AbdelRahman Murphy – Heartwork Guided Steps To The Path Of Allah #09
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If you go to a wedding, you shouldn't be thinking about how
much it cost. That's actually not your job, right? Your job is to
get married. No, your job is just to focus on enjoying as a guest,
right? And honoring the host that invited you. So there's a layer
of, I want to say there's a layer of like self control when it comes
to
closing down the the speculative mind about what people are making
and this and that. The Scholars say this is part of a Basar. This
is part of lowering the gaze so in Miss erud, he says, If you can
master being happy with what you have, you'll all of a sudden find
that your heart will no longer desire to know what other people
have. It won't. It'll have no interest in that. And then he
says,
If you avoid what Allah subhanahu wa has prohibited, if you stay
away from those things, then you'll become the most pious of
people. You know the Prophet, I said to Salam, he said, very one
time, very interestingly,
in a hadith, when he was advising people, he said, Do whatever you
can. From that, I've commanded you to do
what I've commanded you to do, do whatever you can, Mat whatever you
are capable of. Okay, so that means that if the prophet
commanded something or recommended something, and you're not capable
of doing it, then you can say, Ya Rasulullah, I couldn't do it. So
an example of that might be like sadaqah, you know, like there's
stories of companions that gave away half their wealth. Could
anyone right now in this room give away half their wealth? Roots,
dfw.org/sustain,
we'd be very excited, right? If, if, if there are people out there
that can do that, then Mashallah. But you know what? That's not
something that was ever required. And some of the companions, it's
actually very interesting, Abu Bakr, asadir, quraithylahuran,
Omar radila
on, they were all very generous people, and they would give away,
like really, really large amounts of money.
And then you have KAB. And Kab one time, he goes through this really,
really difficult experience in his life, and when he's exonerated and
when he's finally freed from the difficulty he was in out of joy
and out of celebration. He wants to go and give all of his wealth.
The Prophet Isa Tala, when he hears this, Kab is like ya
rasulallah, want to give all my wealth, he says, No, don't do
that. Don't do that. Because Abu Bakr can do it, Amar can do it.
Othman can do it. Ali can do it. Adila hamaj, they can all do it.
They're different, though they're built differently, but he's like,
you as soon as you get home, you're going to regret it. Your
wife's going to be like, where's all the money? And you're like, I
did the greatest thing ever, and you did more than you should have.
You did more than you were capable of. So the Prophet, I said to
Saddam, was very wise, you know, he did not obligate upon everybody
things that not everybody could handle. So there were some that
could stay up and pray all night. There were some that could fast
all the time, but not everybody can do that. But you know what?
Everybody is capable of doing? It's interesting. Everybody is
capable of not doing what is haram.
Everybody. That's something that the Prophet saw them said, wana,
Naha, Wa man, hakam, anhu, fentahu, whatever I have forbidden
you from doing, whatever he has forbid you from doing. Follow
Salam. Then he says, stay away from it. Notice that in the first
one he says, if you're able. In the second one, he doesn't say,
stay away from it if you're able. He says, stay away from it,
because doing the wrong thing is a matter of actually deciding and
having that that agency and that decision and that willpower and
doing it that's actually the process of doing something wrong.
So in Missouri here, he says something very interesting. He
says, Just stay away from those things. You know, you want to be
the most pious person in the world. Many of us, we look at,
what kind of behaviors can we add? If I can add this, I'll be more
pious. If I can do this, I'll be more pious. Very few people are
like, You know what? If I can eliminate this, if I can eliminate
that nice vibe, right? If I can eliminate this, if I can eliminate
that, I'll be more pious. And the reality is that as long as a
person is accomplishing what we would call like the five pillars,
as long as you're doing your best to pray, as long as you're doing
your best with your zakat, you're fasting Ramadan, as long as you're
anticipating and planning for your Hajj, your five pillars, you're
doing what you can, many of us will find a lot more and quicker
improvement by cutting down the things that we shouldn't be doing
rather than trying to add a lot of things. Does that make sense? So
Miss Urdu says, if you can simply look at the things about yourself
that you don't like and instead of.
Trying to become a superhero and a miraculous you know, a miracle
worker, like miraculous. You know actions. No says, just look at
something. Do you backbite? Do you say things about people? Do you
judge people? Do you have a tendency to tell lies? Do you
exaggerate? Do you have dishonesty? Do you look at or
watch things or listen to things that are not good for your heart.
If any of these questions, the answer is yes, then work on that
and watch how you become a better version of yourself as you
eliminate one by one. So he's avoid what Allah has forbidden,
and you will become impeccable. And then he says, perform the
obligatory acts that Allah swt has imposed upon you, and you will
become one of the most devoted of people, if Allah has made it
obligatory, which, by the way, if you look in the Quran, there's a
scholar one time that took all the verses in the Quran, 6000 plus all
of the verses in the Quran. He took every single one of them and
he analyzed them, and he said, How many of these verses have to do
with obligations or rulings. What percentage do you guys think it is
out of 6000 verses? What percentage in the Quran are
rulings or obligations or prohibitions?
10% even less.
It's like less than three or 2% I think it was something like 50
verses total, like around 50 or 60 verses total, right? 10% would
have been 600 verses, 60 verses, that's like, you know, 6070,
verses, under 2% between one to 2% the rest of the verses are, what?
What are the other 6000 plus verses talking about, well,
ethics, virtues, stories of those who came before us, reminders,
right? Trying to give people hope, trying to remove the delusion from
people and remind them of punishment. All of these things
are the actual body of the Quran. So when you look at what Allah has
obligated, the tendency for us as Muslims is to feel like Allah has
obligated a lot. He's, he's, he's given me too much to do No. The
reality is, when you look at the percentages you have every single
day, you have 24 hours that Allah has given you. You have so much
time. And from all of that time, all Allah asks for five prayers,
each of them take a few minutes
Allah has given you your life. Every year, all the wealth that
you earn is yours. All he has asked is two and a half percent,
not even of all of your wealth, but just the wealth that hasn't
moved, the one that's just stagnant.
