Waleed Basyouni – Financial Responsibilities in Marriage – Ask The
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the impact of finances on marriage and the importance of considering financial goals and working together to achieve them. They stress the need to give family money to wife and not give it to oneself, as it can lead to divorce or divorce. The speakers also emphasize the importance of avoiding giving money to oneself and not giving it to oneself, as it can lead to divorce or divorce.
AI: Summary ©
We have a question from a sister and
it's a long question and describing a lot
of details which we will not go on
to but it boils down to how finances
in the marriage can really affect the marriage.
Sometimes not just little money can affect the
marriage but also too much money can also
affect the marriage.
In this case, this sister is asking because
her husband makes a lot of money but
he gives her a limited amount of money
as if it's been like 10 years the
same amount of money that she gets even
though he makes more money every year.
So how much is reasonable and what can
she know about her husband's finances and the
things that she can ask him.
Does she have the right to ask him
where his money goes and things of that
nature so this could cause actually some marital
issues between them and trust issues between them.
So what is the best way to deal
with a situation like this?
Great question and it's really an issue that
cause a lot of tension and because every
side have their own perspective about this issue
and let me start with the following principles.
Number one, I want to tell that in
Islam Allah said which is the father in
charge of providing and feeding and taking care
of and clothing the mothers and the children.
So in another word, the father is responsible
for providing for the family and that's also
part of what Allah said, so Allah said
that Allah put the men in charge because
of what Allah have the abilities that have
given them and also because of what they
spend on their family.
So that's the responsibilities.
Allah said live with them in goodness and
part of living in goodness is to take
care of them.
And Nabi ﷺ said they have rights upon
you, you basically provide for them and you
food and shelter and clothing according to what
is ma'ruf and I keep that word
until I translate it wrong.
Also Nabi ﷺ said she will wear the
same clothes that you wear, the same level
of clothing, you know, type of food, you
know, so she will live in the same
level as your level.
This led the Muslim scholars look at all
these evidence and others to come to the
following conclusion that the spending on the wife
has to be looked at from different perspectives.
Number one, they said from the perspective of
what kind of lifestyle she had before marriage,
what kind of lifestyle you have before marriage
and what kind of lifestyle or lifestyle that
you have after marriage.
So if you marry someone who had, you
know, you marry this woman and you know
that she is have a certain lifestyle, expensive,
you know, spoiled and her father, she was
like maybe she was working and now she's
not working.
She was working, making that income, she's not
making that income today.
So all this take in consideration, you need
to ask him not to work.
Also him, what kind of lifestyle, you know,
I was like, I was making a lot
of money and now you know what, some
men, and I see this especially when there
is a dispute, they start not working and
said, you know what, I don't make income,
Shaykh, and the only reason he does not
working is to lower his incomes because he
doesn't want to pay anything.
That's a trick, that's not, and you're dealing
with Allah SWT before you're dealing with Allah.
Okay, so what I mean, it doesn't mean,
does not necessarily, she makes, for example, 100
,000, she's not working, you're not necessarily to
make her live 100,000, but you try
your best to make her live close to
what she used to live, that's her father,
if you have the ability to do that.
That's why the third one, after marriage, what
kind of income you have, what kind of,
so you take that in consideration.
Even some of the Fuqaha said, if she
used to have, if she, example, before marriage,
especially if there is a conditions, it has
to be fulfilled, I need a servant or
a maid or something like that, he has
to provide that if they agreed upon, and
if this is what is needed to maintain
a good type of life or level of
life that they agreed upon together.
If he has the ability to do that,
and I mean by the ability, that taking
consideration the needs, taking consideration the financial plan,
because ability is not only today.
I might have to do a saving, so
after I do my saving, after I do
my plan for my college, for my kid's
college, and I have extra money, I want
to spend it on something luxurious, yes, you
can go into that.
The wajib, the what's must on you is
to make sure that the basics are covered,
okay?
Also, one other thing that we have to
look at, as you said, his income.
So if his income increase, his spending on
his family should increase as well, because Allah
said, according to what's known to be good.
So, for example, it's known that someone in
the bracket income of 100 to 200 or
150,000, okay, is not the same lifestyle
of someone whose income is 50,000.
Yeah, what is known to be this type
of lifestyle is different than this lifestyle.
So it's not right that, you know, you
have millions, but you don't act like a
millionaire.
And I don't mean by wasting money, but
I mean the lifestyle, the comfort, you know,
that comes with the money.
So that's something also has to be taken
into consideration.
So also taking consideration, if his income goes
down, he doesn't put him in credit card
and debt and stuff like that, also your
lifestyle will go down.
So we work together, we work together.
Also, if he does not have money to
spend on his wife, she have the right
to go and to work, and he does
not have the right to stop her from,
according to what's known to be stop him,
because she need to provide for herself and
her children, in this case.
And one of the things that solved this
problem from the beginning, and this is an
advice for people who are not married, if
he is going to marry someone and you
put in the condition, or you put in
the contract before marriage, that you know what,
if you stop me from working, you have
to provide me with a money every month
to compensate the job that I will give
up.
Or you compensate for me for, you know,
not working.
