AbdelRahman Murphy – Heartwork Guided Steps To The Path Of Allah #14
AI: Summary ©
The segment discusses the importance of finding one's course of action and being true to oneself. It emphasizes the need for everyone to seek advice and be cautious. The segment also touches on the challenges of fasting, the importance of giving advice, and the importance of protecting one's pride. The segment concludes with a recommendation to a book and a Q&A session.
AI: Transcript ©
As-salamu alaykum.
Bismillah.
Bismillah walhamdulillah wa salatu wa salamu ala rasulullahi
wa ala alihi wa ashabihi ajma'in.
Welcome home everybody.
I have to, uh, my friend James got
me this t-shirt.
So now I have to wear this.
Inshallah.
It's officially, Denton has become a meme, officially.
It's a place where people live and now
it's just a joke according to the roots.
No, astaghfirullah.
Thank you James, appreciate it.
Bismillah, bismillah walhamdulillah wa salatu wa salamu ala
rasulullah.
Okay, so tonight, so every year, typically around
this time, because the day is getting shorter
and Maghrib is sliding earlier, we tend to
have, um, a couple of short sessions.
So we're kind of in that zone right
now.
Uh, Maghrib prayer comes in at like 7
.41 tonight.
So we're gonna, we continue usually for about
10 minutes.
We, we, we will finish at 7.45
and then we'll go pray, uh, at the
Iqama which is at 7.50 inshallah, 7
.51. So, and then next week there's another
one and then inshallah we're gonna switch to
after Maghrib soon.
So it'll be like 7.20 something and
then we'll start at 7.30, uh, till
8.30, uh, bismillah.
So it's, it happens every year.
It's just one of those adjustments in time
that we make.
And of course prayer is more important than
anything that I'm saying here.
So it's not like, it's not like we're,
we're being, uh, inconvenienced, right?
We're, we're actually just doing what Allah Ta
'ala, uh, expects of us.
Okay, so bismillah.
So to jump right in, of course the
Slido is open if you have any questions,
slido.com slash, uh, or slido.com and
then the code is HEARTWORKS.
So send all of your, uh, all of
your marriage questions there because that's exactly what
I want to hear every week.
No, I'm joking.
Um, so last week we finished up the,
it's kind of turned into like a two
-part series on the signs of the hypocrites
and what are the traits of the hypocrites
in particular, uh, and how, you know, even
though a person might not be a hypocrite
themselves, but carrying the traits or the symptoms
of hypocrisy is never a good thing.
And it's usually a sign of an indication
of some sort of illness, spiritual ailment of
the heart.
And so he mentioned some of those.
And then he talks about some of the
cures or some of the remedies for those
signs.
And we talked about, you know, he mentioned
a few of them, remembering Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala.
Uh, he talked about, of course, how it
becomes easier for a person to do this
when they are in good company, right?
So spending time with people that inspire you,
that you admire, that bring you closer to
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Um, he mentioned another, right, trait is that
never be a person that commands something and
then feels like it doesn't apply to you,
right?
So it's, this is not talking about being
perfect, but it's saying, if you are somebody
that is fixated on imposing or imparting something
upon people, but you yourself have no urgency
to fulfill the same thing, right?
I just like telling people, I enjoy reminding,
but I don't enjoy doing.
Then that is a sign of hypocrisy.
So being careful not to be a person
that tells people but doesn't do.
So these are all some of the cures
that he mentioned.
And then he says, humble yourself before the
truth and make yourself submit to it, okay?
And this is the great reminder that what
you want to do, what you want to
do may or may not align with what
Allah wants you to do.
And that's just a fact of life.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, He created us
with multiple variables, multiple facets, right?
We have our bodies, we have our souls,
we have the ego, the thing that wants
to, we have all of these different components
that make up our human existence.
And there are some times where the heart
and the ruh, the soul, are the things
that are pushing us and motivating us the
most.
And there are some times where those elements
are muted, are silenced.
And when we find ourselves being inspired to
do good, right?
To pray, and we pray easily, smoothly, right?
Without having to do a lot of negotiation.
There's no hostage situation.
You want to pray, let's pray.
Versus the times where getting up and praying
feels like the most difficult thing.
Or giving charity.
There are times when you give sadaqah and
it's so smooth.
It's just easy, it's like water.
But then there are times where giving even
something so small feels like a massive deal,
right?
So in those moments, there's a gap.
The gap is between submitting to Allah versus
submitting to myself.
The problem is, right, much like these plants
around us, they all grow from soil, we
also have been grown from soil.
And the soil that we've been grown from,
particularly here in the West, is the soil
of secularism, which centers the self.
You are important.
You are special.
You are sacred.
And these are all what the world wants
you to believe.
Whereas our Islamic ideology tells us what?
Allah is sacred.
Allah is important.
Allah is the sacred one that we should
all turn to.
And yes, Allah gave us specialness, right?
We have our own traits of endearment from
Allah.