All year long, you get to eat whatever you want. Alhamdulillah.
You get to have coffee. Alhamdulillah, only one month,
Allah asks you, and not even to give up something, but just
temporarily pause from Sun Ra or from dawn till sunset, and then
once in your life, just get on a plane and go and make Hajj, make
pilgrimage to Mecca and to Medina and do the rituals of Sayyidina,
Ibrahim and Hajj Salam, and experience that for that's all you
need to do. Now, if you, if you looked at the math, it's it's
really interesting, because we have the visceral response of,
like, children, you know, it's time to pray. We're like, oh, it's
time to pray. It reminds me a lot of my own children, my own
children, like, we do everything they want all day long, and then
at the end of the day, we're like, okay, now when you get home, make
sure you brush your teeth. They're like, this is the worst day ever.
Everything is ruined, and the frustrations Subhanallah that you
feel like, if anyone here has been with somebody like adults, do this
too. You go on vacation, you had a great day, excellent time, or it's
a weekend, and you did all these fun things, and then one thing
goes wrong, just one and all of a sudden, a person feels like, you
know what? This is the worst thing ever. Woe is me, right? Some
people are looking at their friends. We don't need that right
now. We just need you to look straight ahead. Okay? I don't want
this to become an awkward fight.
That is that that is the behavior of a child, and children, Allah
does not take account of their deeds, so it's okay if they're a
little bit you know, we're working on them. We're helping them. We're
doing their their tarabi and their growth. But adults, people who
understand the blessings that Allah has given them, people have
understand that they're way, way too immersed in blessings. We
should not have that feeling about anything. So we think about the
obligations, oh, Allah, Subhanahu wa always measure every obligation
with a blessing, and you'll find that the obligations pale in
comparison to the blessings that you have, even Subhanallah, the
blessings that you want.
When you feel like Allah hasn't given you what you wanted, that's
okay, but measure it against how many things he's given you that
you didn't even ask for.
I wanted that job. Ya, Allah, I really wanted it. Why didn't you
give it to me? Well, let's rewind the tape and look at everything
else that you didn't ask for that he gave you, and we will find that
we don't have enough time to complain if we.
Actually took the time to thank so he's saying here, frame your
obligations as a language of gratitude to Allah subhanahu wa
and you will become the most devoted of people.
Okay,
alright, there's a long list. Let's do this list. Okay, one of
the lists that is given in this text, which is really nice, is,
no, it's very long. Okay, let me see if I can cut this down. It's
10 things. I'm gonna see if I can go five. I'm gonna try double them
up.
Okay, yeah, I can do it. Okay. So he has a list that he there in the
commentary, there's a list by a scholar, and that that scholar
says that if anyone here ever finds it difficult to be
motivated, anyone here, raise your hand if sometimes you're feeling
spiritually a little bit lazy. Yes, okay, common, normal. This is
why Allah's power to arahi in the Quran gives us these reminders.
Sometimes you you come away from a gathering like this, and you feel
motivated. Or you come away from like Sheik mikayils, halafon
Wednesday, you feel motivated. You know, you watch Shaykh videos, you
feel motivated. There's motivation, right? Mufti Mank,
etc, definitely. No videos from the UK, absolutely, but every
but, yeah, come at me. So now I'm joking, I'm joking.
You have wonderful things happening in the UK, mashallah,
but sometimes that motivation, it wanes. And this was something even
with the Companions, right? The very famous story of
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, rasulallah. When I'm with you, I
feel like I'm going straight to Jannah, but when I'm away from
you, I feel like
I'm just the biggest hypocrite, like I forget everything. I
change. I'm not the same person that I am. When I'm with you,
motivation wanes. It leaves. And so this scholar of Jose al kalbi,
he said, What are some things you can think about? He gave 10, but
they're really they're five with their opposites. So he said number
one is, and this is going to be kind of intense, but it's
important for us to sometimes have these sour, strong moments, right?
You have to remind yourself of the reward and the punishment of the
next life. You know, oftentimes we think about what is waiting for us
in this life without realizing that there's something waiting in
the next life too. So for example, if we do something wrong here,
we'll give a lecture about backbiting or this or that, and
we'll talk about, oh, it could hurt your relationships. It could
do this. That's true. All of that is true. But you know what is
really, really horrific is that in the Day of Judgment, the
punishment for the person that did all of that and did not repent is
a million times more intense and worse than any punishment here. So
we can't be short sighted in the consequences that await the person
that does not repent. To Allah, that motivation has to be, you
know, they say, We gotta light a fire under your feet. That
motivation literally, the fire is Jahannam, and it has to be lit
under a person to understand, right, what? What is potentially
waiting if a person does not come back to Allah, subhana, wa taala.
Now this doesn't mean that you have to be like doom and gloom.
Doesn't mean that you have to walk around like Eeyore and make people
feel sad all the time. No, but you have to take action seriously.
Nobody likes being around somebody that doesn't realize that there's
a time and a place to be serious. We all like having a good time.
Nobody, nobody. Nobody really minds when somebody is light
hearted and humorous. But what if the moment is really serious? What
if the situation does not allow for a person to joke around or to
even smile. What if it's a really, really somber moment? If a person
thinks that that moment is lighthearted and they crack a
joke, or they start laughing, or they're watching something,
everybody in the room looks and says, What are you doing?
That moment can be applied and transparently projected upon our
experiences in this life, like when I just committed a sin,
if when I come to terms with the fact that I fell short and I made
a mistake, I should not be so lighthearted that now, you know,
it's a big deal like that, that effect of that sin should actually
weigh on me a little bit. I should feel the heaviness of it.
You know, many times we try to just push the guilt as far away as
possible, because it's not a comfortable feeling. But the
guilt, if a person can hold on to it for a second, is the reminder
of the consequence of the sin.
