AbdelRahman Murphy – Heartwork Guided Steps To The Path Of Allah #12
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
Okay.
Welcome home.
So tonight
we're gonna be continuing with
our,
our reading.
And I wanna just share a brief reflection
with everybody because I think it's important in
these moments to
to
be honest and to be, like, vulnerable.
You know, a lot of times when we
get together in this space, we talk a
lot about,
you know, a person's relationship with Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala and how
that relationship should be something that is experienced
no matter whether it's good or bad, whether
the situation is good or whether it's tough.
And
I I wanna I wanna open tonight by
sharing that,
it's very easy to talk about these things
and it's very easy to, like, theorize about
these things.
Like when you sit and you're reading a
book and you're sitting or you're listening to
a lecture,
like, everybody is nodding and everybody is is
locked in because
in theory, like, it's it's easy. Yes. We
can all sit and agree that there are
certain things that are good and that we
should behave a certain way, but then it's
really, really challenging or the moments that are
challenging are those moments that are
the opportunity for us to see what we
learned and whether or not we're actually going
to apply the things that we listen to.
And in my case, the things that I
talk about.
And so last week was like really, really
difficult SubhanAllah.
Like Allah just sent major, major tests my
way,
you know, when it comes to, like, my
kids' health and when it came to, like,
big issues,
you know, subhanAllah.
And
it was one of those moments where I
had to, like, almost
catch myself
and say, hey. Look. This is the this
is the reason why we read these things.
You know, if if we're reading or coming
here on Monday nights, if we're only learning
for the sake of, like,
I don't know, just
self satisfaction,
then it's we're only getting a a very
little bit of what we could be achieving.
The real reason why we're coming together on
these gatherings to read and to learn and
to reflect is so that when you do
get that
tough news or whether or not it is,
you know, good or whether it's bad, however
you react, it's guided to a point where
it gives you closeness to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala.
Right? And so in a moment of, like,
just honesty, like, I'll tell you last week,
SubhanAllah,
you know, whether
it's my daughter, she got injured pretty bad.
And then later on she got sick from
school
and then, you know,
difficulties SubhanAllah.
One of my close friends, his mother passed
away. Sheikh Talikh Musa, his mother passed away.
She was a very good friend of my
mom. They were like, you know, I would
consider them to be like
very close friends.
And so my mom and I are talking
on the phone and my mom was crying
because one of her best friends passed away
suddenly. So very difficult just
seeing all these things
occur and having to actually think, okay. What
did I read
that led me to be able to hopefully
handle these moments?
Right?
And,
yeah. You're tested. SubhanAllah. And Allah Ta'ala will
show you that it's easy to talk but
it's hard to walk.
But when you do have the moment to
fulfill
and to take that exam. Right?
May Allah Ta'ala give us the ability to
pass it.
Okay.
So tonight in,
Arusarat al Musar Shideen by
Imam
He talks about,
one of the most hated things to Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. If I were to go
around the room and ask you, like, what
do you think
Allah
hates the most? I'm sure we could have
a variety of things. Can you guys name
them? Raise some hands. What do you think
Allah does not like? Yes.
Shirk. Okay. Thank you. Sunday school. Right? Here
we go. Very good. Shirk. If shirk means
to to worship anything or to give anything
else other than Allah the rights that only
Allah deserves.
So when a person worship something other than
Allah, that's that's shirk. Right? Because Allah is
the only one deserving of our worship. Okay?
Yes.
Yeah.
Hypocrites. Hypocrites.
Good. Okay. So we're talking about hypocrisy. Very
good. Anyone else? Yeah.
Arrogance. Thinking that you're better than somebody and
rejecting the truth. Yeah.
Very good. Complaining,
ingratitude,
entitlement. Right? Feeling like you deserve something
even though Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala gave you
everything. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, subhanAllah.
Being unkind and especially to those who are
in need.
Right? To repel the orphan, to repel the
one who's asking.
Allah entire chapters in the Quran, short chapters,
but entire chapters, the 30th juz, filled with
reminders about how do you treat those who
are truly in need. They're vulnerable.
And that can be a huge indication of
your faith, how you treat those who are
in need.
Right? So there are certain things that when
you look at, you realize these are things
that are on the category of vice. There
are things that Allah Ta'ala does not like.
Okay? Allah Ta'ala forgives everything, but he does
hate these things.
And he hates them
in their essence, they're evil, but also secondarily,
these things actually make people and they make
the world worse.
Anything that is impermissible, anything that's haram,
anything that Allah hates,
it's not subjective. It's not petty. You know,
we hate things because we don't like them.
Some people hate certain restaurants or certain
cities. Right? Denton. No. I'm joking.
Some people hate certain things, brands, whatever. And
the reasoning is is subjective. It's like, oh,
I don't like it because of this or
I don't Allah's hatred is different.
Right? Allah is not like us. We are
human beings. We have deficiencies. Allah is perfect.
His hatred
is always true.
It's it's it's in truth. Meaning that the
thing that Allah hates, he hates it
because it is something that takes you away
from
him, from virtue, from your highest form, from
your best version of yourself.
