
			You need to go and confirm that this
		
01:00:16 --> 01:00:19
			is actually what you're seeing is what you're
		
01:00:19 --> 01:00:19
			seeing.
		
01:00:20 --> 01:00:21
			Right?
		
01:00:21 --> 01:00:22
			This is very, very important.
		
01:00:22 --> 01:00:25
			Because a person in an anxious state can
		
01:00:25 --> 01:00:28
			sometimes underplay but sometimes also overplay.
		
01:00:28 --> 01:00:29
			And so you just have to go.
		
01:00:29 --> 01:00:31
			It's just one day, one meeting, going and
		
01:00:31 --> 01:00:33
			talking to somebody who's trained and speaking to
		
01:00:33 --> 01:00:34
			them and seeking that.
		
01:00:34 --> 01:00:37
			If that person does objectively say yes, this
		
01:00:37 --> 01:00:40
			is actually an abusive environment, then without a
		
01:00:40 --> 01:00:42
			doubt, Islam gives the right for a person
		
01:00:42 --> 01:00:46
			to seek self-preservation, without a doubt, right?
		
01:00:46 --> 01:00:46
			Without a doubt.
		
01:00:46 --> 01:00:49
			But my only, outside of physical abuse, which
		
01:00:49 --> 01:00:52
			is its own category, my only request is
		
01:00:52 --> 01:00:54
			that if you feel like you are in
		
01:00:54 --> 01:00:56
			a home that is toxic and or abusive,
		
01:00:56 --> 01:01:00
			etc., just take 50 minutes to go and
		
01:01:00 --> 01:01:02
			speak to a counselor and see and make
		
01:01:02 --> 01:01:04
			sure that what you're seeing is in fact
		
01:01:04 --> 01:01:05
			what you're seeing, inshallah.
		
01:01:07 --> 01:01:08
			The next one.
		
01:01:08 --> 01:01:11
			With 22 upvotes, we see the fresh cut
		
01:01:11 --> 01:01:12
			and the drip.
		
01:01:13 --> 01:01:14
			You and everyone else, how are you?
		
01:01:15 --> 01:01:15
			No, I'm joking.
		
01:01:16 --> 01:01:17
			Allah bless.
		
01:01:17 --> 01:01:18
			Okay.
		
01:01:21 --> 01:01:22
			Salaam, Mustafa.
		
01:01:22 --> 01:01:24
			I'm wondering what the rules are for interactions
		
01:01:24 --> 01:01:26
			with the opposite gender regarding getting to know
		
01:01:26 --> 01:01:27
			them for marriage.
		
01:01:27 --> 01:01:27
			There we go.
		
01:01:29 --> 01:01:30
			Is there any flexibility?
		
01:01:32 --> 01:01:40
			I mean, flexibility is a weird thing to
		
01:01:40 --> 01:01:41
			ask about.
		
01:01:43 --> 01:01:45
			It's not that things are flexible or inflexible.
		
01:01:45 --> 01:01:46
			There's just a way to do it.
		
01:01:47 --> 01:01:49
			The sharia gives us a way to do
		
01:01:49 --> 01:01:49
			it.
		
01:01:49 --> 01:01:52
			Now, according to like your cultural expectations, yes,
		
01:01:52 --> 01:01:54
			it might seem as, it might seem flexible
		
01:01:54 --> 01:01:57
			or according to your cultural expectations, it might
		
01:01:57 --> 01:01:58
			seem conservative.
		
01:01:58 --> 01:02:00
			Like that's irrelevant, right?
		
01:02:00 --> 01:02:01
			It is what it is.
		
01:02:01 --> 01:02:04
			So the best rule that I can give
		
01:02:04 --> 01:02:06
			when it comes to people trying to speak
		
01:02:06 --> 01:02:09
			to somebody for the purpose of marriage is
		
01:02:09 --> 01:02:12
			make sure that every interaction that you have,
		
01:02:12 --> 01:02:13
			first of all, there has to be, of
		
01:02:13 --> 01:02:15
			course, consent, right?
		