That's what Ibn Taylah says. Ibn Taylor says that one of the
punishments of the sin is reminding you, like, what? What on
earth did you just do?
You know, what if I, if I said something about somebody, it when
I see them, one of the scholars say that if you backbite, you have
to go and seek forgiveness. Why is that so wise? Because the
bitterness and the awkwardness of going to somebody and saying, Hey,
I said this about you.
You,
even if the person forgets about it and says, I don't care, you,
will remember that I can't believe that I trampled upon this person's
honor and dignity, and I feel like such a low person for doing that.
And despite whatever anybody tells you about this world that it's
built just to make you feel good and you just want to have as many
endorphin releases as possible. The reality is, the prophet ISO
Salam taught us that there is a place for guilt.
He said a Ned mutoba and Muto button,
repentance is built from regret.
We'll never be able to repent properly if we don't allow
ourselves to feel regret. If we push it away immediately, as soon
as it's coming down like rain from the sky, we open the umbrella. We
don't allow ourselves to be to be hit by the water. If we open the
umbrella of ignorance on the rain of regret that's coming down,
we'll never be able to shed tears and cry to Allah ever. And many of
us, we struggle with this emotional moment with Allah, why?
Because we don't want to think about it. We don't want to, like,
actually imagine, like, what have I done?
It's uncomfortable this. It doesn't have to come frequently,
and it does not have to be persistent, and it does not have
to be all the time, but we have to ask ourselves, when is the last
time that I sat down after missing a prayer and didn't just move on
with my life, I actually sat and said, Oh Allah, I'm actually
sorry, like I prayed my qadda, I made it up, and I didn't just get
up and go to the movies
when I make a mistake. Life should not be the same for me, even if
it's just temporarily,
maybe I'm taking life a little bit too light, and that's why I'm
making these mistakes so frequently. And maybe if I took
these things a little bit more heart to heavy to heart, I would
make less mistakes in this moment, right? And we do this with a lot
of things. We're very careful about the consequences of other
things if we spend too much. And then the friends call you for the
next weekend, they're like, Hey, let's go. Let's go on a trip.
Let's do this. What do you
say? I can't my credit card bill. I'm having nightmares. I don't
want to go. Right? If you feel like you ate too much over the
weekend, maybe there was a wedding or a party or this and that you
ate too much, what do you do? You're like, I can't, you know, I
don't want to eat. I gotta go to the gym. I gotta do this. We do
have this idea of compensatory behaviors, right? We try to do
recompense for the things that we did. And that's a normal response.
If the seesaw goes too far, one way, it has to come back. The
other way, if I spent too much now I gotta save if I ate too much now
I really gotta fast. All right? Sometimes you do. You don't even
intend you know, you fast, like, you basically don't eat in the
morning because you're like, I'm man, I'm so full from yesterday's
lunch or whatever. Like, I'm not even hungry. So you it's not that
you punish yourself, but you're like, I don't want to eat right
now. I'm gonna let the food just kind of like, settle and make its
way. I don't want to get too anatomical. I'm going to let it
process through my body, right? Let me get more professional.
But what about the sins that we commit?
If I commit a sin, I move on as if nothing happened.
And that is one of the signs of a dead heart.
It's like a person that makes somebody cry and then they just
walk away. We would consider that person to be heartless. Many of us
are heartless. With Allah,
we commit a sin, and we just move as if we didn't just appoint
disappoint the most generous being in the universe. We didn't after
everything he gave us. We didn't, we didn't make him proud. We
disappointed him. So Ibn jazeh, he says, if you find yourself really
struggling to be motivated, he says, one of the things that you
can do is when you slip and stumble and make a mistake, just
give yourself 60 seconds of reflection. Why did I do that? Why
did I think it was more important for me to do this than to fulfill
my obligation of prayer with Allah? Why did I allow myself to
do that? Let me change myself next time when I come across this fork
in the road, when I have this decision to make, whether or not
to do or say or I'm going to think about the pain in this moment, and
I don't want to replicate it. I don't want to have this moment
again. May Allah give us that. The next thing he says is, you want to
have hope for the reward. So it's not only about fear of the
punishment, you want to have hope for the reward. There's a reason
why the Quran is filled with those people that when they did the
right thing and they they endured and they were able to hold tight
despite all the pressure that was coming from them on the outside
and on the inside, Allah repeatedly give examples of
Jannah, and the beautiful thing is that Jannah is described when you
read the Quran, what do you see Jannat and tajrim in tahtiel, and
how that these people are going to be living in gardens under with
under which rivers flow? Sounds pretty nice, right? Yeah, it does.
But when you picture Jannah, I don't know if you're like me, I'll
put myself out there. I.
Right? When I was a kid, I was like, it's not really what I want,
you know? Like, the teacher was like, Don't you want Gardens and
Rivers? And I was
like, not really. I mean, yes, right? But like, okay, and
Subhanallah, again, this is the power of understanding Quran,
okay? The Quran is not so simple. It's simple enough to guide, but
it's way more deep and complex. When you want to unpack more and
more as much as you're willing to go, the Quran has more. So there's
Sure. He talks about this. You know, some of these mufassir who
are, like, really good with, like, language, and he said that the
Quran is revealed to all people in all times. But if we're talking
about who, historically, it was revealed to, it was revealed to
Arabs who lived in a desert climate.
And so he said, if you went to any person in a desert climate,
actually, if you went to any person in Dallas, Texas today,
and you said, Do you want a garden under with under which a river
flows, they would say, yes, please,
yeah, absolutely. You're in a hot climate. There's no moisture. A
river sounds nice. You want an oasis, right? And so this scholar,
this Mufasa, he said, This is a literal gift. It's a live it's a
literal reward, meaning that it is in Jannah, it is going to be
there, but it's also a symbolic reward. And what is the symbolism?