So why does Allah hate when people are,
for example, when they're when they backbite? He
hates that because backbiting destroys a community.
It destroys relationships. It destroys the heart of
the person who does it. It destroys the
self,
confidence of the person who's the victim of
it. It's actually destructive. Allah hates lying. He
hates stealing.
He hates mockery.
All of these things Allah hates.
And so anything that Allah does not love,
it's not because or he hates. It's not
because he is petty and he has, you
know, a personality that's temperamental. No.
Allah is different than that. Allah is not
like us. Allah, when he hates something, is
because it's actually the worst. Okay?
So here,
he mentions Imam Abu Hasibi, he mentions something
Allah really, really hates and this is what
the brother here mentions, hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy
in the English language, like in our definition,
hypocrisy is when somebody
says something that they don't do or they
do something that they say not to do.
So hypocrisy is basically when your actions and
your words contradict one another.
Now
although that is kind of the beginning of
the definition,
in the Islamic tradition,
hypocrisy is much deeper than that.
So, for example, if somebody is, like, always
encouraging people to eat healthy
and then you walk in on them eating,
like, chocolate,
not dark chocolate. That stuff's gross.
Like, really good chocolate. Right? Or if someone's
always encouraging someone to, like, get up and
go to the gym and then they're sleeping
until, like, 10. Or someone's always encouraging people
to, like, you know, save money and then
they're just, like, spending it on crazy things.
You might call that person hypocritical, but we're
not talking about
faith hypocrisy. That's a very, very different allegation
altogether, and that's why we don't make those
allegations. But Allah describes
the hypocrites in the Quran. There's an entire
chapter.
There's an entire chapter in Munafiqoon in which
Allah Ta'ala addresses
the hypocrisy that people had. There was a
group of people
in Medina.
So one of the things that we have
to know about hypocrisy
is that it only shows up when times
are good.
When times are bad,
everyone's faith, everyone's inside becomes apparent.
So if a person, for example, lived in
the Meccan era when they were being persecuted,
there was no hypocrisy
because there was no ease. There was no
benefit to saying you were Muslim. If you
said I'm Muslim, but you really weren't in,
you really weren't Muslim, you were just going
to be now persecuted
and you were gonna be tortured
and there was no actual benefit. But if
you were in Medina
after the Muslims made hijra
and they migrated from Mecca to Medina and
they received sanctuary and they had autonomy and
agency and they were able to organize and
build their their society, their civilization.
Now if you say you're Muslim, you are
part of a community.
You're receiving the benefit of the doubt socially.
It's giving you access to, like, perhaps, like
business opportunities or, like, marriage opportunities. Right?
If you are someone who says you're Muslim
and maybe you're on hard times, now you're
eligible for Zakat.
So there's all these reasons as to why
people would say that they were Muslim. Also,
just clout. It would kind of raise your
status amongst the eyes of people around you.
So there were people in Medina
that were previously
not Muslim, and when the prophet, alaihis salatu,
sallam, came to Medina,
they
had a lot to say about
him, sallallahu alaihi wasallam, and they had a
lot to say about the Muslims.
But they accepted Islam,
at least apparently,
because they saw that there was a big
opportunity for them to have, you know, as
we say, like, they were gonna be social
climbers.
They saw that if I become Muslim and
I get close to the prophet, sallallahu alaihi
wasallam,
that I will now be someone who is
trusted, who is respected, who is revered,
and I may be given positions of leadership.
Right? We've all seen enough TV shows and
movies to see, like, the really sneaky,
the really just slimy dude who's trying to,
like, position himself in the place where he
can just be right there in charge. Right?
That's what the munafiq is.
So it's not as simple as the English
definition
where somebody says eat healthy and then they're
having potato chips. That's not what it is.
Nifaq
in Arabic, in the Islamic tradition, is when
somebody
deep down
has nothing in their heart but absolute disdain
and hatred
for Islam.
But on the physical side, externally, they present
themselves as being a true believer.
That's nifaq.
Now no one, insha'Allah, insha'Allah, no one in
this room,
right, is gonna hopefully no one even thinks
that they're anywhere near that,
Right? Because that's like a really weird place
to be. That's a, that's, that's actually intentionally
deceitful.
That person is a liar. They're lying to
themselves and to the entire community. That is
a really, really deep, dark place to be.
But now here's where it gets a little
bit sensitive.
There are behaviors
in which the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
and of course Allah in the Quran first
and foremost, but you find it more frequently
in the Quran and the hadith
where the
prophet he said, for example,
The signs of the hypocrites are 3, and
then he would give,
for example, he would give traits that are
very common in hypocrites, but he wasn't saying
that this person for sure is a hypocrite.
He's just saying, look. This is how they
move. This is how they behave.
So in one of the narrations I'll give
you an example just so you can kind
of understand. He wasn't proclaiming this person's a
munafiq, but he's saying this is the behavior
of a munafiq.
So for one of them, for example, he
says,
that when a person's when this person speaks,
they lie.
And when this person makes a promise,
they break their promise. They're flaky.
And when this person is put in a
position of trust,
when somebody says, hey, I'm trusting you,
and they and they and they, you know,
give you this
really sensitive, vulnerable
information, responsibility, whatever.