But it's only our relationship to Allah that
either makes us more special or less special.
إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ Your taqwa is
what dictates how special you are.
So the Islamic worldview kind of bumps up
against the secular worldview, and that's what we
struggle with.
That's the challenge that we have here and
honestly now globally.
So he says, submit yourself to the truth
and make yourself subservient to it.
Constantly remember Allah and that will give you
this nearness to Him.
And this is where we ended last week.
Now, one of the things about good company,
and this is going to be one of
those tough, tough, bitter, bitter sessions.
Not in a bad way, but it's good.
It's like a good workout.
One of the things about good company is
that we mentioned last week that there are
some people that you can simply spend time
with and their presence inspires you.
You look at them and even their face,
right?
The way that they have their body language,
the way they carry themselves, it's inspirational.
There are other elements to good company too.
And tonight we're going to talk about a
very important one, and that is that what
makes a good friend?
What is the number one characteristic that makes
a good friend?
And I'll read here with you what he
says.
He says here, be sincere with Allah and
His Messenger.
Be sincere with Allah and His Messenger.
What does that mean?
It means what?
Put them first.
If you're sincere with the person that you
love, they automatically are bubbled up to the
top of the rankings in your life.
Sincerity is what's going to dictate that.
So if I'm sincere with Allah and His
Messenger, naturally I'm going to elevate Allah and
His Messenger to the top status in my
life.
How?
You have to be willing to receive sincere
advice from other believers.
So this is the challenge.
How many of us are really, really equipped,
emotionally, spiritually, to receive advice from others?
Versus how many times do we begin to
hear something and we instantly become defensive?
We try to justify, we try to defend,
we try to rationalize.
Versus saying, you know what, I might be
able to benefit from this.
So one of the traits of companionship that
makes you better, that brings you closer to
Allah, is not just being in their company,
but when they remind you of something, when
they tell you of something, these good friends,
that you don't push back on that, you
don't repel, you don't rebuff them and say,
no, you don't really know, my situation is
different, etc, etc.
In fact, the true pious people do something
very interesting.
They actually try to find a way to
apply incorrect advice.
So somebody might want to give you advice,
and you know that their advice is not
completely right.
But instead of being like, ah, they don't
know what they're talking about, and ignoring it,
the really sincere person says, you know what,
they might not know what they're talking about,
but they still might be on to something.
Maybe they're not 100% right, or 90,
or even 50% right, but they might
be 20 or 10% right.
And in that 20 or 10%, I could
go from being this type of person to
this type of person, if I just took
this little bit.
So let's go ahead and read from here.
He says, be sincere with Allah and His
Messenger.
Give sincere advice to your friends, and receive
sincere advice.
Remember, and he adds this line, and this
is really important.
How many of you, you have a good
habit of asking people for their feedback?
Do you guys tend to ask people for
advice or feedback?
Anybody?
Before you make a big decision?
Or do you guys just go in like
bungee jumping, like on your own?
Like skydiving?
Okay.
So asking for advice before making a decision
is from Allah.
وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ Allah actually tells in the
Quran, seek shura.
He told this to the Prophet of God.
If Muhammad ﷺ was told to seek shura,
then that means that all of us by
default are also told to make shura.
Because there's nobody on earth who didn't need
to make shura more than him.
He had direct revelation from Allah.
But even despite the direct revelation, Allah is
commanding him, make shura.
So all of us should never feel too
arrogant or too egotistical to say, you know
what, I don't need this.
Shura, which means advice or counsel, or to
seek counsel in Arabic, seeking shura is part
of our religion.
It's part of how we function.
And so he says, consult people in your
life, but not everybody.
And this is a big problem.
A lot of us, we seek advice, which
is good, but we seek it from everybody.
And then we end up after our entire
episode of asking for advice, we have a
lot of conflicting advice.
We have some people that say one thing,
others that say the other, and many in
between.
And then we say, you know what, it's
better just not to seek advice, because this
whole exercise left me confused.
Raise your hand if that's been you before.
Where you try to seek advice, and you
got so many confusing opinions, you're like, forget
it.
The problem is not the action.
The problem is not the exercise.
The problem was who did you plug into
the equation.
His advice, his imperative, Muhasibi, Imam Muhasibi, he
says, seek advice from those who tangibly, noticeably,
fear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Seek advice from those people that have God
consciousness.
That their priority is Allah.
Now this is crazy, because listen to this.
Normally we seek advice, we say what?
Seek from those people who prioritize what?
Prioritize you.
Seek from those people who love you.
But that's actually a flaw in and of
itself.
Because when I'm seeking advice from someone who
loves me, that person out of their love
for me might do what?
Hey, do I look, did I put on
a few pounds?
No, you look great man.
You look great.
You sure?
As I'm eating Dave's.
No, no, you look good man, keep going,
keep going.
You look buff actually, right?
Hey, was I rude when I spoke to
them?
No man, they're soft.
They got to figure it out.
People who love you might completely ignore your
flaws out of love for you.