He says is that Allah is saying that, yes, there will be Gardens
under under which rivers flow, but there will also be whatever it is
that your heart desires most, because for the desert Arab, for
the Bedouin when they were hearing this message in their heart, the
idea of a mansion on the cliffs of the Pacific Ocean with all glass
walls, unlimited milkshakes, you name it, why was that the first
thing that I came up with?
If that's what you truly want, if that's what they wanted, then
that's what they wanted. But for the Bedouin Arab, if you what's,
what's the equivalent of the desert Arab, for what you really
want is exactly what Allah described, a garden under which a
river is flowing.
So Jannah will have that. But as Allah says, wala Kum fihama, TASH
Tahi,
and you will get whatever you want.
What a Dayna Mazi, as he describes it, and with me, is much more so.
When you think about the the motivation for the afterlife, you
have the literal descriptions of Jannah, but I want you to also
focus on some of the more figurative or the more
metaphorical descriptions. When the Prophet isaram says that in
Jannah, there are things that are
unlike what the eye has ever seen or the ear has ever heard or the
person have has ever tasted or experienced the best of what you
think about, what's the best food you can imagine August in Houston.
That's really the only thing left in Houston
other than that. It's like we gotta, we, you know this place,
you know we gotta come to Dallas. Sorry. I, you know, ever since I
moved to Dallas, I've been told in order to stay here, you have to
rip into Houston people. So I apologize,
Houston is kind of like if Richardson was a city. No, I'm
joking. Okay. So,
so Richardson is also great, by the way, mashallah as a suburb.
But imagine if it was okay. So
whatever you think is the height of an experience in Jannah, that
thing will actually be so low on the scale of experience that it
won't even register. It won't even register.
And so Ibn Jose, he says, When you lose the ability to be motivated,
you have to remind yourself that what is waiting for me is much
better, Bel Hayat dunya, well, ah, you prefer this life. Allah says,
that's the verse there on the back, by the way back, right?
Allah Salah says, Bel fin Al Hayat dunya, you prefer this life. Well,
ah, but the next life is better, and it's forever. So even here,
subhanAllah, you get what you you get what you accomplish. You you
yearn to achieve something, and you reach that status. Guess what?
By the time you achieve that status, for the most part, you
probably have lived most your life,
and now, you know, you saved up all this money and spent all of it
getting the life that you wanted, but climbing the stairs hurts your
knees,
and you can't stay up late to enjoy the movie theater in your
house,
and flights make you feel sick, so you can't even fly on vacation
anymore.
Subhanallah, all the things that you dream about when you're young,
you lose they lose their shine when you get old, right? When you
have the chance to get them. That's the nature of this life.
They put wood flooring. They put up a hoop, you know, 15 foot
ceilings or whatever, and you can actually play a full on, like
three on three above his garage in his house, great, right? Amazing
for him, but for all of the dads of his son's friends, we are the
worst.
Okay, my other friend has a pool. Guess who doesn't have a pool your
boy, okay? So,
you know? And it's like,
well, lie, kids, words are sharp,
like kids were. There's a reason why Allah does not write their
words down yet, because they don't know what they're doing. They
don't know those knives they're playing with, right? That tongue
they have. So my son,
you know, he started asking for a basketball court.
And look, every man has pride. Okay, at some point
you start looking at the cost, and then you're like, Okay, I'm going
to pay this thing off when I'm 172
I can't afford this. So then you're like, thinking, and in
Subhanallah, you see like, because children don't understand how
these things, like affect you, cost money and all that. They
don't get it, pull permits, whatnot. They don't get it. So to
them, you're just saying no,
right? And to them, and in your eyes, as a parent, you're becoming
like a less perfect parent. Because all you want when you're a
parent from your kids is like, you want 100% a plus. You want like
this. You don't ever, ever want to be graded by your kids. It's like
less than that. And by the way, our parents want the same thing,
you know, and so anytime that a parent has to give less than what
they want to to their children, it's actually very painful. And
some of you probably have stories where, as you got older, you
realize that your parents didn't give you what you want, but they
gave you everything they
had. And as children, you make your parents feel bad that they
didn't give you what you wanted, but then So probably you get old
and you feel so heartbroken that you made them feel that way when
they gave you whatever they had, literally, like off their back,
they chose you over themselves, and not once, not twice, but for
years.
And so Subhanallah, a couple last couple days, has been tough
because he's playing basketball on a team now. And I told you guys
about the Jordans already. That was horrible. Guess what? Jordans
first? So anyways, his friend and so.
And so he's like, baba, baba, the basketball court, please. And so
I'm trying to sit down and explain to him, like, okay, you know,
Musa, this is how much, and this is what. And you know, we have to
go to the city, and we have to ask for permission, and our garage is
not like theirs. And so we'd have to do it here. And of course, in
the mind of a child, you know, everything is possible.
Imagination is horrible. It's a horrible thing. Well, lie.
So he's like, No, we could build it here. And I'm like, and he's
like, didn't you tell me that if I wanted to do anything, it's
possible? I said, that was like, No, that was like, Miss Rachel.
Like, that's not me.
I said, you have you can do anything within reason, as long as
it makes money. No, I'm drunk, yeah.
So he's saying these things, and it's at the point now where, and
you don't want to be that parent who's like, no, just be quiet. No,
it's not happening Be quiet.
But here's what we have in our backyard. We have a small piece of
concrete patio, and I bought a long time ago this outdoor
basketball hoop. It's like seven and a half eight feet tall, so I
can dunk on it,
and it's filled with water on the bottom, and it rolls and it moves
around, and it's not impressive. Okay,
so today I was at home, and he's like, Baba, can we go to a
basketball court, please? And then they start doing this weird thing
where they threaten you with screen time. They're like, if you
don't take me, I'm just gonna have to watch more screens. And I'm
like, You can't do that.
And so I look at the basketball hoop outside, and I said, Can I
just bring it inside?
