Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – What Makes a Bribe Different to a Gift Etiquette of Offering and Receiving Gifts

Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera
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The speakers discuss the importance of giving gifts in a loveate way to avoid confusion and embarrassment. They stress the need to avoid giving gifts in public settings and to create a bond with the person who made them. They also emphasize the importance of giving gifts in a certain way to obtain benefits and avoid unnecessary frustration. The speakers also stress the importance of giving gifts in return for one's honor and offer advice on how to handle them.

AI: Summary ©

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			hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa
salatu salam ala CD mursaleen are
		
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			the early he or Sophie edge marine
remebered
		
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			The next section is the adab of
giving a gift, taking gifts giving
		
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			gifts.
		
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			One thing about a gift is that a
gift is to gladden somebody's
		
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			hearts create a bond and love and
affection between you. That's why
		
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			the Prophet sallallahu sallam said
to her do the hard to hobble,
		
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			which means give gifts to one
another and create mutual love and
		
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			affection.
		
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			If you give somebody a gift, it
says in the books of Fick that it
		
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			should be something they can use
as it is, you cannot give somebody
		
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			a gift for which they have to
purchase something additional.
		
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			Which means that if you have a
gift of something that requires a
		
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			battery, then make sure you give
batteries words.
		
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			Don't give something to somebody
and then they have to buy a
		
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			battery for it. Because then
you've added a burden to the gift.
		
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			Number two, once I was in
Pakistan, and one of the big
		
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			movies there, Mufti Rashid leandri
		
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			Rahim Allah has passed away now is
known to be very particular very
		
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			strict.
		
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			My uncle who is a student of his
sent a box of a lot of dates from
		
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			Arabia from Medina went to work
with two other brothers that came
		
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			along with me to Pakistan. After
Hajj, we went to
		
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			these boxes, this box of dates was
for the chef and to others in that
		
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			place. So it was a box to be
shared by those three individuals
		
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			as an idea as a gift. So in that
night's lecture, the Sheikh said,
		
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			such a great gift came of pure
Medina and dates wrote up juicy
		
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			Ruta from a Mufti to another
Mufti.
		
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			People who have love for each
other, such beautiful dates were
		
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			sent, but they haven't.
		
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			What happened,
		
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			why they haven't fought, we can't
eat them, they haram.
		
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			So then he explains, when you give
a gift to somebody, there should
		
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			be no burden whatsoever. The point
here was
		
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			the gift of one box of dates, a
large box of dates to be shared
		
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			between three people who's going
to share it.
		
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			There's a burden involved here, it
seems minor. But this could cause
		
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			problems in some cases. So the
Sharia does not want to cause
		
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			problems.
		
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			That's why, you know, generally
you go to some place, and you want
		
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			to get something done, whether
that be your watch fixed.
		
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			Your watch fixed something in your
car done, fixed or something,
		
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			always get the price verse many
countries you go to you sit in a
		
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			taxi. Now one is if they've got a
meter understandable, there is a
		
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			point of reference, a point of
fairness between you, as long as
		
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			the meter is working properly.
		
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			But you know, in those cases where
they don't have a meter, and you
		
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			just jump in, and then they can
charge you whatever they want at
		
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			the end of it.
		
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			That's totally wrong in Islam,
that's Ijarah about it, it's each
		
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			other faster, right? Where you
don't negotiate a price, we don't
		
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			fix the price. So always when you
go to the spaces, fix a price, fix
		
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			a price
		
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			from beforehand, or the morning,
just give me whatever, I'll fix
		
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			something for you know, can you
please tell me today nicely, you
		
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			know, please, I need to know the
price because this is the Islamic
		
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			way of doing something or give me
whatever you want them. And then
		
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			basically, they will pressure you
to give you more than you would
		
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			give otherwise, you understand,
these are all gimmicks, this is
		
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			wrong. It's not Islamic to do
that. Because Islam, it says
		
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			anything that will lead to a
dispute possibly makes that
		
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			transaction
		
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			makes that transaction corrupted.
So likewise, giving somebody an
		
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			idea, where they've got a burden
of splitting it up is burdensome.
		
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			So he wanted to prove a point this
masala ruling is not known very
		
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			well. So he wanted to prove a
point. That's why he made such a
		
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			big deal out of it. And he made it
the point of discussion that day.
		
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			And in the end, it was simple.
		
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			The sender, he just made one of
the individuals there who took one
		
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			of my companions who would he made
him an agent on his behalf to
		
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			split them up in between
themselves. Each person was given
		
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			their part.
		
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			So that's fine. But these things
need to be known that if you give
		
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			somebody something they should not
be any burden. So
		
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			ciated with it.
		