01:02:15 --> 01:02:16
			It has to be that it can't be
		
01:02:16 --> 01:02:16
			one-sided.
		
01:02:17 --> 01:02:18
			If it's one-sided, that's called stalking.
		
01:02:19 --> 01:02:19
			So stop.
		
01:02:20 --> 01:02:21
			Do not do that.
		
01:02:21 --> 01:02:22
			Seriously, do not do that.
		
01:02:23 --> 01:02:25
			Make sure that the way that you feel
		
01:02:25 --> 01:02:26
			is the way that they feel, okay?
		
01:02:26 --> 01:02:27
			That's a good starting point.
		
01:02:29 --> 01:02:31
			If you have confirmation that, in fact, the
		
01:02:31 --> 01:02:33
			way you feel is the way they feel,
		
01:02:33 --> 01:02:36
			then make sure that your conversations are PPL,
		
01:02:37 --> 01:02:38
			okay?
		
01:02:38 --> 01:02:41
			Public, purposeful, and limited.
		
01:02:43 --> 01:02:46
			Public here means there has to be knowledge
		
01:02:47 --> 01:02:51
			amongst especially the wali of the girl, but
		
01:02:51 --> 01:02:55
			really it should be the family, that this
		
01:02:55 --> 01:02:57
			conversation's happening, number one.
		
01:02:57 --> 01:02:59
			Also, it should not be like a private
		
01:02:59 --> 01:03:00
			dating thing.
		
01:03:00 --> 01:03:02
			It should definitely be, you don't have to
		
01:03:02 --> 01:03:04
			announce, hey, I'm talking to somebody, but you
		
01:03:04 --> 01:03:06
			also should not go to lengths to hide
		
01:03:06 --> 01:03:07
			it, right?
		
01:03:07 --> 01:03:10
			Because that could be a sign of something.
		
01:03:10 --> 01:03:13
			Purposeful is that the communication should not be,
		
01:03:14 --> 01:03:15
			the way that I explain this is it
		
01:03:15 --> 01:03:17
			should not be like a constant thread all
		
01:03:17 --> 01:03:20
			day, like just an iMessage thread that never
		
01:03:20 --> 01:03:22
			ends, from 8 a.m. till midnight, we're
		
01:03:22 --> 01:03:23
			just constantly texting.
		
01:03:23 --> 01:03:26
			No, if you're in the stage where you're
		
01:03:26 --> 01:03:28
			getting to know each other, just schedule some
		
01:03:28 --> 01:03:31
			phone calls, or give yourself a window of
		
01:03:31 --> 01:03:32
			time where texting is okay.
		
01:03:33 --> 01:03:34
			Not late at night.
		
01:03:35 --> 01:03:37
			I know that I'm big uncle-ing right
		
01:03:37 --> 01:03:38
			now, big time uncle-ing right now, but
		
01:03:38 --> 01:03:39
			don't do it.
		
01:03:39 --> 01:03:40
			Late at night is not good.
		
01:03:40 --> 01:03:42
			It's not good, all right?
		
01:03:43 --> 01:03:46
			That's when all the premature I love you's
		
01:03:46 --> 01:03:47
			come out.
		
01:03:47 --> 01:03:47
			Just stop.
		
01:03:49 --> 01:03:50
			Daytime is safe time.
		
01:03:51 --> 01:03:52
			Nighttime is sleep time.
		
01:03:52 --> 01:03:53
			Go to sleep.
		
01:03:54 --> 01:03:54
			Wake up.
		
01:03:54 --> 01:03:56
			If you want to say something at night,
		
01:03:56 --> 01:03:58
			draft it, wake up at Fajr and see
		
01:03:58 --> 01:03:58
			if it still makes sense.
		
01:04:00 --> 01:04:02
			If it doesn't make sense, Allah saved you.
		