And I brought it inside, and it's sitting now. And of course, my
wife is not home. Alhamdulillah. I roll it inside, and it's sitting
now, literally in my dining room, because my dining room has a
little bit of a higher ceiling. Not so why?
And for two hours, him and his sister are like, shooting and, you
know, making layups, and they're running faster break down the
hallway, and I'm like, throwing them passes, and they're shooting
around and this and that. And at the end of this, like, my wife
comes home, I sent her a picture, so I was so I could teach tonight,
otherwise it'd be my Janaza. So I made sure that she was aware, and
I said, Look, Dallas summers, like you have to be creative. And she
was like, No, for sure. Like, she's like, that's a great idea.
And then she comes home, and we're sitting and my son goes and again,
you know, they're always so dramatic. He's like, this is
better than he named his friend. He goes, this is better than his
gym. And I thought it was like a nice, like, wholesome, like family
moment, like he was being, like, introspective, and he was being
grateful, and I was like, I'm proud of you, Baba. And he goes,
Yeah, because ours is close to the kitchen, so we can just go.
I get drinks, and then that way we come back and play, because his
friends is, like, upstairs, around the corner. So
he was kind of emotional, but then he went back into like, super
pragmatic mode, where he's like, it's super close to the fridge
where I can get cold water.
The point being is,
I'm not perfect. I'm a less than perfect person, I'm a less than
perfect teacher, I'm a less than perfect husband, I'm a less than
perfect son, a less than perfect Dad, I'm a less than perfect
friend, I am imperfect,
and that's one thing I just have to accept.
But one thing I want to be is I want to give my best effort,
and so if I can't build the gym because I can't afford it, or
because our house doesn't allow it, or because, really, 99.99%
of the world cannot do that, right?
I maybe can't build it for you, Habibi, but what I'll do is I can
pull the hoop inside so you can have some fun.
So I'm not perfect, but I'm going to give my best effort to a
greater example that's all Allah wants from us. Allah subhanho wa
Taala just wants us to do what we can. You may not be the best
person in recitation of Quran
right after last week, especially her shaky out here, just bust out.
I looked I was like,
you know, I was about to ask him, just keep going. There were two
things I wanted him to do. Number one was just use his British
accent, keep talking. And number two is reset Quran, because it's
beautiful, but at some point you're not going to have the gifts
and talents of everybody else,
but you can try. And when you try your best, Allah in the Quran, he
says over and over again, he never, ever, ever lets your good
deeds go to waste. You know what that means, even if your good deed
is not as beautiful as someone else's good deed, in the eyes of
Allah, it's the most beautiful thing because you did it. You did
it.
He doesn't compare
your tahajjud and their tahajjud. Don't even compare them. You're on
your own track.
Your Sadaqah and their Sadaqah. Don't even compare them. They gave
500 you gave five. Don't even compare it, because Allah doesn't
compare it. So why would you do to yourself what Allah doesn't do?
Right?
We're not perfect, but our effort has to be there, and the truth of
our love for Allah is measured in the amount of effort that we put
forth towards him, may Allah make us sincere.
Then al muharra, he continues,
and he says,
SubhanAllah.
Now he changes topics a little
bit. It's normal in life to be frustrated.
It's normal in life for a person to have frustration. And sometimes
those frustrations, and this is a very interesting
concept,
sometimes those frustrations, take us back to a point where we are,
as they say, like mad at everything. You know, a person's
just not in a good mood. They're upset with every single thing, and
nothing really brings about a sense of happiness, or a sense of
really, any kind of joy.
One of the pitfalls where shaytan kind of attacks us in that moment
is Shay aan
may makes us feel disappointed and upset with Allah,
and he makes us be resentful and angry with Allah. May Allah
protect us. So we make dua for a long time. We want something to
happen, or we want something to be, you know, relieved,
and in the midst of that saga, those weeks or months or years of
our life, something somewhere down the line, we trip, and when we get
up, we're upset, and we're upset with Allah because he's not giving
us what we
want, or he's putting us in a tough spot, or however our mind
rationalizes it, right?
This is one of the most dangerous places to be,
and Imam has to be. He says,
When a person complains and they complain about Allah,
He said, Without realizing it, they are complaining about the
Most Merciful being. They're complaining about the Most
Merciful being in existence, who gives them the most mercy. But
when you complain, you don't complain to nobody. You have to
complain to somebody, right? So you tell a friend, or you tell
somebody else, and you start to curse. You know things in your
life. I hate this. I hate that. I mean, really, you know, all the
kids in here. Hey, what's that outside? Do you see that try and
distract them? No, okay, it didn't work. There you go. Got it?
Do you guys know the three letter acronym,
fun,
my life.
Okay, I'm trying to be creative.
Okay? I.
What's three plus three
six, right? You got it? Okay, you guys know the acronym talking
about, I'm trying to clear their memory really quickly. Okay, you
know the acronym F, okay, we know this. What does that mean? Don't
say it.
What does that mean internally. Can I give you an example of how
this can be long term problematic the Allah, He said,
Don't curse time, because I am time. I'm the one who created
time.
Anytime we sit there and we feel that the motivation or the
inspiration or the energy to curse
my life,
right,
or to curse something like that, without realizing it, we're
actually
pushing our resentment towards Allah.
And the ultimate irony in complaining about Allah
is that many times, if not every time, in some way, shape or form,
the irritation is self inflicted.
We're like the meme where the person sticks the stick in their
bike and then falls over. We look at Allah as being the source of
the problem, but really, Allah gave us more than enough resource,
but we might not want to utilize the resource in the way that we
should. And then we at the end of it and our frustration, we take it
out on Allah, or the universe, or whatever time life, whatever it
might be,
the first thing we need to do when we look at our frustrations is
look at ourselves. So he says, don't complain. Listen to this
line. I had to kind of set it up to so you can understand it. He
said, Don't complain about the one who is most merciful to people who
have no mercy for you.
Because you look at others and really like people are listening,
but they're not changing your life. Like, if you're complaining
about being broke, the person that you're complaining to is not being
like, here's my debit card.