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			He says, if you wish to make a
request to a person for something,
		
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			then do not make any giftable.
		
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			If you want to make a respect
		
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			request to someone for something
that they want to do for you, can
		
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			you please get me into this place?
Get me membership here, speak to
		
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			so and so. But before that you
give them a gift, don't give them
		
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			a gift before you're going to make
that request.
		
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			Why the one to whom the gift is
made under such circumstances is
		
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			either put to disgrace or is
indirectly compelled to comply
		
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			with the request of the person who
presented the gift. Such a gift
		
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			will be in fact, a bribe, in a
sense. So avoid that. What about
		
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			if it's expected,
		
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			in some countries,
		
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			when taking a gift along the
journey to present to somebody do
		
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			not take so much as to create
difficulty for you along the
		
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			journey.
		
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			This is a big problem. I think
it's a bit better now. And people
		
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			generally from the first
generation who came who moved
		
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			here, from the you know, from
India or other countries, when
		
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			they would go back, they have to
take suitcases of various
		
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			different gifts. And that is more
burdensome. There's one brother,
		
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			who told me, I said, Have you been
to India in a while he says, I
		
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			want to go. But I'm gonna, it's
gonna have to be last minute. I
		
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			said, why?
		
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			He said, Because if I tell my wife
now that we're going to go to
		
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			India in three months, or the
tickets are booked for four months
		
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			away, we will be shopping every
week.
		
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			For it, I have to give this person
and that person, that person, that
		
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			person will be shopping every week
for it. If I bring it at the last
		
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			minute, then we'll get whatever we
can in the last few days. And you
		
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			know, that becomes a big burden,
actually. What do you take
		
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			somebody, especially if you're
concerned about what to take
		
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			people want to it's a big burden
sometimes.
		
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			Immediately after accepting a
gift, it is not proper to give it
		
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			in charity, in the presence, that
sometimes you receive a gift, and
		
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			you give it away in charity
straight away in front of the
		
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			person, very disrespectful.
		
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			It's like you've shown no value
for this
		
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			contributed in the absence of the
PERT if you don't like and you're
		
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			not going to use it graciously
accepted, then after I give it
		
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			away afterwards, you have the
right to do that afterwards.
		
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			Rather than wasted in sitting
around.
		
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			The motive, this is very
important, the motive for giving
		
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			gifts should be only love and
affection.
		
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			Not the fulfillment of one's needs
or request.
		
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			Therefore, if you have a need to
present to the person do not make
		
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			a gift to him at the same time.
You can do it afterwards. It's
		
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			fine. They've done their job for
you. Or they haven't They've said
		
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			no yes, you give them a gift
afterwards, that's fine.
		
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			It will then appear as if the gift
was motivated by the ulterior
		
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			motive. The actual purpose of
making a gift is to strengthen the
		
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			bond of affection. Therefore such
ways which inconvenience the one
		
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			for whom the gift is intended
should not be adopted, which we
		
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			already described at the
beginning.
		
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			The other thing is make the gift
in privacy, not in public.
		
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			Don't make a big deal out of the
gift. Otherwise, it seems like
		
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			you're just showing off.
		
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			The modern era, the person to Him
whom the gift was given is
		
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			entitled to make public the gift.
		
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			So if I receive a gift and I've
got the right to say mashallah I
		
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			received the gift. But the giver
is a private affair between you
		
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			don't make that public.
		
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			If the gift is in kind, meaning
not cash, then endeavor to
		
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			ascertain the likes and preference
of the manga in a
		
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			which is try to get a gift that
you think the person is going to
		
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			like and use. What's the point of
giving them a gift that they're
		
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			going to give to somebody else and
they're not going to use what's
		
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			the point of it. This is where I
find the most difficulty
		
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			to fuss over what I think somebody
likes. That's why if I want to
		
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			give somebody a perfume, and
they're in my house, I will open
		
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			up a few and say, try this. You
like the show? Oh, I like this
		
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			one. Okay, that's your gift for
you.
		
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			Because a lot of time I've been
given gifts of especially perfume
		
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			people have bought expensive
perfumes. I can't use them. i It's
		
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			not my style.
		
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			Literally I've got maybe 100 pound
perfume sitting allowance that I
		
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			don't use. And somebody has gone
to such an effort to buy it from
		
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			me.
		
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			But I don't like it. It can't help
it all the time. I mean, it's
		
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			difficult to ascertain.
		
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			You know, you're going to send an
investigator find out what he
		
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			likes or something you know, it's
difficult
		
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			But then sometimes there are
products which are neutral in a
		
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			sense that they work all the time.
		