People who don't like you, might just ignore
your request altogether because, you know, actually they
have a higher chance of being honest with
you.
Imam Ghazali says that.
Imam Ghazali says, don't turn down the advice
of someone who hates you, because they might
just be super honest with you.
But in reality, Imam al-Muhasabi says, if
you seek advice, make sure that it's from
somebody who is committed to Allah.
Not to you only, but to Allah.
Because that person will be advising you for
the highest sake, and that is the sake
of God.
Advising someone for the sake of Allah, meaning
what?
The person themselves is not benefiting anything.
You're asking me, I'm not benefiting.
It's not like you're paying me, it's not
like I'm gonna be elevated as a result.
No, I'm advising you because I want what's
best for you in terms of your relationship
with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So he says, consult those who have a
good relationship, who fear and love and revere
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
God mentions of His servants that the knowledgeable
ones are the ones who have the status.
The ones who have knowledge of Allah are
the ones who by default are more reverent
of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So if I'm trying to figure something out
in my life, and I go to ask
my friends that are the ones that are
pulling me away from Allah, I'm only gonna
get advice that pulls me further away.
If I wanna get good advice, I have
to find it in the places that are
uncomfortable for me.
Good advice only comes from places that are
uncomfortable.
Because if somebody is very very comfortable, they're
gonna tend to not be as truthful as
you need to hear.
But if someone is willing to tell you
the truth, by default it's going to make
you feel a little bit uncomfortable.
And so he says that the Prophet ﷺ
said that ad-deenu an-naseeha, ad-deenu
an-naseehatu, that this religion is sincere advice.
And this statement is a really really short
statement, it's only two words.
But the Prophet ﷺ had a lot of
meaning in this statement.
The primary meaning is what?
That if a person wants to experience this
religion at its highest level, then they need
to be willing to receive sincere advice.
So step number one is that you have
to first ask yourself the question.
When you go to someone and you seek
advice, the first question that you have to
check off your box is, am I actually
trying to get better or not?
If I'm not trying to get better, many
people come and ask questions but they just
wanna hear what?
They wanna hear some sort of compliment, or
they wanna get an affirmation, right?
They have a little bit of that bias.
Just tell me what I wanna hear.
And then the person starts going off track
and they say, and by the way, this
happened to me literally today, I can't share,
but this happened to me today.
You ask someone for advice and you're thinking,
there's no advice to give, I'm perfect.
And the person says, where should I start?
And you're like, what?
Audhu Billah.
What did you just say?
You're so offended.
You're like, listen Shaytan, I've heard of you
before, right?
Leave my house, you know?
The person first has to commit and humble
themselves and say, you know what?
Yes, I need this.
I need this.
I want you to think about the stories
of the companions that are so inspiring.
Like what makes them so amazing?
What made them so amazing is that in
the moments where they wanted to the least,
they were able to humble themselves.
Whether it was the Prophet, peace be upon
him, engaging with them one-on-one.
You know, Omar, peace be upon him, he
came up to the Prophet, peace be upon
him, there's a very famous narration where he
says to the Prophet, Ya Rasulullah, the Prophet,
peace be upon him, made an announcement.
He says, none of you truly believe until
your love for me, and this is, he's
not boasting here, he's saying this as a
messenger of Allah.
Your love for me is greater than your
love for your family, friends, yourself and everyone,
all the world.
Okay, and why?
Because this is actually a very strong logical
argument.
Because if you love anybody else besides Allah
and His Messenger, more than Allah's Messenger, you're
going to listen to them more than you
would listen to Allah's Messenger.
So the Prophet, peace be upon him, is
saying what?
Your faith is proven when you can listen
to the Sunnah more than you can listen
to all of your other beloved people, including
yourself.
So, Omar, one of his best friends and
closest companions, the second Khalifah after Abu Bakr
as-Siddiq, he comes to the Prophet, peace
be upon him, after some time, he says,
Ya Rasulullah, I love you more than anybody.
I love you except for myself.
Except for myself.
And he wasn't trying to be cute or
funny, right?
He wasn't trying to be like, you know.
He was just saying, Ya Rasulullah, this is
the truth.
I went, I thought about it, I dug
deep, and I realized that I don't know
that I can say it with confidence that
I truly love you more than I love
myself.
It's a struggle there.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, he smiled
and he said one word, I love it,
one phrase.
He goes, Not yet then, Omar, not yet.
Not yet meaning what?
You haven't actualized full faith.
Your full potential has not been met.
You're good, really good, but your full potential
of who you can become has not been
met.
So then Omar went back, and Omar, he
went, he thought more, he's like, okay.
And I want you to think about this
process which shows you something, by the way.
You're not going to achieve greatness spiritually without
thinking.
You have to use your mind to process
the spiritual journey you're on.
So Omar goes back and he thinks.
What kind of questions does he ask?
We'll do this exercise now, okay?
Have you guys ever done something for the
sake of the religion that your body did
not want to do?