Or vice versa.
If you're going to work, you compensate the
marriage or you not compensate, you contribute to
the marriage, this amount of money.
These things, if it's solved from the beginning,
it help.
Not being in the contract, you can sit
together and find a way to find a
middle ground.
And finally, I want to say that the
Prophet ﷺ said, the best dinab, the best
money you spend on your family, you know,
on a poor, on a miskeen, on a
person who's in need, you know, and he
mentioned one more thing, I forgot what was
it right now.
Then Abu Qulaba, the narrator from Taban said,
look, the Prophet ﷺ starts with the family.
And actually, in another hadith, the Prophet ﷺ
mentioned, on poor, on miskeen, on people of
need, okay, then he said on the family.
And the best of all this, the one
you spend on the family.
Specifically, he said ﷺ that.
And the Prophet ﷺ said, All these hadith.
Anything you spend for the sake of Allah,
you will be rewarded for it.
Even the food that you provide for your
wife, you buy her from a restaurant, you
buy her, you know, a burger, you buy
this and that, you will be rewarded for
that.
So here we see that this is a
very important thing to keep in mind that
the best thing you give is to give
to your family.
So don't hold back.
Am I obligated as a husband to give
her monthly allowance, like cash in her hand?
I mean, if you do that, it would
be good.
Okay, because, look, you also want your wife
to feel independent.
In a sense, why so many women ended
up pursuing career and working and, you know,
and after work, kind of a gap happened
between her and her husband, because her husband
never made her felt that she have a
control over money.
She feel every time I have to ask,
and I have to justify, and I have
to this.
I never felt like I'm a real partner
or like I'm really having this part of
like spending.
I always feel like I need your, you
know, your permission.
And sometimes you became like, why and where?
And yes, you can say why, because you
might have a plan or, but sometimes husbands
do it in a way that make the
wife feel bad.
So what happened?
It builds up, then it ends up a
divorce in the end, or build up with
a much bigger gap.
And it's humiliating.
Yeah, but if you, from the beginning, smart
and how you deal with it, and you
give her that, that's what I can, and
you are clear with her.
Yes, Islamically obligated, you're not obligated to give
her, she's not the IRS to give her
all the financial statement.
But you know what?
That's what marriage is about, to be clear,
to be, marital relationship is not based only
in what is obligated and what is not.
What is haram?
I'm a haram if I am a sinful.
This is not how it works.
It's like somebody said, you know what?
I'm obligated to kiss my wife.
There's nothing against, you're obligated to kiss your
wife, but you should.
Or hug my husband.
Yeah, you should hug your husband.
You should do that.
I doubt a husband will ask that question.
But I'm saying, I know, but maybe a
wife will ask, you know, do I have
to kiss him, right?
But what I'm saying, we don't go in
relationships in that route.
Am I obligated to this?
I'm obligated to that.
We don't do that.
That's why Islam used the word maroof, known
as to be good.
You should do what is right.
You should do what is good.
You should be always, because this is the
best investment in your life, is your family.
You want to protect it.
You want to care it.
You love it.
You cherish it.
When you approach it this way, it became
so different.
Why the Sharia said obligated?
This is when we reach to a point
where it is became like the relationship reached
to a very bad level that you have
to do the minimum, bare minimum.
You know what?
That's not how successful marriage is.
And that's not what we want to have
to see in homes.
So yes, maybe you're not obligated to give
her cash in her hand, but it is
something good if you can do that.
We should do that.
Should care for that.
And that's what it takes to save your
marriage.
And that's what became a culture.
There is, you know, a room for me
to say, yes, you should.
And maybe an obligate.
But if that became the norm that everybody
doing that, I doubt because that's not really
the culture is.
But also you can give her access to
the credit card.
You know, give her access to the bank.
You know, she can do that.
And if you found that.
Let's assume he said, oh, she will spend
all the money.
I think that's stereotyping.
I know men sometimes spend more money than
women and not, not, not.
That's not true.
The stereotyping and it's not necessarily to be
correct or it is not correct to generalize
that.
But let's assume there is a case like
this.
You can talk to her.
You can say, hey, if you're going to
do that, I'm going to limit the amount
you have access to because I really need
to pay these bills.
You know, you can't just do one, two,
three.
Another issue here, which is, yes, you're not
obligated to declare every income you have.
Sometimes men don't do that because they don't
want to stress their wife about money.
I will take care of that.
But hiding it is not the best way.
Tell her.
And I'll deal with that.
Don't worry about it.
Sometimes he, she give him a hard time
when she found that he gave his parents
$100 a month, send it overseas to them.
Yeah, that's not right.
You know, or he give his children from
previous marriage this.
Why did you do that?
And he has to be like dealing with
all this wise and like, you know, anger,
you giving him the reason to hide.
And that's not correct.
You know, let's be open book exactly like
you are not obligated to tell him how
much you make.
You're not obligated, but you should be open
about that because marriage is a partnership.
Sorry to make the answer long, but I
think this is a very important point to
be cleared.
And it's really helped a lot to tackle
this from these angles, the angle that I
mentioned to be able to have a shallow
successful marriage.