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			The amount of the gift should be
not so much that not so much that
		
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			it constituted difficulty for the
person you're giving it to.
		
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			To accept, it's embarrassing.
		
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			You know, you bring
		
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			five different bags of stuff, if
you just, you know, a gift, it
		
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			needs to be of a certain amount.
		
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			It needs to show the affection,
love and thought that has gone in
		
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			it. Not that you just buy loads
and loads of things and you give
		
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			it to the person. Sometimes it's
embarrassing the amount to I think
		
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			I'm poor, I don't have anything
now. That's why they brought all
		
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			of the shopping for example, you
know, things like this, yeah, one
		
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			has to be careful.
		
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			It does not matter how less of
little value that gift may be
		
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			people of piety.
		
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			I mean, he in this case is
speaking about giving to a
		
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			personal piety. People of piety in
general are not concerned with the
		
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			amount of quality of the gift,
they look at the sincerity of the
		
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			one who makes the gift. That's
very true.
		
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			Because they look beyond the gift,
they're looking at the love that
		
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			is coming through the affection,
the thought that's coming through,
		
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			they're looking at a different
level, they're looking at the gift
		
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			what I'm going to do with this.
		
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			It is for some reason, if for some
reason, acceptance of the gift is
		
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			refused and respectfully request
the reason for the refusal.
		
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			Because that can only be a big
reason why they're not somebody's
		
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			not gonna accept your gift. So
politely ask, you know, is there a
		
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			reason so that for the future,
bear this in mind, but do not
		
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			insist to obtain the reason at the
time if they don't want to tell
		
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			you.
		
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			That means it's an issue.
		
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			If the gift is refused, because of
a misunderstanding, created by a
		
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			baseless supposition, or
misinformation, which reached that
		
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			person, then, of course, it's best
to clarify and clear the air
		
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			between you
		
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			do not make a gift to anyone as
long as he is not convinced of
		
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			your sincerity. If you think
somebody is not going to treat
		
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			your gift well because of
something or the other because of
		
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			something some hypocrisy or
something like that, then there's
		
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			no point in giving the gift.
		
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			Do not make gifts in such a way
that taking delivery of it becomes
		
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			difficult and onerous on the
person. Because they're strings
		
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			attached.
		
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			A gift tended with the motive to
obtain some benefits is bribery.
		
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			It's not ideal.
		
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			Yeah, he makes a good distinction
here. He says if you give
		
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			something with the intention of
creating a bond, love affection
		
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			between you, that's ideal, if you
give it with the primary purpose
		
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			of receiving a reward, that sadaqa
		
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			that's not ideal. And if you give
it for the primary purpose of
		
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			getting some benefit from that
person, then that is ritual
		
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			bribery. So intention, the same
gift is being given I want to
		
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			reward in the hereafter for this
that sadaqa
		
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			Now you might think giving her do
you get a reward? Yes, but that's
		
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			the secondary point. The first
point is the love to create love
		
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			and bond and friendship.
		
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			Some people labor under the
impression that when going to
		
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			visit a
		
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			pious individual it's necessary to
present a gift to them this is
		
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			incorrect. To make it a rule to
present him with a gift whenever
		
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			one visits him is harmful to all
parties involved creates an it
		
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			creates an undue burden he makes
it that the person will start
		
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			expecting it it spoil it it's just
lots of problems in the if your
		
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			heart soul feels moved to give
somebody a gift then do so
		
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			otherwise it's not necessary. So
wherever there is a tradition of
		
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			giving gifts, the problem is you
know in our weddings and any of
		
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			these functions you have to give a
gift
		
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			because so how about some people
actually make a list of what
		
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			people what they received and they
write down the amounts as well so
		
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			that they have to reciprocate in
kind. I think that's really messed
		
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			up
		
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			I remember one family telling me
that they made a list they have to
		
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			make indefinitely or whatever they
make a list of everybody who gave
		
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			because you know you they get
envelopes. Nowadays there's no box
		
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			gifts allowed. So everybody gets
an envelope and is 2510 150
		
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			Whatever this list is made so that
when that family will invite you
		
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			have to give the same amount that
		
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			I don't know
		
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			you know I?
		
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			It's weird. It's kind of tradition
that of course you know, you don't
		
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			want to be stingy and just give
five pounds to people at the end
		
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			of the day. But at the same time
you don't want to just give back
		
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			what they got. Then what is that
like by loaning money and alone
		
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			you're back when you get it done?
		
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			Think so what isn't it
		
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			accept gifts from such persons who
do not expect anything in return.
		