This person, they
betray the trust.
So these three traits again,
once we talked about hypocrisy, if I said,
how many of us in our heart, we
hate Islam, but we call ourselves Muslim? Nobody's
gonna raise their hand. But if I said,
how many of us when we speak, we
have a problem lying?
You might see a few hands go up.
How many of us, when we make promises,
were known to break our promises? A few
more of us might raise our hand. And
the third one, how many of us, when
we're trusted, or don't we don't do a
good job of fulfilling the trust?
So
although hypocrisy may not be the affliction that
we have,
we might find ourselves
carrying some of the traits
of the hypocrite. And that's what Imam Mohazibi
here is gonna talk to us about tonight.
He says it is the most detestable thing.
One of the things that will pull you
back on this journey of Islam,
one of the most,
rough ways in which a person can stumble
and fall. You know, the Olympics were just
on, and I was watching,
what's the one what's what's it called?
You know when they jump over the things?
They're running and then hurdles. Thank you.
I was watching hurdles. Right?
And,
you know, you see these people and they
train for this moment for 4 years
and all of them are, like, elite.
Like, these are people who are, like, the
elite of the elite. Okay? They live their
life
training for this moment,
and they've done it probably, I don't know,
tens of thousands of times.
They probably have done warm ups all morning
that morning where they've completed it without knocking
a single hurdle over. And then now comes
the moment.
And the starter, you know, shoots off the
the the starting pistol. They run. And I
saw I'll never forget this guy. I forget
which country he was from, but he jumped
at the first hurdle. His foot caught it,
and he just went tumbling.
And now, halas, like, you're done, man. I
mean, you weren't gonna beat the the the
Kenyans anyways, but
you're done. You know?
And it's in that moment, after all that
practice, all that preparation, that entire moment where
you thought that you had it,
there's that huge obstruction, that obstacle that just
knocks you down.
Hypocrisy is one of them for us spiritually.
Like you could have so much accomplishment
spiritually,
but then if you let yourself
become susceptible to these things,
it can actually pull you back very quickly
on your journey to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
So let's read a little bit. He says,
do not be like the one
who commands the truth to other people,
but they are far from it
but they are far from it. Now there's
a huge asterisk here, huge,
And that is that no one in this
room is perfect.
Nobody.
If you were to describe the responsibilities of
a Muslim, in theory,
all of us could probably do a good
job. But then if we're describing it to
somebody and then they look at us and
they say, okay. So how many of these
do you do,
right, perfectly?
You probably would be able to like, I'm
not perfect. Right? And you feel a little
bit embarrassed. Right? You guys understand what I'm
talking about? If you guys ever had to
explain Islam and then in your explanation you
start to feel the pressure?
I don't do it. Right? They're like, how
many times do you pray? You're like, well,
we sh we, should
pray. Right? Or how much do you how
how many times do you fast? Like, well,
it's recommended. Right? Really?
And and our descriptions become more,
abstract because we feel ourselves very distant from
that.
Now that's not what this is talking about
because why? Are you ready?
Because
in the description of the ideal, if that's
not your reality,
as long as you feel
the sourness of that and you want to
become better,
then you're in a good place.
So if you're describing perfection to somebody,
you're describing the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam,
and you're saying, for example, he was always
able to control his temper,
and then the person in front of you
is like, you are an angry person. Right?
They're looking at you and they're like, that's
not what you are. And as long as
you feel like, You know what? I want
to get better. Then that means you're not
a hypocrite.
The hypocrisy is when a person, this is
what he's talking about, is when a person
gives themselves an exemption,
is when they give themselves a pass. I
don't need to.
I don't need to. I'm good.
Right? This is for other people. It's not
for me. That's what the hypocrites were saying
in Medina.
You can believe in the prophet, not me,
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
I don't have to. You have to, but
not me. I'm good. I'm exempt. So this
description is when a person says, Yeah, a
Muslim should pray, but not me. Like that's
I'm good. I'm spiritual enough without it.
And I know that that sounds a little
bit kind of jarring,
but there are moments where we give ourselves
the pass.
Right? So number 1, if you want to
maintain sincerity and fight off hypocrisy
is never ever, ever
allow your flaws to convince you that they're
not flaws.
Let your flaws exist because you're human, but
never ever give yourself
the leniency to say, you know what? My
flaws aren't really flaws. They're who I am.
No,
that's not correct.
Embrace them.
They exist. You're human, but always have a
goal to become better.
And always say that these flaws, they don't
define me. Right now they're with me, but
they don't define me. What defines me is
my goal to become a person without these
flaws, and I want to become better.
So he says, do not be like the
one who commands the truth, but they are
far from it.
And then you will be forced
to confess
those sins in front of Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala. You know, the day of judgment, one
of the scariest things about it. When you're
a kid and people talk to you about
the day of judgment,
all the scary stuff is typically very, like,
descriptive.
Oh, it's got this, and it's gonna be
this. It'd be very hot, and let's see.
And don't get me wrong. All that is
very overwhelming.