Are they? And we don't expect that unless, but we don't expect that.
We don't that's not that's not a normal expectation. If you're
complaining to someone, you're like, Man, I hate my job, and the
person's like, you know what? Let me quit my job. You take it, or,
even better, you stay home. I'll go to work and I'll just send all
my money to you. If your friend did that you'd be like, that's
really kind, but you're that's weird, like, you're in a weird
place. We don't have these expectations of people, because
everybody has their responsibilities, right? People's
mercy cannot transcend or go beyond their responsibilities,
then that becomes self, you know, sabotaging or detrimental to them.
So he says, in this line, there's a big tangent, but it's reaching.
At this point, we're climbing a mountain together. He says, How
offensive is it to complain about the one who is the most merciful
to people who, by comparison to Allah, have no mercy for you.
It's so offensive.
In fact, Allah is so merciful that if you have any complaints, he
says, Bring it to me.
Bring it to me. I can change it. The people that you're going to
can't change it. I can change it. And
that's why one of the most beautiful expressions of relief is
called sajda Shukr is when a person makes the prostration of
gratitude. Have you guys ever seen this before, when a person's
really grateful? Have you guys ever watched Muslim soccer players
when a person is really grateful for doing something or
accomplishing something? What do they do? Yeah, they do. I was, I
was watching the Morocco versus America game, and Morocco
mashallah, they destroyed them. And they have, like, all these
Muslim players on there, obviously, and it looked like, it
looked like they were praying VUL they made so many sajdas Because
they scored four goals, they literally kept making sajda, and
none of their outers were covered. But they were still making sajda
because they were grateful in that moment to win their match right,
to win the game. So when a person's grateful, even today, I
saw when, when, when Sheikha Sina left Bangladesh and was out in
exile, all the people who are protesting, a lot of them, are
making sajda out of gratitude,
so they're able to realize that the one who gave them the mercy
that they were looking for. Mercy, by the way, mercy, definition of
mercy is when you get what you need, when you need it.
Mercy is like when you get that relief. Mercy is when you walk in
from outside and there's air conditioning on. Mercy is
protesting, and then she resigns. Mercy is working hard, and then
you score the goal. That's mercy. All of these are mercy from Allah,
your promotion every two weeks your paycheck when you order your
food, the feeling of mercy when you order your food at a
restaurant, you see the waiter coming. That's Rahma. You
shouldn't think of mercy as being this very vague concept that you
never experience. You experience it every day when you leave your
house and arrive at your destination safely. That's mercy.
All of these are examples of mercy. From.
Allah, Subhanahu wa,
so don't complain against them,
and don't use those moments as ammunition against Allah,
especially for somebody that can't replicate what he does for you. It
doesn't make any sense,
by the way, we have our Q and A open if you want slido.com and you
type in hard work, sorry. Took a while to open slido, s, l, i, d,
o.com/hard, work, or the code is hard work. Okay, we'll finish
here, and then we'll do Q, a, okay.
One of the pathways of discontent
is when we expect from others beyond what is to be expected. He
says, rely upon Allah alone, and you will be amongst the elite.
He says, arbata bin osamuty said to his son, O my son, leave the
idea that people can help you in any way,
because this is truly the state of wealth, being wealthy, he said,
Beware of looking after people's possessions and seeking their help
to meet your needs, because this is the truest form of poverty.
Having friendships is a really interesting thing,
because we need friendships in order to survive, right? We have
social needs. We need, at least, to have companions, whether they
be like cousins or friends or family, you need to have
companions. We're social creatures. Allah made us this way.
Every relationship has expectations, though,
the best relationships are when the expectations that people have
of one another are met, and what is expected of me is also what I
expect of myself in this relationship. That's what we call
harmony. If a husband and a wife get married when they expect from
each other certain things, and then they also say, I expect of
myself in this marriage the same thing you expect from me, in fact,
maybe even a little bit more, and I go beyond what you expect of me.
That's the harmonious relationship that people seek. May Allah give
us that same thing with parents and children, same thing with
coworkers and employers. When you have an employer employee, what's
the best relationship when the expectations are there and they're
fulfilled on both sides, right? And that's when people love their
jobs. I feel like I'm not being asked to do too much. I feel like
I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and I get paid for it.
Alhamdulillah. And the employer is like, I'm paying this person.
They're doing what I need. All is good.
One of the challenges is when the expectation balance gets thrown
off.
Here he's addressing this, and he's saying that in any
relationship, in life, friend, family, relative, community,
member, whatever
you need to rid yourself of what is an abnormal amount of
expectations of people
get rid of that.
It doesn't mean that you should have no expectations. We're human.
We expect that people, if I see you and I say, salaam, waikum, you
say, welcome, salam, right? We expect that if I hold the door
open for you, you'll walk through it like there are baseline
expectations that humanity has of one another that are not chaotic,
but one of the causes of discontentment amongst people, and
really drama in relationships, is when people have unequal and
sometimes just completely out of whack expectations of one another,
and that is when Things start to fall apart. So here's his advice.
His advice is, you need to
taper
and cut down your expectations that you have of people.
If you do that, you'll be satisfied.
You'll be satisfied there is a small group of people in your life
that you're allowed to have expectations from,
and those people should be people that are very close to you. Those
people are what you would call your closest companions. The
Prophet sallallahu Sallam had expectations of certain people,
but those people he could count on Maybe one, maybe two hands out of
the 1000s of people that he knew in his life, one or two hands 10
people max that he had expectations of, and he held them
to that standard. But it wasn't that every single person that he
met, he had a certain level of entitlement to this person and
their energy and their resource.
Why? Because the Prophet Isa to Salam and his wisdom,
did not want to put that on people, and also did not want to
experience the disappointment of people not fulfilling those
expectations. That's why you read the Hadith, and you've come across
many narrations where a person literally did the absolute least,
and the Prophet SAW.