What's an example?
Of doing something for the sake of Allah
that your body did not want to do?
Yes, Abbas.
Exactly, fasting.
Thank you.
Everyone here, from a spiritual lens, let me
just put out the disclaimer, okay, for those
British Muslims that are going to cut this
clip.
Everyone loves Islam.
Everyone loves fasting.
But from a human lens, from the human
experience, is it difficult?
Okay, everyone's pious in here right now.
Is it difficult to fast?
Yes, it is.
Does your life change a little bit?
Do you get a little exhausted?
Are you a little bit tired?
Do you miss coffee?
Yeah, is your breath a little bit fresh?
Yeah, of course, although the angels love it.
It's like musk to the angels, subhanAllah.
So from the human lens, the human lens,
which is the lower lens, right?
The human lens is the lower one.
As I told my son, he said, what
happens when you die?
I said, your body just stops.
Your soul keeps going.
So the human lens is just, it's ta
'ban, right?
Eventually your body will stop.
But your soul loves fasting.
Right?
The hadith says, for the fasting person, there's
two rewards.
One is when they break their fast here.
That's the bodily joy.
But the real joy is when you meet
Allah in Jannah.
The second joy, that's the higher joy, okay?
So, fasting, like Abbas just said, fasting is
an example for us of something that, on
paper, is very challenging, is very difficult.
But we do it.
Why do we do it?
Because we love Allah.
So we, Ahmad had to go through this
exercise.
When he proclaimed that he wasn't sure, then
he went back and thought to himself, and
after he thought, and he realized, you know
what?
I really do think, if push came to
shove, if I had to, I would give
it up.
I would give up everything for the sake
of Allah and His Messenger.
I would prefer Allah and His Messenger over
myself ten times out of ten.
And don't think poorly about yourself right now.
Because I know when we hear these stories,
we're like, man, I'm so bad.
I'm such a bad Muslim.
No.
You have, subhanAllah, proof that is secret between
you and Allah.
Nobody in here knows it.
And don't share it.
It's a little tacky.
But you have moments between yourself and Allah
where you have a portfolio of this sincerity.
Only you know.
You know, it might have been something very,
very insignificant in our eyes and everyone else.
But in your eyes, it was very heavy.
It could have been holding your tongue back
from somebody in a moment of anger.
It could have been not showing something that
you wanted to show.
Not saying something you wanted to say.
Not buying something that you wanted to buy.
I had a friend who was getting something
he wanted, and he didn't realize, but in
that transaction, there was interest.
And he said, wallahi, he left the signing
table, and he came and he said, man,
wallahi, he goes, I looked around the room
when the paper was in front of me,
I looked around the room, and I said
to myself, like, no one's here right now.
I could do it.
And then he said, and then I felt
the angels on my shoulders.
And I realized that this is not what
I want to do.
I don't want to do this transaction, this
deal that Allah has forbidden for me, just
because no one's in the room.
And that's an example of what?
Of what Omar had to do.
He had to go through that.
So don't sell yourself short.
You have these moments.
So then he goes to the Prophet, he
says, Ya Rasulullah, I went and I thought
about it, and I realized, I do love
you more than I love myself.
And the Prophet said, al-an, ya Omar,
now.
Now you know what it means to be
a person of belief.
And so the Prophet, this sincere advice that
we all seek, it's trying to get us
up to that state.
He said, one should be sincere to all
Muslims including to leadership.
And then listen to this line.
This is where it's going to get a
little bit inshallah, good, sharp.
He says, when you receive advice, you have
to convince yourself of a couple things.
And this is what's going to open the
door to the benefit of the advice.
Otherwise, if you don't convince yourself, you're never
going to be able to take it.
Number one, he says, convince yourself that the
person giving you advice, they're doing it because
they love you.
The person who's sitting there advising you, they're
doing it because they love you.
And they want to see you benefit.
They want to see you grow.
Now the nafs, our nafsical response is what?
No way.
Get away from me.
I don't want to have anything to do
with you.
What are you talking about?
You don't know my story.
You don't know my truth.
But Imam al-Hasibi says, as long as
that is your response and that's how you
entertain advice, say goodbye.
What happens there?
Number one, you're not listening.
Number two, and this is the bigger danger,
all of those people that love you, that
wanted to be advising to you and connect
to you and grow you, they eventually lose
hope.
People are people.
Human beings are human.
We can only advise for a certain amount
of time.
Even the prophets of Allah, when they advised
they ended up eventually what?
I mean you have the story of Lut,
you have the story of Nuh, you have
the story of Yunus, all these prophets, they
preached and taught until the rejection was received.
Okay, I get it.
You don't want to listen anymore.
So when somebody comes to us and tells
us something, we can push back for the
sake of preserving our ego and make ourselves
feel good.
But what are we losing in that moment?
We might be preserving our pride but we're
losing a good friend.
We're losing words of advice are worth their
weight in gold.