But I feel like as an adult, and
and you can agree if you if you
feel this way, I feel like the most
overwhelming
thing about the day of judgment is that
everything that you hide becomes apparent.
Because we become now we're, like, really, really
concerned with what people know about us and
what they don't know about us.
We like to procure,
you know, our image so much. And it
starts even as children. You know, my kids,
they do funny things. You know? They they
they they wanna
record videos of themselves on my iPad, and
they don't realize that I get to watch
all that later.
So my daughter is, like, starting her vlog
where she does arts and crafts.
And my daughter, if you guys have met
her, is like
a stone.
You know? She's very tough, masha'Allah.
And she's not the kind of girl to,
like, just, you know, talk your ear off.
And, like, there are some girl that's my
son. He's a boy. But,
my son is very much like, oh, my
name is Musa. What's your name? You have
candy in that van? White van? Yeah. Let's
let's go. That's my son. Right? I gotta
be really careful with him. We need to,
like, make stranger danger a part of his,
you know, we need to put it on
his shirt.
Iman is like, she applies stranger danger to,
like, me, her father. You know?
And I'm like, hey. You can't treat me
like that. Like, you know? But the point
being is
she you know, she'll take my iPad, blah
blah. I wanna go do some arts and
crafts and that. I said, okay. And then
I'm kind of got my eye on her.
I'm like, what's she doing? And she's, like,
recording stuff and she's like, hey. It's me,
Iman. And, you know, I'm doing my arts
and crafts. And it's, like, really cute. Right?
And even from a young age, like 5,
there's there's the person that you present yourself
to be and then there's who you really
are.
And kids, again, they display this a lot,
you know.
Actually one of the saddest moments as a
parent is when your kid loses the innocence
of not caring what people think about them
and when they start to become really, really
overwhelmed with what people think about them. Because
then they lose that genuineness,
and that's when they start to act kind
of like funky. Right?
So if I were to walk by the
door, that particular door for in our house,
it's it's an office door. It has like
some glass in it so you can see
through it. So whenever I walk
by, she'd be like, baba,
leave. And I'm like, okay. And then later
I watch and she's like, anyways, that was
my dad. You know?
Man, her wedding day inshallah, I'm gonna play
everything in front of everybody. Alright?
So but the point is
that this is something that is innate
that we all struggle with.
Okay?
There are
three versions of yourself. There's the person that
you present yourself to be in front of
everybody. I read this once in this in
this really interesting article that talked about consciousness.
There's the person that you present yourself to
be in front of everybody.
Okay? Like there's your Instagram self.
Then there's
you.
There's the person that you are with your
family, your friends,
and that person is like what you might
consider to be like your authentic self.
The one that's less guarded, you know, you're
not as embarrassed to like say funny things
or do like embarrassing things.
But then
there's the real you,
which is the one that not even your
closest family and friends know.
That's the one that when you lay down
at night and you put your head on
your pillow and you finally put your phone
down,
the thoughts of consciousness that are inside of
you,
those thoughts and those feelings,
that's who you really are.
And the Mu'min,
the person who they present themselves publicly and
who they really are, are as close together
as possible.
The munafiq is the one who they present
themselves to be and who they really are.
They're so far apart.
On the day of judgment,
the person who will have the easiest moment
with Allah is the one who they were
congruent and they were authentic
and who they were was who they really
were.
And the one who's going to have the
most
to sit
and to defend or to explain,
because there's no real defense, but to explain
and to go over, is the one who
presented themselves in a certain way
and then later
it was shown that they were not that
way at all.
And Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala in the Quran,
he actually highlights this behavior and he says,
It is one of the most hated things
to Allah that you say that which you
don't do.
That is one of the most hated characteristics
to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. So
if you want to first take a minute
and say, okay, I'm trying to get closer
to Allah. I want to become a better
Muslim. Ask yourself this question,
how close is my public
presentation
to my private self?
How close am I?
Do people
become disappointed the more they know about me?
When they find things out about me, are
they, like, genuinely surprised
because that's not at all what they saw
in public? I mean, this is that famous
English phrase, right, never meet your heroes.
They say never meet your heroes because
you the the idealization that you had of
them crumbles
before your eyes.
In a in a think about just since
October,
all of the celebrities
and all of the athletes and all of
these people that society has put in front
of us as role models and think about
how many of them have disappointed you
as an individual that cannot even say the
word genocide
and how it breaks you because you actually
spent your hours watching this person
and cheering them on and paying money to
watch their movies or go to their games.
And on the other side, think about
how
refreshing it was
and how inspiring it was when you saw
someone that you looked up to and they
confirmed why you looked up to them.
They owned up to it
and they said the things
that you were hoping that they would say
because why? You felt that way because who
they were publicly
was who they were privately
and they took hits for that. They lost
money. They lost sponsorships. They lost everything. But
they were demonstrating what it means to be
a sincere person.
Now apply that standard to yourself.
Am I sincere?
Am I who I really am?
May Allah SWT make us that way.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam he said
this is a quote from the text
that one who gives advice
but is not advised
themselves
And then he continues.
Who pulls other people back,
but does not let others pull them back.
And then he continues.
One who forbids what is wrong,
but does not take heed
or let others forbid them of what is
wrong.