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			Otherwise it will lead to ill
feeling ultimately.
		
00:15:11 --> 00:15:13
			So if you think that there's
somebody who's going to give you a
		
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			gift, but expect something and
he's going to expect something in
		
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			return, then you'd rather not
accept it, take it because you may
		
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			not be able to give back anytime
soon. And there is going to be
		
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			expectation.
		
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			However, the one who has accepted
the gift should endeavor to
		
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			reciprocate. So if you do receive
a gift, you should try to give
		
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			something in return. It's only
nice to do that. There's one
		
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			teacher of mine. Anytime you give
him something, he's always got
		
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			something in his pocket to give
you. Whether that be a bottle of
		
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			perfume, or whether that be a
small Kitab pheromones, I gave him
		
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			something he pulls out a Kitab a
small delusory picnic me that. So
		
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			I don't know. You know, there's
some people who are like that as
		
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			well.
		
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			Always be gracious when you
receive a gift. I remember when I
		
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			gave.
		
00:16:01 --> 00:16:04
			Professor Ron De Rahim Allah is
passed away, I gave him a gift of
		
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			a pen. And he's just like a lot
here may still be St mamalahoa,
		
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			which means I will start using it.
And it feels nice when you know
		
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			that somebody is going to use what
you've given them. And I gave him
		
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			a pen. And he says, Yeah, I will
bring this into use. So that feels
		
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			nice that somebody is using what
you have.
		
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			If you're not have means to give
anything in return, then at least
		
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			praise the person.
		
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			Give them a dua express your
gratitude, make them feel good,
		
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			mentioned his favor in the
presence of others if you wish,
		
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			expressing gratitude by saying May
Allah reward your goodness will
		
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			suffice. says that whoever says
Jazak Allah Hi Ron, may Allah
		
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			reward you with good, then he has
exaggerated in his praise. That's
		
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			a huge reward. Huge reward Allah
reward you. As long as you say
		
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			that, with the full meaning Allah
reward you.
		
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			One who does not express gratitude
to a person who did a favor does
		
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			not express gratitude to even
Allah subhanaw taala.
		
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			It is improper to obliterate to
forget about a gift which one has
		
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			received. This displays lack of
attention, appreciation.
		
00:17:22 --> 00:17:25
			Similarly, it is improper to
advertise the pride the great
		
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			value of abundance of gifts
received, I received this I
		
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			receive that.
		
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			Some people, what they do is they
leave you know if you receive a
		
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			gift that's from like a high end
store, Gucci or something like
		
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			that, leave the bags around the
house, you know Harrodsburg or a
		
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			Gucci bag.
		
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			It is not permissible to accept
gifts from mentally deranged
		
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			people. Because you don't know
what state they're giving you.
		
00:17:51 --> 00:17:55
			They may be giving you their life
saving and they'll regret it
		
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			tomorrow. So it's not allowed,
because you don't know what state
		
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			they're giving it to you. And it's
also not permissible to accept
		
00:18:02 --> 00:18:07
			gifts from minor children who are
not Bernard, because
		
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			they
		
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			they don't have the right to give
unless their parents are fine with
		
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			it because it depends on whose
property they are giving them.
		
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			A gift should not be refused
because of its slight value or
		
00:18:24 --> 00:18:26
			small quantity, never demean a
gift.
		
00:18:27 --> 00:18:31
			Think of the thought behind it. A
gift should not be refused on
		
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			account of pride or arrogance. Are
you kidding me this you know that
		
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			kind of an attitude. If one
detects that a gift is not
		
00:18:37 --> 00:18:42
			presented because of sincerity,
but is motivated by some ulterior
		
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			motive, then such a gift should be
refused? Of course, be careful
		
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			about that. But sometimes you can
tell it's not about negatively
		
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			judging somebody but sometimes you
know that this person is known to
		
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			take favors of people and this is
how they do it. For example, you
		
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			know, you could be it could be
known like that. When somebody
		
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			came to shake Unison gave him a
gift. He refused to take it
		
00:19:04 --> 00:19:08
			refused and it was like take it
this is refused. A few days later
		
00:19:08 --> 00:19:10
			they found out this person's
wealth was haram.
		
00:19:12 --> 00:19:15
			They discovered that this person's
worth was haram he was involved in
		
00:19:15 --> 00:19:18
			some wrong thing. For some reason
he wanted to give some money to
		
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			the sheikh. But the sheikh refused
is Allah protecting him?
		
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			It is permissible to refuse a gift
if one detects that the gift is
		
00:19:27 --> 00:19:31
			made or on or account of one's
need.
		