And if somebody is willing to put their
relationship with you on the line in order
to tell you something that you need to
hear, that's usually an indication that this person
is a good person.
So he says, know that the one that
is sincerely advising you has displayed one of
the highest levels of love for you.
The commentator here says, in Islam, we have
tests that indicate our traits, that tell us
about ourselves.
And he says the way we react is
who we really are.
So you might tell yourself, you know what,
I'm a pretty approachable person.
I'm pretty patient.
I'm kind.
But then when someone comes to you with
advice and you're like, turning to like a
bear, you know, you get angry.
I keep thinking of my daughter for some
reason.
You know, I advise her.
So if that's the...
She's a kid, right?
The angels are not writing her deeds yet,
but for us they are.
So if someone comes and advises me and
my response is to push that person or
to be upset or to counter back at
them and to insult them back, then I
don't care how patient or kind or approachable
a person thinks they are.
Your actions have spoken louder than your words.
So he says actions are the measure of
true faith and good faith will always give
way to good actions.
Good faith will always open the door to
good actions.
He says one test that we constantly are
put in is the test of receiving advice.
There's also another test, which is the test
of giving advice.
How many of you find it difficult to
give advice when you know someone needs it?
Anyone here?
How many of you like to avoid conflict?
There we go.
That one.
See?
You're not even raising your hand, you like
to avoid conflict so much.
You're like, if I raise my hand, we're
going to have conflict, right?
You're all conflict avoidant.
No.
So he says one of the tests is
receiving advice, and this is true, but one
of the tests is also when a person
doesn't have the courage to give advice.
And I said this because why?
Because we love them, but it's actually a
little bit counterproductive.
It's counterintuitive.
If you love somebody you wouldn't want to
see them suffer.
But it's one of the hardest things to
do because that pain is very challenging.
In Arabic, one of the words that they
use for needle actually comes from the root
word which comes from nasaha.
And the reason why the scholars said that
a needle shares the same root word as
advice is because when you're patching something up,
when you're fixing something, a garment, you have
to use a very sharp tool.
If you use a needle that's not sharp,
it's not going to pierce the thread.
And then how are you going to pull
the thread through and patch up the actual
garment?
You're never going to be able to do
it.
In order for you to effectively repair something,
the needle has to be very sharp.
But once you pierce the first one, it
flows very easily.
And this is the example of advice.
When we receive advice or we give advice,
it's always the start that's difficult.
It's always the piercing, the sharpness, the edge.
Nobody likes to hear it and nobody likes
to be the one delivering it.
But if you can get past that point,
you'll see something beautiful.
And there are people, subhanAllah, have you guys
ever gone and gotten your garments tailored or
something?
Let me rephrase that.
Have you guys ever asked your mom or
dad where you can get your garments retailed?
Like we're going to take it to this
auntie in Carrollton, right?
A really good tailor or seamstress, someone that
knows what they're doing, they can repair it
wallahi as if it was never damaged in
the first place.
They can repair it and you won't even
be able to tell.
If you showed the garments to somebody, you're
like tell me where the original tear was
or the hole was or something.
They'll look and they're like, I can't see
it.
I can't tell.
Even you sometimes.
You owned it.
You're the one who wore it.
You can't see it.
If you give advice in a beautiful way,
the person receiving it can't even tell you're
giving it.
It falls onto them, even though there's a
little bit of a pinch, but it falls
onto them so beautifully.
There's a story that's attributed to Sayyidina Ali
radiyallahu anhu and some of it attributed to
his son.
And it says, the story goes that there
was a man who was making wudu and
he was doing it incorrectly.
And in the time he was making wudu
incorrectly, obviously, Ali radiyallahu anhu he knows how
to make wudu correctly, of course.
Right?
But he's trying to figure out, okay, how
do I tell this person that they're making
a mistake?
How do I tell this person that they're
not making wudu properly?
And so he thinks about it and then
he goes to the guy and he says
to him, hey, do you mind doing me
a favor?
And the guy says, what?
He says, can you teach me how to
make wudu?
Ali is asking somebody how to make wudu.
Wudu is the washing up before prayer.
Can you teach me how to make wudu?
So the guy looks at Ali and they
all know who Ali radiyallahu anhu is, okay?
He's from Ahlulbayt, he's from the family of
the Prophet ﷺ, he's his cousin, he's the
fourth khalifah.
Like, come on.
You really don't know how to make wudu?
Right?
So, he the guy in that moment doesn't
even think about his own flawed wudu being
like under attack.
He looks back at Ali radiyallahu anhu and
he says, actually, it's kind of embarrassing that
you're asking me to teach you because I
don't really know how.
I forgot.
I forgot the steps.
So then Ali goes, oh, I actually know
the steps.
I just needed some help with some details
but I can teach you with the steps.
And he goes, together we'll figure it out.
Right?
Together we'll figure it out.
And the guy's like, yes!
But think about it.
In the guy's mind, Ali is like asking
questions.