The prophet
said the person who suffers from these three
things
will suffer from the ultimate disappointment when it's
time to meet Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. What
are the three things again? Number 1, the
person who
gives advice but does not let others advise
them.
They don't hear their own advice. They don't
take their own advice. Number 2, the one
who pulls others back from ruin, but they
don't let others pull them back.
They don't let others
help them
by saving them. And number 3, the one
who forbids wrong,
but then they fail
to heed their own advice, they will be
disappointed
when they meet Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. You
know there's a hadith that's very scary. It's
one of the hadith that we read about
in Sahih Bukhari. It talks about the first
three people to be thrown into the hellfire.
And again, if we were to do a
survey of the room,
tell me the first three people
that you think are gonna be placed in
the hellfire. I'm sure everybody here who doesn't
know this hadith
would say, like, okay, Netanyahu.
Yeah. Okay. Maybe Hitler. Yeah. Like, name, like,
the worst people you could think of. Stalin,
like, all these people. Right? Feraoun. We know
certain people. Abu Jahl, we know. Abu Lab.
But you would name, like, really horrific people.
Do you know the hadith actually describes the
first three people? Of the first three people
includes a scholar of Islam,
a person who fought, a mujahid,
who fought and was killed
defending Islam, and a philanthropist,
a a a donor. And another narration,
a reciter of the Quran.
These are of the first people
that are gonna be in the hellfire.
And when their interview happens,
they're asked,
what are you? And they're gonna say, I'm
a I'm a scholar. I spent my entire
life learning this religion.
And then they're gonna be asked, why did
you do this?
And the person will say in that moment
of delusion and this is the scary part.
See, hypocrisy can be so subtle that it
can actually get you to believe your own
lies.
So the person will say, I did this,
oh Allah, so that I could
know more about you and teach others about
you.
And then the response that the angels will
give is they'll say what? They'll say, Kadept.
You've lied.
You're a liar.
A hypocrite is a liar.
They lie to themselves and they lie to
everybody else.
And they think they're gonna get away with
it.
And then Allah corrects this person and says,
no. I know why you did this.
You did this so that people would sit
there and when you walked into a room
wearing your clothes and your garb and looking
all that they would say, wow.
Look at that scholar.
Look at the speeches.
Look at the followers.
Look at this. Did you hear that episode?
The podcast
Allah says, that's why you did it. See,
the action's not bad.
The action's very good. This person actually spends
their life learning and teaching.
That's beautiful. But they did it for the
reason
that was hypocritical, which is what not for
Allah. They did it for themselves. And because
of that, they'll be taken to the hellfire.
The same for the mujahid. Why did you
defend? Oh, because I was trying to save
the ummah. No. You did it so people
would say you were brave, and they'll be
taken in. The one who gave. Why did
you do this? I gave so that I
could spend all of my wealth for the
sake of Allah. No. You gave so that
people would talk about how generous you were,
and they'll be taken to the hellfire. Now
this hadith
is not meant to scare us. Some people
here are like, man, I was about to
become a scholar.
No longer. Right? Some people are like, I
was about to donate. I can't give the
second example. But, you know, I was about
to donate. No more donating for me. No.
That's not the purpose of it because the
entire Quran and the entire hadith are filled
with what? Reminders to what?
Learn, give, etcetera. Okay? So this is not
negating those, but it's saying what? When you
do something, make sure you're not doing it
for the wrong reasons.
Make sure that your intentions don't contradict your
actions.
Make sure that who you are is really
who you are because there's a day when
you will not be able to
confuse
or trick anybody
or disguise yourself.
The mask will come off.
Okay. So the prophet, alaihis salam,
he said that. In the commentary,
Imam Zaid, he writes in one of the
commentaries here by Imam Zaid Shaker, he says,
Islam is a religion of action not talking.
We are enjoined to implement
whatever we know and not just talk about
it.
And he writes and he says
that this is the way that a person
feels their faith.
They act upon what they know.
If a person knows a lot but doesn't
act upon it, they will never feel
all of the fruits of what they have.
It's like literally having fruit and not eating
it.
You know, you could talk about how sweet
the mango is,
but until you peel it and enjoy it,
you'll never know.
Many of us know
speculatively,
hypothetically,
how sweet and delicious the fruit of Islam
is, but we haven't tasted it yet. May
Allah give us that.
How do we do this now? Because it
takes a lot to make change. Right? Yes
or no?
Being sincere is not easy
in this world where you are basically told
and you are rewarded to be a liar.
Right? The person who can get the furthest
in life typically was the person who was
able to hold,
you know, the illusion over the eyes of
people the longest.
Many people. That's how they climb the ladder.
It's not what you know, it's who you
know.
Right? They never actually accomplished
what they accomplished, but they knew the right
person. They were able to have that person
be a reference for them. And then moving
forward, that was it.
So he gives advice now and he says,
okay, what's one of the quickest ways to
sincerity?
Again, if we went around the room, everybody
would probably have a really good answer.
You know what? Okay. Spend some time alone.
Make sure that you go back to basics.
Make sure that your 5 prayers are on
time. These are all good answers, but you
know what he says?