01:04:04 --> 01:04:04
			Okay?
		
01:04:05 --> 01:04:06
			Purposeful.
		
01:04:06 --> 01:04:08
			Make sure your communication is purposeful.
		
01:04:09 --> 01:04:10
			And limited, which means what?
		
01:04:10 --> 01:04:13
			Which means that this should not go on
		
01:04:13 --> 01:04:13
			forever.
		
01:04:14 --> 01:04:16
			I believe that two people should know if
		
01:04:16 --> 01:04:18
			they should get married within 90 days.
		
01:04:19 --> 01:04:22
			Anything shorter can be doable, but it has
		
01:04:22 --> 01:04:22
			to...
		
01:04:22 --> 01:04:28
			Anything longer is like, I don't know.
		
01:04:29 --> 01:04:30
			If it looks like a duck and quacks,
		
01:04:30 --> 01:04:31
			it's a duck.
		
01:04:31 --> 01:04:33
			If it doesn't, you're not going to make
		
01:04:33 --> 01:04:34
			a duck out of it.
		
01:04:36 --> 01:04:37
			Just read it.
		
01:04:37 --> 01:04:38
			Three months.
		
01:04:38 --> 01:04:38
			Three months!
		
01:04:38 --> 01:04:39
			Three months is a lot.
		
01:04:39 --> 01:04:40
			Relax, everybody.
		
01:04:41 --> 01:04:42
			See, people are shocked here.
		
01:04:43 --> 01:04:45
			Your parents didn't even talk once before they
		
01:04:45 --> 01:04:46
			got married, right?
		
01:04:47 --> 01:04:48
			They met on their wedding.
		
01:04:48 --> 01:04:49
			They're like, hey, it's not like them.
		
01:04:51 --> 01:04:52
			And you're here, and they're still together.
		
01:04:52 --> 01:04:53
			Okay.
		
01:04:53 --> 01:04:54
			Well, some cases.
		
01:04:56 --> 01:04:57
			That's a different story.
		
01:04:57 --> 01:04:57
			Okay.
		
01:04:58 --> 01:04:59
			We'll do one last one.
		
01:04:59 --> 01:05:00
			Oh, this is a good question to end
		
01:05:00 --> 01:05:00
			on.
		
01:05:01 --> 01:05:01
			Okay.
		
01:05:03 --> 01:05:03
			Okay.
		
01:05:04 --> 01:05:10
			Why do we see our loved ones perhaps
		
01:05:10 --> 01:05:13
			dying or distressed in our dreams?
		
01:05:14 --> 01:05:16
			What is the best way to deal with
		
01:05:16 --> 01:05:16
			it?
		
01:05:17 --> 01:05:18
			Could it be from Shaytan, or is it
		
01:05:18 --> 01:05:19
			a sign from Allah?
		
01:05:20 --> 01:05:20
			Okay.
		
01:05:22 --> 01:05:22
			Dreams.
		
01:05:23 --> 01:05:25
			I'm going to explain this again, one time.
		
01:05:26 --> 01:05:30
			Dreams in Islam can come from a couple
		
01:05:30 --> 01:05:31
			different categories.
		
01:05:31 --> 01:05:33
			Two different categories, really.
		
01:05:33 --> 01:05:38
			One is meaningless, which means it does not
		
01:05:38 --> 01:05:39
			have a meaning.
		
01:05:40 --> 01:05:40
			Okay.
		
01:05:41 --> 01:05:44
			It could be from an overactive subconscious.
		
01:05:44 --> 01:05:46
			It could be that you had something, like
		
01:05:46 --> 01:05:47
			too much milk.
		
01:05:48 --> 01:05:48
			Who knows?
		
01:05:49 --> 01:05:49
			That's one side.
		
01:05:49 --> 01:05:52
			The other side is a dream that has
		
01:05:52 --> 01:05:52
			meaning.
		