Is so impressed. He actually, one time, said in a narration that if
somebody were to gift me a dry bone, I would accept it. Can you
imagine somebody just had chicken
and they waited for six hours and then put a bow on it and said,
Here, this is from me to you, from my culture to yours,
you would take that chicken bone and throw it back at them and be
like, what? Don't give me your garbage. The Prophet said, No,
if they came and gave me a bone like as an honoring this is the
bone of our chicken.
He said, I would accept it. I would accept it, I would accept
it,
which means what my expectations of people are, none I'm satisfied
with anything.
Think about the relationships in your life and the ones that have a
lot of tension, and I want you to think about the gap between
expectations that you have and the people that you are disappointed
in have
and realize that it's not a social or personal problem, it's a
spiritual one. When we dial back those expectations, we find
ourselves to be a lot more satisfied and appreciative of
anything that people do. I mean, all of us in here grew up with
parents. What's the number one complaint that children have with
their parents, even until this age, they expect too much. I never
could make them
happy. No one even said it. It's a serious thing. I felt like I could
never please them. What is that? This is all language that's coded
for what they had too many expectations for me, they were too
high. They weren't satisfied.
If I got a 3.8 GPA, where's the point two?
If I got an A minus, what did you get wrong if I did this? What
about this? Those daggers that people experience, may Allah give
us healing from them, those daggers that people experience, is
an example of this quote. So his advice is actually both sides, to
the
parents in this example, to the parents, relax
to the kids, don't expect your dad to build a basketball court in
your house.
Roll back your expectations, otherwise your dad is never going
to be good
enough. Make sense.
Makes sense. Okay, let's do some Q and A's,
Bismillah.
How do you know if a potential significant other is the right
amount of religiosity for you. Let's also turn the question and
say, How do you know that you're the right amount for them as well?
It's a good question. Compatibility of religious
practice is really important. What I tell people is the baseline,
bare minimum should be the five pillars, focusing primarily on the
five prayers. And it doesn't mean that the person is going to be a
perfect person. What it means is that this person yearns for and
truly desires to complete all the five pillars and the five prayers
that it's not they don't let it take a backseat. They really,
really want to accomplish this in their life.
That is the that is probably the Great, the greatest
universal marker of religious compatibility. Other markers of
religious compatibility would be, what kinds of scholars does this
person listen to? Who do they get their religious information from?
Their religious knowledge from? That could be its own thing. If a
person, for example, gets their religious knowledge primarily from
YouTube run,
if a person gets their religious knowledge from a specific school
of thought, then obviously you want to make sure that that fits
with your mindset and your and your heart set. That's good. So
those are kind of like level two compatibilities. But I would say
the baseline for a relationship to work would be that obviously their
devotion, their prayers. This goes without saying, but the character
has to be there as well. That should be like, that's part of the
religious, religiosity, compatibility, Allah, is
it permissible to hold off your niqa to pay off student loans and
save up money? It's permissible to be single for the rest of your
life? Yes, you can. No, no. I mean, I meant that literally, like
it's not an obligation to get married.
But you know, again, marriage should be done if a person has the
means, and but the definition of the means is different from person
to person. And if you put a expectation on yourself that is
very high, then you might find yourself delaying that niqa for
quite a while and potentially falling into sin as a result of
it. So I would recommend that you examine your standards and your
expectations and see what is reasonable inshaAllah, may Allah
make it easy. Allah, I have been praying to forget about someone
for months, and pray to Allah to forget about.
Person, if he's not for me, but he still remains on my mind.
It's tough.
Time heals. Time heals. But you do have to also do the steps. You
gotta erase them from your phone. You have to erase them from your
life. You have to literally not contact them. You know, this whole
like, oh, we can still be friends. Yeah, right, okay, we shouldn't
have even been friends in the first place. Okay, that's part of
the issue.
And then definitely don't ask about him in a Q and A like,
that's, you know,
and I'm joking. I'm sorry stuff for a lot See, serious, serious.
Okay, no, but really, that's an example.
That's an example of that just you have to remove this person from
your consciousness, you know, and it sounds harsh, but listen, if
they don't have time for you, don't have time for them,
right? Find your pride a little bit. No, seriously, seriously.
Why? Why do you want to be on? Why do you want to? Why do you want
to? Why do you want to buy something from someone that's not
selling? Like, just get rid of them. Just be like, okay, Halas,
you know, you can't fire me. I quit. Like, that kind of attitude,
right? Seriously.
And lastly, a little bit less Oprah, a little bit more roots,
okay,
just accept what Allah has dictated. Like, like, don't try to
fight destiny. You have to accept it. If it's not there, it's not
there, and Allah will give you somebody better. Maybe Allah is
waiting to give you somebody better, until you can be
emotionally ready for that person, right? Okay, I have tattoos from
when I was not a good Muslim, but now I always feel shame when I'm
around other Muslims. How do I get over this feeling Allah, Allah,
help you that is probably very difficult. SubhanAllah. You know
any anything that a person does before they have sincerity in
their faith, or before they accept Islam, Allah Tara forgives those
with Toba, and so your tattoos are just a proof of Allah's mercy that
Allah Tara has forgiven you and people from the companions had
even worse things than that, you know, they would be known for
being, you know, think of how many people were killed by how many
Muslims were killed by the great companions that accepted Islam.
And those are much more noticeable than any tattoo. And the Prophet
saws Adam still welcome those people in and hug them. And he
embraced them. So your tattoo is not assigned to have anything to
be shameful of. In fact, it's a beautiful example of how this
religion is for any and everybody, no matter where or what this
person comes from. Nonetheless, I'm sure there are people that
have demonstrated, in total transparency their foolishness by
saying something or making a comment, and I would just
encourage you to remain strong. And if you really feel like you
want to remove this catalyst of people's ignorance from your body,
then inshaAllah maybe look into a healthy way to do that. I realize
it's expensive and it's not easy, but if that's something that
really, really is a important to you, realize that Allah Tara will
accept that deed, that money being spent to remove the tattoos, he
will accept that beyond measure, that it's not it's not a small
thing. It's not a small thing for a person to pay hundreds and 1000s
of dollars to go through the painful process of having the
tattoo removed. You don't think that Allah would would be so
appreciative and so grateful and so impressed by that? Of course,
he would absolutely well to make it easy.