He says,
look at the company you keep.
Who do you spend your time with?
You know, there there there is the the
great delusion,
and I'm gonna say this very bluntly.
You know, hard work like 10 years ago
was very different.
I'm old. Okay?
Not that old.
I'm still hooping, but
I sometimes things have to be said directly.
Like sometimes things have to be said bluntly.
A person cannot become
different than the people that they're friends with.
This does not mean that you walk around
judging your friends,
but from a lens of faith you have
to assess
are the people that are around me that
I choose to spend my time with, are
they people that hold the traits that are
making me a better person?
If the answer to that question is no,
you're not going to miraculously
come up with these traits.
The environment, the law of environment is so
true.
A tree can only grow if it gets
certain light,
if the if the humidity is a certain
point.
You cannot put a tree in an environment
that does not match what it needs and
expect it to grow. That's not how it
works.
You can't put pictures of other trees around
it and be like, grow.
It needs what it needs. Allah built this
earth. He constructed this entire earth with reminders.
Everything
has environmental
necessity.
There are some things that grow here in
Dallas and some things that don't grow.
There are some things you can do here
that you can't do and there are some
things elsewhere. You know, you can't build basements
in Dallas. Do you guys know this? If
you guys grow in the Midwest and you're
like, where are the basements at?
You can't because the soil can't handle it.
The environment dictates what you can and can't
do.
Right?
Look at the heat outside. The environment dictates
what you can and can't do.
So it's the same with your spirituality.
Who you choose to spend time with
is going to be the greatest indicator of
who you become,
who you spend your days with,
your hours, and you add that up
year after year after year. Think about all
the hangouts you've had with your friends that
you forgot about.
It's like the money that you spent that
you don't remember. Think about all the time.
On the Day of Judgment, you're gonna look
at your log with all the transcripts of
every conversation,
every game of mafia.
Right?
Every
conversation,
every pointless night, every night where you stayed
up too late, all the transcripts are gonna
be there. And you're gonna be able to
see right in front of your eyes
whether or not that was making you the
person that you wanted to become. So Imam
Mohr Hasibi's advice is number 1,
when you keep company of people,
make sure that your friends and he gives
a list.
And by the way, before I say the
friends thing, because this is a class about
self purification,
not friend purification,
the best way to have friends like this
is to be this person.
Right? People of a certain kind of cloth
attract
and also elevate.
So number 1, he says, make sure
that you keep company of people that remember
Allah.
That's the basis. They have to be people
that remember Allah,
and you can find that in different ways.
Right? The person can either be somebody that
remembers Allah more actively, or maybe there's somebody
that has a little bit they do a
little bit more subtle, but it's still there.
But basically, you want to ask yourself, does
this person that I'm spending time with, do
they remember Allah? If the answer is yes,
then that's good. Number 2, you want to
make sure this person's intelligent.
Intelligent here doesn't mean that they're going to
do well on their MCAT
or any of that stuff. Intelligent means no.
Because I've met a lot of doctors that
are immoral.
I've met a lot of successful people that
are actually really horrible people.
Right?
Intelligent here means what? The one who makes
good choices, good moral choices.
The one who you respect
because they make
the better decision.
When you're gonna go watch a movie with
your friends
and Maghrib time has come in, the one
who says, Hey, you know what?
I know that we can pray after and
probably get away with it,
but why don't we just do it now?
That kind of intelligence.
The one who, when you're walking somewhere and
there's somebody in the path asking for some
help, asking for some money. The one who
says, Hey. Does anyone have any cash?
That person. The one who's intelligent. They make
intelligent spiritual choices.
See, spirituality is not just a decoration
that is to be admired inside of a
fancy glass cabinet that our parents have that
we still wonder why.
Right?
No. It's for when the really important guests
come over.
No. Use paper plates sometimes. Right?
Spirituality is not just a decoration. Spirituality is
meant to be what? It's meant to be
experienced
and felt.
When a person experiences spirituality, when a person
expresses spirituality,
their decisions become better.
They start to think with their heart, not
only their mind,
and only sit in the presence
of people that when you walk away from
their presence you are improved
as a better person.
Again, there's different ways to account for this.
That person may be
incredibly kind. Maybe you're sitting with somebody
that has the ability to compliment
anybody in the room. That's a that's a
prophetic trait.
Right? I'm not saying you have to sit
with people that are sitting there, and they're
like, hey. Check out this new app, Sahid
Bukhari.
You know? Or, you know, Tasir al Khortibi.
Or that's a certain kind of religion. That's
fine. And that person also is good.
You need that person when you don't know
where to find Hadith or an ayah. Like,
that's your guy. That's your girl. Okay?
But spirituality is also expressed
when people are living their life in accordance
to how the prophet, alayhis salam, lived his.
And all of us have friends that
display these traits.
Okay. But we also may, subhanAllah, put ourselves
in situations
where
we are surrounding ourselves with people or in
places
that do not qualify according to this list.
Instead of being god fearing,
these people have no fear of god.
Instead of being intelligent in their choices,
it seems like they just make horrible choices.