He's like, do you go up to the
elbow with the arms?
He goes, yeah, yeah, up to the back,
past the elbow.
Do you rinse your mouth?
Or do you just do your teeth?
Yeah, you do your mouth.
So he's setting the guy up so the
guy doesn't feel what?
Doesn't feel demoralized.
Doesn't feel like he's losing his dignity.
But in a way, without realizing it, that
man is being elevated because Ali is teaching
him how to do something so elementary, so
basic.
Right?
Now this is a lesson for all of
us.
How many of us are really, really, really
we get frustrated because people don't take our
advice but maybe we're just really bad at
giving it.
Maybe it's not their fault.
Maybe it's our fault.
Maybe we're not being patient enough and creative
enough.
Maybe we're not being gentle enough.
You know, if somebody were to tell you
that, you know, I would listen to you
but your words are just too harsh.
That's an indication.
Right?
And so we like to point the finger
towards people.
And I'm speaking to myself here too.
I'm 36 years old.
So when I look at people who are
like in the younger generations, I see them
as being very difficult to advise sometimes.
But maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I need to be someone who's a
little bit more patient in how I give
the advice.
As a father of two young kids.
You know?
And your kids, subhanAllah, any parents here?
Your kids will talk back to you and
actually tell you.
They say, I know you're right but you're
just mean.
Right?
They'll be crying.
They're like, you're right, I know but stop
being so mean.
And you're like, okay.
And at that point you lost actually.
You think you won but you lost.
Because you sold the message for the sake
of your ego.
And this is why the Prophet, was so
beautiful.
His ego was non-existent.
Being stomped on, trampled on, pushed to the
ground, abused, attacked, harassed, tormented, you name it.
But he never let his ego get in
the way of the message.
The message was too important.
It was too important.
So the trick in giving good advice is
realizing that if you put your ego in
front of the advice, you're making yourself more
important than the other person.
You're just trying to win.
You're just trying to celebrate.
I am the victor.
I know more than you.
You are not as smart as I am.
You're not as this as I am.
And in that battle you feel like you've
won but wallahi you're the loser.
You're the loser.
Because that person now has been repelled away
from you and maybe from everybody.
How many people run away from religion all
together because one person gave really bad religious
advice?
Or in a bad way?
I'll never forget.
I was in the UK of course.
And I was praying at a masjid.
And I didn't have my kufi on.
Sometimes my kufi gives me headaches, especially when
my hair gets longer.
So I didn't have my kufi on.
I was just stopping to pray at a
random masjid.
The kufi is the hat, right?
It's the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ for
men to wear it.
Especially when they're praying to cover their head
if they can.
So not necessary.
So I was in the masjid and I
was praying and it was a Hanafi masjid
and they tend to be a little bit
more committed to the kufi.
That's a great podcast name by the way.
Committed to the kufi.
Okay.
Although we don't need any more Muslim male
podcasts.
We can pause on that.
Our quota has been met for the 2000s.
So I think we just wait until 3000.
So this uncle comes up to me.
I'm assuming gently because I was obviously facing
the qibla.
And from behind all I feel is this.
I just feel this.
And it sat on my head like that.
Literally.
And I remember just being like, really?
And it was one of those I don't
know if you guys have seen the communal
kufis but they're not like nice cloth ones.
They're like this really hard plastic with spiky
edges.
They look like the tops of you know
the towers of castles.
They look like those but upside down.
And he puts it on my head.
And I remember thinking to myself, I'm old
enough to understand the context of where this
guy is coming from.
I get it.
But I said how many people in the
same situation maybe if they were younger or
at a more sensitive point in their life
they would be really really pushed away and
turned off by this experience.
So as the advisor, as the advice giver
we have to be very very careful.
Giving advice is an art.
It's an art.
It's tiring.
It's depleting.
It's exhausting.
If you're good at giving advice, you're always
fatigued.
Because you are trying your best to preserve
the heart of the person that you're trying
to help.
It's easy to destroy something.
It's hard to build it.
It's easy to demolish a building.
It's hard to construct one.
People are much more prone to destroying something
than building because it takes less energy to
destroy.
It even costs less in construction to demolish
a wall versus building one.
So giving advice is an art.
Now the next part and we'll end here.
There's also another art.
And that is receiving bad advice.
How can we receive advice that lands sharply?
And this is where Imam Ghazali he gives
a gentle word to the wise.
He says, if somebody comes to you and
puts that sharp plastic kufi on your head.
This is like pre-Covid right?
But imagine this happened.
He says you can you know you're fully
I guess in your right to turn back
to that person and be like how dare
you don't touch me blah blah blah all
this.
It's not even wajib.
It's not obligatory.
What are you doing?
Or he said the true believer the true
mu'min or mu'mina.
They are able to hear the advice that
has fallen so harshly on them and they're
able to take it beautifully.
Just like the one is creative in giving
we also have to be creative in receiving.
How many of us have ever heard one
of my good good friends he wrote a
beautiful piece an article online.