How do you deal with family members in an Islamic manner that
are toxic?
We first have to make sure that there actually is a level of
toxicity there or dysfunctionality. I don't like the
word toxic unless we're talking about like chemicals,
but family members that are dysfunctional in their behavior,
meaning that they don't allow for normal, uh, social behavior. Um,
you're allowed to have boundaries. But I would first in I would first
ask for people. I would ask for consultation from third parties
that you trust to make sure that you are responding in a way that
is appropriate, because sometimes when you're emotionally hurt, you
can respond in a way that is two or three times intensity wise, and
that would not be okay. So what I would first do is engage with
somebody to say, Hey, this is what's happening. This is what
it's been like. What do you think that person can then tell you,
yeah, that's messed up. Or they can say, You know what, try to
think of it from this way, try to be patient, etc. Again, people you
trust, I wouldn't, I wouldn't tweet about it.
And then once that person kind of gives you, especially people of
knowledge, people in the in the field, like counselors or people
you know scholars who do counseling,
then you can build some boundaries that gives you protection of your
functionality. So for example, let's say that you have a family
member that constantly makes your spouse feel like garbage, and they
talk about them, and they this and that, and they rip into them
publicly, et cetera, et cetera. Then you are allowed to let that
spouse not come to the family gathering, and you're allowed to.
Say that, you know what? They send their salaam, they send flowers
and cards and they they wish everybody well, but they could not
make it today, right? That's not an impermissible thing to do. If
it's truly a dysfunctional relationship. May Allah make it
easy.
We'll do one more, because madhub came
in is having completely platonic guy girlfriends, haram.
So this is actually a good question. It all depends on the we
have to define the terms. Here it is, it is not okay for people to
be friends with the opposite gender in the way that we
understand friendship today, without a doubt, without a doubt
it is. I'm going to repeat it, because this is roots. I want to
clarify. It is not okay for people to be friends with the opposite
gender in the way that we understand friendship today. Well,
how do we understand friendship today? We understand friendship
today as being
close, as spending time, very little boundaries in
communication, little physical boundaries. And you realize this,
you want to know the test of this. I feel a lot of awkward energy.
Okay, so you want to know the test of this? No, I'll give you the
test of this. The test of this is that if you started to implement
Islamic boundaries in your friendships, people would feel
weird about it, right? So if a person, if like a person that you
normally like hug or give high fives to and they're like, hey,
and you're like, I'm Muslim. I can't they'd be like, what? So
that's proof that the definition of that term friend has baggage
that it's carrying. What can we be then? Right? Because we can't also
just not exist. We're what we exist as our community members,
brothers and sisters. That's actually the that's the
terminology that Allah's Messenger gave us, your brothers and
sisters. And there are protocols, and there are boundaries, and
there are rules, and those boundaries generally, I'll give
you this. The Secret generally, the boundaries for any
relationship in a community between two people of the opposite
gender that are not married or not related is that all of their
interactions should be guided by being public or publicly
accessible. They should be purposeful, meaning that it should
not be the extended conversations that really have no purpose, and
the conversation should be for within reason, limited
ppl. That's what that's the the three, the three principles that
we teach right, public, purposeful and limited. So no face time at
one in the morning for three hours. That's, that's, that's
going beyond now a community member, now you're entering into
something, and that's where it's like, okay, salaam. Talk to you
tomorrow. And then it's like, what are we? By the way, you know,
that's where it starts to get weird. And so I heard a lot of
groans, right? So seems like that's a common one. So what I
would recommend is, anytime you have a relationship, anytime you
have a friendship, anytime you have that kind of, you know,
connection between you and somebody else, you have to make
sure that it is guided by what pleases Allah and His messenger.
The Sharia has to be applied in this right? So if I'm friends with
somebody, I have to make sure that my friendship does not counteract
the belief that I have, okay. And if you truly are in that type of
friendship with somebody, and you do demonstrate those principles of
modesty and of respect, that person should appreciate that, and
they should actually, in fact, even praise you for that. They
should actually say, you know, I really respect that. I really
respect it, right? So there's professional relationships,
there's community relationships, there's familial relationships,
and that's pretty much what Islam gives us, okay? And within the
community relationship sphere, there is a space for brothers and
sisters to engage naturally with one another. So why you can like,
how are you? How's it going? How is everything? It's good to see.
It's good to see. How is your family? How's your mother and
father doing? Alhamdulillah, please give them my dua.
Inshallah, good. Oh, you're coming to Ruth mashallah, great.
Alhamdulillah. Try the white chocolate mocha, right? I don't
know, whatever, right? All of these are normal conversational
points, but it's, it's not like, Hey, if you were an animal, what
would you be? That's when the purposeful part of the
conversation is done, and now it's like, okay, we're entering into,
like, an awkward thing, right? Does that make sense? Okay? Just,
just don't answer me, right now, just let that answer marinate.
Okay. Now here's the good news. The good news is a lot of people,
when I give answers like this, they tend to feel like offended
right away.
If you look at your life, you probably already are existing with
85% of your relationship with the opposite gender in this way, you
probably already are. Okay. It's just like the 15 20% that you have
to make sure that you run through this filter filtration process.
That's it. Okay. All right.
On that note, let's go for Maghreb, Inshallah, barakah,
alfiko, malata, except from us and everybody Maghrib has called and
they're going.
Pray. So we're going to head over there. Inshallah. If you can help
with the chairs, please fold your chairs and help us on the dolly.
If you have a back Jack, then go ahead, please and line it up in
the front. We'll say,