And instead of being people that we leave
feeling better around, when we leave, we're like,
what did I just do? I just wasted
my time.
Right?
This is the path towards sincerity that Imam
Abu Hasibi gives us. Inshallah, we'll continue.
We'll continue inshallah because I know Maghrib is
coming in in about 10 minutes. So we'll
do some q and a, before we, have
to break for prayer inshallah. We'll continue talking
about this list next Monday inshallah.
Okay. Bismillah.
If you want to ask a question, you
can go to slido.com
and type in heart work. We already have
60 55 questions.
Okay. Here's a good question.
Oh, look. A marriage question. Wow.
Didn't expect this. Okay.
What is the Islamic perspective
on how the husband needs to maintain relationships
with the wife's family?
Oftentimes in Desi culture
the wife ends up doing much more for
her in laws and is sometimes not reciprocated.
The amount of girls I'm hearing say yes.
Okay. Look,
from the Islamic perspective
Islam does not mandate
that a person has to do anything for
their in laws
besides what is cordial and what is reasonable.
The every expectation that you have probably seen
or witnessed or felt
has probably come from culture.
Okay?
Now at the same time,
we learn in our religion
that it is not wise
nor is it necessarily beneficial for a person
to be super destructive when it comes to
certain cultural norms. Like, not every cultural practice
is bad.
Okay. For example, like, holding open the door
for an elder
is not something that I'm taught
specifically in the Quran, but it's cultural practice.
And I'm not gonna say, you know what?
This is culture and then just slam the
door on data like that, you know.
No. Of course. I'm gonna do because it's
good. It's it's good. It lines up with
my religious practice. So
if what my culture teaches me lines up
with what the prophet
would
do, then it's good. Now, of course, if
a person here the question seems to be
talking more so about the imbalance in responsibilities
and that's less of an Islamic fiqh question
and that's more of a compatibility marriage question.
So Islamic fiqh
does not answer the questions of compatibility.
According to the fiqh of Islam, compatibility is
really simple.
A man, a woman,
Muslims,
of age, of sanity, bismillah.
That's compatibility according to fiqh, but we all
know that that's not enough.
And the prophet, alaihis salaam, him himself, said
that's not enough.
I know some people in here are like,
that's kind of where I'm at actually. Right?
But that's not enough. So
these questions of compatibility
are things that are, again, not answered in
the books of Islamic law.
They're answered in
conversations and therapy.
Right? Talking with somebody in premarital counseling, talking
with somebody in marriage counseling, and figuring out
what your expectations are,
what their expectations are, and whether or not
those expectations are parallel and congruent.
May Allah make it easy.
Okay. How do you stop yourself from being
hypocritical?
By feeling good about doing good things and
doing it for Allah. Feeling good about doing
something good is not a bad thing.
It is a great thing.
The prophet, alayhis salaam,
he said that if you feel good, when
you do good, you're a believer.
Ibn Aqsa'allah, he said the reward of doing
good is twofold.
The first is you get the reward in
Jannah,
but
the, the lower reward is that Allah gives
you a good feeling in this life.
Like he lets you feel when you pray,
you should feel good.
What's hypocritical
is doing something that should be for Allah,
not feeling good because it's for Allah, but
only feeling good when people praise you.
So if I pray and I'm only happy
about praying when people praise me, I could
care less about praying in and of itself.
That is now a problem.
That is a problem. Okay. So doing good
is not feeling good when you do good
is not a bad sign.
But if you only feel good when people
hype you up
and you don't feel as good when you
do the right thing,
that might be an indication that your priorities
are,
offset.
How do I advise a brother who is
in a haram relationship?
That's a great question.
It depends. You know, advising people is always
challenging because it really depends on the status
of your relationship.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam would have different
styles of approaching people
based on who that person was in his
life sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
He would not approach everybody with the same
intensity.
He would tell Abu Bakr certain things
that he would not tell other companions
that he was not as close to. He
would be more gentle with them. He would
have more lenience with them. He would have
higher expectations.
You know, one there's a story that always
blows my mind about Mu'ad bin Jabal. Mu'ad
bin Jabal is one of the prophet, sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam, sallam's favorite companions.
He literally is on record, the only time
that we have the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam saying explicitly,
verbally, with no other prompt, You Mu'adh in
your hibook. Oh Mu'adh, I love you.
And the companions said, We got jealous when
we heard this.
Because, like, he wasn't the prophet would always
display his love and tell people, but, like,
this was unprompted.
He just saw him, and he's like, I
love you, man.
You know?
So Mu'adh one time was leading prayer.
And Mu'adh used to lead a very long
prayer.
And the person behind him who
was not
into that
standing for a long time prayer, he complained.
And he said, hey, man. Like, I'm a
shepherd. We gotta, like, we gotta go work.
We gotta, you know, feed our families. We
can't sit here and read Surat al Baqarah
and Dhuhr.
Like, you gotta you gotta help us out.
You're the imam. Like, we trust you. You
know? Like, praying behind an imam is like
a great trust exercise.
He's like, You Rasulullah, look at this guy.
Get a load of this guy. He said
don't pray long.