It was called how to listen to a
bad khutbah.
I thought it was the best article.
How to listen to a bad khutbah.
You know why?
Because there are a lot of bad khutbahs.
If you come to mind you've heard one
right?
We give a lot of bad khutbahs and
everybody sits there and they're like man this
guy this, this guy that, this guy's got
an accent this guy blah blah blah.
It's easy.
It's too easy to critique a khutbah and
say I didn't learn anything.
You're letting shaitan win.
That's the easy way out.
It's too easy to sit in front of
somebody who's being a little bit harsh with
you and you say you know what?
Forget them.
I don't need anything from them.
It's too easy.
The believer doesn't take the easy route.
The believer understands that you know what?
That khutbah was like a C- at
best.
But even a C- has some right
answers.
Even an exam that gets a C-
some of the answers are right.
That advice that was given was too sharp
but even a broken clock is right twice
a day.
So for us as individuals Is that my
closing music?
That's my ending music?
For us as individuals when you give advice
be creative.
When you receive advice make sure that you're
just as creative and just as empathetic to
the advice giver.
Make sure you have just as much empathy
for the one giving the advice.
Maybe they're off.
That's okay.
But is what they're saying valid?
Maybe that they were a little bit sharp
in their tongue.
Okay.
I get it.
Not good.
Not prophetic.
But is what they're saying applicable?
Can you benefit from it?
If the answer is yes elevate yourself to
a better status.
But if we constantly want to disqualify what
people tell us because it wasn't told to
us exactly right we're never going to get
better.
And we're always going to have a reason
to say no.
I don't want to listen to you.
And that's fine.
But guess what?
A person who constantly rejects feedback never grows.
And if we want to grow towards Allah
sometimes the advice is going to be beautiful.
Sometimes it's going to be less than beautiful.
And we have to be willing to take
both scenarios.
We ask Allah to give us Tawfiq.
Okay.
Let's do some Q&A inshallah.
Real quick before we conclude.
So slido.com and then heartwork inshallah.
I forgot to open it.
It's open now.
So if you go now you can ask
questions inshallah.
And then what we'll do is we'll conclude
in four minutes and then maghrib is going
to be at 7.52 inshallah.
Please get me married.
That's the first question.
Brother or sister.
I don't know who.
You failed because Allah is the one you
should be asking.
Not me.
And if Allah did not do anything for
you, I can't help you.
Alright.
Mark has answered.
There we go.
Okay.
Good question.
This is a good one.
Can you give me a recommendation on a
book of the life of the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam.
Autobiography.
Well, it's not an autobiography because he didn't
write it.
They were autobiography.
A recommendation on the biography of the life
of the Prophet.
Yes, I can.
Okay.
A few different ones.
One of the better ones that I've ever
come across is In the Footsteps of the
Messenger.
If you look it up on Amazon you
can type In the Footsteps of the Messenger.
It's very good.
It's also available I think on Kindle.
Another one that's really good is called The
Prophet of Mercy.
And that's by Maulana Ashraf Ali Tanvi.
That's a really, really nice one.
Also, Sheikh Yasser Qadi has a really, really
good work that has been put together.
It's a little bit on the pricier side
but it's a really good investment if you
want to learn the seerah in a nice
way.
There's also one that's quite long by Adil
Salahi called Muhammad, Man and Messenger.
That one's good.
So, I would say in order of length
I would do In the Footsteps of the
Prophet.
I would do Prophet of Mercy.
I would do Sheikh Yasser Qadi's biography of
the Prophet ﷺ and then I would do
Adil Salahi's text which is called Muhammad, Man
and Messenger ﷺ.
Okay?
My relatives are very strict in forcing me
to wear the hijab more than I am
ready for.
How do I maintain boundaries while still looking
at the guidance positively?
Very good question.
You can take, hijab of course is a
very specific experience and that is a very,
very real challenge that a lot of our
sisters have but you can extend this to
any religious guidance that people get.
So, I'm going to make this a little
bit broader because obviously we have a large
audience with different demographics but specifically with being
forced, with having religious guidance forced upon you
and down your throat, I have good news
and I have bad news.
Which one do you want first?
The bad news?
Okay, the bad news Okay, let me give
you the good news first وَبَشِّرِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ بَشِّرُوا
وَلَا تُنَفِّرُوا The Prophet ﷺ was Bashira and
then Nadhira.
He gave good news and then he warned.
So, the good news is that your relationship
ultimately, spiritually is between you and Allah.
So, whether or not your parents force you
or friends or spouse or whatever, ultimately at
the end of the day, Allah is judging
you and grading you based on what He
knows about you, not what people know about
you and they're not grading you.
So, that's step number one.
Now, that's not a concession.
I'm not saying, okay because of that, I
don't have to pray, don't have to wear
hijab No.
But what I'm saying is Allah holds you
to account based on your capacity and as
long as you are sincere in intending to
fulfill what you can do, Allah rewards you
in that way.