01:05:54 --> 01:05:56
			In these, the meaning is not to be
		
01:05:56 --> 01:05:57
			interpreted literally.
		
01:05:57 --> 01:05:59
			There is actually a science behind it.
		
01:06:00 --> 01:06:02
			So it's not always what you're seeing is
		
01:06:02 --> 01:06:03
			what the dream is.
		
01:06:04 --> 01:06:05
			There are symbols.
		
01:06:06 --> 01:06:07
			There are ways in which people can understand
		
01:06:07 --> 01:06:13
			dreams that are absolutely not literally read line
		
01:06:13 --> 01:06:14
			by line.
		
01:06:14 --> 01:06:15
			So if you see something in a dream,
		
01:06:15 --> 01:06:19
			you never ever carry that visual or that
		
01:06:19 --> 01:06:21
			interpretation as literal.
		
01:06:21 --> 01:06:22
			Ever.
		
01:06:23 --> 01:06:24
			Okay.
		
01:06:24 --> 01:06:26
			The only time the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam
		
01:06:26 --> 01:06:28
			said that if you see this in a
		
01:06:28 --> 01:06:30
			dream it's literal is when he said, if
		
01:06:30 --> 01:06:32
			you see me, then you saw me.
		
01:06:33 --> 01:06:34
			And that's it.
		
01:06:34 --> 01:06:35
			Everything else.
		
01:06:35 --> 01:06:36
			So if you see a dream and it's
		
01:06:36 --> 01:06:40
			distressing, the visual may have been distressing, but
		
01:06:40 --> 01:06:43
			that visual does not necessarily correlate with a
		
01:06:43 --> 01:06:43
			meaning.
		
01:06:44 --> 01:06:46
			For example, and we have to go pray,
		
01:06:46 --> 01:06:47
			so we're going to head out after this.
		
01:06:48 --> 01:06:51
			There was once a person that came to
		
01:06:51 --> 01:06:52
			me and said, I saw a dream of
		
01:06:52 --> 01:06:52
			this.
		
01:06:52 --> 01:06:55
			It was like a really, really traumatic childbirth,
		
01:06:56 --> 01:06:56
			basically.
		
01:06:57 --> 01:06:58
			And they were like, does this mean bad
		
01:06:58 --> 01:06:59
			things?
		
01:06:59 --> 01:07:00
			And the Sheikh said, no, this means that
		
01:07:00 --> 01:07:02
			there's a rebirth in your life, like a
		
01:07:02 --> 01:07:03
			restart.
		
01:07:04 --> 01:07:05
			It was a really traumatic visual, but it
		
01:07:05 --> 01:07:06
			was a really good meaning.
		
01:07:07 --> 01:07:07
			Right?
		
01:07:08 --> 01:07:09
			And again, I'm not trained in this, so
		
01:07:09 --> 01:07:10
			don't ask me, please.
		
01:07:12 --> 01:07:13
			But just know that.
		
01:07:13 --> 01:07:15
			Carry that as a thing.
		
01:07:15 --> 01:07:15
			Okay?
		
01:07:15 --> 01:07:16
			It's not literal.
		
01:07:16 --> 01:07:17
			It's symbolic.
		
01:07:17 --> 01:07:19
			May Allah Ta'ala make it easy, and
		
01:07:19 --> 01:07:20
			may Allah Ta'ala give us all goodness
		
01:07:20 --> 01:07:21
			from these gatherings.
		
01:07:22 --> 01:07:23
			Let's go ahead and head to the prayer
		
01:07:23 --> 01:07:24
			area.
		
01:07:24 --> 01:07:25
			If you can just stack the chairs on
		
01:07:25 --> 01:07:27
			your way out and line up the backjacks.
		
01:07:28 --> 01:07:30
			We're going to skip questions tonight because I
		
01:07:30 --> 01:07:31
			want to go make isha, inshallah.
		
01:07:31 --> 01:07:32
			As-salamu alaykum.