I mean, how many of you would feel
confident making that complaint at the masjid? The
imam's praying too long. You'd be like, I'm
not trying to expose myself here and now.
That's at least what's the day of judgment.
Right? The prophet, salallahu alayhi, said that
his face changed colors.
It went from being his beautiful skin tone
to being a fierce red and
that
the the vein or the the the blood
vessel here started to show because he was
so angry, but he wasn't angry at the
guy. He was angry at Mu'ath,
and he said a fattananta?
He goes, did I put you in a
position of an imam, or did I make
you a tester?
Are you testing people?
Is that your go is that your goal?
You wanna stand up there and lead prayers
so much that all those who can't keep
up with you, they just quit?
That's someone that he said, I love you
too. So their relationship was different,
where he could
chastise him.
You know, Abu Dharr one time, the prophet
when he said something wrong, he told them,
Innaqarajunun
fika jahiliyah. You're a man
that you still have ignorance inside of you
because he said something that was racially,
it was, I mean, it was racist. It
was inappropriate. Right? To one of the, to
Bilal, the Black companion. And then Abul Dharr
went and corrected himself. He made Bilal put
his foot on his face,
which is like, if you know like Arab
culture, that's like the worst.
Okay?
So listen to this. Prophet had that, but
then with some people,
he would be like super soft.
So before you think about giving advice, you
have to first think about like, who is
this person to me?
Like, I can't come at everybody with this
same advice.
And the Internet, all these Internet mashiyuk would
have you feeling like, yeah. Go to everybody
like this. And I'm like, this is why
you have no friends, man.
That's why you're very lonely. Your only friend
is TikTok. Like,
you need to get offline and get on
life. Like, get back and start to really
engage with people. That's not how you work.
The prophetessists have never taught us that. So
before you advise anybody, make sure you see,
okay, who am I who am I with
this person? Then number 2
is, you know, slowly but surely. Your goal
is to effect change.
Your goal is not to be right and
your goal is not to make somebody different
right now.
You know one time a person said something
to me I'll never forget the Sheikh. He
said my goal is that everybody that I
meet he was talking about his kids but
he said everybody
that they die with la ilaha illallah. That's
my goal. So he said I can't behave
right now in a way that hurts my
chances with that goal.
So think about it. Sometimes when you advise
someone in a way that's too strong, too
much,
you might be winning the battle now, but
you're losing that goal.
So think about, and especially, subhanAllah, with, like,
people that are younger than you, people that
look up to you, people that need advice
from you,
you might know the answer and it might
take them 10 years to get to that
answer that you've known for a decade.
And at the end of the 10 years,
they'll come to you and they'll say,
You're right. And at that moment Allah gives
you the distinct pleasure of being able to
say I know
and I told you. So no, you don't
say that. That's only me. Right?
But at that moment Allah will give you
the pleasure of being able to look at
that person and say I'm happy that you
made it here.
Right? 10 years.
SubhanAllah.
The prophet, alaihis salatu wasalam, was so patient.
He did not ruin the goal for the
sake of some
ego points that he wanted to get. So
when you advise somebody, make sure you're not
ruining that goal.
Okay?
Oh, boy.
And you guys always upvote, like, the most
intense ones.
I'm gonna turn off up voting.
Okay. We have to break from up. Let
me do one last once.
Oh, this is good. Okay. How do you
protect yourself from losing sincerity? Example, you started
learning and becoming a better Muslim, but then
you do enjoy when people praise you and
it takes and that enjoyment takes place in
your heart. Does that make you a hypocrite?
It doesn't make you a hypocrite, but you
have to be very careful.
Why are you doing what you're doing?
And if you want to fight that, that
you feel especially happy when people praise you,
you need to be a person that reminds
yourself.
You remind yourself of
what you're,
you know, I mean very bluntly what your
sins are
because people aren't praising you. They're praising who
they think you are.
Remember the 3 versions?
People are not praising you. They're praising your
presentation of who you are.
They're only praising what you think what they
think you are. But if they knew who
you really were,
if they knew the struggles you had, they
may not praise you as well. So whenever
anybody praises
you, just remind yourself. Again, this is not
self deprecation. Don't be like, no, I'm garbage.
Especially to them. That's like the most awkward
thing. Hey, I like them. Wow. You did
a great job. No, I'm the worst. It's
like, okay.
You know what? Yeah, you are. You know?
But if you, if someone praises you, just
say Jazabullah Khayron. Praise them for being so
kind with their words. And then internally you
say, you know what? I know who I
am,
And this is maybe a sign that I'm
improving, but I know that I have a
lot of work to do.
And keep that to keep you balanced inshallah.
Okay? Barakkal 'Afikum, everybody. Jazal 'Okayran.
Inshallah. We're gonna go to Maghrib. I don't
wanna miss Maghrib. I cannot miss Maghrib. I
can't talk about Maghrib and then miss Maghrib.
So I'm gonna ask everybody inshallah here to
help me out. Please put the chairs, the
backjacks up against the wall. Just line them
up. Those chairs in the back, fold and
stack,
and we
will do a q and a next week
where people can line up, but I gotta
run some because I'm not gonna miss.
Umna Khan? Yeah.