So, a person for example, let me give
you an example of prayer because it's easier
to understand.
If a person prays no prayers a day
and their family is like, pray, you have
to pray five times a day.
If that person prays twice the next day,
Allah rewards that person and loves them for
their effort even though they weren't perfect.
Now, that doesn't mean that five times is
no longer an obligation No.
They have to get there.
But Allah rewards you for your capacity and
your journey that you take.
So, don't ever stop going towards Him, ever.
Even if you're less than perfect, that's okay.
But, okay, so that's the good news.
The good news is that Allah knows you
and Allah rewards you and He will forgive
accordingly.
The bad news is that usually the unsolicited
advice it never stops.
From family, from friends, it will constantly happen
all the time.
So, maybe when you were younger it was
coming from a certain person, then you get
older and you meet someone else and now
it comes from that person and then you
get married and it comes from your in
-laws and then, right, I'm joking, and then
you meet somebody else and it comes from
this person, you get a job and it
comes from your boss.
So, the presence of unsolicited advice that's being
forced on you, that never disappears.
That never disappears.
So, if you're imagining or dreaming of a
day where I can just be left alone
or advised so sweetly and so gently, the
reality is that's not going to happen.
So, instead of hoping for a day that
will not come, you have to instead prepare
yourself to be resilient in the face of
unwanted and unwarranted advice.
Which is, take the good, listen to the
message, and try your best to forgive the
messenger.
Listen to the message, whatever it is.
If the person is telling you, listen to
it.
But try your best to pardon the messenger
for the flaw in the delivery.
And do not, do not, do not let
the messenger become a reason why you discard
the message altogether.
Because that's not going to leave anybody in
proving at all.
Okay, let's do...
How do you respond...
Oh...
This is actually a really good meta moment
for all of us.
How do you respond to an atheist friend
who is staunchly anti-Islam at every point
they say it's extreme?
Can I give advice?
This person should really not be your friend.
No, listen, I'm going to be very honest.
If there is an ounce of daylight, you
can be friends with that person.
Like an ounce, meaning like, hey, what do
you think about Islam?
It's not for me.
Okay, that person, I'll still be friends with
them.
I have a lot of friends that are
not Muslim that are like, it's not for
me.
I'm like, well, it's for you, so you
better, you know, get with the program.
Ash hadu an la ilaha illallah, right?
So, an ounce of daylight is fine with
me.
You wrote, not me.
I did not, no mubalighah here.
Staunchly anti-Islam.
That's staunchly anti-you.
Like, are you want to be friends with
someone that does not like you?
No.
Have some dignity.
If somebody is calling your prophet a liar,
I can't be close to this person anymore.
I don't believe that he was a messenger.
Now, if it's conversational, alright, I'm curious.
I don't know.
I was raised this way.
That's different.
I'm talking about the one who is like
Bill Maher.
The one who is like, in your face
about religion is brainwashing and you're this and
you're that.
You can't play uno with that person.
It doesn't work.
Your identity, your belief, your principle, what makes
you you, the reason your heart is pumping,
is too diametrically opposed to the things that
they're saying.
And if that doesn't push you a little
bit, right, you have to really assess.
Listen, friendships have compatibility too.
It's not just marriage.
Friendships have compatibility as well.
And if the person that you're friends with
makes you feel bad or worse for what
you believe in, then you have to assess
whether or not this person is worth a
piece of you.
That's bitter advice, but that's just real.
And I'll tell you this, as a 36
-year-old, when I was 24, when I
was 26, when I was 28, I thought
all my friends back then were going to
continue to be my friends.
But some friendships, just like good books, have
endings.
And the chapters move on and then eventually
they close.
And that's okay.
If Tihaj Muhammad was the first person I
heard say this, I thought it was amazing.
I was like, not only are you an
Olympic athlete, you're also a genius.
She said some friendships come to an end
and that's okay.
And if you're at a point where Islam
means a lot to you in your life
and Allah means the most to you, then
that friendship that's challenging that, it might be
time for the last chapter.
Right?
It might be.
Unless the person is willing to have a
conversation and be respectful and loving and mutually
supportive.
We ask Allah to give us Tawfiq.
We ask Allah to make it easy for
us and to forgive our sins.
We ask Allah to make us those that
are able to give good advice and receive
good advice and that our life is improved
by the company that we keep.
Ameen.
Ameen.
Ya Rabbil Alameen.
Subhanak, Allahumma bihamdik, nashadu an la ilaha illa
anta, nashtaghfiruka wa antubu ilayk.
I'm going to ask everybody inshallah because maghrib
is literally starting in two minutes to make
your way to the musalla.
If you sat on one of our chairs,
help us out by folding it and putting
it on one of the dollies.
And if you sat on one of our
backjacks up here, just help us by gently
standing it or laying it towards the front
inshallah.
Jazakumullah khairan.
We'll see you inshallah the next few events
that we have this week.
Check our calendar.
Wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.