00:19:33 --> 00:19:37
			Of pub. Yes, yes, yes. It is
permissible to refuse a gift if
		
00:19:37 --> 00:19:43
			one detects that the gift is being
made based on one's need or
		
00:19:43 --> 00:19:44
			poverty.
		
00:19:45 --> 00:19:48
			That somebody is not giving you a
gift for love and they're giving
		
00:19:48 --> 00:19:53
			you a gift as a sadhaka innocence.
So it's up to you. It's of course
		
00:19:53 --> 00:19:58
			allowed to take that as sadaqa but
sometimes you don't want to take
		
00:19:58 --> 00:19:58
			southern
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:04
			Right, and it's allowed to give
zakat even as a gift to people
		
00:20:05 --> 00:20:11
			just to lessen the burden of what
you know of having somebody say
		
00:20:11 --> 00:20:16
			zakat, but this is from a person's
own personal self dignity, dignity
		
00:20:16 --> 00:20:17
			and honor.
		
00:20:18 --> 00:20:23
			Yes, gifts should not be presented
in the form of a handshake.
		
00:20:25 --> 00:20:28
			Although this is for you, you
know, sometimes you go somewhere
		
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			to give a talk or something and
people want to give you a gift,
		
00:20:31 --> 00:20:34
			and they try to do it subtly. I
mean, if you're giving a gift,
		
00:20:34 --> 00:20:38
			give it honorably. Why do you have
to kind of slip it? You know,
		
00:20:38 --> 00:20:41
			somebody come this is a gift for
you. Make them Asafa This is a
		
00:20:41 --> 00:20:43
			gift for you. That's right, take
it
		
00:20:45 --> 00:20:48
			yes, when sending a gift with
somebody else
		
00:20:50 --> 00:20:54
			ensure that the person whom you're
sending the gift with is reliable.
		
00:20:55 --> 00:20:59
			So then you don't need to ask for
a receipt afterwards meaning an
		
00:20:59 --> 00:21:00
			acknowledgement
		
00:21:01 --> 00:21:03
			because sometimes you may send
somebody it doesn't get to the
		
00:21:03 --> 00:21:03
			person
		
00:21:05 --> 00:21:08
			and you don't know and you think
it has and then you mention it
		
00:21:08 --> 00:21:10
			later on as a gift are you talking
about
		
00:21:12 --> 00:21:16
			and to be honest, to ask for a
confirmation from someone that
		
00:21:16 --> 00:21:22
			they have received the gift is a
bit of a burden though it's only
		
00:21:22 --> 00:21:26
			reasonable for the person
receiving the gift to say Jazak
		
00:21:26 --> 00:21:28
			Allah so as to acknowledge that
		
00:21:30 --> 00:21:32
			when a gift is made the price of
the item should not be asked if
		
00:21:33 --> 00:21:34
			you receive a gift Brother How
much should you get this for
		
00:21:40 --> 00:21:42
			similar the other person who
happened to be present when the
		
00:21:42 --> 00:21:45
			gift is being made should also not
query the price yes they can maybe
		
00:21:45 --> 00:21:48
			take outside privately can say you
know I like really like that I'd
		
00:21:48 --> 00:21:52
			like to buy one as want you know a
different story and not in front
		
00:21:52 --> 00:21:54
			of everybody because then that
just creates an embarrassment
		
00:21:57 --> 00:22:01
			May Allah subhanaw taala refine
our understanding of these things
		
00:22:02 --> 00:22:05
			alone and to sit down willing to
sit down to volunteer they should
		
00:22:05 --> 00:22:10
			already chrome alone me are you a
medic medical study allowing me
		
00:22:12 --> 00:22:15
			to Subhanak in nakid nominal body
mean just Allahu Allah Muhammad.
		
00:22:16 --> 00:22:20
			Allah was lucidly marked as that
you know Muhammad Ali so you can
		
00:22:21 --> 00:22:24
			go daddy consoling along the
fiddle on our hand now on if you
		
00:22:24 --> 00:22:28
			know where the you know what is
Allahumma fiddley Li Mo Turnell
		
00:22:28 --> 00:22:31
			Muslim Nina Lilina Sheki Luna can
be the one that needs to map to
		
00:22:31 --> 00:22:34
			Allah that Allah Allah Obinna
Hublin I mean as far as you know,
		
00:22:34 --> 00:22:39
			whether three Tina Kurata or union
what you're talking about EMA, so
		
00:22:39 --> 00:22:43
			high No, because there is that
young IOC for Muslim or non Muslim
		
00:22:43 --> 00:22:43
			or Hindu